Dramatis Personae 
 
 MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus. 
 MENAECHMUS SOSICLES, his twin-brother. 
 PENICULUS, a Parasite. 
 MESSENIO, the servant of Menaechmus Sosicles. 
 CYLINDRUS, a Cook. 
 AN OLD MAN, father-in-law of Menaechmus Sosicles. 
 A DOCTOR. 
 THE WIFE OF MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus. 
 EROTIUM, a Courtesan. 
 MAID-SERVANT of Erotium.

(Scene— Epidamnus , a city of Illyricum . The house of MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus is on one side of the street, and that of EROTIUM on the other.)

THE SUBJECT.
 MOSCHUS, a merchant of Syracuse , had two twin sons who exactly resembled each other. One of these, whose name was Menaechmus, when a child, accompanied his father to Tarentum , at which place he was stolen and carried away to Epidamnus , where in course of time he has married a wealthy wife. Disagreements, however, arising with her, he forms an acquaintance with the Courtesan Erotium, and is in the habit of presenting her with clothes and jewels which he pilfers from his wife. The original name of the other twin-brother was Sosicles, but on the loss of Menaechmus, the latter name has been substituted by their grandfather for Sosicles, in remembrance of the lost child. Menaechmus Sosicles, on growing to manhood, determines to seek his lost brother. Having wandered for six years, lie arrives at Epidamnus , attended by his servant, Messenio. In consequence of his resemblance to his brother, many curious and laughable mistakes happen between him and the Courtesan Erotium, the wife of Menaechmus of Epidamnus , the Cook Cylindrus, the Parasite Peniculus, the father-in-law of Menaechmus of Epidamnus , and lastly Messenio himself. At length, through the agency of the latter, the brothers recognize each other; on which Messenio receives his liberty, and Menaechmus of Epidamnus resolves to make sale of his possessions and to return to Syracuse , his native place.

A SICILIAN merchant ( Mercator ) who had two sons, on one being stolen from him ( Ei ), ended his life. As a name ( Nomen ) for him who is at home, his paternal grandfather ( Avus ) gives him that of Menaechmus instead of Sosicles. And ( Et ) he, as soon as he is grown up, goes to seek his brother about ( Circum ) all countries. At last he comes to Epidamnus ; hither ( Huc ) the one that was stoien has been carried. All think that the stranger, Menaechmus ( Menaechmum ), is their fellow-citizen, and address him ( Eum ) as such: Courtesan, wife, and father-in-law. There ( Ibi ) at last the brothers mutually recognize each other.

In the first place now, Spectators, at the commencement, do I wish health and happiness to myself and to you. I bring you Plautus, with my tongue, not with my hand: I beg that you will receive him with favouring ears.

Now learn the argument, and give your attention; in as few words as possible will I be brief.

And, in fact, this subject is a Greek one; still, it is not an Attic , but a Sicilian one.

But in their Comedies the poets do this; they feign that all the business takes place at Athens , in order that it may appear the more Grecian to you.

I will not tell you that this matter happened anywhere except where it is said to have happened.

This has been my preface to the subject of this play. Now will I give the subject, meted out to you,

not in a measure, nor yet in a threefold measure , but in the granary itself; so great is my heartiness in telling you the plot.

There was a certain aged man, a merchant at Syracuse ; to him two sons were born, twins, children so like in appearance that their own foster-mother ,

who gave the breast, was not able to distinguish them, nor even the mother herself who had given them birth; as a person, indeed, informed me who had seen the children; I never saw them, let no one of you fancy so. After the children were now seven years old, the father

freighted a large ship with much merchandize. The father put one of the twins on board the ship, and took him away, together with himself, to traffic at Tarentum ; the other one he left with his mother at home. By accident, there were games at Tarentum when he came there:

many persons, as generally happens at the games, had met together; the child strayed away there from his father among the people. A certain merchant of Epidamnus was there; he picked up the child, and carried it away to Epidamnus . But its father, after he had lost the child,

took it heavily to heart, and through grief at it he died a few days after at Tarentum . Now, after news reached the grandfather of the children at home about this matter, how that one of the children had been stolen,

the grandfather changed the name of that other twin. So much did he love that one which had been stolen, that he gave his name to the one that was at home. That you may not mistake hereafter, I tell you then this beforehand; the name of both the twin-brothers is the same. He gave the same name of Menaechmus to this one as the other had; and by the same name the grandfather himself was called.

I remember his name the more easily for the reason that I saw him cried with much noise .

Now must I speed back on foot to Epidamnus ,

that I may exactly disclose this matter to you. If any one of you wishes anything to be transacted for him at Epidamnus , command me boldly and speak out; but on these terms, that he give me the means by which it may be transacted for him. For unless a person gives the money, he will be mistaken;

(in a lower tone) except that he who does give it will be very much more mistaken . But I have returned to that place whence I set forth, and yet I am standing in the self-same spot. This person of Epidamnus, whom I mentioned just now, that stole that other twin child, had no children, except his wealth.

He adopted as his son the child so carried off, and gave him a well-portioned wife, and made him his heir when he himself died. For as, by chance, he was going into the country, when it had rained heavily, entering, not far from the city, a rapid stream,

in its rapidity it threw the ravisher of the child off his legs; and hurried the man away to great and grievous destruction. And so a very large fortune fell to that youth. Here (pointing to the house) does the stolen twin now dwell. Now that twin, who dwells at Syracuse ,

has come this day to Epidamnus with his servant to make enquiry for this own twin-brother of his. This is the city of Epidamnus while this play is acting; when another shall be acted, it will become another town; just as our companies, too, are wont to be shifted about.

The same person now acts the procurer, now the youth, now the old man, the pauper, the beggar, the king, the parasite, the soothsayer

The young men have given me the name of Peniculus , for this reason, because when I eat, I wipe the tables clean. The persons who bind captives with chains,

and who put fetters upon runaway slaves, act very foolishly, in my opinion at least. For if bad usage is added to his misfortune for a wretched man, the greater is his inclination to run away and to do amiss. For by some means or other do they release themselves from the chains;

while thus fettered, they either wear away a link with a file, or else with a stone they knock out the nail; ’tis a mere trifle this. He whom you wish to keep securely that he may not run away, with meat and with drink ought he to be chained; do you bind down the mouth of a man to a full table.

So long as you give him what to eat and what to drink at his own pleasure in abundance every day, i’ faith he’ll never run away, even if he has committed an offence that’s capital; easily will you secure him so long as you shall bind him with such chains. So very supple are these chains of food,

the more you stretch them so much the more tightly do they bind. But now I’m going directly to Menaechmus; whither for this long time I have been sentenced, thither of my own accord I am going, that he may enchain me. For, by my troth, this man does not nourish persons, but he quite rears and reinvigorates them; no one administers medicine more agreably.

Such is this young man; himself with a very well-stocked larder, he gives dinners fit for Ceres ; so does he heap the tables up, and piles so vast of dishes does he arrange, you must stand on your couch if you wish for anything at the top. But I have now had an interval these many days,

while I’ve been lording it at home all along together with my dear ones ;—for nothing do I eat or purchase but what it is most dear. But inasmuch as dear ones, when they are provided, are in the habit of forsaking us, I am now paying him a visit. But his door is opening; and see, I perceive Menaechmus himself; he is coming out of doors.

Unless you were worthless, unless you were foolish, unless you were stark wild and an idiot, that which you see is disagreable to your husband, you would deem to be so to yourself as well. Moreover, if after this day you do any such thing to me, I’ll force you, a divorced woman, turned out of my doors to go visit your father. For as often as I wish to go out of the house, you are detaining me, calling me back, asking me questions;

whither I am going, what matter I am about, what business I am transacting, what I am wanting, what I am bringing, what I have been doing out of doors? I’ve surely brought home a custom-house officer as my wife; so much am I obliged to disclose all my business, whatever I have done and am doing. I’ve had you hitherto indulged too much. Now, therefore, I’ll tell you how I am about to act.

Since I find you handsomely in maids, provisions, wool, gold trinkets, garments, and purple, and you are wanting in nought, you’ll beware of a mischief if you’re wise; you’ll leave off watching your husband. (In a lower voice.) And therefore, that you mayn’t be watching me in vain, for your pains I shall find me a mistress to-day, and invite her to dinner somewhere out of doors.

This fellow pretends that he’s upbraiding his wife, but he’s addressing myself; for if he does dine out of doors, he really is punishing me, not his wife.

Hurra! I’ troth, by my taunts I’ve driven my wife from the door at last. Where now are your intriguing husbands? Why do they hesitate, all returning thanks, to bring presents to me who have fought so gallantly?

