Carnation Evaporated Milk presents the George Burns and Gracie Allen Show.
Glenn, come on over. I want to tell you all about the wedding.
Oh, I'll be right here, Gracie.
All right.
Hello, information.
Tell me, if a girl marries a sailor, where's a nice place for them to go on their honeymoon?
Oh, you only give phone numbers?
Well, that's silly. If she wants them, she can get all she wants from the sailor.
Goodbye.
Gracie, what is this about a wedding?
Oh, yes, Blanche. Mrs. Nelson's daughter Carol is getting married and we're going to have the wedding right here tonight.
You mean in this house, a wedding here tonight?
Yes, and so naturally you and Harry are invited. I'm just making out the list now.
Well, but Gracie, I don't seem to remember you're mentioning a Mrs. Nelson or a daughter Carol. Are they relatives?
Oh, yes, Mrs. Nelson is Carol's mother and that makes Carol her daughter.
No, no, I mean, honey, are they your relatives?
Oh, no, but Mrs. Nelson did me a tremendous favor once and this is the first chance I've had to pay her back.
Oh, well, it's a wonderful way to pay her back.
But isn't the wedding awfully sudden?
Oh, no, no. Carol's known she was going to marry the sailor for six months.
In fact, he's known about it two weeks himself.
Say, honey, what are you going to wear?
My brand new green dress. It's upstairs on the bed.
Oh, I've got to see it.
All right, and Blanche, look, whatever you wear tonight, will you bring an extra large handkerchief?
What?
Well, during the ceremony, you and I have to do all the crying for the bride's mother.
Isn't she going to be here?
Well, yes, but she's not glad to get rid of her daughter. She won't be able to cry.
Now, the Thompson's, the Miller's, the...
Gracie, you see my wife?
Well, that's a silly question. I see her every day. She lives next door.
Gracie, will you tell her to come home and fix my eggs?
Yeah, well, I'll tell her, but I won't pay to fix them. Once they're broken, it's cheaper to buy new ones.
Oh, well.
Gracie, your dress is beautiful.
Oh, do you like her?
Uh-huh.
So, you know, Blanche, with the bride and groom, there'll be about 45 people.
Oh. Well, isn't that going to be an awful lot of work for you, Gracie?
Oh, no, I'm not lifting a finger. The Savoy Catering Company is doing everything.
Oh.
Say, Gracie, doesn't this take you back to your wedding day?
Oh, yes.
Me too.
Look, if you had it to do all over again, would you marry George?
Of course. Wouldn't you marry Harry?
Of course.
Oh, sure. I wouldn't change George for Cary Grant.
And I wouldn't change Harry for Clark Gable.
Ah.
What's so funny? What are they laughing at?
I'll admit that Harry Morton is no Gable.
Yeah, I was taking once for Grant.
A fellow on the street says, I, General.
Ridiculous to think that I look like General Grant.
People who sauce together never thought so.
How about this wedding at my house tonight?
You know, this can cost me about $1,000, and so far I haven't even been invited.
I don't know the bride, the groom, the parents, or the guests.
But here's the kind of a guy I am.
So it costs $1,000.
I'm just going to make somebody else happy, let somebody else pay for it,
because I'd like to save the money.
But I'll get stuck.
And weddings cost money.
A couple of months ago, Gracie and I went to a wedding right here in Beverly Hills.
A tremendous affair.
After the wedding ceremony, about 300 men lined up to kiss the bride.
You never saw a sadder-looking bunch in your life.
A lot of them thought they were kissing her for the last time.
I don't want to mention who the bride and groom were,
but this wedding ceremony and the reception lasted 12 hours,
which, by the way, was six hours longer than the marriage lasted.
I knew this marriage wouldn't last long, I'll tell you why.
The bride, through the wedding bouquet from the balcony, she ran down and courted herself.
Gracie and I had a very simple wedding.
Matter of fact, we loaked.
We didn't intend to, what happened was, I went over there to introduce myself to Gracie's father.
I said, Mr. Allen, I'm George Burns, I put out my hand, and he stuck a ladder into it.
Anyway, after Gracie came down the ladder, we got into a cab,
and before the cab pulled away, I said, Mr. Allen, you don't even know me.
How can you trust me?
He says, I don't, that's why I'm holding onto the ladder.
Well, I got Gracie, he's got the ladder, and we're all...
