On this episode, I go one-to-one with Dusty Wink, the founder of LGBT Love Atlanta, and
Dr. George Smith, the executive producer of the new reality series, The Life Atlanta,
to get their take on dating, love, and relationships.
So stay tuned because a brand new one-to-one with me, Onyx is coming up next.
Hi, and welcome to the show.
Mostly everybody has heard of speed dating.
Some people try it and find love, a new friendship, or a new business connection, but did you
know that speed dating is becoming a hit in the LGBT community?
I recently went one-to-one with Dusty Wink, the founder of LGBT Love Atlanta, to get some
more information.
And you know I had to try speed dating for myself.
Check it out.
Many people are really shy, and we came into a time where everybody just hides behind their
computer, like Facebook H, Chat H, everybody just, like, is a different person on the computer
than they are in real life.
And it's important to bring them out again, you know, that they date people.
It's so important.
And LGBT Love Atlanta stands for fun, you know.
It doesn't all have to be so serious.
You can make all that stuff happen in a fun time, in a fun atmosphere.
If you could just go over the rules of speed dating for me and our viewers, exactly what
happens.
I'm going to come to your event, and what do I do?
You come to the event, you sign in, you get your number and your name tag, and then we
proceed you, and you're going to sit in front of each other, and you're going to have five
minutes with each person to talk about whatever you want to talk about, and then you rotate
to the next person.
So you get to date everybody at the table for five minutes.
Everybody except the ones you don't want to date.
You know the lesbian community.
Most people know somebody, most people have an X somewhere, and make sure that they don't
have to date each other.
So besides them, you're going to date everybody.
Now has there been any success stories from speed dating that you know of?
Yes, we have some couples.
Wow.
And what we also have is we have some great friendships coming out of it.
Yeah.
I was going to say, when I had the pleasure of experiencing speed dating, which I was
so nervous about, but it was so much fun, I really met some dynamic people.
Now, after we have our five minute date during speed dating, what typically happens after
that?
Like, let's say I meet somebody, I really like them.
What happens next?
What do I do?
We send out the emails the next day of the matches, like if you want to see somebody,
we're going to contact them, tell them, hey, Onyx is totally into you, she wants to see
you again, write her email, that's how they start off, and then they should go have a
drink or go out for dinner and go from there.
I love it.
It's kind of casual, not a lot of pressure.
I really, really appreciate that.
You meet people with who you probably never would have had this conversation, and you
find out things about them which are really so interesting that you want to keep on talking
to them afterwards, you know?
It's so great that you can, that short amount of time, get so much information out of so
many people.
It's awesome.
I like it myself very much.
That's good.
That's good.
Dating in the lesbian community in itself can be rather difficult sometimes.
What are some of the challenges that you find in the lesbian community?
It's the ego.
The ego is very hard in the community because people take themselves way too serious, and
they take too much, they care too much about what people say about someone, what they experienced
with this person or whatever.
They not just go into a new connection very openly.
They always care about the whole circle they have around the friends, what they think about
this person.
We can get out of that through talks to them, to show them, hey, you might be in this click
of person and you might be in this click of person, but I know this person and this person
is really cool.
I like to hang out with this person, so just bring them together, bring everybody together
and have a great time together.
That's what it's all about.
Speed dating with LGBTs love at Mansa really was a fast, furious and absolutely fun experience.
Don't go anywhere because there's more to come on love and relationships next.
One to One with Onyx is a new innovative talk show highlighting the accomplishments of entertainers,
entrepreneurs, professionals and supporters of the LGBTIQQ community.
Don't forget to like One to One with Onyx on Facebook.
Love and all the joy it brings, but what happens when a relationship ends?
How do you find a way to remain friends and still maintain a healthy relationship?
I recently sat down with Dr. George Smith and his former partner Steve Peter to find
out their secret to remaining friends and most importantly, civil after the relationship
ended.
Steve is actually part of the world-win romantic relationship that you had, right?
I'm just so happy that you're here talking to me and I love the fact that you guys are
still friends and I want to first start to talk about your relationship and what was
so great about it.