This mantle of my wife’s (taking it from under his cloak) I’ve just now stolen from in-doors, and I’m taking it to my mistress. This way it’s proper for a clever trick to be played this knowing husband-watcher. This is a becoming action, this is right, this is skilful, this is done in workman-like style; inasmuch as at my own risk I’ve taken this from my plague, this same shall be carried off to destruction . With the safety of my allies I’ve gained a booty from the foe.

Harkye! young man; pray what share have I in that booty?

I’m undone; I’ve fallen into an ambuscade.

Say a safeguard rather. Don’t be afraid.

What person’s this?

’Tis I.

O my convenient friend—O my ready occasion, save you.

And save you.

What are you about?

Holding my good Genius in my right hand.

You couldn’t have come to me more à propos than you have come.

I’m in the habit of doing so; I understand all the points of ready occasion.

Would you like to be witness of a brilliant exploit?

What cook has cooked it? I shall know at once if he has made any mistake, when I see the remnants. .

Tell me—did you ever see a picture painted on a wall, where the eagle is carrying off Ganymede , or Venus Adonis?

Many a time. But what are these pictures to me?

Come, look at me . Do I at all bear any resemblance to them?

What’s this garb of yours?

Pronounce me to be a very clever fellow.

Where are we to feed?

Only do you say that which I requested you.

Well, I do say so; very clever fellow.

And don’t you venture to add anything of your own to it?

— And very pleasant fellow.

Go on.

I’ faith, I really can’t go on, unless I know for what reason. You’ve had a fall-out with your wife; on that ground am I the more strongly on my guard against you.

While you are interrupting me, you are delaying yourself.

Knock out my only eye , Menaechmus, if I speak one word but what you bid me.

where, unknown to my wife, we will erect the funeral pile and let us consume this day upon it.

Well, come then, since you request what’s fair, how soon am I to set fire to the pile?

Why really, the day’s half dead already down to its navel .

Come this way from the door.

Be it so.

Come still more this way.

Very well.

Even still, step aside boldly from the lioness’s den.

Well done; by my troth, as I fancy, you really would bean excellent charioteers .

Why so?

That your wife mayn’t follow you, you are looking back ever and anon.

But what say you?

What, I? Why, whatever you choose, that same do I say, and that same do I deny.

Could you make any conjecture at all from the smell, if perchance you were to take a smell at something?

Were the college of Augurs summoned

Come then, take a sniff at this mantle that I’m holding. What does it smell of? Do you decline?

It’s as well to smell the top of a woman’s garment; for at this other place the nose is offended with an odour that can’t be washed out.

Take a smell here then, Peniculus, as you are so daintily nice.

Very well.

How now? What does it smell of? Answer me.

Theft, a mistress, and a breakfast. To you

You have spoken out now it shall be taken to this mistress of mine, the Courtesan Erotium. I’ll order a breakfast at once to be got ready, for me, you, and her;

then will we booze away even to the morrow’s morning star.

Capital. You’ve spoken out distinctly. Am I to knock at the door then?

Knock—or hold, rather.

You’ve removed the goblet a full mile by that.

Knock gently.

You’re afraid, I think, that the doors are made of Samian crockery. (Goes to knock.)

Hold, prithee, hold, i’ faith; see, she’s coming out herself. (The door of EROTIUM’S house is opened.) Ha you behold the sun, is it not quite darkened in comparison with the bright rays of her person.

My life, Menaechmus, save you.

And what for me?

You are out of my number.

that same thing is wont to be done for the other supernumeraries of the legion.

I would order a skirmish to be got ready there at your house for me to-day.

To-day it shall be done.

In that skirmish we two shall drink. Him shall you choose that shall be found there the better warrior with the goblet; do you make up your mind with which of the two you’ll pass this night. How much, my love, when I look upon you, do I hate my wife.

Meantime, however, you cannot help being wrapped in something of hers. What’s this?

’Tis a new dress for you, and a spoil from my wife, my rosebud.

You have a ready way of prevailing, so as to be superior in my eyes to any one of those that pay me suit.

The harlot’s coaxing in the meantime, while she’s looking out what to plunder

(to EROTIUM) for if you really loved him, by this his nose ought to have been off with your teething him. .

Take hold of this, Peniculus: I wish to dedicate the spoil that I’ve vowed.

Give it me. (Holds it while MENAECHMUS puts it on.) But, i’ faith, prithee, do dance afterwards with the mantle on in this way.

I—dance? I’ faith, you’re not in your senses.

Are you or I the most? If you won’t dance, then take it off.

At a great risk have I

stolen this to-day. In my opinion, indeed, Hercules didn’t ever carry off the belt from Hippolyta with danger as great. Take this for yourself (he takes it off, and gives her the mantle) , since you are the only one alive that’s compliant with my humours.

With such feelings ’tis proper that real lovers should be animated.

Those, indeed, who are making haste to bring themselves down to beggary.

I purchased that for my wife a year since at the price of four minae.

The four minae are clearly gone for ever, as the account now stands.

Do you know what I wish you to attend to?

I don’t know; but I’ll attend to whatever you do wish.

Order a breakfast, then, to be provided for us three at your house, and some dainties to be purchased at the market;

kernels of boars’ neck, or bacon off the gammon , or pig’s head, or something in that way, which, when cooked and placed on table before me, may promote an appetite like a kite’s: and-forthwith—

I’ faith, I will.

We’re going to the Forum: we shall be here just now. While it’s cooking, we’ll take a whet in the meantime.

Come when you like, the things shall be ready.

Only make haste, then. Do you follow me

By my troth, I certainly shall keep an eye on you, and follow you. I wouldn’t take the wealth of the Gods to lose you this day.

Call Cylindrus, the cook, out of doors this moment from within.

Take a hand-basket and some money. See, you have three didrachmns here.

I have so.

Go and bring some provisions, see that there’s enough for three; let it be neither deficient nor overmuch.

What sort of persons are these to be?

Myself, Menaechmus, and his Parasite.

Then these make ten, for the Parasite easily performs the duty of eight persons .

I’ve now told you the guests; do you take care of the rest.

Very well.

It’s cooked already; bid them go and take their places.

Make haste back.

I’ll be here directly.

There’s no greater pleasure to voyagers, in my notion, Messenio, than at the moment when from sea they espy the land afar.

There is a greater, I’ll say it without subterfuge,—if on your arrival you see the land that is your own.

But, prithee, why are we now come to Epidamnus? Why, like the sea, are we going round all the islands?

To seek for my own twin-brother born?

Why, what end is there to be of searching for him? This is the sixth year that we’ve devoted our attention to this business.

We have been already carried round the Istrians , the Hispanians, the Massilians, the Illyrians, all the Upper Adriatic Sea, and foreign Greece , and all the shores of Italy , wherever the sea reaches them. If you had been searching for a needle, I do believe you would, long ere this, have found the needle, if it were visible.

Among the living are we seeking a person that’s dead; for long ago should we have found him if he had been alive.

For that reason I am looking for a person to give me that information for certain, who can say that he knows that he really is dead; after that I shall never take any trouble in seeking further.

But otherwise I shall never, while I’m alive, desist; I know how dear he is to my heart.

You are seeking a knot in a bulrush . Why don’t we return homeward hence, unless we are to write a history ?

Have done with your witty sayings, and be on your guard against a mischief.

Don’t you be troublesome; this matter shan’t be done at your bidding.

Aye, aye; by that same expression do I rest assured that I’m a slave; he couldn’t in a few words have said more in a plain-spoken way. But still I can’t restrain myself from speaking. (Aloud.) Do you hear, Menaechmus? When I look in the purse,

I find, i’ faith, we’re only equipped for our journey like summer travellers . By my troth, I guess, if you don’t be returning home, while you’re seeking your twin-brother, you’ll surely be groaning , when you have nothing left. For such is this race of people; among the men of Epidamnus there are debauchees and very great drinkers;

swindlers besides, and many wheedlers are living in this city; then the women in the harlot line are said nowhere in the world to be more captivating. The name of Epidamnus was given to this city for the very reason, because hardly any person sojourns here without some damnable mishaps .

I’ll guard against that. Just give me the purse this way.

What do you want with it?

I’m apprehensive then about yourself, from your expressions.

Why are you apprehensive?

Lest you should cause me some damnable mishap in Epidamnus. You are a great admirer of the women, Messenio, and I’m a passionate man, of an unmanageable disposition;

of both these things will I have a care, when I’ve got the money, that you shall not commit a fault, and that I shall not be in a passion with you.

Take and keep it; with all my heart you may do so.

I’ve catered well, and to my mind. I’ll set a good breakfast before the breakfasters.

But see, I perceive Menaechmus. Woe to my back; the guests are now already walking before the door, before I’ve returned with the provisions. I’ll go and accost him. Save you, Menaechmus.

The Gods bless you, whoever you are.

who I am?

I’ faith, not I, indeed.

Where are the other guests?

What guests are you enquiring about?

Your Parasite.

My Parasite? Surely this fellow’s deranged.

