Wow, that was like a dynamic intro, I was like, let's talk about being a twat.
Last week we said we were doing an article on problem gamers and I've never seen a response
like it.
It was like a damn bursting.
You guys were saying that card benders were the worst, no, people who take ages, no, bad
sports.
The results still haven't stopped coming into our Twitter.
And again, maybe that's not surprising.
Table games are so emotive because they represent a social contract between players.
In the name of creating fun, everybody agrees to follow some rules, but also that they'll
care about the nebulous concept of winning, they'll be quiet when other people are taking
their turn, they won't leave the table, they'll lie, pay attention, think quickly, adopt
a character or establish some value in winning as a team, or coming second, or beans.
Of course, board games have problem players, a board game is a glass palace of social cues
and if you break one of these rules, then you ruin the evening for everybody.
Or do you?
Let's just start off with a little bit of perspective, alright?
If you love board games and rules this much, you might have a touch of the control freak
about you, I absolutely do.
Now glass palaces of rules are really just a speck in a larger realm of play.
I'm as guilty as anybody of pooping myself with rage when somebody checks their phone
during a rules explanation and buried in my back garden is everybody who's ever bent my
netrunner cards.
But my game nights are better now because I've realised that the fastest way to fix a problem
player is to change the contract between yourself and them so their behaviour isn't a problem
anymore.
All of you must pay attention.
Must they?
Because if they don't must, then everybody's going to be happier, including you.
Included in the list of problem players sent to us were people who fidget, people who don't
notice it's their turn, and people who don't have fun, I mean, come on!
Kudos here to Atnope Unincluded who offered up another archetype, the cherished player,
someone who overlooks people's flaws and just tries to have a good time.
What I'm saying is, try and make sure first of all that you're not the problem player
with unreasonable expectations.
And now that said, let's get into some reprehensible characters who should go to jail.
Number one, Quarterbacking.
The only activity in board gaming so reviled they had to make a name for it, Quarterbacking
is when another player takes your turn for you.
Oh, if you go here then you can defeat that ghost, you should do that.
I mean, I was probably going to go over there.
Yeah, that's stupid.
Just why don't you?
Actually, if you move over, I can just take your turn for you.
That way.
Yeah, no, just...
This one does have an easy fix, just tell the other player, actually, I need to make
decisions myself to have fun, and if they keep at it, just go, come on, every time they
do it, make it into a joke, and if they still keep at it, look them in the eye and perform
the exact opposite move.
So you're just going to go and deal with the ghost there, right?
No, actually, I think I'm going to go that way.
I can't go that way.
Number two, people who don't care.
This is my personal bugbear, players who zone out and think about bumblebees and you have
to remind them that it's their turn, or who checked their phone during a rules explanation
or an intense RPG session.
Let's be real though, there is no sequence of magic words you can say to make someone
care about a board game, which leaves you with two options, right?
One, just ask them if they want out, there's no shame in that, say, do you want to sit
this one out?
I can tell it's, you know, it's not for everyone.
That's fine.
If NASA can put a man on the moon, then you can figure out how to extract a player from
a board game.
Also, here's the thing, what do you want from a board game, right?
You want people to come over and have fun, you want them to have the best time.
Well, in thinking about bumblebees or checking Twitter, that player is probably having the
most fun they could have trapped in this board game.
So believe it or not, the best thing you can do for that is be chill and let them do what
they want to do.
Everyone will have a better time.
Number three, people who are too aggressive, or not aggressive enough, or care too much
about winning, or not enough, or care too much about winning, but don't...
We got so many messages from people who don't like how some people play games, but I've
got some bad news for you.
You see, it's okay to be annoyed if your friends won't or can't play a game that you've
bought, but once they're there, and they're enjoying themselves, and you're furious because
they're not having fun the way you think they should have fun, you are entering the
realm of the comedy fascist.
You gotta think of it this way, human beings are the most complex, wonderful, mysterious
component in any board game, except for the crystal skulls in Tolkien.
And you have to let them be themselves because board games, after all, are about spending
time with your friends and family, people that you love, that's all this whole hobby
is about.
