where did you get that little tear I found it waiting when I got here what
makes your forehead so smooth and high a soft hand stroked it as I went by the
seed that grew and something would come out of that seed oh we knew that there
was a animal a big bird the stork the stork he brought the babies my mother
said that the baby had come from heaven that this beautiful white angel flew
over the house and just dropped the baby off when I was four years old our
neighbor's cat had kittens and while we were looking at the kittens I didn't know
how they got out and so I said to her I wonder how they got here and she said
they come out the butt stupid yeah what are you gonna do
you've seen the sunlight streaming through the window on a bright morning
and all the particles floating through the air my mom taught me that when dad
fell asleep his seeds would float in the air and if one of them landed on mom
she would have a baby I was nervous many times walking into my parents bedroom
thought I might get pregnant what I thought when I was a kid was when a
boy had to go to the bathroom if he kissed a girl as he ran past it she
would have a baby I always heard that they were little polywags every time I
went swimming I always thought the little polywag would swim up inside one
of the girls I was swimming with and they would get pregnant and then I would
probably get blamed my mother would say if you swallow the seeds you could get
pregnant however if you eat your your green vegetables then it will clean you
out and you won't have a baby I think that she made a regular guy out of me
with regards to my bowels anyway God decided that like your stomach was like
an oven and it just opened up like a little compartment and the baby was
put in there I thought that anything you put your penis into would get it
pregnant so I went to the backyard and I tried it on a tree and made me kind of
think that sex really isn't as exciting as I thought it would be I asked my
parents what condoms were and my mom told me it was a device to keep you from
having babies so I imagine this giant robot and like with machines and lights
and everything and it kept you from having babies somehow when I was a kid I
would see my parents wrestle in bed they look like sumo wrestlers and they
would fight and fight and fight and roll over and over and over again and then my
father would yell at me why are you spending so much money on everything why
do you have to have six of everything and then I thought oh if they really yell
then that means they're gonna have a baby I kind of thought that it was more
like going to the store you'd kind of pick out their little kits of you know
like almost like sea monkey kind of things that you would pick out from the
shelf and you take those and the mom would stick it under her shirt through
the heat of under the shirt over time it would kind of grow into a baby and
it would just kind of fall out and that was it so there was actually no sex
involved which is pretty sad I always felt that babies came out of the poop
chute and whenever I felt very constricted like really had to push
when I was in the bathroom I felt there was a chance that a kid would pop out of
my butt so I would always bend over because I have this big fear that the
kid would drown in the water I'm telling you I'm not kidding around this it was
very traumatic like very traumatic and it happened maybe once a week I really
thought that she met they came out of the B. Holio I really just was like that's
the worst thing I've ever heard in my life impossible it's too dramatic if at
any point I would I went up to my parents and I asked them my feeling that
babies come out of our butts there would be no conversation they literally would
look at me and walk out of the room my mother told us nothing it create a
gender identity issues that I'm still dealing with I figured if the man was on
top and the baby would come out I was just totally insane I was a confused
little boy this is gonna sound ridiculous but it took me a long time to
make the connection between sex and childbirth when I was just about 12 I
asked my grandmother what how do they make a bit she said Maria you come with
me she let me watch the male goat and the female goat get together and I said
you mean the man would be like the bull and he would do that she said yes but
not in the back they do it in front that how it's done I didn't really put it
together until I met my wife until after I got married that's how green I was in
school you know when the priest said this is how you get pregnant and don't do
it it blew my mind that you know babies come out of women's vaginas it's really
scary because I don't have a vagina they come out of the vagina they come out of
the butt they come really there's nothing pleasant about either of those
scenarios I'm gonna have to do that someday I kept asking my mom
so I'm gonna I'm gonna have to take off my clothes I still didn't understand it
how to oh everything worked how like how you get the job done there was a girl I
kind of had a crush on named Debbie Shaddock and I remember thinking I I'm
not there's no way I'm sticking my penis inside Debbie Shaddock it's disgusting
that's gross I can't that's awful it was like vomiting I just like I'm not
sticking my penis and spewing things inside Debbie Shaddock we're gonna have
to adopt and then literally the next night I don't know what happened but I
remember thinking I could I could put my penis inside Debbie Shaddock that
would that would be okay what education have I helped me help my childhood and
alleviate some of the traumatic experiences that I had feeling that a
baby came out of my ass probably yes if my parents had talked to me it would
probably alleviate some of the stress that I went through for a number of
years looking down every single time I had to strain to poop to make sure I
wouldn't be killing a baby yes it was a rough time actually probably would have
been better to know everything I don't know that I would have had his carefree
and imaginative of a childhood had I known actually how this damn thing
works probably does more harm than good well first there is nothing then there
is a tiny egg and those little sperms come up and then the egg hatches then it
starts to grow then it goes so big that it's bored
they're made by like food because the food forms the body man and the woman
they connect to each other and then the man makes the baby and then they put
water on a mommy's genus or so the baby could come out a lot of people that I
know don't know all that stuff they don't know they don't know about spoons or
anything I just think that it's all they need to know