Didn’t I tell you that there were many swindlers here?

What Parasite of mine, young man, are you enquiring about?

Peniculus.

Where is my ?

See, I’ve got your sponge [Peniculus] all safe in the wallet.

Menaechmus, you’ve come here too soon for breakfast; I’m but now returning with the provisions.

Answer me this, young man: at what price do pigs sell here ,

unblemished ones, for sacrifice?

At a didrachm a-piece.

Receive, then, a didrachm of me; bid a sacrifice be made for you at my expense; for, by my faith, I really am sure in very truth that you are deranged, who are annoying me, a person that’s a stranger, whoever you are.

I am Cylindrus; don’t you know my name?

Whether you are Cylindrus or Caliendrus , confound you. I don’t know you, and, in fact, I don’t want to know you.

Well, your name, however, is Menaechmus, that I do know.

You speak like a sane person when you call me by my name. But where have you known me?

Where have I known you,

you who have Erotium, this mistress of mine (pointing to the house) , for your lady?

By my troth, I have not, nor do I know yourself what person you are.

Not know who I am, who have many a time filled the cups for your own self at our house, when you’ve been drinking?

Woe to me, that I’ve got nothing with which to break this fellow’s head.

Are you in the habit of filling the cups for me, who, before this day, have never beheld Epidamnus, nor been there?

Do you deny it?

Upon my honor,, I decidedly do deny it.

Don’t you live in that house?

May the Gods send to perdition those that live there.

Surely, this fellow’s mad, who is thus uttering curses against his own self.

Do you hear, Menaechmus?

What do you want?

If you take my advice, that didrachm, which you just now promised to give me—

you would order, if you were wise, a pig to be procured with it for yourself.

For, i’ faith, you really for sure are not in your senses, Menaechmus, who are now uttering curses against your own self.

Alas! By my faith, a very silly fellow, and an annoyance to me.

He’s in the habit of often joking with me in this fashion. How very droll he is, when his wife isn’t present. How say you—?

What do you mean, you rascal?

Has this that you see

been provided in sufficient quantity for three persons, or am I to provide still more for yourself and the Parasite and the lady?

What ladies—what Parasites are you talking about?

What, you villain, urges you to be an annoyance to him?

Pray what business have you with me? I don’t know you; I’m talking to this person, whom I do know.

By my troth, you are not a person in his right senses, that I know for sure.

I’ll have these things cooked directly; there shall be no delay. Don’t you be going after this anywhere at a distance from the house. Do you want anything?

You to go to utter and extreme perdition.

I’ faith, ’twere better for you to go in-doors at once and take your place,

while I’m subjecting these things to the strength of the fire . I’ll go in-doors now, and tell Erotium that you are standing here, that she may fetch you away hence, rather than you be standing here out of doors.

Is he gone then? He is gone. By my faith, I find by experience that your words are not untrue.

Do you only be on your guard;

for I do believe that some woman in the harlot line is living here, as, in fact. this madman said, who has just gone away from here.

But I wonder how he came to know my name.

I’ faith, ’tis far from surprising: courtesans have this custom; they send servant-boys and servant-girls down to the harbour;

if any foreign ship comes into port, they enquire of what country it is, and what its name is; after that, at once they set themselves to work, and fasten themselves upon him; if they inveigle him, they send him home a ruined man. Now in this harbour there stands a piratical craft,

against which I really think that we must be on our guard.

I’ troth, you really counsel aright.

Then, in fine, shall I be sure that I’ve counselled aright, if you are rightly on your guard.

Be silent for a moment, then; for the door makes a noise. Let’s see who’s coming out from there.

Meanwhile, I’ll lay this down. (He puts down the wallet.)

Do you keep watch upon these things, if you please, you sailors .

Leave the door ajar thus; begone. I don’t want it shut: prepare, attend, and provide within; what is requisite, let it be done. Lay down the couches, burn the perfumes; neatness,

that is the charm for the minds of lovers. Our agreableness is for the lover’s loss, for our own gain. (To herself.) But where is he whom the Cook said was in front of the house? O, I see him there—one who is of service to me, and who profits me very much. And right willingly is such usage shown to him, as he deserves to be of especial importance in my house.

Now I’ll accost him; I’ll address him of my own accord. (To MENAECHMUS.) My dear life, it seems wonderful to me that you are standing here out of doors, for whom the door is wide open, more so than your own house, inasmuch as this house is at your service. Everything’s ready as you requested

and as you desired; nor have you now any delay in-doors. The breakfast, as you ordered, is prepared here; when you please, you may go and take your place.

To whom is this woman addressing herself?

Why, I’m talking to yourself.

What business have I ever had with you, or have I now?

Troth, inasmuch as Venus has willed that you singly above all I should exalt; and that not without your deserving it. For, by my faith, you alone make me, by your kindnesses, to be thriving.

For sure this woman is either mad or drunk, Messemo, that addresses me, a person whom she knows not in so familiar a way.

Didn’t I say that these things are in the habit of occurring here? The leaves are falling now; in comparison with this, if we shall be here for three days, the trees will be tumbling upon you. For to such a degree are all these Courtesans wheedlers out of one’s money. But only let me address her. Harkye, woman, I’m speaking to you.

What’s the matter?

Where have you yourself known this person?

In that same place where he has known me for this long time,

in Epidamnus .

In Epidamnus? A man who, until this day, has never put a foot here inside of this city.

Heyday! You are making fun, my dear Menaechmus. But, prithee, why not go in? There, it will be more suitable for you.

I’ faith, this woman really does address me rightly by my name. I wonder very much what’s the meaning of this business.

That purse that you are carrying has been smelt out by her.

I’ faith, and rightly have you put me in mind. Take it, then; I’ll know now whether she loves myself or the purse most.

Let’s go in the house to breakfast.

You invite me kindly; so far, my thanks.

Why then did you bid me a while since prepare a breakfast for you?

I, bid you prepare?

Certainly you did, for yourself and your Parasite.

A plague, what Parasite? Surely this woman isn’t quite right in her senses.

Peniculus.

Who is this Peniculus The one with which the shoes are wiped clean ?

Him, I mean, who came with you a while ago, when you brought me the mantle which you purloined from your wife.

What do you mean? I, gave you a mantle, which I purloined from my wife? Are you in your senses?

Surely this woman dreams standing, after the manner of a gelding .

Why does it please you to hold me in ridicule, and to deny to me things that have been done by you?

Tell me what it is that I deny after having done it?

That you to-day gave me your wife’s mantle.

Even still do I deny it. Indeed, I never had a wife, nor have I one; nor

have I ever set my foot here within the city gate since I was born. I breakfasted on board ship; thence did I come this way, and here I met you.

See that now; I’m undone, wretched creature that I am! What ship are you now telling me about?

A wooden one, weather-beaten full oft, cracked full oft, many a time thumped with mallets. Just as the implements of the furrier ; so peg is close to peg.

Now, prithee, do leave off making fun of me, and step this way with me.

for, madam, you are looking for some other person, I know not whom, not me.

Don’t I know you, Menaechmus, the son of your father Moschus, who are said to have been born in Sicily , at Syracuse , where King Agathocles reigned, and after him Pintia , the third Liparo, who at his death left the kingdom to Hiero—which Hiero is now king?

You say, madam, what is not untrue.

By Jupiter, hasn’t this woman come from there, who knows you so readily?

Troth, I think she must not be denied.

Don’t you do it. You are undone, if you enter inside her threshold.

But you only hold your tongue The matter goes on well. I shall assent to the woman, whatever she shall say, if I can get some entertainment. Just now, madam (speaking to her in a low voice) ,

I contradicted you not undesignedly; I was afraid of that fellow, lest he might carry word to my wife about the mantle and the breakfast. Now, when you please, let’s go in-doors.

Are you going to wait for the Parasite as well?

I’m neither going to wait for him, nor do I care a straw for him, nor, if he should come, do I want him to be admitted in-doors.

By my faith, I shall do that not at all reluctantly. But do you know what I beg you to do?

Only command me what you will.

For you to take that mantle which you gave me just now to the embroiderer’s , that it may be trimmed again, and that some work may be added which I want.

I’ faith, you say what’s right; in such a way shall it be disguised that my wife shan’t know that you are wearing it, if she should see you in the street.

Then take it away with you just now, when you go away.

By all means.

Let’s go in-doors.

I’ll follow you this instant; I only wish to speak to this person. So, there! Messenio, step to me this way.

What’s the matter?

Listen.

What need for it?

There is need, I know what you’ll say to me—

So much the worse.

Hold your tongue I’ve got some spoil; thus much of the business have I begun upon. Go, and, as quick as you can, take away those people at once to an inn . Then do you take care to come and meet me before sunset.

Don’t you know that these people are harlots, master?

Hold your tongue, I say, and go you away from here. It will cost me pain, not you, if I do anything here that’s foolish.

