THE SUBJECT. 
 CHREMES and DEMIPHO are two aged Athenians, brothers. Nausistrata, the wife of Chremes, is a wealthy woman, possessed of large estates in the island of Lemnos . Chremes, who goes thither yearly to receive the rents, meets with a poor woman there, whom he secretly marries, and has by her a daughter called Phanium: while engaged in this intrigue, Chremes passes at Lemnos by the name of Stilpho. By his wife, Nausistrata, at Athens , Chremes has a son, named Phaedria, and his brother has a son, named Antipho. Phanium having now arrived at her fifteenth year, the two brothers privately agree that she shall be brought to Athens and married to Antipho. For this purpose, Chremes goes to Lemnos , while Demipho is obliged to take a journey to Cilicia . On departing, they leave their sons in the care of Geta, one of Demipho's servants. Shortly afterward, Phaedria falls in love with a Music-girl, but, from want of means, is unable to purchase her from her owner. In the mean time, the Lemnian wife of Chremes, urged by poverty, embarks for Athens , whither she arrives with her daughter and her nurse. Here they inquire for Stilpho, but in vain, as they can not find any one of that name. Shortly after, the mother dies, and Antipho, seeing Phanium by accident, falls in love with her. Being wishful to marry her, he applies to Phormio, a Parasite, for his advice. The latter hits upon the following scheme: there being a law at Athens , which obliges the next-of-kin to female orphans, either to marry them or give them a portion, the Parasite pretends that he is a friend of Phanium, and insists that Antipho is her nearest relation, and is consequently bound to marry her. Antipho is summoned before a court of justice, and it being previously arranged, allows judgment to be given against himself, and immediately marries Phanium. Shortly after, the old men return upon the same day, and are much vexed, the one on finding that his son has married a woman without a fortune, the other that he has lost the opportunity of getting his daughter advantageously married. In the mean time, Phaedria being necessitated to raise some money to purchase the Music-girl, Geta and Phormio arrange that the former shall pretend to the old man that Phormio has consented to take back the woman whom Antipho has married, if Demipho will give her a portion of thirty mine. Demipho borrows the money of Chremes, and pays it to Phormio, who hands it over to Phaedria, and Phaedria to Dorio, for his mistress. At this conjuncture, it becomes known who Phanium really is, and the old men are delighted to find that Antipho has married the very person they wished. They attempt, however, to get back the thirty minae from Phormio, and proceed to threats and violence. On this, Phormio, who has accidentally learned the intrigue of Chremes with the woman of Lemnos , exposes him, and relates the whole story to his wife, Nausistrata; on which she censures her husband for his bad conduct, and the Play concludes with her thanks to Phormio for his information.

THE TITLE OF THE PLAY. 
 PERFORMED at the Roman Games, L. Posthumius Albinus and L. Cornelius Merula being Curule Aediles. L. Ambivius Turpio and L. Atilius Praenestinus performed it. Flaccus, the freedman of Claudius, composed the music to a base and a treble flute. It is wholly from the Greek, being the Epidicazomenos of Apollodorus. It was represented four times, C. Fannius and M. Valerius being Consuls.

THE SUMMARY OF C. SULPITIUS APOLLINARIS. 
 DEMIPHO, the brother of Chremes, has gone abroad, his son Antipho being left at Athens . Chremes has secretly a wife and a daughter at Lemnos , another wife at Athens , and an only son, who loves a Music-girl. The mother arrives at Athens from Lemnos , and there dies. The girl, her orphan daughter, (Chremes being away,) arranges the funeral. After Antipho has fallen in love with her when seen there, through the aid of the Parasite he receives her as his wife. His father and Chremes, having now returned. begin to be enraged. Afterward they give thirty minae to the Parasite, that he may take her as his own wife. With this money the Music-girl is bought for Phoedria. Antipho then keeps his wife, who has been recognized by his uncle.

