You killed my father.
Prepare to die.
This is an Oscar Wilde monologue.
If you don't change your attitude, I will have him star.
I'm auditioning.
But you can't act.
What is life?
It's not the turnout we are expecting.
Don't do it, work out.
We're gonna switch you out for Mike.
You're, this is intimidating.
Alright, we don't have to say anything.
We're all ready.
Actors. Actors.
It is now 9am.
I told you to be here at 7.30am.
You need to be on time.
Okay, shooting takes time.
Chris, I have to ask.
It's a 60 second commercial.
How long could it possibly take?
Would you please?
This is not a 60 second commercial.
This is our future.
This is our golden ticket to the big lights
and the bright lights also.
If we win, we win this.
We win this, we're set.
Okay?
No more high D's or low C's or academic probation
or getting kicked out because of behavior.
Okay?
Okay?
We only have 24 hours left.
Hey, Chris.
I know the casting yesterday sucked.
Hey.
But why did you have to choose her
to play the Martian princess?
She doesn't even look like a Martian.
You can check my contract.
It says there that I don't have to wear antennae.
Chris agrees it would ruin my brand equality as an actress.
What brand?
That's not even English.
Get with the program.
You're a freaking producer.
Calm down, Ingrid.
I put up with your casting Webo as Captain Kilmar
even though he has no acting experience whatsoever
and it's clear you only cast him
because he's a fractal geometry tutor.
But this!
This is a flagrant abuse of power.
Yeah, get me some coffee.
I want a black with no sugar.
No.
I told you she had a crush on me.
Positions!
It's clear to me that what Chris lacks
is a certain kind of professional integrity.
The soul of this film, which I've spent hours drafting
and redrafting, continues to elude his fumbling grasp.
Some kid in my English seminar last semester told me
that Chris had connections to Hollywood.
Like he had a cousin who worked as a second AD or DA
or whatever it's called, to Spielberg himself.
So I thought this would actually be legit.
But he's bastardized my script,
mangled my artistic vision,
and left it dying along the wayside.
Oh, please, Captain Kilmar.
You can trust me.
I can help you.
Why should I trust you?
You're the enemy.
Because I love you.
Cut!
Sorry, man.
I can't do this.
We won't, we won't.
You have to let Joanne kiss you.
I'm a good kisser.
You'll enjoy it, I promise.
Are you sure the kiss is absolutely necessary?
Of course it's necessary.
It carries all this sexual tension.
It practically carries the film.
Joanne, your phone keeps vibing.
What's in a kiss anyways, right?
You bring him in.
Positions.
And why should I believe you?
Because I love you.
Cut!
Cut!
You're a group of tourists.
Move on.
We're in a film set.
People.
Oh.
Hi.
How are you?
I act part-time.
Just you.
I'm acting in it.
How are you?
How are you?
Get a picture with me.
Hey.
How old are you?
I think you're young.
All right.
Move on.
And action.
And why should I believe you?
You're...
Cut!
Sorry.
Cut.
Cut.
As I said before, this film is going to be the biggest shit show of all time.
Where?
If it weren't for the fact that I love my name, I would seriously consider taking a pseudonym.
Cameraman.