This woman is silly and inexperienced. So far as I’ve perceived just now, there’s some spoil for us here.

I’m undone. Are you going away then? He is certainly ruined; the piratical craft is now leading the boat straight to destruction. But I’m an unreasonable fellow to wish to rule my master; he bought me to obey his orders, not to be his commander.

(To the ATTENDANTS.) Follow me, that, as I’m ordered, I may come in good time to meet my master.

More than thirty years have I been born yet during that time I never did any more mischievous or more evil trick than this day, when, to my misfortune, I thrust myself into the midst of the assembly . while I was gaping about there, Menaechmus stole away from me,

and went, I suppose, to his mistress, and didn’t want to take me. May all the Divinities confound that man who first mischievously devised the holding of an assembly, which keeps men thus engaged. By my troth, is it not fitting that men who are disengaged should be chosen for that purpose? These, when they are cited, if they are not present, let the officers exact the fine

forthwith the senate

Abundance of men are there who every day eat their victuals alone, who have no business, who are neither invited nor invite to feast; these ought to give their attendance at the assembly and the law-courts .

If so it had been, this say I shouldn’t have lost my breakfast; to which I deemed myself as much accustomed, as to see myself alive. I’ll go; even yet the hope of the scraps comforts my mind. But why do I see Menaechmus here? He’s coming out of doors with a chaplet on? The banquet is removed; i’ faith, I come just in time to meet him.

I’ll watch the fellow, what he’s about, then I’ll go and accost him. (He steps aside.)

Can’t you rest content, if this day I bring it you back in good time, nicely and properly trimmed? I’ll cause you to say it isn’t itself, so much shall it be disguised.

He’s carrying the mantle to the embroiderer’s, the breakfast finished

and the wine drunk up, and the Parasite shut out of doors. By my troth, I’m not the person that I am, if I don’t handsomely avenge this injury and myself. ’Tis requisite I should watch I’ll give something.

O ye immortal Gods! on what man ever have you conferred more blessings in one day, who hoped for less?

I’ve been breakfasting, drinking, feasting with a mistress; and I’ve carried off this mantle, of which she shall no more be owner after this day.

Isn’t he now talking about me, and my share of the repast? I can’t well hear what he says.

She says that I secretly gave her this, and that I stole it away from my wife. When I perceived that she was mistaken, at once I began to assent, as though I really had had acquaintanceship with her. Whatever the woman said, the same said I. What need of many words?

I was never entertained at less expense.

I’ll accost the fellow; for I quite long to have a row.

Who’s this that’s coming up towards me? (Takes off the mantle, and hides it.)

What say you, you fellow lighter than a feather, most rascally and most abandoned—you disgraceful man—you cheat, and most worthless fellow?

Why have I deserved this of you? For what reason should you ruin me? How you stole yourself away from me just now at the Forum. You’ve been performing the funeral of the breakfast in my absence. Why did you dare to do so, when I was entitled to it in an equal degree?

Young man, prithee, what business with me have you,

who are thus purposely insulting a person whom you know not? Do you wish a punishment to be given you for your abuse?

Do be quiet; by my faith, I discover that you’ve done that already indeed.

Answer me, young man, I beg; what is your name?

Are you laughing at me, as well, as though you didn’t know my name?

By my troth, I never saw or knew you, that I’m aware of, before this day; but at all events, whoever you are, if you do what’s right, you won’t be an annoyance to me.

Don’t you know me?

I shouldn’t deny it if I did know you.

Menaechmus, awake.

I’ troth, I really am awake, so far as I know.

Don’t you know your own Parasite?

Young man, I find that your headpiece isn’t sound.

Answer me; have you not purloined that mantle from your wife to-day, and given it to Erotium?

I’ faith I have no wife, nor have I given the mantle to Erotium, nor have I purloined it.

Are you really in your senses? This matter’s settled . Did I not see you coming out of doors clad in a mantle?

Woe to your head. Do you think that all people are effeminate rogues because you are one?

Do you declare that I was clothed in a mantle?

Troth, I really do.

Why don’t you go where you are deserving to go, or else request yourself to be atoned for, you downright madman?

By my troth, never shall any one prevail upon me not to tell your wife the whole matter now, just as it happened.

All these insults shall be retorted upon yourself. I’ll take care that you shan’t have devoured the breakfast unpunished.

What’s the meaning of this business? Why, Just as I see each person, do they all make fun of me in this way? But the door makes a noise.

Menaechmus, Erotium says that she entreats you much,

that at the same opportunity you’ll take this to the goldsmith’s, and add to it an ounce in weight of gold, and order the bracelet to be fashioned anew. (Gives him a bracelet.)

Tell her that I’ll attend both to this and anything else that she shall wish, if she wishes anything else attended to.

Do you know what this bracelet is?

I don’t know, unless it’s of gold.

This is the same one that you once said that you had secretly stolen out of the closet from your wife.

By my troth, ’twas never done.

Prithee, don’t you remember it?

Not in the least.

Give it me back then, if you don’t remember it. (Tries to take it.)

Stop. (Pretends to examine the bracelet.)

O yes, I really do remember it; it’s the same, I believe, that I presented to her.

I’ faith, it is the same.

Where are the clasps which I gave her together with them?

You never gave her any.

Why, faith, I gave them together with this

Shall I say that you’ll attend to it?

Do say so; it shall be attended to.

I’ll take care that the mantle and the bracelet are brought back together.

My dear Menaechmus, do, pray, give me some earrings , the pendants to be made two didrachms in weight; that I may look on you with delight when you come to our house.

Be it so. Give me the gold ; I’ll find the price of the workmanship.

Give it yourself, please; at a future time I’ll give it you back.

No, give it yourself; at a future time I’ll give it you twofold.

I haven’t any.

But when you have it, do you give it me, then.

Do you wish for aught?

Say that I’ll attend to these things, (aside) to be sold as soon as they can, and for what they’ll fetch.

Has she now gone off in-doors? She’s gone, and has shut the door. Surely all the Gods are favouring, amplifying, and prospering me. But why do I delay while opportunity and time are granted me to get away from these procurers’ dens? Make haste, Menaechmus; pull foot and quicken your pace.

I’ll take off this chaplet , and throw it away on the left hand side (throws the chaplet down) , that, if they follow me, they may think I’ve gone in that direction. I’ll go and meet my servant, if I can, that he may learn from me these blessings which the Gods confer upon me.

And shall I allow myself to remain in wedlock here,

when my husband secretly pilfers whatever’s in the house, and carries it thence off to his mistress?

Why don’t you hold your peace? I’ll let you now catch him in the fact; do you only follow me this way. (They go to the opposite side of the stage.) In a state of drunkenness, with a chaplet on, he was carrying the mantle to the embroiderer’s, which he purloined from you at home to-day.

But see, here is the chaplet which he had on. (Seeing the chaplet on the ground.) Now am I saying false? Aha, this way has he gone, if you wish to trace his footsteps. And, by my faith, see, here he comes on his way back most opportunely, but he isn’t wearing the mantle.

What now shall I do to him?

The same as usual; abuse him.

So I am resolved.

Let’s step aside this way watch him from ambush. (They retire on one side.)

How we do practise a custom here that is very foolish and extremely troublesome, and how even those who are the most worthy and great do follow this habit: all wish their dependants to be many in number;

whether they are deserving or undeserving, about that they don’t enquire. Their property is more enquired about, than what the reputation of their clients is for honor. If any person is poor and not dishonest, he is considered worthless; but if a rich man is dishonest, he is considered a good client.

Those who neither regard laws nor any good or justice at all, the same have zealous patrons. What has been entrusted to them, they deny to have been so entrusted; men full of litigation, rapacious, and fraudulent; who have acquired their property either by usury or by perjury; their whole pleasure is in litigation.

When the day for trial is appointed, at the same time it is mentioned to their patrons, in order that they may plead for them, about what they have done amiss. Before the people , or at law before the Praetor, or before the Aedile, is the cause tried. Just so, this day, a certain dependant has kept me very much engaged, nor was it allowed me to do what I wished, or in company with whom I wished; so fast did he stick to me, so much did he detain me.

Before the Aedile, in behalf of his doings, very many and very disgraceful, did I plead his cause; a compromise I obtained, obscure and perplexed—more than enough I said, and than I needed to say, that surety for him might end this litigation. What did he do? Well, what? He gave bail. And never did I at any time see any person more clearly detected;

three very adverse witnesses against all his misdeeds were there. May all the Gods confound him, he has so spoilt this day for me; and myself as well, who ever this day beheld the Forum with my eyes. I ordered a breakfast to be prepared; my mistress is expecting me, I’m sure; as soon as ever I had the opportunity,

I made haste immediately to leave the Forum. Now, I suppose, she’s angry with me; the mantle, however, will appease her that I gave her, the one I took away to-day from my wife and carried to Erotium here.

