Hi, this is Cindy Spencer and welcome to the Joy of Receiving Love website and today
I have a guest that's going to do three posts for us over the next three weeks and her name
is Brianna Kisikin. Hi. And I've known Brianna for about five years. We met at a ministry school
in our church and one of the things that helped us connect was her and her husband Bjorn got married
on a day that happened to be my birthday. So I got to celebrate my birthday that year a couple
years ago on their wedding day so that was pretty fun. So over the last couple months Brianna and
I've been talking about some difficult areas that she's had to go through and how God really came
in and just amazingly touched her life and has helped her through these difficult times and
helped her to be just what I call amazing overcomer and all the process that he did to help her through
these different situations. So this first one today that she's going to share about is mourning the
loss of her mother which happened a few months ago. So she's going to share with us her experience
and how God came in and brought comfort and a whole bunch of just amazing stuff to help her
with this grieving process. So go ahead. Thank you. Welcome Brianna.
Hi, I'm Brianna Giseking and I'm a friend of Cindy's and I just want to share with you today
a little bit of my journey on how I got through the process of mourning my mom.
My mom passed away in May and so I just want to share this with you. So the first
point that I wanted to bring up is letting you know that no emotion is a wrong emotion.
Give yourself grace. Don't shame or condemn yourself for having any bad feelings. This is
something that my dad shared with me when he had just lost his mom very shortly after I lost my mom
and so he was able to share that with me and just knowing that you're going to probably feel some
anger, some guilt and some hurt, maybe bitterness and it's okay. It's okay to feel those things.
Obviously you don't want to stay there but those feelings are there for a reason and it helps you
figure out what is going on inside of you. So the second point is be patient with yourself.
Don't expect change in just a few days. Give yourself time. I am just sharing from my own
experience but I can imagine that for someone else it might take longer or it might take less time
to mourn a loved one. For me I actually researched and well not researched but I was just reading
my Bible one day and realized that they took 30 day mourning periods and I realized that's about
how long it took for me. That doesn't mean that that's how long it's going to take for you but
just give yourself patience, give yourself time because that's what you need. So
number three, give yourself a goal and decide who you want to be coming out on the other side
of this thing. This is something that I learned through reading a devotional about mourning
and it's decide how this experience is going to change you as a person and obviously
you're going to want this to change you in a good way not a bad way. So making that decision is
really important that way you are not just sitting around sulking but you have a goal of how you want
to get through to the other side of this. So what kind of person do I want to become as I progress
through this grief? I feel like it is such a powerful question because it helps eliminate
the victim mentality and it empowers you. This experience will change you as a person
and so are you going to let it be a positive or a negative change?
Right when I realized that I needed to ask myself this question I was right in the middle of
mourning and I realized that my decision at that point was going to shape me and make a huge
impact in who the person I was going to be on the other side of this. So I realized how important
it was for me to have this goal. I want to share what I wrote for my goal of the person that I
wanted to be coming on the other side of this. I want to be brave, brave enough to face the pain
and the fears and walk right through them. I want to learn to love without holding back. In the
future I want to be able to bring comfort and truth to those who have lost a loved one and I hope
that's one of you. I want to know exactly what to say and do to be like a salve or a healing
bomb on their open wound. I want to be a great listener. I want to give them hope that there
are great things on the other side of this because God works all things together for the good of
those who love him. And I'm reminded of a song that says if you only knew what the future holds
after a hurricane comes a rainbow. So I hope that that encourages you. That's just an example of
my goal that I set for myself of who I wanted to be coming on the other side of this.
One thing that I struggled with was choosing to engage in the feelings and in the process
because it does hurt. But especially when it hurts that's when you need to engage in your
feelings and it's really easy to detach yourself or just want to watch a funny movie or something
to get your mind off of things but really what's important is engaging in those deep rooted feelings
and that's what's going to get you through. Some of you might have responsibilities,
daily responsibilities, work, etc. that you can't really get out of and that's okay.
Those are things that you have to do but in that case God will give you grace to,
He will give you grace and the time to deal with those things and help you work through that in
the way that you need to. My fifth point was that don't push people away. Definitely don't be a
recluse but invite people into what you're feeling and what you're going through and share your tears
with them because God will use people to bring healing to your heart and He'll use people,
things, places but just be open and willing to receive that and be willing to share what
you're feeling with other people because they might have something to give that you really
need to hear or that you need to receive. So I would just encourage you with that. There were
two main obstacles that I faced in going through this process of mourning. The first was because
of the physical condition that my mom was in, I wasn't able to have closure with her and that
made me angry and upset and there was just a lot of feelings that came with that but as I let God
into the process He was able to bring healing in that and I was able to let go of all that and
be myself again and be happy and joyful again and the second thing was not seeing her in her
physical state before she passed but in seeing her in her heavenly state that was really hard
for me. I didn't want to remember her as sick. I didn't want to remember her in her suffering
but I wanted to remember her in the way that she is in heaven in her perfect state and so
that was really hard for me and it seemed impossible at first. I mean both of these things
seemed impossible at first but through prayer I just asked God and He hears our prayers, He knows
the desires of our heart and He longs for us to be set free so He answered my prayer and it did
take some time but it was also through someone else, it was through my mother-in-law and something
that she had to share with me helped me to see my mom that way and now when I think of my mom,
I think of her in heaven full of joy and dancing and singing and I just see her cheering me on
so I really hope that you have the same kind of breakthrough in whatever loss or experience
you're going through and I just want to encourage you that it does get better and just give yourself
patience, give yourself time because you'll get through to the other side of this if you really
if you really have a goal and you really want to be a better person through this
it will happen and God will help you with that so thank you.