Okay, when we started off, it was a lot of passion, a lot of romance.
We did things the right way.
We courted each other, took each other out on dates, went to movies, how to eat.
I think mostly with the black gay males, it's so quick to jump in the bed and do a healthy
business and then after that, there's nothing left.
But once you build a foundation like we did, you'll always have something to work with.
For us, I know you normally have rules and guidelines and standards you go by.
I don't think with us, we don't do that.
We just have rules.
I mean, we don't have rules, but we just be in the moment.
We don't define the relationship.
Wow, that's beautiful.
I love the fact that you guys are still friends and you flew here to celebrate his birthday.
When did you know that this fabulous romance was over and it was time to transition into
being friends?
I think with George and I, we began to make too many compromises.
We were at two different places in our lives.
I'm in school trying to become a better lover, basically for whoever I'm going to be with
in the future.
I think just compromises.
We decided to be friends and we'll just go from there.
I think what you do, you look at it and I think people have to ask themselves, when
you're in a relationship and you're going to have trouble dates, it's not the honeymoon
every day, it's not Rosie Rosie.
I think the first thing is, you know, learn to have those difficult conversations.
That's a big, big part of being in relationships because we don't like to have those difficult
conversations, but you don't want to have them.
But when you find yourself in the relationship and you are at a place where you talk to a
compromise where it's not bringing out the best that you can be and you know you love
this person, but you're not being the best person because you're at a point where you
feel like they're not seeing you and you're not seeing them, that's a difficult conversation
to have.
You really have to sit there in almost like an alignment for a car to see where you're
going.
Right.
Because a lot of times people are in relationships and they end up going different ways and they
don't know it.
Right.
One of the best things about Steve.
Steve is just a sweetie.
I mean, Steve is just very thoughtful and caring.
I mean through the relationship, you know, he just made me feel so special.
It was nothing that he would not do for me.
I mean, you know, I would, even if we were in bed and I was like, okay, I'm going to
get up from the chair, I'll extend the bed, I will get it for you.
You know, something is so simple as that, or if I was coming in from working out and
I was going to take a shower or a bath, you know, he's going to start the shower or the
bath.
Those things mean a lot.
Right.
So Steve, I'm going to ask you the same thing.
What's one of the best qualities about George?
Well, I've always told George that if I had a dream of the perfect, a dream of love, he
would be in it and he would be the only person in it.
If I had a vision of love's face, he would be the person that I saw because I felt that
he was the perfect person for me, he's very thoughtful, very caressed, and he was a perfect
confidant.
I can go with him.
I could talk to him about anything.
I mean, basically it, he was just a perfect fit, perfect match for me.
I'm going to cry, so emotional.
I just really want to thank you guys because one of the reasons why we're doing this show
is just to show the world that we are more than just partying and sex.
And I thank you guys speaking to me about your friendship, which is so important.
I think you're really, really helping to dispel a lot of those negative images.
And I just really, really thank you because I don't think there are a lot of times where
people get to see the love between two men.
I'll be right back with more of Dr. George Smith.
So keep it locked on One to One with Onyx.
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Welcome back.
Stereotypes.
They exist everywhere, and unfortunately, they do as well in the LGBTQ community, especially
sometimes when it comes to misconceptions and assumptions some people may have about
gaming and dating.
Take a look as I continue my conversation with Dr. George Smith.
I think the online dating, the online chatting has really taken over in our community, but
I think also it has had a, probably to me, and this is my personal opinion, a negative
impact on how we socialize with each other.
I think when people meet online, kind of size each other up with expectations, and then
when you meet, it's kind of like, you don't know what to do with the 3D person you've
been talking to, and so it's no personality in it, and it's no personalism in it.
When you meet somebody, you know, communication is key, you know.
I'll give an example.
It's like, have you ever been on a vacation?
Okay.
You have luck when you come home, and you've had a good time or a bad time, because you
have some vacations, vacation from hell.
Yeah, absolutely.
So either you're coming from a vacation from hell or a vacation from paradise.
It really don't matter because you don't want some of the stuff and you haven't wanted,
so you can really, like, leave it to the side if you so choose to, but you're asking yourself,
do I want to unpack it?