What say you now?

That I’m unfortunately married to a worthless fellow.

Do you perfectly hear what he says?

Quite well.

If I am wise, I shall be going hence in-doors, where it may be comfortable for me.

Stop; on the contrary, it shall be uncomfortable.

she is very sorrowful; this doesn’t quite please me, but I’ll speak to her.

Tell me, my wife, what is it amiss with you?

The pretty fellow’s soothing you.

Can’t you cease being annoying to me? Did I address you?

Take yourself off—

away with your caresses from me.

Do you persist in it?

Why are you offended with me?

You ought to know.

The rascal knows, but he pretends not to know.

Has any one of the servants done amiss? Do either the maid or the men-servants give you saucy answers? Speak out; it shan’t be done with impunity.

You are trifling.

Surely you are angry at some one of the domestics?

You are trifling.

Are you angry with me at all events?

Now you are not trifling.

I’ faith, I haven’t done wrong in anything.

Ah! now you are trifling again.

Wife, what’s the matter?

Do you ask me that?

Do you wish me to ask him?

What’s the matter?

The mantle.

The mantle?

A certain person has taken a mantle.

Why are you alarmed?

For my part, I’m not alarmed at all—

(aside) except about one thing; the mantle makes my face mantle.

But as for me, you shouldn’t have slily devoured the breakfast. (To the WIFE.) Go on against your husband.

Won’t you hold your tongue?

Faith, I really will not hold my tongue. (To the WIFE.) He’s nodding to me not to speak.

On my word, I really never did nod to you, or wink in any way.

Nothing is more audacious than this man, who resolutely denies those things which you see.

By Jupiter and all the Gods, I swear, wife, that I did not nod to him; isn’t that enough for you?

She now believes you about that matter; go back again there.

Go back where?

Why, to the embroiderer, as I suppose. Go and bring the mantle back.

What mantle is it?

Now I hold my tongue, since he doesn’t remember his own business.

Did you suppose that you could possibly commit these villanies unknown to me?

By heavens, you have assuredly taken that away from me at a heavy usury;

such is the return .

Such is the return. Do you make haste to eat up the breakfast in my absence; and then in your drunkenness make fun of me, with your chaplet on, before the house.

By all the powers, I have neither breakfasted, nor have I this day set foot inside of that house.

Do you deny it?

By my troth, I really do deny it.

Nothing is there more audacious than this fellow. Did I not just now see you standing here before the house, with a chaplet of flowers on, when you were declaring that my headpiece wasn’t sound, and declaring that you didn’t know me, and saying that you were a foreigner?

On the contrary, as some time since I parted with you, so I’m now returning home at last.

I understand you. You didn’t think it was in my power to take vengeance upon you; i’ faith, I’ve told it all to your wife.

Told her what?

I don’t know; ask her own self.

What’s this, wife? Pray, what has he been telling you? What is it? Why are you silent? Why don’t you say what it is?

As though you didn’t know.

I’ faith, I certainly am a miserable woman.

Why are you a miserable woman? tell me.

Do you ask me?

Faith, I shouldn’t ask you if I knew.

O the wicked fellow; how he does dissemble. You cannot conceal it; she knows the matter thoroughly; by my faith, I’ve disclosed everything.

What is it?

Inasmuch as you are not at all ashamed, and don’t wish to confess of your own accord, listen, and attend to this; I’ll both let you know why I’m sorrowful, and what he has told me.

My mantle has been purloined from me at home.

Mantle purloined from me?

D’you see how the rogue is catching you up? (To MENAECHMUS.) It was purloined from her, not from you; for certainly if it had been purloined from you, it would now be safe.

I’ve nothing to do with you. But (to his WIFE) what is it you say?

A mantle, I say, has been lost from home.

Who has stolen it?

I faith, he knows that, who took it away.

What person was it?

A certain Menaechmus.

By my troth, ’twas villanously done. Who is this Menaechmus?

You are he, I say.

I?

You.

Who accuses me?

I, myself.

I, too; and you carried it off to Erotium here, your mistress.

I, gave it her?

You, you, I say. Do you wish for an owl to be brought here, to say you, you, continually to you? For we are now quite tired of it.

By Jupiter and all the Gods, I swear, wife (and isn’t that enough for you?), that I did not give it.

Aye, and I, by all the powers, that we are telling no untruth.

But I haven’t given it away, but just only lent it to be made use of.

But, i’ faith, for my part, I don’t lend either your scarf or your cloak out of the house, to any one, to be made use of. ’Tis fair that the woman should lend out of the house the woman’s apparel,

the man the man’s. But why don’t you bring the mantle home again?

I’ll have it brought back.

For your own interest you’ll do so, as I think; for you shall never enter the house to-day unless you bring the mantle with you. I’m going home.

What’s there to be for me, who have given you this assistance?

Your assistance shall be repaid, when anything shall be purloined from your house.

Then, by my troth, that really will never be; for nothing have I at home to lose. May the Gods confound you, both husband and wife. I’ll make haste to the Forum, for I see clearly that I’ve quite fallen out with this family.

My wife thinks that she does me an injury when she shuts me out of doors; as though I hadn’t another better place to be admitted into.

If I displease you, I must endure it; I shall please Erotium here, who won’t be shutting me out of her house, but will be shutting me up in her house rather. Now I’ll go; I’ll beg her to give me back the mantle that I gave her a while since. I’ll purchase another for her—a better one. Hallo! is any one the porter here? (Knocks at EROTIUM’S door.) Open here, and some one of you call Erotium before the door.

Who’s enquiring for me here?

One that’s more of an enemy to his own self than to yourself .

My dear Menaechmus? Why are you standing before the house? Do follow me in-doors.

Stop. Do you know why it is that I’m come to you?

I know well; that you may amuse yourself with me.

Why no, troth, that mantle which I gave you a while since, give it me back, I entreat you; my wife has become acquainted with all the transaction, in its order, just as it happened.

I’ll procure for you a mantle of twofold greater value than you shall wish.

Why, I gave it your own self a little while since, that you might take it to the embroiderer’s, and that bracelet, too, that you might take it to the goldsmith’s that it might be made anew.

You, gave me the mantle and the bracelet? You’ll find ’twas never done. For, indeed, after I gave it you a while ago, and went away to the Forum,

I’m but just returning, and now see you for the first time since.

I see what plan you are upon; that you may defraud me of what I entrusted to you, at that thing you are aiming—

On my word, I do not ask it for the sake of defrauding you. But I tell you that my wife has discovered the matter.

Nor did I of my own accord beg you to give it me; of your own accord you yourself brought it me. You gave it me as a present;

now you’re asking for the same thing back again. I’ll put up with it; keep it to yourself; take it away; make use of it, either yourself or your wife, or squeeze it into your money-box even. After this day, that you mayn’t be deceived, you shan’t set your foot in this house, since you hold me in contempt, who deserve so well of you. Unless you bring money, you’ll be disappointed; you can’t cajole me.

Find some other woman, henceforth, for you to be disappointing.

By my troth, very angry at last. Hallo! you; stay, I bid you. Come you back. Will you stay now? Will you even for my sake come back? (EROTIUM goes into her house, and shuts the door.) She has gone indoors, and shut the house. Now I’m regularly barred out; I have neither any credit at home now, nor with my mistress.

I’ll go and consult my friends on this matter, as to what they think should be done.

I did very foolishly a while since, in entrusting my purse to Messenio with the money. I suspect he has got himself into some bad house or other. (Enter the WIFE of Menaechmus of Epidamnus, from the house.)

I’ll look out to see how soon my husband is going to return home.

But here he is; I see him; I’m all right, he’s bringing back the mantle.

I wonder where Messenio can be walking now.

I’ll go and receive the fellow with such language as he deserves. (Accosting him.) Are you not ashamed to come forward in my presence, you disgraceful man, in that garb?

What’s the matter?

What thing is troubling you, woman?

Do you dare, you shameless fellow, to utter even a single word, or to speak to me?

Pray, what wrong have I committed, that I shouldn’t dare to speak to you?

Do you ask me? O dear, the impudent audacity of the fellow!

Don’t you know, madam, for what reason the Greeks used to say that Hecuba was a bitch ?

I don’t know, indeed.

Because Hecuba used to do the same thing that you are now doing. She used to heap all kinds of imprecations on every one she saw; and, therefore, for that reason she was properly begun to be called a bitch.

I can’t put up with this disgraceful conduct of yours;

for I had rather see my life that of a widow, than endure this vile conduct of yours that you are guilty of.

What is it to me, whether you are able to endure to live in the married state, or whether you will separate from your husband? Is it thus the fashion here to tell these stories to a stranger on his arrival?

What stories? I say, I’ll not endure it henceforth, but live separate rather than put up with these ways.