THE PROLOGUE. 
 SINCE the old Poet 
 can not withdraw our bard from his pursuits and reduce him to indolence, he endeavors, by invectives, to deter him from writing: for he is wont to say to this effect,--that the Plays which he has hitherto composed are poor in their language, and of meagre style; because he has nowhere described a frantic youth as seeing a hind in flight, and the hounds pursuing; while he implores and entreated that he would give her aid. But if he had been aware that his Play, when formerly first represented, stood its ground more through the merits of the performers than its own, he would attack with much less boldness than he does. Now, if there is any one who says or thinks to this effect, that if the old Poet had not assailed him first, the young one could have devised no Prologue for him to repeat, without having some one to abuse, let him receive this for an answer: "that the prize is proposed in common to. all who apply to the Dramatic art." He has aimed at driving our Poet from his studies to absolute want; he then has in-tended this for an answer, not an attack. If he had opposed him with fair words, he would have heard himself civilly addressed; what has been given by him, let him consider as now returned. I will make an end of speaking about him, when, of his own accord, he himself makes an end of offending. Now give your attention to what I request. I present you a new Play, which they call "Epidicazomenos," 
 in Greek: in the Latin, he calls it "Phormio;" because the person that acts the principal part is Phormio, a Parasite, through whom, principally, the plot will be' carried on, if your flavor attends the Poet. Lend your attention; in silence give an ear with impartial feelings, that we may not experience a like fortune to what we did, when, through a tumult, our Company was driven from the place; 
 which place, the merit of the actor, and your good-will and candor seconding it, has since restored unto us.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 Enter DAVUS, with a bag of money in his hand. 
 
 DAVUS 
 Geta, my very good friend and fellow-townsman, came to me yesterday. There had been for some time a trifling balance of money of his in my hands upon a small account; he asked me to make it up. I have done so, and am carrying it to him. But I hear that his master's son has taken a wife; this, I suppose, is scraped together as a present for her. How unfair a custom!--that those who have the least should always be giving something to the more wealthy! That which the poor wretch has with difficulty spared, ounce by ounce, out of his allowance, 
 defrauding himself of every indulgence, the whole of it will she carry of, without thinking with how much labor it has been acquired. And then besides, Geta will be struck 
 for another present 
 when his mistress is brought to bed; and then again for another present, when the child's birthday comes; when they initiate him, 
 too: all this the mother will carry off; the child will only be the pretext for the present. But don't I see Geta there?

Enter GETA, from the house of DEMIPHO. 
 
 GETA 
 
 at the door, to those within. If any red-haired man should inquire for me---- 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 
 stepping forward. Here he is, say no more. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 starting. Oh! Why I was trying to come and meet you, Davus. 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 
 giving the money to GETA. Here, take it; it's all ready counted out; 
 the number just amounts to the sum I owed you.' 
 
 
 GETA 
 I am obliged to you; and I return you thanks for not having forgotten me. 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 Especially as people's ways are nowadays; things are come to such a pass, if a person repays you any thing, you must be greatly obliged to him. But why are you out of spirits? 
 
 
 GETA 
 What, I? You little know what terror and peril I am in. 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 What's the matter? 
 
 
 GETA. 
 You shall know, if you can only keep it secret. 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 Out upon you, simpleton; the man, whose trustworthiness you have experienced as to money, are you afraid to intrust with words? In what way have I any interest in deceiving you? 
 
 
 GETA 
 Well then, listen. 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 I give you my best attention. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Davus, do you know Chremes, the elder brother of our old gentleman? 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 Why should I not? 
 
 
 GETA 
 Well, and his son Phaedria? 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 As well as your own self. 
 
 
 GETA 
 It so happened to both the old gentlemen, just at the same period, that the one had to take a journey to Lemnos , and our old man to Cilicia , to see an old acquaintance; he tempted over the old man by letters, promising him all but mountains of gold.
 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 To one who had so much property, that he had more than he could use? 
 
 
 GETA 
 Do have done; that is his way. 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 Oh, as for that, I really ought to have been a man of fortune. 
 
 
 GETA 
 When departing hence, both the old gentlemen left ne as a sort of tutor to their sons. 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 Ah, Geta, you undertook a hard task there. 
 
 
 GETA 
 I came to experience it, I know that. I'm quite sure that I was forsaken by my good Genius, who must have been angry with me. 
 I began to oppose them at first; but what need of talking? As long as I was trusty to the old men, I was paid for it in my shoulder-blades. This, then, occurred to my mind: why, this is folly to kick against the spur. 
 I began to do every thing for them that they wished to be humored in. 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 You knew how to make your market. 
 