Who's that? Get a load of him.
I wonder what he did when he was alive.
Yes?
Bonjour, madame.
I'm Monsieur Robert of the Savoy Catering Company.
Oh, tickles.
Come on in.
Merci beaucoup, merci.
What did you say your name was?
Monsieur Robert of the Savoy Catering Company.
My assistants are in a driveway.
Pierre, Henri, how long have you been in this country?
Only two years, madame.
Oh, my, you must have had a wonderful teacher.
I've been here all my life, and I can't speak French at all.
Now, we must get very busy.
All right.
I have here a simple menu.
Now, let's see how you like it.
The best, are you expecting?
Oh, that's 46.
46?
Hmm, sacre bleu, but this room is much too small.
Oh, madame.
But you have a beautiful patio.
Oh, thank you.
That's because I watch my diet.
I mean, we will have the wedding outside.
Pierre? Pierre?
We will have the wedding outside.
We will have the arcade near the door.
But the sun will shine the flowers.
It's better near the pool.
Near the door?
The pool.
The door.
You know, you must excuse Pierre.
He wants to have the flowers by the pool.
I want them by the door.
It's much better.
He's very nervous.
Oh, why don't you teach him to bow his nails?
Oh, yes.
Did you notice?
There is a party to flagra on the menu.
Oh, well.
We just throw this one away and get a clean one.
Pierre.
La porte.
La piscine.
La porte.
La piscine.
La porte.
How do you like the menu, madame?
Now, may I see the kitchen?
Oh, well, certainly, it's right this way.
La porte.
Here it is. How do you like it?
Oh, it's very nice. Wonderful, wonderful indeed.
Now, do not worry about tonight, madame.
All right.
We will bring 30 chickens and all the corn,
these potatoes and salad they can eat.
Oh, well, that takes care of the chickens.
Now, what will the guests eat?
Leave everything to me, madame.
All right.
Now, I'll do just that.
Ah, I see that you are a big user of carnation milk.
And it's contented, you know.
I use it in all my cooking.
Why, I've been making a cream soup with carnation for 22 years.
Oh, my goodness.
When it's finished, I'd love to taste it.
I'll bet it'll be delicious.
I think I'll take a breath of fresh air, excuse me.
Yes, all right.
The air!
How much fresh air do you want to make the cat for the port?
How many times do you want to make the cat for the port?
La piscine! La piscine!
Oh, he's still nervous, huh?
Mmm.
Say, tell me something.
If you don't mind that, every day we'll run down.
Fresh air.
Excuse me, gentlemen. Yes, George?
Where's the... where's the mate to the shoe?
I can't find it.
Oh, that's the pair you told me to get half sold.
That's right.
Well, this is the half I didn't sell.
Uh, yep.
Yeah.
Oh, Monsieur Robert, I want you to meet my husband.
George, this is Monsieur Robert.
Robert is taking care of everything for the wedding.
Oh, wonderful. I thought I'd have to pay for it.
Thank you, Robert.
Oh, but, Monsieur, you are paying.
Here is, uh, an estimate for your approval.
Oh, well, I'll look at it and check this later.
Will we bow again before I exit?
Now, Monsieur Robert, I want everything to be just as nice as you can make it for Cal's wedding,
because her mother once did me a terrific famous.
Now, do not worry, Madame. The patio will be a scene of beauty.
Yes.
The flowers will harmonize with the gowns.
The bride's maids will wear pastel organ day.
The bride, a carol, will wear a gown of white satin,
and Lily's will be floating on the pool.
Well, Lily can put it right back on again.
This is going to be a respectable wedding.
I do not understand, Madame. Lily is not a lady.
She certainly isn't, and I don't even want her here.
Do you know that the orchids and the bridal arch cost $300?
We should use dandelions. We're only on every other week.
I spoke to Gracie. I said, look, Gracie, this boy is a sailor.
Why doesn't the captain of a ship marry him?
And she says, don't be silly. The captain is already married.
I try to find out who this woman is who did this wonderful favor for her,
but I can't corner her long enough.
Client, Client, you in here?
Oh, our neighbors, the mortals.
Gracie, Harry, come on in.
Come on, waiter, please put this.
I think right here on this table will be just fine.
That's wonderful.
I just got this note you left for me. I will not be best man at this wedding.