Troth, so far indeed as I’m concerned, do live separate, even so long as Jupiter shall hold his sway.

By heavens, I’ll certainly now send for my father,

and I’ll tell him your disgraceful conduct that you are guilty of. Go, Decio (calling to a SERVANT) , seek for my father, that he may come along with you to me; tell him that occasion has arisen for it. I’ll. now disclose to him this disgraceful conduct of yours.

Are you in your senses? What disgraceful conduct of mine?

When you filch from home my mantle and gold trinkets,

without the knowledge of your wife, and carry them off to your mistress. Don’t I state this correctly?

O dear! madam, by my faith, you are both very bold and very perverse. Do you dare to say (pointing at the mantle) that this was stolen from you which another woman gave me, for me to get it trimmed?

A little while since you didn’t deny that you had purloined it from me;

do you now hold up that same before my eyes? Are you not ashamed?

By my faith, madam, I entreat you, if you know, show me what I’m to drink , by means of which I may put up with your impertinence. What person you are taking me to be, I don’t know;

I know you just as well as Parthaon .

If you laugh at me, still, i’ troth, you can’t do so at him; my father, I mean, who’s coming here. Why don’t you look back? Do you know that person?

Just as well as Calchas do I know him; I have seen him on that same day on which I have seen yourself before this present day.

Do you deny that you know me? Do you deny that you know my father?

Troth, I shall say the same thing, if you choose to bring your grandfather.

I’ faith, you do this and other things just in a like fashion.

According as my age permits, and as there is occasion to do so, I’ll push on my steps and make haste to get along.

But how far from easy ’tis for me, I’m not mistaken as to that. For my agility forsakes me, and I am beset with age; I carry my body weighed down; my strength has deserted me. How grievous a pack upon one’s back is age. For when it comes, it brings very many and very grievous particulars,

were I now to recount all of which, my speech would be too long. But this matter is a trouble to my mind and heart, what this business can possibly be on account of which my daughter suddenly requires me to come to her,

and doesn’t first let me know what’s the matter, what she wants, or why she sends for me. But pretty nearly do I know now what’s the matter;

I suspect that some quarrel has arisen with her husband. So are these women wont to do, who, presuming on their portions, and haughty, require their husbands to be obedient to them; and they as well full oft are not without fault. But still there are bounds, within which a wife ought to be put up with.

By my troth, my daughter never sends for her father to come to her except when either something has been done wrong, or there is a cause for quarrelling. But whatever it is, I shall now know. And see, I perceive her herself before the house, and her husband in a pensive mood. ’Tis the same as I suspected.

I’ll accost her.

I’ll go and meet him. May every happiness attend you, my father.

Happiness attend you. Do I find you in good spirits? Do you bid me be fetched in happy mood? Why are you sorrowful? And why does he (pointing at MENAECHMUS) in anger stand apart from you? Something, I know not what, are you two wrangling about between you. Say, in few words, which of the two is in fault: no long speeches, though.

For my part, I’ve done nothing wrong; as to that point do I at once make you easy, father. But I cannot live or remain here on any account; you must take me away hence immediately.

Why, what’s the matter?

I am made a laughing-stock of, father.

By whom?

By him to whom you gave me, my husband.

Look at that — a quarrel now. How often, I wonder,

have I told you to be cautious, that neither should be coming to me with your complaints.

How, my father, can I possibly guard against that?

Do you ask me?

unless you don’t wish.

How often have I told you to be compliant to your husband. Don’t be watching what he does, where he goes, or what matter he’s about.

Why, but he’s in love with a courtesan here close by.

He is exceedingly wise: and for this painstaking of yours, I would even have him love her the more.

He drinks there, too.

And will he really drink the less for you, whether it shall please him to do so there or anywhere else? Plague on it, what assurance is this? On the same principle, you would wish to hinder him from engaging to dine out,

or from receiving any other person at his own house. Do you want husbands to be your servants? You might as well expect, on the same principle, to be giving him out his task, and bidding him sit among the female servants and card wool.

Why, surely, father, I’ve sent for you not to be my advocate, but my husband’s: on this side you stand , on the other you plead the cause.

If he has done wrong in anything,

so much the more shall I censure him than I’ve censured you. Since he keeps you provided for and well clothed, and finds you amply in female servants and provisions, ’tis better, madam, to entertain kindly feelings.

But he purloins from me gold trinkets and mantles from out of the chests at home; he plunders me, and secretly carries off my ornaments to harlots.

He does wrong, if he does that; if he does not do it, you do wrong in accusing him when innocent.

Why at this moment, even, he has got a mantle, father, and a bracelet, which he had carried off to her; now, because I came to know of it, he brings them back.

I’ll know from himself, then, how it happened. I’ll go up to this man and accost him. (Goes up to MENAECHMUS.) Tell me this, Menaechmus, what you two are disputing about, that I may know.

Why are you pensive? And why does she in anger stand apart from you?

Whoever you are, whatever is your name, old gentleman, I call to witness supreme Jove and the Deities—

For what reason, or what matter of all matters?

That I have neither done wrong to that woman, who is accusing me of having purloined this (pointing to the mantle) away from her at home and which she solemnly swears that I did take away.

If ever I set foot inside of her house where she lives, I wish that I may become the most wretched of all wretched men.

Are you in your senses to wish this, or to deny that you ever set foot in that house where you live, you downright madman?

Do you say, old gentleman, that I live in this house?

Do you deny it?

By my faith, certainly do deny it.

In your fun you are going too far in denying it; unless you flitted elsewhere this last night. Step this way, please, daughter. (To the WIFE.) What do you say? Have you removed from this house?

To what place, or for what reason, prithee?

I’ faith, I don’t know.

He’s surely making fun of you.

Can’t you keep yourself quiet?

Now, Menaechmus, you really have joked long enough; now do seriously attend to this matter.

Prithee, what have I to do with you? Whence or what person are you? Is your mind right, or hers, in fact, who is an annoyance to me in every way?

Don’t you see how his eyes sparkle? How a green colour is arising

on his temples and his forehead; look how his eyes do glisten

O me! They say I’m mad, whereas they of themselves are mad.

How he yawns, as he stretches himself. What am I to do now, my father?

Step this way, my daughter, as far as ever you can from him.

What is there better for me than, since they say I’m mad, to pretend that I am mad, that I may frighten them away from me? (He dances about.)

Evoë, Bacchus , ho! Bromius , in what forest dost thou invite me to the chase? I hear thee, but I cannot get away from this spot, so much does this raving mad female cur watch me on the left side. And behind there is that other old he-goat, who many a time in his life has proved the destruction of an innocent fellow-citizen by his false testimony.

Woe to your head.

Lo! by his oracle, Apollo bids me burn out her eyes with blazing torches.

I’m undone, my father; he’s threatening to burn my eyes out.

Hark you, daughter.

What’s the matter? What are we to do?

What if I call the servants out here?

I’ll go bring some to take him away hence, and bind him at home, before he makes any further disturbance.

So now; I think now if I don’t adopt some plan for myself, these people will be carrying me off home to their house. (Aloud.) Dost thou forbid me to spare my fists at all upon her face, unless she does at once get out of my sight to utter and extreme perdition?

I will do what thou dost bid me, Apollo.

Away with you home as soon as possible, lest he should knock you down.

I’m off. Watch him, my father, I entreat you, that he mayn’t go anywhere hence. Am I not a wretched woman to hear these things?

I’ve got rid of her not so badly. (Aloud.) Now as for this most filthy, long-bearded, palsied Tithonus, who is said to have had Cygnus for his father ,

you bid me break in pieces his limbs, and bones, and members with that walking-stick which he himself is holding.

Punishment shall be inflicted if you touch me indeed, or if you come nearer to me.

I will do what thou dost bid me; I will take a two-edged axe, and I will hew this old fellow to his very bones, and I will chop his entrails into mincemeat.

Why really against that must I take care and precaution. As he threatens, I’m quite in dread of him, lest he should do me some mischief.

Many things dost thou bid me do, Apollo. Now thou dost order me to take the yoked horses, unbroke and fierce, and to mount the chariot, that I may crush to pieces this aged, stinking, toothless lion.

Now have I mounted the chariot; now do I hold the reins; now is the whip in my hand. Speed onward, ye steeds, let the sound of your hoofs be heard; in your swift course let the rapid pace of your feet be redoubled.

Are you threatening me with your yoked steeds?

Lo! again, Apollo, thou dost bid me to make an onset against him who is standing here, and to murder him.

But what person is this that is tearing me hence by the hair down from the chariot? He revokes thy commands and the decree of Apollo.

Alas! a severe and obstinate malady, i’ faith. By our trust in you, ye Gods even this person who is now mad, how well he was a little time since. All on a sudden has so great a distemper attacked him.

I’ll go now and fetch a physician as fast as I can.