Well, it's the same thing in a relationship.
When two people are meeting, they're coming off a journey, and the question is, when they
come in from this vacation or this experience that they have transcended from, do we unpack
our luggage?
Do I tell you about me in its entirety, and do you tell me who you are?
And tell it in who I am to my entire, it's to tell you my hurt, it's to tell you my
fears, and to tell you where I am.
I think people need to understand, if you can get that open communication and begin
it and know what you're dealing with, because you may not want to deal with that.
And then in the end, you know, you guys start having friction because you feel like they're
being too demanding, they don't trust you, but if you didn't know trust was a factor
and an issue for them from that last relationship going in, then, you know, you don't know what
you're dealing with, it's already fractured between you guys.
So I think what needs to happen is real communication, and I tell people all the time, who you present
yourself to be in the beginning, that is the bar that you'll have to set for the whole
relationship.
So if you come in and you reinvent yourself quite quick, and you say you're this, you're
this, and you're this, people are going to expect you to be that.
So if you present yourself as an apple tree, you can't start being orange fruit, it don't
work like that.
No, not at all.
You promise me apple pie, you promise me apple pie, I won't know what she's talking about.
Part of the process, too, is just being honest with yourself.
I mean, as I've gotten older, and I'm not that old, remember when I started young, and
as I've gotten older, you know, I've learned to look in the mirror, and I've learned to
look at myself with both eyes open.
And I embrace every scar, every imperfection, because that's who I am.
If I have a distorted, you know, idea of you or who I am, then I'm going to give off a
distorted projection.
And I think, you know, self-knowledge, honesty, you know, and, you know, throwing denial
out, because we do denial like, you know, I think that, you know, in my process, I think
I've learned in past relationships when they end, how can I be better?
And that's a hard conversation to have, but you got to know yourself.
Right.
There are a lot of guys, there are a lot of attractive guys, and you can become easily
distracted, you know, and if you're not vested and rooted in what you are experiencing at
the time with the person, then it can be a challenge, you know, but that depends on where
you are.
There are a lot of successful relationships down here in Atlanta as well.
There are people who met each other, or they were in the same space in their journey and
decided to connect and decided to, you know, to unite and then, you know, walk the road.
When you start talking about the fragmented relationships between men, you have to trace
it back to the fragmented relationships we have in our African American community.
Right.
And this is just my own personal platform.
I think sometimes that heterosexual people, as well as people in my gay community, they
think being gay gives you a pass from having morals.
Let's talk about that.
It doesn't give you a pass.
It's not a hall pass to go do what you want and to not have some type of moral fibers
in yourself.
If I'm a black gay male and I'm in a relationship, I should respect the relationship like I respect
the marriage, you know, because, you know, all these views on, you know, same-sex marriages
and stuff like that.
You know, I'm kind of torn, but I'm just going to be real with you.
On one end, you know, this JD and me says, you know, constitutionally, we should have
the right to do, you know, what we need to, because we're people as well.
But on the other end, I live this lifestyle and a six-month relationship and a black gay
male relationship equals a year and a half.
But every day, like you in the fields, every day you get three days, you know, because
it's hard.
Be ready.
Get yourself together before you get involved.
And when you get there, be ready to work because it's work.
People need to define what their success means to them in that relationship.
Okay.
You know, I think that's the first thing.
You know, set a standard for what's achievable between you and the person.
I think too many times we look at other people, other relationships, and oh, I want, oh, they
been together 25 years, they bought a house together, they done this together, but you're
dating somebody with some jacked up credit, y'all ain't gonna buy a house together soon.
If y'all buy a house, it's going to be your house, and if you're going to get upset in
the oil, you may put them out, you know, so no, okay.
Get your own measure of what success is in this relationship.
And I think that things should be in increments, they should be measurable.
So for me, when I meet someone and, you know, I sit down and we decide to do this, you know,
okay, let's get through our first 90 days.
I think you need to observe habits and then when you get to the point, you discuss things,
you sit down and say, how do we take care of our household?
