MUSIC
Just take care of yourself, eh?
MUSIC
Hiya!
How's it going?
MUSIC
When I cook, it's like I'm cooking for a whole family.
I like to make a massive amount.
What's the point in just cooking for yourself?
And then what I like to do is freeze the spare portions.
Then in the Tupperware, I can put notes for me in the future.
Proper adult behaviour.
Hiya!
I've found a coffee shop I like.
In London, if I liked somewhere, I'd sort of hate it
and I'd hate myself for liking it.
I'd look at the people in it who look like me
and think they look like pricks.
But I just like it.
I like watching people and guessing about their lives.
But in London, I got too good at it
because everyone felt too familiar.
MUSIC
My friend works there.
Hiya!
How are you doing?
Yeah, I'm fine.
What are you up to?
Just rocking.
Sorry.
See you again.
Yeah, I'm going swimming later
and I've functioned better on a lot of caffeine.
I go running a lot.
Well, I'm cooking for a little bit.
I haven't really got up yet.
Oh, you've been up here?
Ah, ages ago.
That feels like ages, like a while.
Like, three weeks.
Oh, God.
That's ages.
Where is it you're from again?
London, the greatest city in the world.
I've always wanted to move there.
What? Why? You live in Glasgow.
Exactly.
I want to live up here. I love it.
Like, all the music I love is from here.
It's like an indie theme park.
I met someone online.
When I first got up here, I suppose I found it hard.
I couldn't really believe I was actually here.
It was like I was dreaming.
And I didn't know anyone, so maybe I was too open.
Do we have a connection?
My London house was so gloomy that you had to put the lights on, even in the morning.
And when we left, I said,
I will never live in a basement.
Never, ever again.
I can't trust people in London.
They got a Tory mayor.
Twice.
I just wanted to leave.
Oh, fuck off.
You have literally no idea.
You have actually no idea.
You have had to茶
technology.
Hi, mate. How are you today?
I'm fine.
Where do you stay?
Where do you stay?
Oh, I'm not staying here. I've moved here.
I live in the flat.
What's in the bank?
Oh, I'm going swimming.
I want to lose a bit of weight.
You carry a few pounds, but you're not fine.
I really like going to gigs on my own.
Who's Neil, Ben?
No surrender.
That's really positive.
No surrender.
There you are. How are you?
I'm good, thanks.
Oh, cool. What have you been up to?
I'm talking about my wee sister's schedule today, actually.
Your little sister has kids?
Yeah, I do.
How old is she?
Twenty-six.
How do people manage that by then?
I don't even brush my hair.
She's still always my mum.
Okay.
My parents moved to Thailand.
Thailand?
Yeah.
They're sex tourists.
Oh, no.
They could be.
Do you think my parents are sex tourists?
Oh, God.
I just thought my mum was having a breakdown.
I thought I was having a quarter-life crisis.
You're 28?
Yeah.
That's a mid-life crisis.
Life expectancy Glasgow, I believe.
No, I just...
The last six months have been really tough because I had to move house.
And I just...
I don't know what I think about anything anymore.
I don't know.
I just feel different about everything, you know?
I don't know how I feel about anything.
Do you know what I mean?
I've got this catchphrase which is like,
It is what it is.
Is this a plan or something?
Oh, no.
No, is it?
Seriously.
All right.
How's it going?
How are you doing?
I'm all right.
We should just get you in there.
She's in there.
I'm just going to head in.
Oh, cool.
It's nice to see you.
You too.
It is a proper indie theme park.
Best game.
I like taking pictures of fat old men,
children and women wearing named football shirts.
Just so I get to say,
Oh, my God, I fucking saw Messi.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
People like me shouldn't live alone.
There was a time,
and let us call that time October,
I just never did the bins.
And I totally got away with it.
I'm not glad.
I'm not saying I'm proud,
but fuck the bins.
I already do all the washing up.
Well, sometimes.
Hi, Kerry.
Are you going to get the rest of the stuff,
or does my dad have to come and do that for you as well?
Sorry.
It's just that I've been away,
so I haven't been able to get a hold of it.
Why?
Could you not have told Paul that?
I've been meaning to call him.
Right.
I'm sure you have.
Look,
I'm sorry, Kerry.
I just,
I didn't feel up to it yet.
I'm sorry,
but don't expect me to feel sorry for you.
No.
I wasn't.
I mean,
I don't.
Hey, look, could you please just sort it out?
I don't want my brother going through more of this shit.
Thanks.
Right, so what I was thinking was,
if you think that you're going to have kids with someone,
then that's like a reality in your head,
and you kind of foster that reality,
and you think,
oh, like, we'll call them there,
or we'll take them there,
or we'll do that.
Do you know what I mean?
Because then I'm thinking,
if you change your mind,
then it's like you've murdered those kids.
Like,
like you've murdered your own kids.
Is that what you think you're doing,
talking to my dad like that?
No, sorry.
I mean, that's not what I meant.
Oh, I just scared you.
Just move on.
Oh, he's infirmed.
Perfect.
Fuck off.
I hate it being English before I got to Scotland.
I feel like to be English
is to be the worst part of the UK gang.
I feel like we're only allowed in the gang
because our dad has a shed.
I feel embarrassed.
I've started saying,
hire as quietly as I can.
Hire is more Scottish than hire.
Are you OK?
Oh, yeah, I'm fine, thanks.
I'm fine.
Cheers.
Oh, no, thanks, though, honestly.
I've got to get off actually.
I'm going swimming, so...
Do you want to come in?
Oh, no, honestly, thank you,
but I'm fine, thanks.
So, where'd you go swimming?
I was thinking about going in the West End,
but I haven't been since I got up here.
Because before I came up here,
I went swimming and I was under the water
and I realised I don't believe in love anymore.
Like, just not for me, anyway.
How many lengths did you do?
55.
55? Oh, that's not bad at all.
And these are the disabled toilets,
which are bigger.
I just moved here the other month,
so I don't know the area very well.
I've just been through a bad break-up,
so it's been really difficult,
because we were...
Are you OK? Where to?
It'll be fine.
Then it'll hit you.
Then it'll get worse.
Then it'll get weird.
Then it'll get better.
Then you'll realise you haven't really started yet
and it'll get much worse.
You still in on that band-jet?
I know, it's a Traverse thing.
You OK?
Yeah, I'm fine.
I've just had a bit of a shit day.
Me too.
I've been through a really big break-up.
To there?
No, three months ago.
Sorry, I've been dumped slowly.
No, I left him.
OK.
I think I should go swimming.
What?
Oh, come the fuck on!
Are you all right?
I didn't feel like I was allowed to be in London anymore,
because it felt like it belonged to him.
And it was haunted.
And shit.
I think this is the right thing to be doing.
I should be swimming in the sea.
That's why I haven't been going.
This was a stupid thing to do.
But I can sort it out.
Oh, what are you doing?
I'm not going to swim.
I'm going to swim.
I'm going to swim.
I'm going to swim.
I'm going to swim.
I'm going to swim.
This is real and it's true.
So let's go swimming this afternoon.
The water here is so clear I can see to the bottom.
And it's so strange in winter, all this will be frozen solid.
I tell you, it feels new.
Tigger swimming somewhere nothing can eat you.
And all of the punks in Camden could never shout about it.
And all of the hipsters in shortage could never style it.
And all of the bankers in Wargate could never buy it for you.
This is simple and it's true.
So let's go swimming this afternoon.
