I was great friends with Jonathan Harris, who played the part starred as Dr. Smith in
the classic Lost in Space television series.
Jonathan Harris was sort of like an uncle to me.
We used to get together for lunch all the time at the Hamburger Hamlet, and we would
meet maybe twice a month or so for like 12 years.
And we laughed.
He told me all his stories.
He taught me a lot about the business of show business.
He taught me about old Hollywood.
We talked a lot about acting, and what he did as an actor, and how he played all the
characters he played, how he played Dr. Smith, what he was doing, what was going on in his
head when he was playing Smith, and when he was playing Mr. Phillips in the Bill Dana
show, and when he was playing Bradford Webster in The Third Man, and even Lucifer in Battlestar
Galactica.
My acting teacher at UCLA, Don Richardson, as a coincidence, had directed a tremendous
number of Lost in Space episodes.
And he loved Jonathan Harris, and Jonathan loved Don.
So we used to talk about Don, and I would talk to Jonathan about how what Don taught
me and everything.
We'd laugh their heads off.
He'd call me up.
I'd pick up the phone, hello.
He'd say, willy-winky, yes?
Shall we have lunch tomorrow at the hamburger hamlet?
Yes, we will, Jonathan.
Very good.
I'll see you there at one o'clock, or 12 o'clock, shop, boom.
You know, the stories he told me.
I remember he'd say to me once, you know, Bill, if I hadn't starred in Lost in Space,
I never would have watched it.
Never would have watched it, Bill.
I said, you know, science fiction wasn't his thing, really.
I mean, he loved that show, and he loved that character.
But you know, sci-fi wasn't, I mean, he was into opera, and, you know, his own thing,
you know, it wasn't that.
Remember, he said, Erwin Allen, Erwin had no taste, Bill, he had no taste, you know.
People used to say, oh, Jonathan Harris, was he gay, or did he try to do anything?
Never pulled any fast ones with me, and let me tell you, he told me some stories about
Love American style when he played a bank teller who had to get on his knees and read
an account number that was tattooed on a woman's belly, you know, and he says, Willie, I was
close enough to lick her blank, blank, blank, you know.
So I don't buy the, you know, some of the rumors about Jonathan.
And another thing, I remember, we were talking about auditioning one time, and he said to
me, he said, Willie, when you're auditioning, do it loud and strong, regardless of what
it is.
We were talking about acting one time, and he says to me, Willie, you know what acting
is.
I said, no, what's acting?
I mean, I knew, but I said, what?
He says, acting is like having to show your cock to strangers.
And some other acting advising gave me, Willie, directors don't direct actors.
They direct traffic.
The actor auditions for the rest of his life.
Sometimes his last film is his audition.
Nobody cares more about you than you.
Our lives depend on whether the telephone rings or not.
Unless you get a check, it's all bullshit.
Times in your personal life must not affect the work.
You are the character.
Women are different from men chemically.
Watch out.
Do not marry an actress.
I've had to fight everyone I've worked for to get paid.
They all want freebies.
They interpret nice as weakness.
There's no such thing as the black ball anymore.
The saying has changed, too.
You'll never work in this town again until we need you.
The best advice is to keep your eyes open, your ears open, and your mouth shut.
And he said, Willie, I paint with language.