 
 
 
 GETA 
 Our young fellow did no mischief whatever at first; that Phaedria at once picked up a certain damsel, a Music-girl, and fell in love with her to distraction. She belonged to a most abominable Procurer; and their fathers had taken good care that they should have nothing to give him.. There remained nothing for him then but to feed his eyes, to follow her about, to escort her to the school, 
 and to escort her back again. We, having nothing to do, lent our aid to Phaedria. Near the school at which she was taught, right opposite the place, there was a certain barber's shop: here we were generally in the habit of waiting for her, until she was coming home again. In the mean time, while one day we were sitting there, there came in a young man in tears; we were surprised at this. We inquired what was the matter? "Never," said he, "has poverty appeared to me a burden so grievous and so insupportable as just now. I have just seen a certain poor young woman in this neighborhood lamenting her dead mother. She was laid out before her, and not a single friend, acquaintance, or relation was there with her, except one poor old woman, to assist her in the funeral: I pitied her. The girl herself was of surpassing beauty." What need of a long story? She moved us all. At once Antipho exclaims, "Would you like us to go and visit her?" The other said, "I think awe ought--let us go--show us the way, please." We went, and arrived there; we saw her; the girl was beautiful, and that you might say so the more, there was no heightening to her beauty; her hair disheveled, her feet bare, herself neglected, and in tears; her dress:mean, so 'that, had there not been an excess of beauty in her very charms, these circumstances must have extinguished those charms. The one who had lately fallen in love with the Music-girl said: "She is well enough;" but our youth---- 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 I know it already-fell in love with her. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Can you imagine to what an extent? Observe the consequence. The day after, he goes straight to the old woman; entreats her to let him have her: she, on the other hand, refuses him, and says that he is not acting properly; that,she is a citizen of Athens , virtuous, and born of honest parents: that if he wishes to make her his wife, he is at liberty to do so according to law; but if otherwise, she gives him a refusal. Our youth was at a loss what to. do. He was both eager to marry her, and he dreaded his absent father.
 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 Would not his father, if he had returned, have given him leave? 
 
 
 GETA 
 He let him marry a girl with no fortune, and of obscure birth! He would never do so. 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 What came of it at last? 
 
 
 GETA 
 What came of it? There is one Phormio here, a Parasite, a fellow of great assurance; may all the Gods confound him! 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 What has he done? 
 
 
 GETA 
 He has given this piece of advice, which I will tell you of. "There is a law, that orphan girls are to marry those who are their next-of-kin; and the same law commands such persons to marry them. I'll say you are the next-of-kin, and take out a summons 
 against you; I'll pretend that I am a friend of the girl's father; we will come before the judges: who her father was, who her mother, how she is related to you--all this I'll trump up, just as will be advantageous and suited to my purpose; on your disproving none of these things, I shall prevail, of course. Your father will return; a quarrel will be the consequence; what care I? She will still be ours." 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 An amusing piece of assurance! 
 
 
 GETA 
 He was, persuaded to this. It was carried out; they came into court: we were beaten. He has married her. 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 What is it you tell me? 
 
 
 GETA 
 Just what you have heard. 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 0 Geta, what will become of you? 
 
 
 GETA 
 Upon my faith, I don't know; this one thing I do know, whatever fortune may bring, I'll bear it with firmness. 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 You please me; well, that is the duty of a man. 
 
 
 GETA 
 All my hope is in myself. 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 I commend you. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Suppose I have recourse to some one to intercede for me, who will plead for: me in these terms: "Pray, do forgive him this time; but if after this he does any thing, I make no entreaty:" if only he doesn't add, "When I've gone, e'en kill him for my part." 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 What of the one who was usher to the Music-girl? 
 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 shrugging his shoulders. So so, but poorly. 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 Perhaps he hasn't much to give. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Why, really, nothing at all, except mere hopes. 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 Is his father come back or not? 
 
 
 GETA 
 Not yet. 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 Well, when do you expect your old man? 
 
 
 GETA 
 I don't know for certain; but I just now heard that a letter has been brought from him, and has been left with the officers of the customs: I'm going to fetch it. 
 
 
 DAVUS 
 Is there any thing else that you want with me, Geta? 
 
