You know, it came down to making a decision, do I stick with what I got, all of a sudden
just 20 years goes by and I'm turned into that bitter guy in the corner office or do
I decide to live more deliberately to follow my passions and to get after life.
In the end it was an easy decision.
For me verbalizing concrete reasons for pursuing this is not something that's easy for me
to do.
It's always seemed to be more of this thing that I had to do, something that was inside
that needed to be fulfilled or needed to be fed, I don't know how else to explain it.
When we went to Idaho, we were fresh out into the freelance world, just starting our own
gigs and we went under the guise of doing some work while we were out there.
But in the end what wound up happening is that we met some phenomenal people that all
really shared our same story, our same passion.
What we found in Idaho was this really amazing environment and these people that left such
an impact on us that it became something bigger and became this really neat story that we
had to tell.
The story is, it's bigger than you and me, right, it's bigger than the folks that we
met in Idaho.
It's bigger than the West, it's this idea of living life deliberately, of taking that
step into traffic and getting after it, you know, and there really is no, there is no
way I'm not scared here, sweet love.
Honestly, this story could have been born of just about any landscape.
The idea of leading a deliberate life is universal, it can be accomplished anywhere you're able
to put both your feet under you and take a stand.
It's fitting though that it was born in the rugged giantness of the West.
Think about the explorers, the people who took it upon themselves to head for the hills
and the woods and see what's over that mountain or beyond that river, to know the unknown.
There's definitely a parallel between the frontier guttsiness that discovered this country
and the decisions the five of us have made.
For each of us, those decisions were inspired by our love for fly fishing and the natural
world, the importance and value of which were introduced to us by family as passionate
about the outdoors as we are now, but that we have come to understand in our own ways
and in our own time.
I basically grew up fishing on this river.
I went fishing rowing, fishing when I was about eight with my grandfather, and of course
I fished with my dad.
He's the one who really taught me how to fish, but when it comes to the South Fork, it was
all about getting in the boat, it was about getting our chores done quickly so we could
talk grandpa into rowing us down the river or us rowing him down or whatever.
But that was years and years ago, you know, that was before all the modern jet boats and
drift boats, I mean that was 30 years ago.
The trick was if you could, if you were brave enough to last in the boat long enough while
the woods swelled shut.
So it leaked like a sieve until the woods swelled shut and so that was always the draw of fly
fishing, is those memories, those experiences with people, friends, family.
There's a silence deep in a desert dry, there's a vast and a space, oh so empty.
When you speak a word and you shake those skies, in a sound you can fill all the sleeping
world beginning.
We grew up in a central California in the San Francisco Bay Area, my dad was one of those
guys, he did whatever he had to do to make a living, you know, and it took living in
the San Francisco Bay Area where there is no fishing for trout or anything like that.
He did it, but man, he would save and scrimp and he would never, you know, he'd take, use
his vacation days and sick days, man, and we would beat feet to like places like Yosemite
or up to the Smith River for, for like steelhead or trout, but that was his, that was living
for us, man, the camping trip, but one week, you know, a year.
I hated it when I was young because he would take me to the river and he'd like put your
pole down.
What?
He goes, swat this river, he goes, and then he would, we would talk about the water and
say, now look, you see the way that current seam is, he goes, you see the way that rock
sits and I used to think it was like the stupidest thing in my whole life, but I learned now,
I have a gift of being able to read water and know where fish are simply because my
dad trained me at a very early age when I was six or seven, when the, you know, hyper
kid that I am, last thing I want to do is sit and look at the river, you know, when
I know I've got fish to catch, but he made sure I understood the river, he made sure
that I understood the bugs, even though we were throwing, uh, Panther Martins and rooster
tails and worms, um, because he grew up fishing for steelhead, but in Northern California,
and it's like the tragedy of the late, of the seventies is the fact that fishery disappeared
and died and it was like the biggest heartbreak of, of, of the older fishermen in our family
was the fact that they could no longer fish for steelhead and that they gave up on them,
you know, I'm still got my grandfather's old bamboo fly rod that he used for steelhead.
