Abby, are you okay? You're having a literal tantrum.
I don't know. I just gotta get home. I just smoked so much weed. My stomach really hurts.
I think I kicked somebody in the face. It was a cardboard cutout. It's all good. I just...
This is why I can't have my own weed. It's the same thing as ice cream or like cough syrup.
I just... I just smoke so much and I go nuts like I can't have it in the house.
I mean, I have to keep bumming it off of you. It's okay, dude. It's all good. It's my pleasure.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm sending these taxes to my parents. I have to.
I'm not gonna be a tax expert overnight, you know? It's a process. We're all going through a process.
And besides, they got me $600 back last year, so...
I think they might just be sending you money. They're just sending you money.
I think you're very wrong. No, I think I'm right.
I just want to get home so I can watch my shows. You gotta take this pot. I can't even like have it...
Okay. There's a cop dog. Okay, just... Jesus, okay.
You gotta take this. Oh, no, you gotta take it. Sorry, dude. I'm stuffed to the gills.
Come on, you're a big girl. You can do it. It's just not fair. Hurry up, bitch.
Unless you're too dry, because that would hurt. That's disgusting.
You're just loving it, aren't you? Give it a few more minutes. I think you'll really start to enjoy yourself.
And once it settles in, it starts to hit different points.
I'm feeling feverish. Does it go through the bag?
So, explain to me again why you're so anti-brook.
First of all, she won't give us an alibi. Aside from that...
She's completely untrustworthy. Why?
She married an old man. She makes a living off of telling women they're too fat.
She hawks her crap on the home shopping network.
A, he's an old man with really big penis. B, she never told me I was too fat.
And C, Victoria Principal sells on that network.
And D, she's clearly hiding something.
But maybe it's not what you think. But maybe it is.
I know you're really being a butthead right now.
How do you figure?
Oh, my guys, people aren't always what they seem to be, and you refuse to see that. Have a little faith.
You might be surprised.
I can't believe you called me a butthead. Nobody's called me a butthead since the ninth grade.
Maybe not to your face.
How's it going? How's the internship?
How's the internship?
Yeah. Jesus, Mark, I quit the internship.
I told you this on the phone. Were you not listening?
I quit my first day.
I do remember you saying that. How's Christy? Christy's crazy.
Is that fun?
No, like, I mean, she's psychotic. Like, she's completely irrational, and I'm frightened of her.
Stills.
Nice to have a girlfriend.
Look, Mark, I don't want that guy representing any part of our company.
You've got to move out here, Wardo. This is where it's all happening.
Did you hear what I just said?
Yeah, the connections, the energy.
Mark?
If you don't come out here, I'm afraid you're going to get left behind.
I want... I need you out here.
Please don't tell my side.
What did you just say?
It's moving faster than any of us ever imagined, and...
What do you mean, get left behind?
I'm trying to even think...
Sean is not a part of this company.
We have over 300,000 members.
I'm aware of that.
I'm aware of that, Mark. I'm the CFO.
We need more servers than we ever imagined we'd need.
We need more programmers, and we need more money, and...
He set up a field meeting. He set up meetings all around town.
He set up other meetings.
Yes.
Without letting me know.
You're in New York.
I'm in New York writing this subway 14 hours a day to try to find this advertisers.
And how's it going so far?
What do you mean, get left behind?
We need to talk about your boyfriend situation, Paris.
Jamie?
I'm sorry, I should have clarified.
Boyfriends.
Oh, you mean a certain other fella.
Let's cut the coiness.
I want to talk about you having an affair with Professor Asher Fleming,
and stringing along poor Jamie without any concern for his feelings.
It's not an affair.
Affair, fling, relationship, teta teta, whatever you want to call it.
I'm very surprised by this.
How so?
Well, you've never wanted to talk about Asher before.
Well, I don't particularly want to talk about him now, but I'm forced to.
What's forcing you?
I just ran into Jamie.
He's wandering around, lonely, missing you, scared of losing you,
and you're sitting here watching C-Span.
Oh, nobody watches C-Span, it's just on in the background.
Okay, well, you've got to choose Paris,
because it's becoming pretty clear that this whatever you want to call it with Professor is not a short-lived thing.
Well, I'd say that's accurate, and you can just call him Asher.
No, he's my teacher, I think I'll stick with Professor.
Professor makes him sound so old.
He is old.
He's 60.
60 is what 50 was 20 years ago, and he's got the body of a 40-year-old.
Oh, I really don't want to talk about his body.
Well, I must admit, we do have kind of a May-December romance going on.
This is not May-December, this is like May-Ming dynasty.
Age differences like this are completely normal.
People dating people the same age are so passe.
My grandfather introduced you to him.
Do you see how weird this is for me?
Hot men tend to run in packs.
Do not ever say anything like that ever again.
You're such a prude, Mary.
Well, at least I'm not mean to the people who love me.
Where's your heart?
I may have mishandled the Jamie situation.
He's been so forgiving.
I've been pretty mean.
You know what?
Just talk to him.
See how it goes.
Klaus?
Klaus?
Hello? Did you not hear me?
Of course I heard you, Caroline.
The producer in the whole of Mystic Falls heard you.
I'm in no mood for company.
Well, I'm sorry you're having personal issues,
but I have a real crisis on my hands.
Elena stole my prom dress.
I went to pick it up, and the tailor said someone already did.
And when I asked who, she said she couldn't remember.
Hello? The verrain is out of the town water supply.
She was compelled.
It is not funny.
No, I know.
Then stop laughing.
Look, I know prom is not important to you,
but it's important to me.
Well, surely with your substantial vampire capabilities,
acquiring a new dress is not a problem.
Oh, but I don't want just any dress.
I want to look hot,
like Princess Grace of Monaco Hot.
So, could you please go back
into your creepy trophy case of family collectibles
and pull me out something of royal caliber?
She's gone, but she's everywhere.
I can't believe it's been three years.
My parents had the fields over for a queue last weekend.
It was almost painful hanging out with Emily.
I mean, I still like her, but we just don't connect anymore.
It's weird how we all used to be so close and...
No, not so much.
Do you remember what Allison said to us that night
about all of us, our secrets being bonded together forever?
I think it was the opposite.
What's the occasion?
Dinner in the city with the fam.
We're meeting Melissa's fiance.
He did myth perfect, fine Mr. Perfect.
He's a med student.
Everyone's thrilled.
Uh, and that's not the right top.
You need to turn heads.
Melissa, please.
We need to go sexy, low cut.
Trust me, heads will turn,
and if there's a man named Dick in the room,
he'll be standing at attention.
Hannah, you're incorrigible.
Thank you.
