Yeah, yeah, I'm running a little late just got stuck in the grocery store, but I'm on
my way.
I'm on my way to the grocery store.
Jay, this is the third time in like three weeks.
I don't understand.
Listen honey, I'm five minutes away so just relax.
I'll call you when I have.
Okay.
You were supposed to set a reminder on your cell phone.
Which I will do as soon as I have the girls.
It's just that.
All right.
How's this?
All right.
I will set a reminder to remind myself to set a reminder.
Okay?
Okay.
Do you think that this is funny?
Listen honey, I am sitting here in this parking lot talking to you.
And I should be fetching the girls, right?
So I'm going to go.
You can chew me out later.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
I hate being an egg.
Just go get the girls.
Yeah.
I am on it.
Please.
All right.
Where did I park?
Where did I park?
This is the way.
Jesus, all right.
Hello?
OK, sounds like you're in your car.
So I can assume you're on your way to the school, right?
I'm sorry, who is this?
Mr. Lambert, surely you should recognize my voice by now.
Listen, let me ask you something.
Why is it that you always call my wife first
when I am the one who is in charge?
When you are the one who is 38 minutes late and counting.
Now, I'm not going to make contact protocol with you.
As principal of this school, my responsibility
is to secure the safety and well-being of your children.
Yes, yes, of course, of course.
And I greatly appreciate your understanding here.
Listen, we're making some adjustments in our work schedule.
And it will be.
And I think you'll also need to adjust
to the idea of rolling the girls in an afterschool program.
Yes, and we've been discussing that very option.
But let me assure you that this is very out of the ordinary.
And it will be handled.
I'm glad to hear that, Mr. Lambert.
So I will go now and let you concentrate
on getting here safely.
And about when can we expect you?
I'm literally just a few minutes away,
though it'd be quicker if I had the street address at the school.
Excuse me?
You're here twice a day.
You know exactly where the school is.
This is actually for the GPS to put in the system.
We're at 1501 North Maplewood Drive.
How close did you say you were?
Oh, I am so close, Principal, that I can almost
smell those pistachios.
Goodbye.
So you've got them, everything's OK.
Listen, did you bring the car in for service or something?
I'm sorry, what?
The whatchamacallit, the irrigation system.
What are you?
The maps for Christ's sake.
The menu's completely changed.
What, is it some kind of upgrade or what?
Jay, it's your car.
Well, I don't recognize anything here.
It's completely confused, nonsensical.
You have the girls, right?
I'm trying to get the girls, Maureen.
That's what I'm trying to do.
But with these changes, it's impossible to figure out.
Why would you even need the navigation system?
You know where the school is, right?
Not you, too.
What is so hard?
I'm trying to figure out the shortest route, OK?
Where are you?
I'm just a few blocks from the grocery store.
Oh my god, Jay.
Jay.
All right, all right, here's a bright idea, OK?
I can use the map on the phone, except that I can't find it.
You can't find the app?
No, no, I can't find the damn phone.
You're talking to me on the phone.
I know that, Maureen.
I am not a total idiot, all right?
I'm talking to you through the cars.
Whatcha going to call the speakers?
I can't find the actual phone, all right?
So I'm going to hang up.
Wait.
You call me, and I'll ring.
And I will find the phone.
Yes, call me.
Jay, do not.
Unbelievable.
I'm in the grocery pack.
Maureen.
You found the phone?
Yes, obviously.
Would you take that tone of voice with me?
You were supposed to pick up the girls an hour ago.
An hour ago.
Do you understand?
Listen, if you're so freaked out,
why don't you pick them up yourself, all right?
Because I am 35 miles away with a client presentation
in 15 minutes.
Yes, yes.
That's my job.
Your job is to pick up the girls.
Will you do that, Jay?
Will you pick up the girls?
That is what I'm doing.
That's exactly what I'm doing, all right?
You need to text me.
Just as soon as you have them.
Yes, I have them.
I'll call you.
Got it.
Just go to your meeting and chill the heck out, all right?
I am on it.
Thank you.
Oh, my Absinthe's red.
Yeah, it's Jay Lambert again. I could use that address one more time. Hello?
It's 1501 North Maplewood Drive. Mr. Lambert. 1501, 1501. Mr. Lambert. 1501.
Uh, yeah, yeah. Mr. Lambert, I'm compelled to ask. Have you recently started any new medications?
No, what kind of... Or perhaps had an extra glass of wine at lunch?
What are you implying exactly? I'm suggesting, Mr. Lambert, that your memory and judgment
seem to me to be impaired, and I am concerned for the safety of your children.
Are you out of your goddamn mind? You should be aware that I'm calling your emergency contact
and your wife again. My wife? And unless you're here within the next 10 minutes and fit to take
those girls, my next call will be to social services. Social services? Correct. Listen,
for your information, my children are not poor, they are not homeless, and they are not abused.
Do you understand that? Now, I'm driving a friggin' SUV for Christ's sake. Now, I need that address,
and I need it now! The address for the second time is 1501 North Maplewood. 1501.
You have 10 minutes. What a witch. All right, where's the damn man?
1501 Maplewood. Oh my God. It's the North and South Maplewood. She never even told me. Never said a thing.
She was trying to set me up. Her and my wonderful wife. Trying to take those girls away from me.
Well, nobody's gonna take my girls away from me.
Stop. Stop. Stop. Come. Come. We'll try North Maplewood first.
151 North Maplewood. Yes. There it is. All right, where am I?
Only seven blocks away. Unbelievable, and I'm getting all this harassment. Well, I'm on top of it now.
Let's go get those girls. Start the car first. That would be helpful, Jay.
Where's the God damn ignition? They keep changing everything in this car.
What? They make this thing in China? What a piece of crap. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.
Screw this. All right, we're six blocks away. I'm just gonna run and go get them.
Got the phones. Got the keys.
You've got to be kidding me.
What the hell is going on here?
Get out of here.
Maureen. Maureen. Maureen, pick up the phone. Maureen, pick up the God damn phone.
Maureen.
Maureen.
Maureen.
Maureen.
Maureen.