You know, what are your obligations that affirm outside the house?
I think a lot of people want to ease off into it and then realize then they got to work
to get out of it, you know, really, because if you ease into it, you're going to work
to get out of it.
Old folk used to say, have an exit plan upon your entrance.
And some people are like, oh my God, you're doing the relationship, no, you're being responsible.
You're being very responsible.
And I think that heterosexual people need to do it and do it and so should we.
Have an exit plan.
You're not banking on this exit plan, but you're being realistic.
You don't know what will last forever, only God knows.
You know, people come into our life for a reason, season or whatever.
So have an exit plan.
I think that when you look at it from a religious standpoint, religion is custom and procedures.
When you look at it from a spiritual mindset, that's a relationship, you know, and because
I know who I am and who's I am, I mean, you know, you can't tell me or dictate my spirituality
or my salvation.
You know, I tell people all the time, you know, if you believe in God, you know, old folks
say God is omniscient.
He's our power.
He's our being.
He's everywhere at the same time.
He's just God.
He's out when he's Omega.
Now, if all those affirmations are true, that means God knew me before I knew myself, right?
So let's just get biological for one second.
They have a million sperm that's probably released and only one reaches the egg.
And I'm that one.
And if God knew me before I was formed, he chose me to be that one.
I was born this way.
So why would he let me be in his creation, his world and choose me if he wasn't going
to love me?
It makes no sense.
It makes no sense biologically.
It makes no sense theoretically.
People have to get out of those isms and everything, you know.
I think we need to look at, you know, who do we believe?
And I think once you connect with your higher being and you know that you know that you
know that you know that you know, I can tell you anything, you know, and I tell people
all the time, bless.
Yes.
And I'm openly gay.
I'm the head of my life and I am blessed that I'm highly favored.
I think the biggest myth is that God's cheap in the relationship because we're black and
we're gay and we're men.
It doesn't always happen.
I can tell you without reservation, with my integrity, you know, I have been faithful
to every relationship I've ever committed to, you know, it can happen because of the
disposition that I have.
What is love?
Oh, that's a good question.
That's a good question.
I think love is a, I think the first thing that we need to realize that love is not an
emotion.
Okay.
I think people need to realize that, you know.
I think some of the derivatives that love brings are emotions, but love itself is not
an emotion.
I think love is a, it's a verb, it's doing, you know.
Love is an action, you know, in doing so.
You know, love is when they say, you know, long suffering, that's an action, you know.
You can love somebody and not like somebody, but that doesn't mean, you know, that action
of loving them is still there.
So to me, you know, love is an action, it's an ongoing action.
It's an action of infinity that takes different sizes and shapes and moves at different times.
Beautiful.
I think that's what, I think, you know, to me, that's what it is.
Just know you are who you're supposed to be.
Right now, if there's some doubt, you know, you're walking into the knowledge of who you
are.
You're walking into that wonderful world and saying, this is who I am.
This is who I was born to be.
And you're like a cocoon coming into a butterfly.
So embrace it.
I would tell you to get around some positive people that are in that particular position
that you are walking into and to, you know, get with somebody you can trust.
That's so important.
Don't run to the first person that opened their arms, you know, be a judge of character.
Get with someone on what they do and what you see.
If it's an apple tree, there should be an apple walking around.
You know, you want to get with someone that inspires what you want to be.
And you know, accept yourself and love yourself.
And don't ever let anybody tell you to get less than because you're all that you're supposed
to be, that God has you to be right now.
And if you live and you keep putting information in you, you're going to grow to be what he
wants you to be and where he wants you to be in the future.
So don't let everybody tell you you're not special because you're special.
Don't go anywhere.
I will be right back.
We've been locked for more one-to-one with Onyx.
Welcome back.
As you remember, at the top of the show, I introduced you to Dusty Wink, the founder
of LGBT Love Atlanta.
Dusty has a new movement of change that she is working on that really touches on love
and affects all humankind.
Watch this.
Okay.
The real role models is going to be a database for activists in the first place.
What I'm creating right now, there are 100,000 organizations out there and people who want
to make a change.
