Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm fine.
I just thought I was gonna have to go.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Let's go.
Okay.
Okay, I'm done.
I'm gonna go.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
No, you're not. You're too old, and you're too bad.
I don't know how I can't.
There's got to be some kind of a mistake.
Alright, let's see it.
Oh, no. You're screwed.
Says here, you are to report to your recruiting officer at 2100 hours.
You have to tell Trisha.
This has to be a mistake.
That's what I said.
You're too fat.
That's what I said.
Okay, it says right here, you must report to the recruiting office.
Trish, we've read the letter thoroughly. We're not morons.
You're going to have to talk to someone to try to get out of this.
The address of the recruiting office is right here.
And you think you got this by accident?
Yeah, I think that...
Look, you bet your bippy.
I mean, look at him.
Are you a naturalized citizen of these United States?
Yes, he sure is.
You're dying, Skippy.
Do you suffer from any mental conditions?
No, no, no, no, no. I'm not going to do that one.
Clearly the stress has gotten to him.
I just let him for who he is.
Guys, no, I have some integrity. I'm not going to play that card.
I mean, it's just not going to happen. Please continue.
Do you suffer from flat feet, scoliosis, asthma, limits to bodily motion, pre-existing injuries?
I am so sorry to interrupt you.
But what kind of pre-existing conditions?
I mean, anything that would leave you medically debilitated, so as to prevent him from serving.
Medically debilitated. We're going to try that one. Thank you.
Come on, baby. We're going to get you debilitated in, oh, 20,000 hours.
Yes, sir.
It's 20,000.
I really appreciate y'all's help back there, but for me, I need to plan this thing out.
What time is it?
Michael James being held. Put my boy toy down.
First of all, if you listen here, we're going to get this now.
It will be good. This boy will be good to go.
Mike. Mike, man. Let me go.
No, no, no, no. Don't let me go. Don't let me go.
Okay, well, which one will be?
I don't want to die.
Oh, you ain't going to die. You're just going to get scuffed up a little bit.
Save his beautiful face, Mike.
All right. Now you listen here.
You either do this here or you're going to end up with a bullet in your biscuits
in some place that's far worse than this.
I know what you're going to be.
Somewhere else, man. Somewhere else.
He's got a point, baby.
Like where?
I don't know, man. We'll think of something. We'll just get creative.
All right, treasure. Put her in the woods.
Oh, we got a crack. I think we got a slag.
Oh, no. It was my cell phone.
Ethan, baby, you okay?
A jumpy tree, hugger.
Don't make me come up there.
Nothing.
Is his face okay?
Get up, you big baby.
What's up, honey?
I'm so proud of you.
What's this going to do exactly?
There's all nothing.
I just always want to make him do this.
Yeah.
Hold on to these.
Okay, I don't really...
Hit it, Trisha.
Are you debilitating yet?
Just drowning.
Stay away, Marjorie.
We even got this doctor's note.
It says he's pretty messed up.
This is a chili's receipt.
Well, he wrote it on the back.
He wrote it all messy and stuff like doctors do.
Okay, listen.
Joining the armed forces is like any other career.
It's not for everyone.
Some people can be accountants for their whole lives.
Some people can work at McDonald's.
I couldn't.
I wasn't wired like that.
But the armed forces is not like every other career
in that it's not just a job.
It's a service.
Servitude is hard, thankless, and costly.
And it is done to protect people who have never done it.
And frankly, have no idea what it is.
Now, if that's not for you,
then you're not for us.
And you have the time to choose.
And really, isn't that the point?
To protect, and defend,
and provide for the freedom to choose.
Holy s***.
I think I'm gonna join.
Not after what we've done for you.
You are not.
Put too much work in.
All right, okay, let's look at the letter.
Hmm, okay, well, unfortunately,
it looks like you've already made your choice.
In the last four years of high school
that you spent in the JROTC program, Alayna Schell.
Wait, what?
You received this letter on accident.
Apparently, there's a high school girl
who is very excited to join the Marines
and should have been joining us today.
You were never drafted.
You would have known this
if you had actually read this letter.
Alayna Schell would be here instead of you.
Actually enjoying this process.
And while I appreciate the effort you've put forth today,
I'd rather you all go home
and think about how much better you'd feel
if you weren't such complete
and total boobs.
See, now that is why people like him
need to be in the armed forces.
And that is why people like you, quite specifically,
should stay home and make macaroni and cheese.
You guys are walking way too fast. I can't keep up.
You're fine.
We're doing this because we love you.
Yeah.
You're going to make it.
I'm serious. You guys went way overboard
with the abuse.
What can I say? We're dedicated.
We're cheavers.
And I ride Tricia.
Yeah.
I mean, you don't graduate from the top of your class
in beauty school without trying.
Am I right? Tricia.
Yeah.
You know, you're lucky.
You are very lucky.
That is for sure.
That's right.
How are you doing?
I need some help.
I'm serious.
I'm serious.