Well, of course, Harry. Whatever you say, darling, anything you say.
I'll be able to finish up here. Thank you very much.
Oh, yes, you are.
Gracie is counting on you.
Blanche, I don't even know these people that are getting married.
Why can't George be best man?
Well, George doesn't know them either.
And besides, Gracie says he gets very nervous at weddings.
At their wedding, he shook so hard he could hardly get the money out of her purse to pay the minister.
I will not be the best man.
Oh, Harry, you're going to spoil everything.
Don't you have any romance?
Why, when I think about our wedding, I can hardly keep from crying.
Your control is better than mine is.
You're going to be best man. This boy's coming all the way from San Diego.
He's a sailor and the Navy's given him 24 hours to get married.
You must have hit an admiral. I really threw the book at him.
Hello?
Is Madame Birch here?
We are having trouble with the lights.
Well, I'll call her for you.
Gracie, Robert wants to see you.
Morning.
No, no, I'm busy with you.
Oh, what kind of business will you do with the stupid?
That's a moustache to your repair.
Oh, hello, Harry.
You're who don't come near me. My nails are drying.
You want to see me, please?
Oui, Madame.
Yeah, Monsieur Robert, I get mixed up in everything.
Oui, Madame. I want to see you because Monsieur Henri wishes you need to ask you.
Do you know where the fuse box is?
Oh, well, let me see now.
Can I give up on me? Where is it?
Qu'est-ce qu'elle a dit?
Ah, n'importe. On n'en pourra les bouger.
Madame est coucou.
Oh, est coucou.
Say, Blanche, you understand French.
What do they say about me?
Ah, uh, they said you were very pretty.
Oh, really? Is that what coucou means?
I've been getting compliments all my life, and I never knew it.
Blanche, why is Gracie giving this wedding?
I mean, it's going to cost Georgia fortune.
The bride's mother did Gracie a great favor,
and Gracie never forgets.
Neither does an elephant, but I wouldn't want to be married to one.
Well, I don't know. I don't mind.
Very funny. Very funny.
Listen, you've got no squawk coming
because you've had a very full life with me.
Yeah, what's it been full of?
Just a minute.
Hi, folks.
Oh, hello, Mr. Von Tell.
Hello, Harry.
Hi, Harry.
Hey, this is going to be quite a wedding tonight.
I saw Gracie outside, and she said the cutest thing.
I'll bet she did.
I saw all those fellas putting the flowers around in the patio,
and I said to Gracie, what are they, Delphiniums?
She said the tall one might be, but the two I met are Frenchmen.
Congratulations, my husband. He's going to be best man tonight.
Well, hold on a minute.
I'm sorry to stop the show, but I got to tell you about Bill Goodwin.
Bill Goodwin is going to New York
to be starred in his own television show,
and we want to wish him every success and happiness.
And from now on, Harry Von Tell will be a permanent member of our cast.
And I know you're going to like him,
because Harry is a fine personality.
Okay, on with the show.
You're on there, Harry.
Oh, boy.
It's going to be a great night tonight.
You know something I am crazy about weddings?
Oh, you are, huh?
Are you married?
Yeah, hey, that's a funny thing.
People have been asking me that question
ever since the time I fell into a concrete mixer.
That proves you're single.
If you were married, you wouldn't remember falling into a concrete mixer.
Blanche, you think that's funny?
No, but if I don't laugh at it, he'll tell it again.
Come on, comedian, let's bring the nuts to the patio.
Oh, no, Gracie asked me to get some candles for the wedding at O.
And Bill Goodwin asked me to mail him some cigars.
You know, I hope Harry doesn't spend over 64 cents for those candles.
I just added up that wedding, Bill, and that's all I've got left.
$2,000 is a lot of money to spend on a wedding when you don't know the people.
But maybe they'll name their first child after me.
Jerky.
Well, let's go to the grocery store and see how Von Zell is doing.
I know you'll want to have one of these free Carnation recipes.
Why, thank you.
Who are they? I've never seen them in my life before.
Ten to one, they'll finish up at the wedding.
When you make your cake and your rice in the Carnation recipe, here's exactly how it'll taste.
Go ahead, help yourself.
Mmm, it's light as a feather.
And it's so moist, it's delicious.
That icing is perfect.
You can make cake just like that every single time with Carnation evaporated milk and cake mix
if you simply follow the recipe. That's all you have to do.
