Damn girl, we're good enough to eat.
That's too proud.
Oh boy, that's his cow.
Cow, how was the wedding?
What happened to you?
Do you believe in ghosts?
Oh, this is so cute.
Hi, and Darcy.
Thank you for coming.
You're beautiful.
Thank you.
Everything went perfectly.
Thank you.
Do you remember Marshall?
I do.
Welcome to the family.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Sean.
Steve.
Great.
Steve.
Great.
Thank you.
You're a lucky guy.
Thanks, man.
Oh, beautiful.
You are glowing.
Oh.
Because of this guy.
I guess he's starting to grow on me.
I'm so glad you came, man.
You look great.
Yeah, look at you.
No, come here.
Look at you.
You look great, bud.
Well, you know, I got an apartment that never, never lands.
Never, never lands, I'm sure.
Are you still making films?
Yeah, man, definitely.
Good for you, Calvin.
I had to give it up.
Why?
I was this close to moving to LA until I heard about Faye Dean's cousin.
Catherine Ann.
Her cousin, an aspiring actress, moved out to LA a few years back.
Got a couple good roles, cloned.
They cloned.
Sweet Catherine Ann.
Excuse me?
They're cloning people out there, bro.
It's the Illuminati teamed up with Hollywood and the cloning artists.
What?
I think the Church of Scientology might be in on it, too.
They cloned dear Catherine Ann.
Who else are they cloning out in Hollywood other than Catherine Ann?
Scarlett Johansson, Lady Gaga.
Makes sense.
John Travolta.
Also makes sense.
Guess how old John Travolta is.
56.
The real John Travolta is 103.
103.
103-year-olds don't look like that.
Jada Pinkett Smith.
Jada?
Even with that whole Oscar-so-white controversy?
No, after.
She's a new clone.
There'll be no more controversy from her.
You can bet on it.
You come stag?
Yeah, I'm here solo.
What's up?
He should meet Bula.
Bula Reese.
Bula Reese.
Bula Reese!
Bula Reese!
Bula Reese!
Bula Reese!
Bula Reese.
It's an interesting name.
Interesting.
Oh, hold on.
I think my panties just flew off.
I mean to say it's a nice name.
I like your name.
It's unique.
Not really.
It's classics of them.
I'm named after my great aunt.
My name's Bula Reese Benjamin.
And I'm feeling good.
Benjamin?
Your last name is Benjamin.
My last name.
Shut up.
Where are you from, Calvin Benjamin?
New York City.
New York City.
Is your family from New York City?
Do you have any brothers and sisters in New York City?
Three sisters, actually.
I'm the youngest.
Oh my, I bet someone was spoiled.
I don't know about that.
And are your parents New Yorkers?
Actually, they kind of grew up around there,
but my mom's from Albany and my dad's from Virginia.
Virginia?
Yes, ma'am.
And your last name's Benjamin.
That's what it says on my license.
Who knows, Calvin Benjamin?
Maybe you and I are related.
What do you mean by...
You got a car?
Yeah.
Are you sure you don't want me to drive?
Why? You don't like my driving?
No, it's just my car.
And you've had a few drinks.
I'm fine.
Besides, I know these back roads.
Black peanut butter, nose jelly.
We're just about here anyway.
Here?
This looks just like a plantation.
Are we on the plantation?
Uh-huh.
Like a bona fide antebellum plantation?
With like cotton and slaves?
Slaves, cotton, back up.
Not anymore, Calvin.
Now it's just a big piece of land with a house on it.
Uh...
What's wrong?
Nothing.
Just as long as you remember that whole memo about the 13th Amendment.
13th Amendment, that's funny.
Oh, I knew you were cool.
I mean, look, you can't blame me for what my forefathers done right.
I mean, hell.
You can't pick what family you're born into, am I right?
Yeah.
I ain't making no excuses for them.
I know slavery's wrong.
And I let them know about burning down the old slave quarters
that sat just right back there behind those trees.
That was my rebellious teenagey.
I remember when it was burning all hot and bright.
I could almost hear cheering.
Well, no secret?
Sure.
It's not that you'd know if I look at it at me,
but I am actually black.
My great-great-great-great-grandma, she was a black woman.
I won 64th African.
I even checked the black non-Hispanic box on my college application.
You should have seen the faces of the black student union when I rolled up on canvas.
Oh, priceless!
He's so damn cute.
Let's go in the big house and fuck.
