It's Friday morning. You'll listen to Triple J, Tom Ballard here with you. Looks like it
could be the last ever Friday morning. Looks like the world's going to be finishing up
pretty soon, coming to an end. Love to know if you're spending your final hours. So just
text into the show 0-4-3-9-7-5-7-5-5 now. Fuck it, here's some nickel back.
Oh, Ben Dyke, you're just quiet down on the screaming.
Quiet down, somebody shot me. You shot you. Where'd you get the gun? If you go into an
apocalypse without a gun, you're a fucking idiot. Yeah, let's us know. I really think it's too
early to be calling this the apocalypse. I saw people getting lifted up to the sky.
They're using magnets to lift people up to the sky. Okay, let me tell you a secret.
Ben's usually very high. I've also lost a lot of blood. He's also lost a lot of blood.
Look, I'll prove it. Pull over, Frank, pull over. Don't pull the car over, Frank. Pull the car over, Frank!
Look, look at that guy. Rise. Rise! Rise!
Can we just take him to a hospital? No, we are going to a church. Yeah, about that, Frank.
Everyone, I don't think we should be jumping to any sort of conclusion about what this is.
Guys, we have got to face facts. This is the Rapture. Well, like, Rapture. Am I right?
Believers all ascend to heaven, leaving the non-believers to face seven years of tribulation.
This is the end of the world. Or, and I'm just saying this, it could be something, anything else.
I'm starting to feel really sorry. Frank, will you just take him to the hospital? Oh, hey, can I film it?
No, man, no vlogs. We need to repent. We need to ask God for forgiveness to join this ascension.
Or ask a doctor for some medical attention. If I repent, can we please go to the fucking hospital?
Hello, Father. I haven't done the Lord's Prayer. I'm sorry, God. I'm sorry.
Church? Yeah, church.
Well, we're here. I'd like to assume there's some kind of grand plan. Yeah. Well, how come we're not all floating away?
Well, obviously some of us haven't repented our sins yet. But you have, so why aren't you meaning?
I don't know. Unless, wait, what, what if, what if maybe I'm your shepherd? Think about it.
I mean, I'm one heck of an activist for Jesus. So, so, so what, what if God has sent me to, to, to shepherd my sheep in a herd of, of belief?
Jesus Christ. Come on, then. Get shippening in that. Okay. Um, well, the sheep scatter. Now, sheep flock away and go find a Bible.
Oh, I'm being taken up. I'm being taken up. I'm, I'm, uh, it's just a magic trick. Just a, no, it's, it's, it's an illusion.
So you just put one foot up like David Blaine. So that's where that's from. World class magician. Not a big deal.
Those who have flattened noses or are blind or lame cannot go to the altar of the Lord. I don't have any of those.
I'm fine. I've been chosen. I'm going to live.
Not without me, though. See you in hell.
Heaven, darling.
See you in heaven.
I don't believe it.
I'm a fallen shepherd. As I've made mistakes in my life, man, I'm a good Christian. I'm a good person.
Well, you are a good person. You know, you should hold on to that. You know, you backed the wrong horse, but I'm silly, so I guess we both did in a way.
I mean, at least my ideology was based on some kind of empirical fact. But, uh, you know, it doesn't really seem to count for much now.
Listen, um, how about we stop this whining and trying, you know, get up to some whining? I don't know if Christians allow puns, but...
We don't.
I just don't know what else I could have done.
Yeah, I never swear. I'm nice to people. I'm nice to people. I'm always nice to people.
Yeah, yeah.
No, I spend most of my money on charities. I'm always praying. I'm always praying. And I've confessed for that whole thing with the goat.
What?
Okay, well, it just kind of sounds like you're beating yourself up over a lot of things, you know, and you can't do that.
I can't let this stuff get you down. I mean, it's been all day confessing our sins to one another, but ultimately, what difference is that going to make?
You know, there isn't one big cleansing ritual. You can't just stand up and say, I'm sorry, God, and that everything's going to be okay.
Oh, get fucked.
Fucking knew it.
Fuck.