Prithee, are these persons gone now out of my sight, who are compelling me by force, while in my wits, to be mad? Why do I delay to be off to the ship, while I can in safety?

And all of you (to the SPECTATORS) , if the old gentleman should return, I beg not to tell him, now, by what street I fled away hence.

My bones ache with sitting, my eyes with watching, while waiting for the Doctor, till he returned from his business. At last the troublesome fellow has with difficulty got away from his patients.

He says that he has set a broken leg for Aesculapius , and an arm for Apollo. I’m now thinking whether I’m to say that I’m bringing a doctor or a carpenter . But, see, here he comes.—Do get on with your ant’s pace.

What did you say was his disorder? Tell me, respected sir.

Is he harassed by sprites , or is he frenzied? Let me know. Is it lethargy, or is it dropsy, that possesses him?

Why, I’m bringing you for that reason, that you may tell me that, and make him convalescent.

That indeed is a very easy matter. Why, I shall heal innumerable times as many in the day.

I wish him to be treated with great attention.

That he shall be healed, I promise that on my word; so with great attention will I treat him for you.

Why, see! here’s the man himself.

Let’s watch what matter he’s about.

By my faith, this day has certainly fallen out perverse and adverse for me,

since the Parasite, who has filled me full of disgrace and terror, has made that all known, which I supposed I was doing secretly; my own Ulysses , who has brought so great evil on his king—a fellow that, by my troth, if I only live, I’ll soon finish his life . But I’m a fool, who call that his, which is my own.

With my own victuals and at my own expense has he been supported; of existence will I deprive the fellow. But the Courtesan has done this in a way worthy of her, just as the harlot’s habit is: because I ask for the mantle, that it may be returned again to my wife, she declares that she has given it me. O dear! By my faith, I do live a wretched man.

Do you hear what he says ?

He declares that he is wretched.

I wish you to accost him.

Save you, Menaechmus. Prithee, why do you bare your arm? Don’t you know how much mischief you are now doing to that disease of yours?

Why don’t you go hang yourself?

What think you now?

What shouldn’t I think? This case can’t be treated with even ointment of hellebore. But what have you to say, Menaechmus?

What do you want?

Tell me this that I ask of you; do you drink white wine or dark-coloured?

What need have you to enquire?



Why don’t you go to utter perdition ?

Troth, he’s now beginning to be attacked with the fit.

Why don’t you ask whether I’m wont to eat dark bread, or purple, or yellow? Or whether I’m wont to eat birds with scales, or fish with wings?

Dear, dear!

(To the DOCTOR.) Don’t you hear how deliriously he talks? Why do you delay to give him something by way of a potion, before his raving overtakes him?

Stop a little; I’ll question him on some other matters as well.

You are killing me by your prating.

Tell me this; are your eyes ever in the habit of becoming hard ?

What? Do you take me to be a locust , you most worthless fellow?

Tell me, now, do your bowels ever rumble that you know of?

When I’m full, they don’t rumble at all; when I’m hungry, then they do rumble.

I’ faith, he really gave me that answer not like an insane person. Do you always sleep soundly until daylight? Do you easily go to sleep when in bed?

I sleep throughout if I go to sleep if I have paid my money to him to whom I owe it.



May Jupiter and all the Divinities confound you, you questioner.

Now this person begins to rave. (To the OLD MAN.) From those expressions do you take care of yourself.

Why, he’s now really quite favourable in his language, in comparison with what he was a short time since; for, a little while ago, he was saying that his wife was a raving cur.

What did I say?

You were raving, I say.

What, I?

You there; who

threatened as well to ride me down with your yoked steeds.



I myself saw you do this; I myself accuse you of this.

And I know that you stole the sacred crown of Jupiter; and that on that account you were confined in prison; and after you were let out, I know that you were beaten with rods in the bilboes; I know, too, that you murdered your father and sold your mother.

Don’t I give this abuse in answer for your abuse, like a sane person?

I’ faith, Doctor, whatever you are about to do, prithee, do it quickly. Don’t you see that the man is raving?

Do you know what’s the best for you to do? Have him taken to my house.

Do you think so?

Why should I not? There at my own discretion I shall be able to treat the man.

Do just as you please.

I’ll make you drink hellebore some twenty days.

But, hanging up , I’ll flog you with a whip for thirty days.

Go fetch some men to take him off to my house.

How many are sufficient?

Since I see him thus raving, four, no less.

They shall be here this instant. Do you keep an eye on him, Doctor.

Why, no, I shall go home

that the things may be got ready, which are necessary to be prepared. Bid your servants carry him to my house.

I’ll make him be there just now.

I’m off.

Farewell.

My father-in-law is gone, the Doctor is gone; I’m alone. O Jupiter! Why is it that these people say I’m mad? Why, in fact, since I was born, I have never for a single day been ill.

I’m neither mad, nor do I commence strifes or quarrels. In health myself, I see others well; I know people, I address them. Is it that they who falsely say I’m mad, are mad themselves? What shall I do now? I wish to go home; but my wife doesn’t allow me; and here (pointing to EROTIUM’S house) no one admits me. Most unfortunately has this fallen out.

Here will I still remain; at night, at least, I shall be let into the house, I trust.

This is the proof of a good servant, who takes care of his master’s business, looks after it, arranges it, thinks about it, in the absence of his master diligently to attend to the affairs of his master, as much so as if he himself were present, or even better.

It is proper that his back should be of more consequence than his appetite, his legs than his stomach, whose heart is rightly placed. Let him bear in mind, those who are good for nothing, what reward is given them by their masters—lazy, worthless fellows. Stripes, fetters,

the mill, weariness, hunger, sharp cold; these are the rewards of idleness. This evil do I terribly stand in awe of. Wherefore ’tis sure that to be good is better than to be bad. Much more readily do I submit to words, stripes I do detest; and I eat what is ground much more readily than supply it ground by myself .

Therefore do I obey the command of my master, carefully and diligently do I observe it; and in such manner do I pay obedience, as I think is for the interest of my back. And that course does profit me. Let others be just as they take it to be their interest; I shall be just as I ought to be.

If I adhere to that, I shall avoid faultiness; so that I am in readiness for my master on all occasions, I shall not be much afraid. The time is near, when, for these deeds of mine, my master will give his reward.

After I had deposited the goods and the servants in the inn, as he ordered me, thus am I come to meet him. (Going to the door of EROTIUM’S house.) Now I’ll knock at the door, that he may know that I’m here, and that out of this thick wood of peril I may get my master safe out of doors. But I’m afraid that I’m come too late, after the battle has been fought.

By Gods and men, I tell you prudently to pay regard to my commands, as to what I have commanded and do command. Take care that this person is carried at once upon your shoulders to the surgery, unless, indeed, you set no value upon your legs or your sides. Take care each of you to regard at a straw whatever threats he shall utter.

What are you standing for? Why are you hesitating? By this you ought to have had him carried off on your shoulders. I’ll go to the Doctor; I’ll be there ready when you shall come. (Exit. The SERVANTS gather around MENAECHMUS.)

I’m undone. What business is this? Why are these men running towards me, pray? What do you want? What do you seek? Why do you stand around me? (They seize and drag him.) Whither are you dragging me? Whither are you carrying me? I’m undone. I entreat your assistance,

citizens, men of Epidamnus, come and help me. (To the men.) Why don’t you let me go?

O ye immortal Gods, I beseech you, what do I behold with my eyes? Some fellows, I know not who, are most disgracefully carrying off my master upon their shoulders.

Who is it that ventures to bring me aid?

I, master, and right boldly. (Aloud.) O shameful and scandalous deed, citizens of Epidamnus, for my master,

here in a town enjoying peace, to be carried off, in daylight, in the street, who came to you a free man. Let him go.

Prithee, whoever you are, do lend me your aid, and don’t suffer so great an outrage to be signally committed against me.

Aye, I’ll give you my aid, and I’ll defend you, and zealously succour you. I’ll never let you come to harm; ’tis fitter that I myself should come to harm.

I’ll now make a sowing on the faces of these fellows, and there I’ll plant my fists. I’ faith, you’re carrying this person off this day at your own extreme hazard. Let him go. (He lays about him.)

I’ve got hold of this fellow’s eye.

Make the socket of his eye be seen in his head.

You rascals! you villains! you robbers!

We are undone. Troth, now, prithee, do—

Let him go then.

What business have you to touch me? Thump them with your fists.

Come, begone, fly hence to utter perdition with you. (Three run away.) Here’s for you, too (giving the fourth one a punch) ; because you are the last to yield, you shall have this for a reward. (They all disappear.) Right well have I marked his face, and quite to my liking.

Troth, now, master, I really did come to your help just now in the nick of time.

And may the Gods, young man, whoever you are, ever bless you. For, had it not been for you, I should never have survived this day until sunset.

By my troth, then, master, if you do right, you will give me my freedom.