Is there anyone else in the house?
Nope. Just us.
Gotcha where I want ya.
Here baby.
Hold on a second.
Wait a minute.
Just chill for a second.
You don't hear that?
Calvin, do you know how old this house is?
It creaks and cracks and boogaloo's all day and night.
That's what old houses do.
These city boys are so skittish.
Get your far enough away from the lights and the noise.
You can actually hear yourself think and you start thinking about the boogie man.
Who's the old guy in the photo?
Uh-oh.
That's my great-great-great-great-granddaddy.
Daddy is Percy's Benjamin.
He's handsome.
Yeah, in a menacing slave master kind of way.
Of course he's not as handsome as you Calvin.
Hey.
Eyes on the prize mister.
I know.
Let me give you a special.
Calvin comes marching home again.
Hurrah.
Hurrah.
We'll give him a hearty welcome then.
Hurrah.
Hurrah.
The men will tear the boys to shatter you away from nothing more.
Calvin comes marching home.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
Huh?
Uh, the bathroom.
I really need to pee.
It's down the hall to your left.
Why are you putting on your shoes?
Why are you putting on your shoes?
Oh, sensitive feet.
I have really sensitive feet.
Like, I will sometimes put my shoes on as soon as I wake up in the morning.
So, down the hall to the left?
Can't miss it.
Hey.
Huh?
Come marching right back, you're here.
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun.
Shit.
And jacket.
How's the jacket going to be hanging out here?
Pula?
Got you.
Huh?
Pula?
This is not funny.
Who's there?
You don't want to mess with me, man?
I'm from Hollis.
But you're in my house now, boy.
Pula.
Pula.
Pula.
Pula, wake up.
There's somebody in the house.
Pula.
Pula, there's somebody in the house.
So, I ran through the cotton fields, hopped in my car, and then drove north of the Mason-Dixon line.
That's the best story I've ever heard in my life.
I told you, this is my roommate.
Look at his stories.
You don't want to mess with me, man.
I'm from Hollis.
And then you jump out of the window?
Dude, that's amazing.
This is your next screenplay.
Write it, man.
I'm serious.
I don't.
Don't what?
You don't think you should write it?
Don't believe in ghosts.
Huh.
Yeah.
I don't know if I believe in ghosts either.
I mean, I've never met one before.
Met one?
Really, Noah?
What, like a party?
Casper.
This is Noah.
Noah Casper.
He's a friendly fucking ghost.
Guinness Casper.
I'm just saying I've never been haunted before.
Haunted?
Poppy, please permit me to break it down for you.
Ghost stories are just another device used by colonizers to keep us brown people in our place.
What?
First, they take our language.
Then they take our culture.
Then they lock it away in a casem brujada so that we're too afraid to take it back.
I'm sorry.
Who are you?
Oh, my bad.
This is the lovely, magnificent marina.
It's Marisol.
Oh, shit.
My bad.
My bad, mommy.
I'm bad with names.
On the real, I think it was your conscience messing with you.
I think it's on your head.
Um, I was actually there, experiencing it.
And why would my conscience be messing with me?
I mean, like, what did I do?
It's not anything you did.
It's what you know.
Listen, I studied this stuff at John Jay.
It's psychology.
Think about it.
You're on a plantation trying to get some ass from some white girl who's great, great, however
many great grandfathers was some slave master.
That's a wack situation for real.
If it were me and she were he, I'd say, listen, Poppy, you're going to have to run me up to the motel
if you want some popola from this Dominican girl.
Ooh, am I going to get some popola?
Oh, look, I heard what I heard and I saw what I saw.
The place is haunted.
Or maybe you're the one that's haunted.
Yes, Amirada.
Look, this has been fun.
I'll be right back.
Hey, Cal.
Hey, don't mind her, man.
She just really opinionated.
I met her outside. She was actually arguing with this homeless dude about the proper way to ask for change.
Charming.
Hey, so I'm unclear about one part of your story.
You jumped out the window before or after you got the pussy.
Pussy?
Yeah.
No, no, no.
No pussy.
There was blood flow going everywhere except this general area, so no pussy.
Okay, okay, okay.
Just trying to get the story straight, man.
Damn.
You really think that house was haunted?
I mean, you don't think somebody was messing with you just for like a prank or something?
Cal.
Cal.
Cal.
Cal.
Huh?
Hey, get some sleep, man.
You'll feel better in the morning.
Yeah.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh.
