Well, hello faithful viewers. Here I am, still stuck in Mexico, and Maxi is not pleased.
Yes, well, I made my first escape attempt last night from Mexico. I had arranged for this little plane to take me away from this airfield.
And it all been arranged months in advance, and I paid up my fare and everything, and when I got there, I found there was only enough room for Maxi.
But the cargo hole was full of these little, well, quite large white packets of things, like slabs of white packets, it looked like coconut or something.
So I chucked them out onto the runway, and I was in the process of loading up my own packages of things, my own supplies of things, because I'm sure they're much more valuable than coconut or whatever it was.
It could have been talcum powder, actually. Anyway, my stuff's worth more. It's more important to get my products to you, faithful viewers.
And anyway, I was in the process of loading them up, and suddenly, out of nowhere, the Mexican authorities turned up.
And there were sirens wailing, and there were dogs running all over the place, and Maxi didn't know where to turn.
Well, the pilot, he sure knew what to do. He took off. He took off, and I was standing at the back of the plane about to load up some more of my packages, and he just took off without me.
And half of my packages. And the worst thing of all was I was standing behind the exhaust on the plane, and I'm afraid that Maxi got fried.
Look at this. Look at this. Look at what he did to me as he took off in his plane.
Maxi's not impressed. Not impressed at all, and I'm still having to call myself Consuelo, so I'm going to be stuck here in this hellhole for even longer.
Who knows when I'm going to be able to escape? Who knows? And I've lost half of my products. I've been making them for weeks.
Well, I'm sure wherever he goes, he's going to make a fortune when he gets there, and the buyers are waiting.
Imagine their surprise when he arrives and he doesn't have any talcum powder in the back, and he's got all these amazingly expensive products in there, boxes of them, crates of them.
I don't know what they're going to do to him. They'll probably make him a king or something, set him up on high.
What a windfall that'll be for him. Anyway, I'm not bitter. Maxi's not one to carry a grudge.
But I am in quite severe pain, and I'll show you down here. Look. This is for my legs. Look at this. Look at this.
Isn't it horrible? I don't know if you can see that, viewers. Isn't it horrible? Look at my poor legs. Look at that.
Look at that burn patch on my leg there, on my foot. Don't have one on the other side. But look, look, look, see?
Because I was standing like this, you see? And look. There you go. Look, see all the red. But on the other side, it's all white, as it should be.
Look. It's all normal. But this side, as I was turning to pick up a box, and just, well, it's extremely painful.
I'm not going to show you any higher. I didn't get any burns up there. But there you go. Look, see? That was horrible.
Very, very unhappy maxi at the moment. So I hope to come to you again soon, viewers, from somewhere else, somewhere peaceful and tranquil,
where I'll be appreciated and adored. I don't know where that place is, and I don't know how I'm going to get there.
And I have issues. I have issues to share. And at about time, I put down some roots, you know?
Eventually I will get to England, but it's going to take a bit of time, and I might be a bit delayed.
So Billy's just going to have to sit there scratching in his crate and quarantine in the UK until I get there.
But anyway, faithful viewers, as I once assured you, I will assure you again, I will escape this hellhole, and I will come back more glamorous than ever.
Make no mistake, you can count on it. Alright?