I, give you your freedom?

Doubtless: since, master, I have saved you.

How’s this?

Young man, you are mistaken.

How, mistaken?

By father Jove, I solemnly swear that I am not your master.

Will you not hold your peace?

I’m telling no lie; nor did any servant of mine ever do such a thing as you have done for me.

In that case, then, let me go free, if you deny that I am your servant.

By my faith, so far, indeed, as I’m concerned, be free, and go where you like.

That is, you order me to do so?

I’ faith, I do order you, if I have aught of authority over you.

Save you, my patron. Since you seriously give me my freedom,

I rejoice.

I’ faith, I really do believe you.

But, my patron, I do entreat you that you won’t command me any the less now than when I was your servant. With you will I dwell, and when you go I’ll go home together with you. Wait for me here;

I’ll now go to the inn, and bring back the luggage and the money for you. The purse, with the money for our journey, is fast sealed up in the wallet; I’ll bring it just now here to you.

Bring it carefully.

I’ll give it back safe to you just as you gave it to me. Do you wait for me here.

Very wonderful things have really happened this day to me in wonderful ways.

Some deny that I am he who I am, and shut me out of doors; others say that I am he who I am not, and will have it that they are my servants. He for instance, who said that he was going for the money, to whom I gave his freedom just now. Since he says that he will bring me a purse with money, if he does bring it , I’ll say that he may go free from me where he pleases,

lest at a time when he shall have come to his senses he should ask the money of me. My father-in-law and the Doctor were saying that I am mad. Whatever it is, it is a wonderful affair. These things appear to me not at all otherwise than dreams. Now I’ll go in the house to this Courtesan, although she is angry with me; if I can prevail upon her to restore the mantle for me to take back home. (He goes into EROTIUM’S house.)

Do you dare affirm, audacious fellow, that I have ever met you this day since the time when I ordered you to come here to meet me?

Why, I just now rescued you before this house, when four men were carrying you off upon their shoulders. You invoked the aid of all Gods and men, when I ran up and delivered you by main force, fighting, and in spite of them.

For this reason, because I rescued you, you set me at liberty. When I said that I was going for the money and the luggage, you ran before to meet me as quickly as you could, in order that you might deny what you did.

I, bade you go away a free man?

Certainly.

Why, on the contrary, ’tis most certain that I myself would rather become a slave than ever give you your freedom.

If you are ready to swear by your eyes, by my troth, not a bit the more for that reason, most vile woman, will you make it that I took away the mantle and the bracelet to-day.

Immortal Gods, what do I see?

What do you see?

Your resemblance in a mirror.

What’s the matter?

’Tis your image; ’tis as like as possible.

Troth, it really is not unlike, so far as I know my own form.

O young man, save you, you who preserved me, whoever you are.

By my troth, young man, prithee, tell me your name, unless it’s disagreable.

I’ faith, you’ve not so deserved of me, that it should be disagreable for me to tell what you wish. My name is Menaechmus.

Why, by my troth, so is mine.

I am a Sicilian, of Syracuse .

Troth, the same is my native country.

What is it that I hear of you?

That which is the fact.

I know this person myself (pointing to the other MENAECHMUS) ; he is my master, I really am his servant; but I did think I belonged to this other. (To MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus, by mistake.) I took him to be you; to him, too, did I give some trouble. (To his master.) Pray, pardon me if I have said aught foolishly or unadvisedly to you.

You seem to me to be mad. Don’t you remember that together with me you disembarked from board ship to-day?

Why, really, you say what’s right—you are my master; (to MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus) do you look out for a servant. (To his master.) To you my greetings (to MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus) to you, farewell. This, I say, is Menaechmus.

But I say I am.

What story’s this? Are you Menaechmus?

I say that I’m the son of Moschus, who was my father.

Are you the son of my father?

Aye, I really am, young man, of my own father.

I don’t want to claim your father, nor to take possession of him from you.

Immortal Gods, what unhoped-for hope do you bestow on me, as I suspect. For unless my mind misleads me, these are the two twin-brothers; for they mention alike their native country and their father. I’ll call my master aside—Menaechmus.

What do you want?

I don’t want you both.

But which of you was brought here in the ship with me?

Not I.

But ’twas I.

You, then, I want. Step this way.

I’ve stepped aside now. What’s the matter?

This man is either an impostor, or he is your twin-brother. But I never beheld one person more like another person. Neither water, believe me, is ever more like to water nor milk to milk,

than he is to you, and you likewise to him; besides, he speaks of the same native country and father. ’Tis better for us to accost him and make further enquiries of him.

I’ faith, but you’ve given me good advice, and I return you thanks. Troth, now, prithee, do continue to lend me your assistance. If you discover that this is my brother, be you a free man.

I hope I shall.

I too hope that it will be so.

How say you? I think you said that you are called Menaechmus?

I did so indeed.

His name, too, is Menaechmus. You said that you were born at Syracuse , in Sicily ; he was born there. You said that Moschus was your father; he was his as well. Now both of you can be giving help to me and to yourselves at the same time.

You have deserved that you should beg nothing but what you should obtain that which you desire. Free as I am, I’ll serve you as though you. had bought me for money.

I have a hope that I shall find that you two are twin-born brothers, born of one mother and of one father on the same day.

You mention wondrous things. I wish that you could effect what you’ve promised.

I can. But attend now, both of you, and tell me that which I shall ask.

Ask as you please, I’ll answer you. I’ll not conceal anything that I know.

Isn’t your name Menaechmus?

I own it.

Isn’t it yours as well?

It is.

Do you say that Moschus was your father?

Truly, I do say so.

And mine as well.

Are you of Syracuse ?

Certainly.

And you?

Why not the same?

Hitherto the marks agree perfectly well. Still lend me your attention. (To MENAECHMUS.) Tell me, what do you remember at the greatest distance of time in your native country?

When I went with my father to Tarentum to traffic; and afterwards how I strayed away from my father among the people, and was carried away thence.

Supreme Jupiter, preserve me!

Why do you exclaim? Why don’t you hold your peace?

(To MENAECHMUS.) How many years old were you when your father took you from your native country?

Seven years old; for just then my teeth were changing for the first time. And never since then have I seen my father.

Well, how many sons of you had your father then?

As far as I now remember, two.

Which of the two was the older—you or the other?

Both were just alike in age.

How can that be?

We two were twins.

The Gods wish to bless me.

If you interrupt, I shall hold my tongue.

Rather than that, I’ll hold my tongue.

Tell me, were you both of the same name?

By no means; for my name was what it is now Menaechmus; the other they then used to call Sosicles.

I recognize the proofs, I cannot refrain from embracing him.

My own twin-brother, blessings on you; I am Sosicles.

How then was the name of Menaechmus afterwards given to you?

After word was brought to us that you and that my father was dead, my grandfather changed it; the name that was yours he gave to me.

I believe that it did so happen as you say. But answer me this.

Ask it of me.

What was the name of our mother?

Teuximarcha.

That quite agrees. (He again embraces him.) O welcome, unhoped-for brother, whom after many years I now behold.

And you, whom with many and anxious labours I have ever been seeking up to this time, and whom I rejoice at being found.

It was for this reason that this Courtesan called you by his name; she thought that you were he, I suppose, when she invited you to breakfast.

Why, faith, to-day I ordered a breakfast to be got ready here (pointing to EROTIUM’S house) for me, unknown to my wife; a mantle which a short time since I filched from home, to her I gave it.

Do you say, brother, that this is the mantle which I’m wearing?

How did this come to you?

The Courtesan who took me here (pointing to EROTIUM’S house) to breakfast, said that I had given it to her. I breakfasted very pleasantly; I drank and entertained myself with my mistress; she gave me the mantle and this golden trinket.

I’ faith, I’m glad if any luck has befallen you on my account; for when she invited you to her house, she supposed it to be me.

Do you make any objection that I should be free as you commanded?

He asks, brother, what’s very fair and very just. Do it for my sake.

Be thou a free man.

I am glad, Messenio, that you are free.

Why, better auspices were required that I should be free for life.

Since these matters, brother, have turned out to our wishes, let us both return to our native land.

Brother, I’ll do as you wish. I’ll have an auction here, and sell whatever I have. In the meantime, brother, let’s now go in-doors.

Be it so.

Do you know what I ask of you?

What?

To give me the place of auctioneer.

It shall be given you.

Would you like the auction, then, to be proclaimed at once? For what day?

On the seventh day hence.

An auction of the property of Menaechmus will certainly take place on the morning of the seventh day hence. His slaves, furniture, house, and farms, will be sold. All will go for whatever they’ll fetch at ready money prices.

His wife, too, will be sold as well, if any purchaser shall come. I think that by the entire sale Menaechmus will hardly get fifty hundred thousand sesterces. (To the SPECTATORS.) Now, Spectators, fare you well, and give us loud applause .