Now, my wife made this cake right here this morning.
And that icing, she made that in a jiffy, a quick Carnation way.
Well, I'm not married, but I'd certainly like to know how to make a cake like this.
Okay, you'll have to charge these candles to George Burns.
Harry!
Janet!
Gene!
Oh, it's so good to see you.
Why, it's been a year.
Janet, be careful with the candles.
I won't break them.
No, but I think you're melting a few.
I've got to get these candles over to the Burns' for a wedding.
Say, why don't you come along?
Oh, I adore weddings, but first let this gentleman finish telling me how to make a good cake.
A cake? Oh, come on, Janet, let's go to the wedding.
But, Harry, if I don't learn how to do these things, how will I ever attract a man?
Come on, let's go.
Okay, you can tell me about Carnation and cake mix some other time.
Yeah, George, hold it, wait a minute.
He's telling you how to make a cake with Carnation evaporated milk?
Why, certainly.
Well, let me pull up my knee and sit down.
Sorry, they're waiting for these candles. Oh, yeah, you know, Janet, the Carnation people have these displays
in grocery stores all over the country, isn't that right?
Yes.
May I?
Of course.
Oh, boy.
Now, there's cake, what is cake?
Isn't that delicious?
And you know there's no secret to making a cake like this, Janet.
Any cake mix that calls for milk, you take Carnation at an equal amount of water,
stir and bake according to the package directions.
Well, that sounds easy enough.
That's right.
Very simple.
And this icing, every woman should have the recipe for this icing.
Creamy, delicious tasting, and so simple and easy to make.
You see, these Carnation recipes are in grocery stores everywhere,
and they're free, you just go in and help yourself.
Well, thank you, but the gentleman already gave me one, Harry.
Well, I'll guarantee you'll get the most delicious cake and icing you ever tasted.
You'll mind if I have another?
Well, go and help yourself.
Yeah, excuse me.
Harry, you don't have to do that, just a moment.
Look, I'll get the Carnation and the cake mix,
and I'll make you a cake just like this one tonight.
Well, that's fair enough.
Then we can go to the wedding.
Say, why don't you come along?
The food is going to be sensational.
Swell, I love wedding.
Good.
Oh, wait a minute.
I'll tell my wife she's out in the car.
You'll get your way.
Hey, Mabel, get the kids.
We're going to the wedding.
You know, I think this wedding is getting out of hand.
I felt bad because I didn't know who the bride and groom were.
I just met 60 people on my patio who didn't know who I was.
I'd get some more food, but there's, I got no place to put it.
Oh, you girls just look beautiful.
Now wait, I want George to see you.
Oh, you're going to be just such beautiful bridesmaids.
It's just lovely to see you.
Thanks, Mrs. Burns.
We just saw Carol upstairs in her bridal gown, and she looks stunning.
Oh, you know that sailor's very, very lucky to get a girl like Carol.
She looks like an angel.
Well, you know the old saying, marriage is a maiden heaven.
Yes, but in this case, I'm glad it's here.
It's near a San Diego.
Gracie, did you...
Oh, well, well, well.
Oh, George, I want you to meet the bride's babes.
This is Nellie, and this is June.
Nellie, June?
Again, you know, June is going to get married next week.
Oh, are you marrying your sailor to June?
Oh, no, I'm marrying a used car salesman.
Well, if you love him, it doesn't make any difference whether he's used or new.
That's right, June.
And if you don't like him, you can always have him retread it.
Well, come on.
We better go help Carol.
Okay, goodbye, girls.
Well, George?
Gracie, the bride couldn't look prettier than you do.
I, uh, I do look cuckoo, don't I?
Uh, which way do the girls go? I need a little help.
I, uh...
Madam Burns, we have a problem.
Uh, with so many unexpected guests, we may not have enough food to go around.
Oh, well, I'll tell you what you do.
Just give everybody extra-large portions, and nobody'll notice it.
Uh, look, Robert...
But, uh, I will manage. Good.
Pierre!
Pierre, uh, je vous le dis vous la dernière fois, mais t'es l'arcadre de la porte!
Ecoutez-moi, Robert.
Cet arcade va mieux près de la piscine, comme je l'avais disais.
Et c'est là où je la mettrais.
Laissez-moi tromper-tu!
La porte!