You know, I had been wanting to fly fish for ever since I was a little girl and we really
couldn't afford any fly rods, but I always, I always admired all the fly fishermen and
I worked really hard to fish with my salmon egg and my meps number two and, um, you know,
I was in my early twenties and somebody had kind of teased me once when they asked me
what kind of fisherman I was and I said that I used salmon eggs and meps and, and, uh,
that person said, well, let me know when you want to be a real fisherman and I said, what
does that mean?
And I said, you know, try fly fishing and that kind of, uh, bugged me for a really long time
and so I finally saved up the money and I bought the very best that I could at the time
which to me felt like a million dollars.
Promptly went down to a river and started casting and flinging my fly and I had no idea
what I was doing.
I didn't have any instructions.
I didn't read any instructions and, and honestly from that point I just, I taught myself everything
that I do, um, to this day I really can't name any of the casts or any of the technical
jargon.
I mean, I self taught.
I just, I went fishing by myself and I didn't give up and I kept practicing and I kept fishing
and figured out, you know, what worked for me.
It didn't matter if I had expensive gear.
I had my cheap gear and a couple of flies and I was able to get out and just absolutely
enjoy myself and go into that silent time and I, I fly fished for, for a lot of years,
over 10 years, primarily by myself, just, you know, that was my escape from the noise
of the city and work and, and family and friends and they just all know that that's my one
thing that, um, was, I go out and get centered and grounded and, and feel at peace with the
world and cause it's just, it's kind of impossible to feel bad out on the river.
I grew up in an outdoor home, you know, I grew up hunting, fishing, my dad bow hunted
and gun hunted.
He taught me how to fish and it was all traditional tackle.
So I grew up spin, spin casting from bass, throwing Rapalas and daredevil spoons and
stuff like that.
And I used to spend summers, I'd, I'd pretty much just ride my 10 speed, my tackle box
and, and fishing pole and I'd head, head down and, and I'd spend summers all day, go first
thing in the morning, you know, just about sun up and I had my routine.
I go to the four or five different spots and stop IDs, donuts, I had a time to get a donut
and my paper out, money and all that good stuff and, and I just go fish all day and
I just like this, I'd be in shorts and a t-shirt and I'd just be gone, you know, and, and then
as I got older, other stuff started to creep in on, on that, that priority, that love,
that passion, you know, and life just sort of sneaks in and by the time that I graduated,
I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.
So I wound up enlisting in the service actually while I was still a senior in high school.
I had to get my mom's permission and that, that in itself is, is funny because I actually
had to admit to smoking pot that didn't go over well with my mom so, but she still signed
off on it so I could enlist.
Years later, I learned how to fly fish.
We were living in Virginia and man, I got to tell you, my dad and I went, both learned
how to fly cast together and it was like all of a sudden, all of a sudden just like heaven
opened up.
It was, it was amazing.
I, it, all the, all the time that I spent on the water as a kid, everything about bass
fishing and, and just all the, the, the love that I had for the outdoors, all of a sudden
just, it was like, oh, you know, and, and I spent like the next nine months, I spent
at least an hour every day on the water, just casting, catching, paying fish and bass and
whatever.
It didn't matter.
Whatever was swimming.
I just fished for whatever was swimming and I still do today.
I, I, it doesn't matter what's on the other end of the line.
It doesn't matter what it is that I'm targeting.
It's just being outside and it taught me so much about, about being outside and appreciating
where I am and what I have.
Oh my goodness.
What are you holding that?
Beautiful.
Holy smokes.
Look at the spots on here.
Congratulations.
It's on your midge.
On the Miracle Midge.
It is.
The, or the other way to call it, the confidence, the lie, the revenge special.
You know, way back when I was a young teen, I really developed a love for the outdoors
and you know, for all things hunting and fishing, that was, you know, where I was, I was taught
these great things by my uncle and my, my grandfather and they just instilled this really
wonderful, wonderful tradition in me and that's something that has really become part of my
core and my foundation over the years and, and something that I'm just so immensely
passionate about and my ultimate happiness comes when I'm able to combine this photography
career that I'm just so excited about with these other things, these, these, you know,
hunting and fishing environments.
Really anything outdoors.
I mean, all three of those things are just really vehicles to get me out in the wild
or out in the outdoor environment.
