You
Pastor Larry
Nothing, I just wanted to talk to you for a moment
Nick's game coming on in 30 minutes. I'm trying to get home to watch it. Oh, it's okay. Let's talk another time
Is it important?
Not really, I guess. Come on, you want one?
You smoke?
Since I was 12.
But isn't it a sin?
I don't know.
Is it?
So what's wrong?
Well, nothing's wrong, really.
Okay, they should be sitting down with an ice-coke, my leather sofa, front of my big-screen TV watching basketball right now. Tell me why I'm not.
I feel like I'm losing them.
Who?
My Sunday school class.
Kids or adults?
Singles class.
How'd you lose your flock, Kenny?
I haven't lost them yet, Pastor Larry. It's just...
See, right now we're studying the book of Judges, and there's a lot of things I can't explain to them.
I mean, they're smart people, and they ask questions, and I can't answer a lot of them.
Just the truth is, I don't even know.
The Old Testament?
It's full of myrrh and rape and all these terrible things, and I just don't get it.
Can you explain it to me?
It's once in a similar position as you, Kenny.
It's while I was going to seminary.
There was this nursing home where we had to do community service every week.
Felt like my faith was slipping away.
Didn't know if I wanted to be a pastor.
Didn't know if I even believed anything that was in this book.
There was this captain, this old Navy captain.
Nobody else wanted him, so they assigned him to me.
Gave me all the crazies.
So every week I had to spend an hour with the guy.
Just to keep him company, you know?
One week he asked me,
is there something wrong? I don't know why.
I open up, tell him what's going on in here.
The listens tells me a story.
Say you're having a hard time understanding it all, eh?
I admit it's been a bit of a head scratcher if there ever was one.
But let me tell you something, I got it all figured out.
Even the damn miracles.
That's right, walking on the water and all that hullabaloo.
I admit it was a bit puzzling at first, but I got it figured out.
Take that business with the prophets appell.
Bet you that stumped you, didn't it?
Well, you ain't got as much life experience unraveling things as I do,
so I'll just have to explain.
See, there was a few sharp guys back then, and Isaac was one of them.
Oh, I admit he had his feelings and plenty to boot,
but I ain't knocking them.
He showed them prophets appell, he showed them good.
See, he was outnumbered, underdog, so to speak.
There were like 450 prophets appell and just one Presbyterian.
Well, I assume Isaac was a Presbyterian.
He must have been.
Well, anyhow, they had them this competition to see who's God was the best.
So they gathered up on this mountain and they each had two piles of sticks.
I guess the idea was it was going to pray real hard
till one of their gods let fire out their pile.
Now Isaac, being the good sportsman he was, turned the first innings over to the prophets appell.
So these 450 prophets, they got to praying,
and they prayed and prayed all damn afternoon.
All the while Isaac was yelling, you're God's asleep.
He can't hear you.
Louder and louder.
Your God's taking a nap, wake him up.
And so these prophets, they prayed real hard,
but oh, there wasn't a lot of spark to those sticks.
Now when it got to be Isaac's turn, he does this funny thing.
He goes up to his pile and he tells his friends to pour four barrels of water on that bare wood.
Once they did that, he tells them to pour four more.
So they did.
I once they did that, he tells them to pour four more after that.
Well, I guess when they was done, you could say that wood was wet.
So Isaac, he prayed to Lord Almighty, lock fire to these sticks.
Now the people already had to listen to the prophets appell pray all afternoon.
So when Isaac prayed for an hour or so, they started to drift off.
Kind of like you're doing church when the pastor's going on and on or anyhow.
So when the people all went to sleep,
Isaac takes a match from under that robe of his and he puts it under his sticks.
And wouldn't you know it?
They go up blazes of fire blazes fire straight up to the sky.
You know how that wasn't water that was petroleum.
The country was full of it.
Petroleum in the ground petroleum in the water.
Isaac knew all about that.
Bible ain't so confusing.
Just have to use some common sense to figure it out.
Just think it out, you'll see the light.
That's it?
That's it.
Never doubted a word of the book since.
I guess that makes sense.
Thanks pastor Larry.
No problem.
I'm going to jet.
I just might make it half time.
Alright I'll see you Sunday.
Kenny you don't have to call me pastor.
Just because I stand up there and preach at you doesn't make me a whore.
Alright?
Jesus, Jesus,
May God stations wisdom,
May God stations wisdom,
Let me come home with love, please, with love.
