Oh, hello. I didn't see you there. I'm Billy Cortes, Rondo the Third, and I'm going to teach
you how to steal that identity in just five easy steps. Why, it's so easy. It's like opening
a can of corn. Step one, impersonate your friends and neighbors. Don't be envious of your friends.
Who are you? What are you doing dressed like me?
I'm Josh with David, and you've been Identity Had. Tough times, low on cash? In step three,
we'll teach you how to make joint accounts with unsuspecting strangers.
Step four, kick it up a notch, drug your neighbors, and take over their lives.
Step five, kick it up a notch, drug your neighbors, and take over their lives.
Identity theft. Think you know it all by now? I don't think so, bitch. In step five, impersonate
your neighbors' pets. Access areas you can only dream about.
Jinxy, where are you? And I haven't seen that cat for like a week. You out there?
What's up? Hey, buddy, mind if you pass the toilet paper? But I don't have all day here,
buddy. Steaks, meow. At least I get free rent.
But that's not all. As a free gift to you, if you call within the next hour, you'll get
your very own can opener, which you can use to take other people's identities.
Pop them on the head. Give me your identity, sir. Or this is a stick up. Give me all your
money and your IDs. Last but not least, my favorite. Hey, I'm a bartender. Can't you
tell? I have credentials.