You don't know how this came to be.
What's going on?
It's a funny thing, life.
We're brought up to be responsible, to get a job, pay taxes, settle into a routine and
be a productive member of society.
But in doing so, we lose sight of what's important, family, health, passions, pastimes.
We pick our heads up and suddenly realize that 20 years of our lives have simply passed
us by.
There's a big difference between the blood, sweat, and tears given in celebration of the
time, possibilities, and life we have, and the same blood, sweat, and tears shed trying
to simply hang on.
You hit what, 18, 19, 20, and you think you need all of the things, the houses, and the
job, and the money, and all of that, and I kind of actually got away from the outboard
just a little bit for a while, and I was working a job, 9 to 5 kind of deal salary, and it
hit me later in my 20s that I was absolutely working for work and praying for the weekend
to come, and by the time the weekend came, I'd have to catch up on all of the things
I couldn't do during the week, and chores, and this and that, and kids' life.
I think at some point in time I decided, and it actually was on a work line basis, I realized
that in that kind of job atmosphere, I could work as hard as my heart and soul could, the
best employee in the whole wide world, and my paycheck would still be the same every
two weeks, or I could slack off and still get the same paycheck in two weeks, and I
just really felt, I started to feel absolutely suffocated.
I grew up in the mountains, and I was the kid when they were 8 years old that said,
packed the little lunch in the morning at 5am, and said, buy mom and dad, and I went
up the mountain, and I was gone until dark, and I just started feeling absolutely suffocated
with everything.
I was raised in the culture of late 70s, 80s, and San Francisco Bay Area.
Growing up there was no culture of just saying no, you know, and everybody wanted, and it
was a party, everybody just wanted a party.
My grandparents were alcoholics on both sides of my family, but my mom and dad weren't, and
there's a reason for that.
They didn't participate because they sought first hand, so I was insulated from it for
my whole life.
I didn't understand what an alcoholic was, so I never knew how bad drinking could get
until it got too bad for me.
I was so busy drinking, and Booze and I was like, I got turned on to a bartender's job,
and that was it, man.
I found my calling.
I'm just going to drink, and became a professional alcoholic, and I based my life on it, and
it got to the point where it was out of control, and I couldn't do it anymore.
I couldn't fish, and I was living in Humboldt County on rivers like the Smith, the Klamath,
and the Trinity.
Classic steelhead waters, full of trout, tons of fish, and I couldn't fish.
It got to the point where St. Patrick's Day of 2001, I just was like done, you know?
I rolled out of bed, and I got on my knees, and I asked God, please help me.
I can't do this.
A few years ago, I had gone through what for me at the time was a pretty devastating break
up of what had been a really nice relationship, and it took me more than a year and a half
really to get to a point where I felt like I could start to move beyond it, and you know,
I felt like starting to date again and get back out there.
I just, I can remember waking up one morning and realizing that something was different
that day.
Just in the way I felt, I didn't have that sick pit in my stomach that I had had for
so long, and it was really refreshing and great to feel like, all right, this is the
day that I can finally start getting my feet back under me and head forward.
About a week and a half after that point, I got laid off from my job of 12 years, and
I'm like, man, you know, give a guy a break here, what can I, you know, it's just ridiculous.
It was pretty, you know, it was out of the blue, and again, just very devastating.
I felt like I'd just started to get out of this hole that I was in, and all of a sudden
I get, you know, kind of shoved back down in and have to start all over again.
And I'm, you know, left with all these questions about how to move forward and, you know, what's
next.
And as devastating as it was to me, I think even from the first day, there was something
in the back of my mind that was telling me that this is a real catalyst to get me to
move forward down the road that I dreamed of being on for a lot of years.
I think not everybody is fortunate to really do what they love from a career standpoint.
I mean, I think people go to school or they start out down a career path and they think,
yeah, this would be really great.
And it turns out to be something entirely different than what we anticipate.
And that happens.
I think the key, at least for me, was to say, you know what, I'm not happy.
I don't love what I do.
I can tolerate it, but I don't love what I do.
And, you know, do you continue to deal with negativity and struggle and all of those
things that don't really make you happy?
