A rinkadee, a rinkadee, all my tools are duty.
Pink.
A rinkadee, a rinkadee, a rinkadee,
he's got my whole world spinning.
Oh!
Oh!
What an arm!
Hello?
Pa, Pa, can you hear me?
What do you think I'm deaf?
Pa, it's me, Alan.
Of course it's you. Who else would it be? May I catch you?
I just wanted to make sure you were okay.
I'm okay. I'm okay.
You're okay?
What do you have those in here, a thorough?
I just wanted to make sure you were okay.
I'm okay. I'm okay.
You're okay?
What do you have those in here, a thorough?
I just wanted to make sure you were okay.
I just wanted to make sure you were okay.
Well, I'm okay.
Now, what, 20 minutes ago...
What happened?
Oh, these two 20-something-year-old women got into my apartment.
They wanted to have their way with me, you know, sexually.
But I managed to offend them all.
Well, you don't have to worry. I'm okay.
Are you serious?
Of course I'm serious.
This is a very exciting place here.
You don't know what you're missing.
I'm worried about you.
You're sitting all day in that apartment alone.
No telephone calls, no friends.
It can't be good for you.
You must be lonely.
No. I read time.
Like the magazine.
By the way, it helps me maintain my pitching arm.
Oh, good shot.
Do you ever go out of that apartment?
What do you mean?
Do you take walks?
Walks?
I retired ten years ago.
So you never leave the apartment?
I leave.
I go to shopping down the street.
That's all?
No.
I have a travel agent who's preparing an itinerary of exciting day trips in Brooklyn.
Seriously, you need activities.
I had enough activities.
Remember, I used to own and manage a big kosher deli.
Oh, those were the years.
For 40 years, I smelled like pastrami.
Every time I walked in the door, your mother would swoon over me.
God rest her soul.
And what about now?
Now?
Now, every time.
You need a hobby.
I have a hobby.
What?
I make sandwiches.
For whom?
For me.
You'll make a great pastrami sandwich.
You need something to stimulate your mind.
What are you talking about?
We're alone all the time.
You need to connect with life.
You know you're right.
I've got a goldfish.
I've been thinking a lot about you, Pop.
What you need is a computer.
I'd rather a goldfish.
Listen, Pop, a computer will open a whole world for you.
You can ask the computer anything and it'll get you the answer.
Anything?
Can I ask it how to keep the neighbors quiet at night so I can go to sleep?
You can see and hear the family on the computer.
Imagine they'll be right in your living room.
That's called Skype.
It should be called Snoop.
With Skype, Pop, it'll be like Thanksgiving all the time.
Oh, you mean a great grandchildren would be screaming and throwing things around right here.
Who's paying for this?
It does a lot more.
What more could I want?
Imagine it giving you lectures right in your living room.
Your mother used to do that.
The computer has this thing called Ted.com and they have thousands of great lectures.
You pick a subject, it has a lecture.
Like what?
Like, I don't know.
I'll look them up on my iPhone.
Yeah, well, hurry up.
I'm expecting those two young women back any minute here.
Here's a great lecture.
Your body language shapes who you are.
My body looks like a sack of potatoes.
That's not the point, Pop, it's how you move your body that says who you are.
So I'll be moving and people will still say, oh, it's Mr. Potato.
Nice to meet you.
Here's one you like, the hidden beauty of pollination.
What's pollination?
It's how bees and butterflies and hummingbirds spread pollen.
Oh, wonderful.
I will recline in my easy chair, listen to the lecture, and shoot up flonies.
You'll never be bored.
You'll be writing mail.
You'll be shopping by computer.
You can get the latest news.
You can read any book you want without visiting the library.
I get newspapers, magazines, and pizza delivered here right now.
Why do I need a computer for?
A companionship, like a connection to humanity.
No, forget about it.
No.
No?
No.
Well, I have to do something about your boredom, your loneliness.
I can't let you live like this.
You know, there's a beautiful assisted living home right near Barbara and me.
Assisted living?
Forget about it, Alan.
It's all golden years.
