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Hello, I'm Adrienne London-Leach with TheSwirlWorld.com.
We recently received this email.
Good morning.
I want to first say that I feel blessed to have stumbled across your website.
It was a breath of fresh air to see a website dedicated to real-life experiences of those
who have opened their hearts and souls to interracial relationships.
Thank you.
We here at TheSwirlWorld celebrate black women and the diverse men who love us, as well as
encouraging black women to open their dating options and learn to date with purpose.
I recently had an experience a week ago that put me in a melancholy frame of mind.
I feel like I am questioning everything now, even my lifelong interests in dating interracially.
This year has been an eye-opener.
I had no clue how a white man could be pressured by society and family views to stifle his
interracial love and choose what is white and easy.
I've experienced this first hand which meant I also was my best friend of 18 years.
This ordeal triggered a series of events this year, which ultimately ended last week with
a text from the now ex-white girlfriend that read, Get a life, you ugly gorilla, F. Slut.
You're pathetic.
I don't even about him anymore.
This is now between you and I.
I am a strong woman, but this for some reason touched me at my core.
A bevy of emotions came over me, even as I write to you.
All emotions are surfacing, anger, confusion, sadness, but deep sorrow for the young lady.
I have not been able to have a discussion about this because people have shied away from
this discussion of race.
Our friends have vaguely dubbed it as it is pure hatred.
I would like to share my story and hear your thoughts on this topic.
Well, we have certainly been getting here at theswirlworld.com on the Facebook page questions
and concerns specifically in this climate in regards to interracial dating, especially
directed towards black women.
And we thought with this email that has some of those concerns that we take a few moments
to truly address this.
By the way, if you see me looking at my notes, it's because I really genuinely don't want
to miss anything.
Hello, and this is in response to your email.
In general, you bring up a topic we as black women need to handle and not allow it to derail
our choices in partners, boyfriends, husbands.
We are in a climate that has certain people who have always felt the way they do, believing
it's fine to verbally attack black women.
In doing so, black women are told to question our choices in husbands and boyfriends.
Instead of us questioning our choices, what we should be doing logically and methodically
is questioning the motives of others.
I have always been taught that when you hit a dark space, darkness shed light on the subject.
That's what we intend to do.
The truth genuinely sets you free, and black women never let them see a sweat while we
take care of business.
Now, I'd like to address several points that she made in her email.
One, she said that the ordeal made her question her lifelong interest in interracial dating.
Okay, it's emotional, it's hurtful, and I can understand why she would.
But I take a different point of view, and I would like to flip this and say do this instead.
I would suggest, the swirl world would suggest, examining and vetting the character and quality
of the type of man or men you are dating or intend to date, because that would be more
effective.
Bad behavior, cowardliness, succumbing to peer pressure, succumbing to any kind of pressure
speaks to the man's character.
Any person, but specifically in this case, a white man, that can succumb to every thought
or every thing that a family member or a friend says that keeps him from being in a relationship
with you, A, isn't worth your time, and B, lacks character and quality.
And the swirl world would say you shouldn't be with him anyway, and you should vet a lot
better.
So before ruling out IR dating, pay closer attention to his character.
A man of character and quality is not going to put the woman he loves aside because of
what somebody else thinks.
And as I stated earlier, the real pressure, the contrived pressure, the false pressure
is on black women to change their dating habits, to conform with those that are telling them
that in this climate that we are in, that it is dangerous and threatening for black
women to date in a racially.
For those of you that have studied Greek, the word for that argument is baloney.
Again, pay attention to the motives of the persons or persons telling you what your dating
and marriage choices should be, vet them as well, because again, the burden of making
changes and changing lifestyles is the black woman, don't fall for it.
The second thing she says is her relationship of 18 years.
Now I have to be honest, I didn't quite understand what type of relationship that she had.
I didn't know whether she was his girlfriend or just a good friend.
I was uncertain.
Since I'm uncertain, I could not give her a response to that part.
And perhaps you'll write back with clarification, but again, not quite knowing what the relationship
was, I'm hesitant to say what advice the swirl world could give her on her 18 year relationship.
The third thing, the nasty email to her calling her names and using profanity at her.
Our response at the swirl world was it's obvious that she, you are a threat to this pathetic
woman.
From her texts, we call her Becky.
She thinks every man wants her, but can't bear the thought that any man, especially
a white man, would love, care for and seek black women.
And when it's obvious that his preference is a black woman, her true colors come out.
Red for anger, green for jealousy and envy.
Our advice to you would be ban, delete, block.
Not sure how she has access to you anyway, but the access would end because she's not
worth it.
The next thing that we were wanting to pinpoint was the fact that this young lady said that
she was a strong woman, but that this was bothering her.
We wanted to spell again the myth of the strong black woman.
And what we say to her is do not equate strength with lack of emotion and feeling.
What you felt was fine, right and real.
You had an absolute right to feel anger, confusion, any emotion you wanted to feel at someone calling
you out of your gender and calling you out of your ethnicity.
They are fine.
Black women are constantly told that we should be strong, but it's from a vantage point as
if we have no feelings and that anything anyone says to us, we should just be able to suck
it up and go along with the program.
We are telling you, no, stop, be real, be a feeling woman and express yourself in any
way you desire as long as you keep it classy and dignified.
We understand Becky, but we don't want to be like her.
And the last thing that she addresses is discussing racial concerns, ethnic concerns in this climate.
What we would like to bring to the table is to say that it's difficult for all people
of all races, cultures and ethnicities to talk about racial themes, issues and tensions
simply because we all have a little prejudice and racism in us.
And sometimes it's difficult to have discussions about these topics while still leaving the
other groups dignity intact.
We must learn how to talk about tough, hard subjects with dignity towards the person we're
speaking on, the situation we're speaking on and the subjects we're speaking about.
Thank you very much for a chance to respond to this email.
I'm Adrienne London Leach with The Swirl World.