But all those organizations do it for themselves, you know, they're all their own organizations.
We have to connect them together.
We have to stand up together and be seen that there are so many people there because when
they all fight for themselves, they all going to stay in their little chapters, you know,
we have to connect them and make a big, big, big change out of it.
So the real role models is all about connecting all those organizations together?
It's about connecting and inspiring people, showing the world that there are really cool
role models out there.
The world, how it is right now, I'm just not happy with it.
I cannot stand that people don't treat our environment carefully, that how the people
take care of our kids, what type of role models we see on TV, it's just all, not how it should
be in my point of view.
I don't say that I'm always right with how I want to do it, but I want to do it how I
want to feel it and how I want to live it.
So I try to be a positive role model for everybody out there and I want to try to create a network
for those people who really want to make a change in this world because this is what
has to happen.
Yes, I agree 100%.
I'm a spiritual person, but for many people, especially for young kids, they think we're
like a little nuts, they don't get the real point out of it.
And I want to show them that it's cool to be spiritual.
I want to show them that it's cool to stand up for our environment and for all that stuff
because it is cool.
You can be so cool and have so much fun with doing the right things in the world.
I agree 100%.
And I think that's a key point, our young people who are watching us and who we really,
really want to inspire and help to lead them.
If there is a young person out there right now who is watching this, who is really struggling
with accepting who they are in this world, what is something that you can tell them?
I can tell them that we all went through that.
We all were so insecure about ourselves, maybe not all of us, but I would say 90% of us went
through that.
That we had to experience, oh shit, I'm different and oh shit, I have to stand up for myself
and look up to those people who did it.
We all had to get the strength together to do it and through, especially through the
internet now, there are so many groups out there who can help you, just contact them.
Never be afraid to ask for help because there's always going to be a helping hand out there
for you.
I have to stand up for what I believe in and if people don't stand up for what we believe
in, we're not going to change anything, you know?
So now with the real role models, do you have a plan in place for how you want to attract
these other organizations to come together as one?
We do it through the internet.
That's the good part about Facebook, you know, it's not only that you hide the people,
you also can connect them very easily.
We're working on the Facebook page right now and creating the database on our own homepage
right now.
Okay, so once we have everyone together, everyone in the database together, what are
some things collectively, what do you see this organization doing with all of these
little organizations joining together?
One thing that's very important is we're going to make the day we change the world.
Okay.
This is going to be a day where all those organizations, all over the world, get together
in their biggest cities, in their biggest places and celebrate that we are here and
that we are willing to make the change.
This is one part.
It's going to be huge.
It's going to be so much work, but I'm ready to do it.
I could sit at home like everybody else and waiting that somebody else makes this change,
but it's not going to happen.
I have to do my part for it and I'm willing to do it.
I'm willing to stand up and do all the work which is necessary to make that happen.
Wow, I applaud you for that.
What do you foresee happening in each city?
I think that every organization can do what they want to do, you know, they should just
make something big, a rally, or have a big concert in each city, whatever they can do
in their city, because I cannot be everywhere, you know.
They have to do what they want to do in their state, in their cities.
That's what we're going to do.
Very nice.
Now, the day of change, is this going to be in 2011 or 2012?
When do you foresee this happening?
I wanted to do it in the...
Many people tell me, don't go so fast, don't go so fast, because it's so much work, but
I have the feeling we're running out of time, you know, what should I wait for now?
We have to stand up now for peace.
If we want to have peace, we need it now.
Absolutely.
So it's going to be 2011.
It has to be.
I love it and we definitely want to be involved with that movement and make a change.
In five years, where do you see the real role models?
Where do you see the organization?
In five years, I don't really care where I see the organization.
I care about where I see humanity in five years.
And I see that we're really going to have a peaceful and happy life in five years, if
everybody does what they are able and capable of doing.
Right.
Wow.
I can't wait for that.
Well, that's it for this episode.
Thank you for watching.
Join me next time when I take a look into the lives of three amazing artists.
Don't forget to like the One to One with Onyx Facebook page and follow us on Twitter.
Until next time, peace.