And as such, you have to let them be themselves, otherwise you're ruining the entire hobby
for everyone.
Even stuff that seems truly reprehensible, like a couple refusing to attack each other
and ruining the political dynamic of a war game, that's not about you.
It's about that couple creating a wonderful memory together.
Number four, people who heckle during rules explanations.
Did a whole video on rules explanations, but I forgot to mention what you should do
if someone's being a total twat, actively heckling you or disrupting the rules explanation
or otherwise getting in your way, and the answer is if they want to be the centre of
attention, let them be the centre of attention, change your rules explanation so you are only
talking to them, tell them how they win and what their player board does as if you and
them were the only person in the room, and my god, they're gonna be the centre of attention
but they'll also find it very hard to be a twat.
These days, before a rules explanation, I tend to act a bit brow-beaten, you know, like
rather than, I'm there for your enjoyment, which tends to make people want to joke around
or not listen.
If I say, well, this game's amazing, I can teach it to you in a few minutes if you all
pay attention, then people tend to be there on your side, you know, they're working with
you and the rules explanation is something you're all doing together because you don't
want to do it, and that's useful, but also kind of more boring, am I becoming boring?
Number five, people who bend cards or spill stuff.
This one's an easy fix most of the time, as soon as you see someone start to bend a card,
just go, whoa, whoa, this game doesn't look it, but actually it's really expensive, so
could you be a bit careful with it?
And don't be weird, just say it, be calm, be confident and they'll stop most of the
time, but if they keep doing it, it's just habit, it's not their fault, even if they
spill something, it's not their fault, probably, you have to not freak out for two reasons.
First off, if you spill something on a game and someone freaks out, that is all anyone
will remember of that evening, I guarantee, and that's awful, so you want to avoid that
at all costs, but the other reason you shouldn't flip out is, okay, when you buy a board game,
you want to keep it in mint condition, but actually that's really weird, the best possible
state board games in my collection can get to, Rubber Alley, Lovelet, The Cosmic Encounter
are all, they've been played so much, they're just destroyed, they're wrecked, and that's
not because someone was careless with them, it's just what happens, and you know what,
we worry about board games being destroyed, but it doesn't make you love them any less
when it happens.
I mean, Rob Davio has a really good line on this, you can buy a pizza for £15, eat it
and throw away the box, you buy a board game for £20, and suddenly it owns you and you
can't let anything happen to it, even at the, you know, degradation of the rest of your
life, that doesn't make any sense, just be philosophical about it.
Number six, players who make other players uncomfortable.
Real talk, I've been at board game conventions to where people have used gay slurs against
one of my friends, I've seen a woman almost reduced to tears by microaggressions and an
event that I've organised, how could a discussion of problem players not include me telling
you that if someone is being genuinely upset at, you know, a board game night that you're
at, you cannot stand for that, and don't say, you know, you're upsetting this person because
then, you know, often they won't want to be the centre of attention, and don't say you're
upsetting me because then you leave the door open to them saying, well, you shouldn't be
upset by what I'm doing.
I should know because I've been that guy and I feel terrible about it, it just happens.
So say, we don't stand for that, that's what you do, you say, sorry, you're being too aggressive,
we don't use words like that, whatever they're doing, just hard line, we don't do that.
And you have to, because an interesting thing, when I asked for problem players, 99% of the
responses I got were about, oh, this stuff pisses me off.
And the board game industry is set to double in the next five years, that is so many new
people for us to play with, so many new people to support and help the industry, and I think
when we talk about problem players, this would be a great time to shift what that term means
in board gaming, you know, you know, maybe less about, oh, I get annoyed when people
do this, and more about making sure we don't have players that are going to make all those
wonderful new people feel unwelcome, let's make sure they're welcome, let's watch our
behavior in that sense, right?
I think that would be really good.
Let's have some upbeat comments though, why not, in the comments to this video, why don't
you leave your favorite thing a friend or family member has done in the game that was
just them being themselves, I'll start, and thank you all so much for watching.