They have a game room and a hobby room and socializing events.
I don't need assisted deterioration.
I can do that on my own.
Well, that's the choice, Pop.
It's a computer for golden years.
Oh, but why are you doing this to me?
I don't know how to operate a computer.
They're too complicated for me.
You can learn.
No, I have trouble operating my pencil sharpener.
It's good for you to learn something new.
No, it's out of the question.
All right, well, we're in luck.
There's a room vacant at golden years.
Oh.
How do I learn?
You mean you'll do it?
No, I mean, we're negotiating here.
First, how do I learn?
Okay, well, the company that makes the computer will provide technical support.
Technical support?
I don't like that word technical.
Don't worry.
It just means that they'll tell you how to do everything.
Everything?
Everything.
Like how to unpack it from the box?
Like how to connect it all together?
How to plug it in?
Like how to turn it on?
How to operate?
Yes, everything you need to use and enjoy it.
Oh.
I mean, it comes with a bottle of ecstasy.
I can have it delivered in a week.
Oh.
I can hardly wait.
Call me as soon as it arrives.
Oh.
Oh, very close.
What's my interior decorator going to say about this?
Huh?
Yeah, it's me.
The thing has arrived.
Two boxes.
Oh, give me a moment.
Let me count them.
Yes, two boxes.
Good.
The computer and the monitor.
I can't wait to open them.
No, don't do anything.
I'll have the technician call you right away.
All right.
I'll be there waiting.
Hello.
Hello.
May I speak with Mr. Marty Ginsburg?
This is the butler speaking.
May I ask who's calling?
Please tell Mr. Ginsburg that his computer technician is calling.
Yes.
Well, just a moment.
I'll see if I can rouse the master.
Hello.
This is Mr. Ginsburg.
Is this a technician?
Yes.
My name is Samud Dragupta.
Sam, you drank up water?
Samud Dragupta.
But you can call me Sammy.
Very well.
From this moment forth, you shall be called Sammy.
And I will be Marty.
OK, Marty.
Let's get started.
The components, in their shipping boxes?
So far, they have been unable to get out of their boxes.
The first thing we need to do is to get them out of their boxes.
Please, get a knife, Marty.
All right.
I have to put the phone down, Sammy.
I'll put it on that speaker there.
Hold on.
Can you hear me now?
Yes.
All right.
Can you hear me now?
Yes.
All right.
I got the knife.
Now, turn the box, Marty, computer, so its arrow is up.
The arrow is up.
Now, cut the tape and open the box.
Aye, aye, sir.
Is the box open?
Taking a rest.
Last thing, we just got started.
All right.
I'm 87 years old, Sammy.
At this rate, by the time we get done, I'll be 87.
Open the box, Marty.
All right.
It's open.
Fantastic.
Absolutely fantastic.
All right.
What's next?
We will pull the computer out of the box.
All right.
Is it up?
I'm working on it.
All right.
Out of the box.
It's out of the box.
Absolutely fantastic.
Are you sure you didn't study computer science?
I guess I must have a natural aptitude.
Now what?
Place the computer under the floor near your wall socket.
All right.
Now, open the other box and pull out the monitor, the keyboard, and the mouse.
What?
The monitor and the other things in the box.
While you do that, I'm going to rest.
I think I should rest, too.
No, Marty.
Keep going.
Now we are really cooking.
All right.
Now what?
Now, place the monitor, the keyboard, and the mouse on your table.
All right.
The monitor, keyboard, and the mouse.
All right.
All right.
Now, on the table.
That's fantastic.
Are you trying to kill me here?
No, now we're going to do something really outstanding.
Yeah, we're going to say that's enough for today.
No, no, Marty.
We are on a roll.
Now we will plug it in.
Isn't that fantastic?
I can hardly wait.
All right.
What do I do?
Now, crawl under your table and plug the cable from the computer into your wall socket.
Crawl under the table.
All right.
Here we go.
All right.
Now, wait a minute, I'm testing this thing here.
All right.
Now what?
Now we plug in the monitor.
All right.
That must be this one.
All right.
Good.
