I was 16 years old, the year was 1981.
I had cut first period in high school so that I could go to be tested.
And I remember the day I got the diagnosis back.
I remember the doctor telling me I wouldn't, I wouldn't survive the 10th grade, the remainder
of the 10th grade.
I was like, look, you're going to die in six months, you know, make amends to your family
and dump whoever it is, you know, that you've been seeing.
And that was it.
You know, and I remember that long walk home, it was raining that day.
And I think I cried until I got home.
The day I was diagnosed, I was giving my daughter a birthday party and I wind up getting rushed
to the emergency room.
In the beginning, I was suicidal.
The person that tested me came in and asked me what would happen if I was positive, and
she was the told me I was positive.
And I told her in the first building I could get to, I'm going to jump off.
I remember going to take my test and they told me, if we call you, that means we found
something.
Everything changed the way I viewed life, my attitude.
I remember the fear and the sorrow and, and trying to think of how I was going to explain
to those around me, you know, what, about the news that I had just been given.
I was diagnosed with cancer and AIDS, and I just gave birth to a child that tested positive.
I felt real empty.
At first, I was taking myself out of society because I didn't want to deal.
Secondly, I had to understand that being HIV positive wasn't going to be a downfall
in my life.
I stopped running the streets.
I get more rest, and I stopped using street drugs.
I was now more interested in how I was going to live my life as a person with HIV.
I had become a child of God, and I'd let all things pass behind me just go.
A sense of loneliness and regret and remorse and thinking about the things that I was
going to miss being 16 years old, no prom, no graduation, no nothing, you know, this
was going to be it.
I didn't like it.
I wanted to recover because I was dealing with issues with AIDS, cancer, and my son
being sick, so I needed another harm reduction to go to where I felt like that I really fit
in and that I'm going to make a change or make a difference with the people that stand.
Wow, it's different now than 30 years ago.
Possibly everything.
When I first diagnosed, I didn't know that they had all this stuff out here, and that
was what made me suicidal because I didn't think it was real help out here.
There were no support groups to go to.
There were no management classes.
There was no nutritional training.
There was no physical therapy.
There was none of the services that were available now.
Now there's a lot more medications, a lot more support groups, and a lot more people
who are educated about HIV.
When I was first diagnosed, it was a death sentence, and you were alone and you had to
deal with it.
It was a huge stigma attached to it.
Number one, you were automatically a sexual deviant.
You were pervert, you were homosexual, you were doing this, you were doing that, screwing
cats, dogs, monkeys.
You name it, they threw it in the pot to say why and how you got this affliction.
It was something that you had to deal with.
You had family members that wouldn't sit at the same dinner table with you.
Friends that you'd known for ages since you grew up, the phone would stop ringing.
So a way to protect yourself and to go ahead and live a normal life was to hold it in.
I used to come down the block every day, and I used to speak to one of the clients here.
She was real sick at the time, and we used to talk.
She said, the cumbler, nor you would like it, will help you educate yourself.
And that's all I got here.
Iris referred to Bronx Works from my last counselor at the South Jersey AIDS Alliance
out of Atlantic City, New Jersey, and it was very supportive.
One of my peers came to the SRO, was one of the employees from here, and explained the
program.
But what they explained different to me, it was a smaller group, and it was more intimate
than what I had been in previously.
A friend of mine was talking to me about me.
She kept pushing me that I need to get out the house, I need to do something.
And I was like, there's nothing to do, and she just said, Bronx work, Bronx work, Bronx
work.
And I just said, OK, I will get a shot.
It was a beautiful place.
I felt the atmosphere was real safe.
I felt that this was the place that I needed to be at.
I'm recently moving back to the Bronx after Atlantic City, and I'm one of the big differences
that I've noticed since I've moved here and upon speaking with you at Ms. Winters, is
that there are so many other services that Bronx work and the state of New York itself
provide that are more so than what's available in New Jersey and Atlantic City and what I'm
accustomed to, that I look forward to going through the list to see what other services
I can utilize.
As a client here at Bronx Works, I'm in receive services in nutrition, housing, supportive
service.
Housing, supportive services, family togetherness, harm reduction, nutrition program.
I receive family together program, and I receive supportive service program.
Without the services that I was receiving from them, I probably would have run them back
in the streets and used the street dogs all over again, or I'd have probably been six
feet under or incarcerated.
If I didn't have Bronx Works is something that I'd rather not think about.
I'd probably be in some SRO with some of my using friends, probably using all day, looking
for the next one, not doing anything constructive.
I'm not going to lie, I would be isolating, I would be depressed, I would be sitting at
home in the dark, being very depressed, because they lack funds around here, they lack education
around here with AIDS and HIV, but I'm grateful that Bronx Works is here because it helps
me and is also a stepping stone, so God forbid something happened to me, my son can come
to me and say my mother passed away, I need some help, that's why I came here.
They had a young lady that was there named Adele, and she, me and her used to be talk
on one-on-ones a lot, and she used to tell me that I'd be a good candidate for peer education,
and so I took it, and I'm glad it will probably be a peer educator on June 2nd on my graduation
day.
After having the services in Bronx Works, I'm becoming a productive member of the society,
I'm entering the job market and the school, college, my second year college.
Every day is a gift that I don't take for granted, I try to learn something new every
day, I try to meet someone new every day, I'm going to beat this thing, there's no stamp
on my hand or anywhere on my body that has an expiration date.
I'm in a very good place mentally and spiritually and physically, I learn how to eat right, I
learn how to control my emotions, I learn how to reduce the use of drugs, and I feel
really good about myself and where I'm going.
Bronx Works staff has a hard of goal because of the work they do, the people that they
see, and the stuff that they have to take in and still come the next day with a clear
head, mostly they'll focus on making sure their clients receive the help that they need
to get, so if anybody's out there looking for a place, Bronx Works is the place.
I love coming here every day, I come every day, I think I got 10 certificates already
coming here, just doing the maintenance, just doing the hard reduction program, dealing
with the housing, and it makes me the better person of who I am today because I was a very
angry person in this process, but today I'm not angry, I just embrace all the negative
and I turn it into a positive to make me the better person that I am today, living with
AIDS, and I love who I am today and I like who I am today.
A lot of people in this process don't have hope, and I'm trying to show them there is
hope, everybody's going to die, but then I fight because I'm a fighter.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