La porte!
I feel very sorry for Pierre.
You know he's right.
Well, if he's right, why don't you do it his way?
I'm a very stubborn man.
Gracie, will you sit down? I'd like to talk here.
I'd like to find out about this.
Say, I'm ready. I'm ready to give everybody a handful of rice to throw,
but be careful, it's still hot.
Did you say the rice was still hot?
I cooked it so it wouldn't hurt the bride and groom.
Why don't you have them throw jello? It's softer.
Sit down, I'd like to talk to you.
Oh, the Nelson! This is the bride's parents. This is my husband, Joey.
Mrs. Nelson? Mr. Nelson? How do you do?
Oh, Mr. Burns, we can't thank you enough for what you're doing for our Carol.
Oh, it's a pleasure.
And this fine tuxedo you bought me.
I bought the tuxedo?
Yes, isn't it lovely?
Yes.
How do you think it fits?
Nice, a little tight around my wallet, but nice.
Oh, because of you, Carol and her husband will be happy for the rest of their lives.
Well, I just hope they live that long so they can enjoy it.
I hope I do too so I can pay for the wedding.
We'll never forget this, Mr. Burns, and if you're in Pomona at any time, drop in at the ranch.
Wonderful. I love grapefruit.
Good. I like them too. Bring some with you, will you?
Well, sit down, Grace. I'd like to talk to you.
Oh, George, before you talk, I want to tell you something.
You know, a little while ago I was having a little talk with Carol about the facts of life.
Oh, you told her?
Yeah. Well, you know, when I was a little girl, my mother told me how the bees carry pollen from flower to flower.
The flower on their feet? I even tried it, but believe me, it's nothing.
Well, I'm glad you told me I was ready to take my shoes off.
Please, everybody, please.
You're ready now.
We'll put it on the right.
You want to put it on the right.
Oh, my God, you're beautiful.
Beautiful.
Oh, 9-9-9-9.
9-9-9-9.
There we go.
Okay, all the wedding march. Okay. Okay. Look Gracie. I'd like to ask you something
This just cost me thirty six hundred dollars. What is the favor this woman did for you?
Oh, Mrs. Nelson well about two weeks ago
My car got stalled and fine-street and she was nice enough to give me a little push for us sometimes
The George and Gracie will be back in just a moment in the meanwhile while we're all thinking about weddings
Here is a helpful hint that every bride should know
This is Fannie farmers famous Boston cookbook and it says right here that the way to store your coffee so that it stays fresh longer
Is to keep your coffee jar or can turned upside down in the refrigerator?
It's a good suggestion. Freshness, you know makes a great deal of difference in the way coffee tastes and
And there's another thing that makes a big difference in the way coffee tastes and I just happen to have it right here
Carnation evaporated milk
You see that
Carnation has the consistency of cream. It's heavy enough to whip and there's good rich cream in every drop
So what does carnation do for a large cup of coffee like this?
Or a small cup of coffee like this one here? Well, carnation will do just what you want it to do
Carnation will make any cup of coffee taste a lot better
See carnation gives coffee a rich full-bodied flavor a flavor that has plenty of good solid satisfaction in it
And certainly that's what you want in coffee taste flavor goodness, and that's what carnation gives you
That a good many coffee lovers millions of them in fact prefer carnation in their coffee to cream and there's one other thing
Carnation the milk that whips costs less than half as much as cream
So it pays off it pays in economy as well as taste to cream your coffee with carnation
And now here is carnation's own contented couple George and Gracie
Christy let's drink a toast to our sponsor all right and not yet
You see tonight marks the beginning of our second year on television for carnation and not yet not yet. So
To carnation may they always be contented now Gracie?
Oh look auntie's flowers beautiful
Oh, yes, I will oh they're lovely
I wonder who they're from
Well I wonder oh dear you know wasn't I silly a year ago?
Yeah, I thought I could get carnation milk by milking carnations
Gracie you you you certainly know how to make coffee
Gracie you you you certainly were yes, but now when I milk a carnation. I don't expect anything
You're much smarter this year say good night. Good night
Appearing in tonight's show where Maurice Marsack, Shepard Menken, Steve Dunn, Aurene Michaels, June Whitley and Walter McGrath
The George Burns and Gracie Allen show will be back again in two weeks. Mrs. Harry Bonzell saying good night for carnation