Done.
Sammy, I can't get up.
Where are you?
I'm stuck under the table.
All right.
Can you reach the chair?
The chair.
Yes.
All right.
Grab hold of the chair and pull yourself up.
Marty, are you okay?
Are we very frightened?
I felt completely helpless.
Are you okay now?
I'm better.
Sammy, where do you live?
I live in India, outside of Mumbai, in a flat with my wife.
Do you have any children?
I have a boy, three years old, and a girl, five.
Oh, that's the best ages.
When they get older, they'll drive you crazy, believe me.
I have something to look forward to then.
We have just a few more things, and we will be done for today.
All right.
What's next?
Now, we will try doing a search.
A search?
What's a search?
Do I have to turn this thing on or something?
Take the plug and connect it to the computer and the monitor.
All right.
Now, we will use the cables to connect the monitor, the keyboard, and the mouse.
The white.
The cable connectors on the computer.
The white.
The mouse.
The black thing.
The size of the mouse?
Oh, this thing.
Yeah.
I will call you tomorrow at 10 a.m. and we will continue with the lesson.
All right.
Thank you, Sammy.
Oh, what an arm.
Oh, that must be Sammy.
Hello.
Good morning.
It's me, Sammy.
Oh, Sammy, it's good to hear your voice.
Even though you're many miles away.
Stella, what time is it in India?
Here in Mumbai, it's 7.30 in the evening.
Oh.
Today will be very exciting.
Oh.
We will make the computer cooperate with everything connected.
Yes, I think everything is connected.
Outstanding.
This is the glorious moment.
Glorious.
Push the button with the circle.
Do I need my fire extinguisher?
It says go ahead, push.
The light came on.
The screen is lighting up.
Fantastic.
It's working.
I don't have to go to golden years.
Noodah.
Noodah.
Pardon?
No, never mind.
Never mind.
Next, we will try to reassert.
What's that?
You see the E on the screen.
Yes.
Move the arrow to the E by clicking on the mouse.
The left button.
Oh.
It's not moving, Sammy.
I think the arrow is broken.
Are you moving the mouse and clicking on the left button?
Yeah, moving the mouse.
Clicking on a button.
But it's broken, Sammy.
I have to send me a new arrow.
Are you moving the mouse on the table and clicking the left button?
It has to be on the table.
Oh, no.
Yes, now it's working.
Marvelous.
I don't feel so good today.
Oh, what's the matter, Sammy?
I shouldn't value my troubles.
Let's just continue with the lesson.
No, no.
It's all right.
Go ahead.
What's the matter?
I think I told you I live in a flat with my wife and two kids.
Yes, I remember that.
I'm in hot water.
The landlord is raising the rent.
I just can't afford it.
At my salary goes to supporting my mother and father.
It's not an extra rupee.
Why is the landlord raising you rent?
He says his expenses have gone up.
It's not true.
He just knows I need the flat because my father, who is not well, lives down the street.
In Poland, my family spoke a language called Yiddish.
They had to say, Luchansnitmir, my bar compission, was Saganmir as reninmachen.
Which means you can't pee on my back and tell me it's raining.
Don't you give that landlord another rupee.
I would pay the landlord no more money, but what if he takes my flat?
No, don't worry about it.
He's just trying to frighten you.
Tell me after you talk to him.
Oh, another great shot.
Hello?
Mori, I told the landlord no raise in the rent.
What happened?
He won't be peeing on my back anymore.
Way to go, Sammy.
Thanks very much for your help, Mori.
Now, let's continue with the lesson on section.
Sammy, this is Alan. How's it going?
Pretty good. Sometimes I even think he likes using the computer.
You know, the lessons are almost over now.
Well, I'm calling actually to tell you that what you're doing is amazing.
He's had three lessons a week for ten weeks.
Seems like he's ten years younger.
You must keep giving him lessons. I'll extend your contract.
That would be fantastic.
You know, your father is also my teacher.
What could he possibly be teaching you?
Many, many things about life.
Like what?
He taught me you can't pee on my back and tell me that it's raining.