Or do you pull the plug, take the plunge and really dive in and follow your passion?
If you're truly going to be happy, you have to make that decision.
Even having found fly fishing, I still threw myself into work.
And, again, I just sort of lost sight of what it is that's important.
And I worked myself into a state where, I mean, well, I was depressed.
I mean, there were several times that I'm driving home from work at eight or nine o'clock
at night.
I mean, I can think of one time in particular, I'm just like, man, I wonder if anybody had,
you know, give a shit if I drove my truck into this bridge abutment, you know?
And that's no way to live, that's no way to live.
There comes a time in all of our lives when we let ourselves dream about living life on
our own terms, when we wrestle with the decision to take a step into traffic, follow our own
passions and live deliberately, or simply let another day and daydream pass.
Sometimes we have the guts to make that decision of our own accord.
Sometimes life makes it for us, and we find the wherewithal to gather the pieces, cobble
something together and run on.
Either way, we owe it to ourselves to get our feet under us and take that stand.
We're all made of tougher stuff than we think.
I just keep designing my life around what's most important to me and coming outside and
living a life that I get to come over here and tune in with the river and tune in with
outdoors.
It's important to me.
If I don't get away and do those things, I'm a very sad person.
I mean, I don't, you know, it doesn't have to, it can be fly fishing, hiking, it can be
somebody who loves to cook or garden.
That's where they can leave those stresses of life behind them.
That's what people need to do.
They need to find that something that makes them happy where they can kind of shed that
burden and that worries and stresses of life and go find that clarity in a good place.
Happiness does not come to you.
You have to create your own happiness.
Nobody owes you a happy life.
I'm wildly fortunate to be able to do things like this, but more importantly, I'm wildly
fortunate to be able to be as big a part in my kid's life and to be able to spend the
time with them that they need and that, quite honestly, that I need.
Being deliberate about how you live, having a focus, making the time and keeping those
priorities straight, it's not going to be easy, but you're not, you can't go wrong.
It's been 11 years now that I've been clean and sober.
About my first year into my sobriety, I had a sage individual give me some advice.
He said, your spiritual program seems intact and you're doing a lot of good service work
here, but you need to find something that you lost, something that the drinking took,
something that you were passionate about.
So thinking back and recollecting, I remembered the days of fishing with my dad and up on
there, I remembered it and decided then and there that I would start fishing again.
And then one day, was on the river in Northern California, soak and bait, worms and eggs,
just like I used to, and saw a guy fly fishing, he was catching fish and I wasn't.
I packed up my rod that day, that was it.
I went down, bought a fly rod and the rest is kind of history.
Almost, a couple years later, I got involved with a fly fishing club and started tying
flies and the rest is history.
You know, I mean, for me, it's my passion.
I've told my wife many times, you don't have to worry about me cheating.
My mistress is the river.
There's nothing like the magic hour about an hour before sunset, it's when God has
made the river come alive and it's almost like an encore from a great concert and the
orchestra tunes up and it's on.
It's a personal connection, it's the memories with your kids.
It's the memories with my father and grandfather and family outings and all of that.
I think as life swallows us up, you know, you have to pull back and for me that release
is the river, it's where I came from.
How do you want to live your next 40 years?
Are you going to sit around and be, you know, kind of passive in your approach to life or
are you going to play a more active role, a more decisive role and, you know, really
kind of define who you are and define your path and really get after and pursue these
passions that you've been dreaming about for so many years and, I mean, to be finally
approaching things with that in mind is, it just feels so, I guess, empowering and strengthening.
It's just a wonderful energy that comes from that sort of process.
This is not a story about fishing, not entirely and it's not a story about leaving your job
or sticking it to the man.
It's about paying a little more attention to what's important in life and hopefully
a little less to what's not.
Life is just too damn short to not get after what you're passionate about.
To live with the realization that you're simply accepting the norm instead of doing something
extraordinary, however small or large that may be.
Life is just too damn short to not get after what you've been dreaming about for so many
years.
Life is just too damn short to not get after what you've been dreaming about for so many
years and it's just too damn short to not get after what you've been dreaming about for
so many years and it's just too damn short to not get after what you've been dreaming
