Oh hi there and welcome to the joys of shaving, a program made to highlight all the pleasures involved with using sharp instruments for hair removal.
Today I'd like to talk to you about...
Rob, why are you here?
What?
Tonight is the Christmas Hanukkah holiday, don't get offended party. You have to come.
I know.
I know.
Uh...
Ah, glad you could make it.
I didn't see you come in.
Hello, Kyle, from accounting.
Bob, don't be so dry.
We're sure ugly sweater, and we have to be festive.
Wasn't this stylish vest count?
I thought you might say that, so I brought you an extra.
Now, I know what you're thinking.
Rob is just some scrooge.
Well, you're right.
Over the years, Rob has grown a steady distaste for most holiday gift-giving.
One problem they've lost?
Sincerely.
Oh wow, Richard!
A gift card to a store I don't like!
Didn't even sign it.
I'm gonna go lose this at home somewhere.
Yeah!
But more importantly, Rob craved meaningful gift-giving,
somewhere between the heart and the head,
where usefulness and thoughtfulness combine.
And this was especially difficult at holiday parties,
when cheap, convenient, dismal exchanges are the norm.
With so many annoyances, could anyone resist the urge to be a holiday curmudgeon?
Hey Rob!
Guess what?
I am your secret Santa.
Of course you are.
And you are mine.
I seek to be the best.
So, uh, what'd you get me?
Here, I got you American currency,
from which you can buy anything your heart desires.
Oh, thanks, I guess.
Well, I got you this.
Uh, no, didn't you tell me that you love little heart-shaped decorative soaps that smell like fart?
Yep, nailed it.
Wonderful.
Oh, by the way, our field rep, Vaughn, he's been looking for you.
Vaughn!
The office!
Women too?
He loves shaving more than anything.
Why didn't you go say hi to him?
Yeah.
Very good.
I'll make sure not to do that.
Hmm, I wonder what there is to eat here.
Rub?
Yes?
It's all a party, where's your drink?
Oh, no.
I haven't had a drink since the war.
Nonsense.
Look at Leonard, he's had like eight.
Yeah, I think I'm just gonna head out.
I've seen enough.
Hold on, you can't leave yet.
But why do I think you have to exchange this soon?
What?
There's like, twenty people here.
It'll take hours.
What?
There's like, twenty people here.
It'll take hours.
Plus, I don't have a gift for the pile.
Oh well, you can just improvise a gift.
It's what everyone does here anyway.
And it's not about the gift.
It's more about the time.
Hey, Rob.
It's good to see you.
Hey, before the party is over,
I want to talk to you a little bit about the company.
After all, we're not working, so let's talk about working.
Let's see here.
Oh, Franklin, you're next.
Oh boy.
Oh, I like this one.
Eh, never mind.
Excuse me.
I need to go burn this house down.
I mean, get some fresh air.
Ugh, I'm tired of all these people
and their mindless gift-giving.
Frivolous trinkets, doodads,
gas station bargain bin items.
Paper weights?
Is the holiday spirit truly lost?
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah.
Are you, my guardian angel,
sent here to teach me acceptance, generosity,
and the true meaning of the holiday spirit?
What?
No, Rob, it's me, Vaughn.
What was the deal with that shipment estimate
last quarter that was up by two days?
I mean, did those delivery men
even know the proper weight of a pallet of razors?
Am I right?
No, I've had enough of this party
in all of its nonsensical gift-giving.
It's for the birds.
As we go along,
walking in a weary wonderland
in the m-
Hey, what about Bing Crosby?
Put a sock in it, Herman.
But Rob, why?
It's this whole holiday season
and you're all fools for making it this way.
Find each other useless and personal gifts?
Whatever happened to the spirit of giving
because they want it,
or because it's a good value,
or because they'll actually use it?
For example, a shaved mob stocking stuffer
containing a blade handle,
a two-month supply of blades,
and a mustache monocle.
Everybody can use this.
Listen, I don't know what makes a good holiday,
and I know even less about women.
What?
I do know that with a little thought,
a bit of patience, and a dash of insight,
we can all give gifts to each other
that are personal, meaningful, and thoughtful.
And as they say,
the brain sizes of the holiday party patrons
grew three times that day.
Hey, he's right!
Herman, I'm sorry I got to do that lousy through-cake, man.
Hey, how about I get you a nice pair of slacks?
My friend, I want you to discard the package of coupons I gave you.
How about a nice muscle shirt with a smaller than yours?
Yes!
With their holiday lesson learned,
the guests began buying, exchanging,
and enjoying meaningful gifts.
And much to Rob's delight,
they forgot about him, and he ran out of sight.
Away, Rob flew, deep into the night,
with each passing stride of greater might.
He dreamt of a pint or two of Dunkelweiss and brew.
But some say he exclaimed as he made his flight,
Happy Hanukkah holiday, don't get offended to all,
and to all a good night.
Happy Hanukkah holiday, don't get offended to all,
and to all a good night.
