Ladies and gentlemen, I had the privilege of working with this next roaster on a film
called Dooley Noted. A film so bad even Brendan Fraser said there's no fucking way
I'm doing it. Written and directed by your next performer. Your next performer.
I love you Buster, I truly do. Well, you might have seen your next performer in
Karrie Town asking you for change. Please welcome to stage Buster Bridges.
Alright, so raise your hand if you have a drink. Okay, raise your hand if you don't have a drink.
Okay, I know. Yeah, keep it up. Now put it down if you don't want a drink. Okay,
this is the opt-in time to go get a drink because according to the shadow on
Magnolia's lip, it's a happy hour.
God, if her boobs is only the size of her dick, I would be on that like Wiley and Bryce David.
Okay, so let's see, or do I have anything really else to say about anybody else that
hasn't already been said five times? No. So, ladies and gentlemen, I've got to tell
you, I got my start at Boom Boom Basics under the tutelage of Deanna Danger and
before that, I was actually working full-time as a performer for a children's
theater. I'm so not lying. Touring with a show about sex abuse, 4k through 5.
That's prettier than you. Yeah, I know, that was actually a little shocking for me too.
I didn't have a joke for that one. But after I got started with Deanna Danger's
Boom Boom Basics, I learned a lot about burlesque. But also, I have a few things
to say about it as well. I really appreciate Deanna. I really appreciate
your business savvy. You have turned a community that makes a grand total of
maybe $1,200 a month and you've made a way to find $900 of it all to yourself.
Congratulations. Absolutely. But there is a couple of critiques I have and
actually the one critique I'm going to need, I'm going to need to help from an
audience member. So can someone help me? You're fabulous, you have big tits, but I
actually need someone who has no tits. So Deanna, could you come up here and help me for a second?
Ladies and gentlemen, this woman who started out her career as the Titlis
debutante of Taboo on Broad Street has become the sparkly woman barely
standing before you at this girl's moment. And it is all because she went to
Virginia Tech. That's the joke. And learned business. That's the other joke.
All right. So, but the one thing I have to say is that I just don't quite get and
that is the way that you design your posters. It's not quite how I would do
it. Let me show you a couple examples. Can I show you a couple examples, ladies and
gentlemen? So, specifically, I'm going to show you posters from Burlesque at the
Bird because it's actually one of my personal favorite shows to be a part of.
I am the stage manager, on occasion, and I am a goofball most of the time.
Nothing. Okay, so here is the first Burlesque at the Bird show. If you see it,
do you know what's on it? Do you see it? It's Deanna Danger. And if we count really
quickly, we see Deanna Danger's name on this poster, including Boogoon Basics,
which is apparently her second name, six times. But this show may or may not
feature other performers. We have no clue because it's really actually about Deanna.
Danger. And what I need to Deanna's help for is, I don't want her to be a billboard.
Which, ironically enough, this billboard will be seen by more people than who she
puts up posters for in Carrytown. Or who any of us put up posters for in Carrytown.
Let's bottom line that real quick. Because between, like, the Bike Film Festival, the
12th Burlesque shows a week, and maybe your home yoga bullshit, who the fuck is
really going to see this poster? So now we see the first poster of Burlesque at the
Bird. Now, let me show you the next poster. Actually, this one's not so bad,
because she is on this poster, but she also has Mark and Bitsy on this poster.
Okay? But to make up for the fact that she put other people on this poster for
once, she has now put her name on this poster seven times. And I'm too drunk to
find my tape. Okay, so now we get two examples of Burlesque at the Bird posters.
We get Deanna by herself, and Deanna featuring two other performers who we're
not quite sure who they are, because she has made her name bigger than everybody
else in the poster, seven times. So now I have a few suggestions, really, of ways
that you can make your posters more appealing to the masses, because let's
be honest, unless you've paid $60 for a Burlesque class, who the fuck really knows
who Deanna is? Put that right there. Okay, so if you want to go for more of a
whimsical look, like you see the Christmas show, going for more of your
whimsy, we're gonna go ahead and put a let's put an elephant on the poster,
right? So you see now we get a little bit more whimsy, a little bit more like
broad audience, you know, if I'm going through, I don't know, if I'm one of the
five people who go to that coffee shop in Kerrytown, I'll look and say, oh my
goodness, I like elephants, maybe I'll go check out this show, maybe not, but maybe
we would like to put a little more sex appeal, I mean, I know Deanna is a very
sexy woman, but we need to bring it to the modern audiences, we need those VCU
students who look like they're homeless, but they have a better iPhone than I do.
We want them to come to the show. So, how about this?
We're gonna put Miley Cyrus on the poster. Because Miley Cyrus, who just turned 18
last year, as I know from Brett's wordlings Facebook page, she has a nice
pair of boobs. As Boo Boo Basics. Yeah, so we have Miley Cyrus naked on a
wrecking ball, which is one of the few places Deanna Danger has not been naked
lately. So yes, we have all that there as well, but you know this is both, this is
burlesque as well, so if you want to get me the gay as fuck performer who likes
to drink, to come to your show, here's my best suggestion.
Let's cover that overly done-up face with what I really wanted a show.
So, how much are tickets for burlesque at the burn? Yeah, okay. So, okay, so let's
bogline this real quick. I already made the Brett's wordling joke, so I'm gonna
make it again. This now looks more like his bathroom wall. So, you know, Deanna,
your posters look just fine. I actually really like them. Isn't she beautiful,
ladies and gentlemen? Well, that's my time. Thank you so much for coming and
buy us drinks. You're really just a walking bar tap to us.
Give it up for Karatown, everyone.
That's fine. I love you. One more time. Buster Pritches, actually.
Actually, before we bring up the next roaster for you, I have to say a lot of
people look at Deanna and they think burlesque and they think sexy. They
think queen of entertainment. I look at Deanna and I think Lord of the Rings,
because she reminds me of Frodo Baggins. Wait, Frodo, wait, because like Frodo, you
are small, you are adorable, and you have this cranky, old, wrinkly fucking guy
following you wherever you go.
He's always walking up behind you, just wearing his underwear going,
precious. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? That's not a promise to a jump.
What the fuck is wrong with you? If there's an institution that raises money for you,
please, we will sign the check. No, you're great. You're wonderful. Please sit down
before you fall down. Anyway, the next, the next roaster for you.
