I sometimes think I have everything.
One, two, three kids, a husband I can't wait to be alone with, a great walk to the bus,
a house in the hills, five fields, a dog, a cat, and a horse named George.
When I had this dream that my horse died and I was so scared, I got up in the middle of the night
and I walked outside and he was lying there dead.
And I filmed him.
And then I had a dream that my ex-filmmaking partner, the father of my oldest child,
he came to me in a dream and he said, I really don't want to tell you this, I'm so sorry,
but I think it's better that you know you're going to die in your 48th year.
I dreamt about my horse George.
He stood opposite me with a long red coat and said, are you filming?
Are you ready to film?
I'm going to fall to the left.
I tried to ignore it, but then when I got ill, it seemed it was impossible to ignore.
So I decided to make the film almost in the beginning, almost like a scientific inquiry.
I thought to myself, well, either there are no spirits and I'm going to be fine,
or if there are spirits, the proof will be that I will be dead within the year.
The thing that comforted me and strengthened me was looking at really beautiful things
and looking at the things I love, my family, the landscape around me.
And you know, I love to look through a camera.
Some people love to find meaning in their dreams.
I don't think I do. I make science films.
I look at how things function.
I like going under the surface of things, finding out how they really work,
looking for scientific proof.
It was sort of spooky, George dying as I dreamt it.
But I believe that coincidences are random, just two things happening at the same time.
Really, what I want is to take the audience on the journey with me.
I want them to experience what I'm going through and to look through my eyes as we go through this year together.
And so that was an interesting filmic challenge.
I didn't tell the girls why I was filming them so much.
She thought it was a bit odd and she couldn't understand why I'm always following her around with a camera.
And she, I'm sure, will be a very good artist in her own right.
And, you know, she's someone who can pick up a camera and do it very well herself.
And why was I always filming her?
And my youngest daughter, for her it was like a game, so she was very playful.
And my eldest son, when I told him what I was doing, because I told him about the dream.
And he was very helpful, you know.
I showed them all the film at different stages and I really liked their feedback.
I changed things, depending on what they said.
Shaman said, okay, you know, now I'm bringing you back to normal. You can come out of your trance now.
And I thought to myself, I've not been in a trance. What is she talking about?
Oh, that's a really loud noise. We must be under some roadworks.
Oh, what's that loud, loud noise?
And then I realized that loud noise was my own breathing.
So obviously I was in some kind of altered brain state, whatever sort of brain wave pattern that is.
And in those minutes after the shamanic journey, I was very clear in my head that I had very nearly died.
And now that I was going to be completely okay.