 
 GETA 
 Nothing, but that I wish you well. Exit DAVUS. Hark you, boy calling at the door . Is nobody coming out here? A LAD comes out. Take this, and give it to Dorcium. He gives the purse to the LAD, who carries it into DEMIPHO'S house and exit GETA.

Enter ANTIPHO and PHAEDRIA. 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 That things should have come to such a pass, Phaedria, that I should be in utter dread ,of my father, who wishes me so well, whenever his return comes into my thoughts! Had I not been inconsiderate, I might have waited for him, as I ought to have done. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 What's the matter? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Do you ask the question? You, who have been my confederate in so bold an adventure? How I do wish it had never entered the mind of Phormio to persuade me to this, or to urge me in the heat of my passion to this step, which is the source of my misfortunes. Then I should not have obtained her; in that case I might have been uneasy for some few days; but still, this perpetual anxiety would not have been tormenting my mind touching PHAEDRIA . 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 I hear you.
 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 While I am every moment expecting his return, who is to sever from me this connection. 
 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Other men feel uneasiness because they can not gain what they love; you complain because you have too much. You are surfeited with love, Antipho. Why, really, upon my faith, this situation of yours is surely one to be coveted and desired. So may the Gods kindly bless me, could I be at liberty to be so long in possession of the object of my love, I could contentedly die. Do you, then, form a judgment as to the rest, what I am now suffering from this privation, and what pleasure you enjoy from the possession of your desires; not to mention how, without any expense, you have obtained a well-born and genteel woman, and have got a wife of unblemished reputation: happy you, were not this one thing wanting, a mind capable of bearing all this with moderation. If you had to deal with that Procurer with whom I have to deal, then you would soon be sensible of it. We are mostly all of us inclined by nature to be dissatisfied with our lot. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Still, on the other hand, Phadria, you now seem to me the fortunate man, who still have the liberty, without restraint, of resolving on what pleases you best: whether to keep, to love on, or to give her up. I, unfortunately, have got my-self into that position, that I have neither right to give her up, nor liberty to retain her. But how's this? Is it our Geta I see running this way? 'Tis he himself. Alas! I'm dreadfully afraid what news it is he's now bringing me.

Enter GETA, running, at the other side of the stage. 
 
 GETA 
 
 to himself. Geta, you are undone, unless you instantly find out some expedient; so suddenly do such mighty evils now threaten me thus unprepared, which I neither know how to shun, nor how to extricate myself therefrom; for this daring step of:ours can not now any longer be kept a secret. If such a result is not adroitly guarded against, these matters will cause the ruin of myself, or of my master. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 to PHAEDRIA. Why, I wonder, is he coming in such fright?: 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 to himself. Besides, I've but a moment left for this matter--my master's close at hand. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 to PHAEDRIA. What mischief is this? 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 to himself. When he comes to hear of it, what remedy shall I discover for his anger Am I to speak? I shall irritate him: be silent? I shall provoke him: excuse myself? I should be washing a brickbat. Alas! unfortunate me! While I am trembling for myself, this Antipho distracts my mind. I am concerned for him; I'm in dread for him: 'tis he that now keeps me here; for had it not been for him, I should have made due provision for my safety, and have taken vengeance on the old man for his crabbedness; I should have scraped up something, and straightway taken to my heels away from here. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 to PHAEDRIA. I wonder What running away or theft it is that he's planning. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 to himself. But where shall I find Antipho, or which way go look for him? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 
 to ANTIPHO. He's mentioning your name. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 to PHADRIA. I know not what great misfortune I expect to hear from this messenger. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 
 to ANTIPHO. Why, are you in your senses? 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 to himself. I'll make my way homeward; he's generally there. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 
 to ANTIPHO. Let's call the fellow back. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 calling out. Stop, this instant. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 turning round. Heyday--with authority enough, whoever you are. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Geta! 
 
 
 GETA 
 The very person I wanted to find.
 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Pray, tell me what news you bring, and dispatch it in one word, if you can. 
 
 
 GETA 
 I'll do so. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Out with it. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Just now, at the harbor---- 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 What, my father?---- 
 
 
 GETA 
 You've hit it. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 . Ruined outright! 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Pshaw! 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 What am I to do? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 
 to GETA. What is it you say? 
 
 
 GETA 
 That I have seen his father, your uncle. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 How am I, wretch that I am, now to find a remedy for this sudden misfortune? But if it should be my fortune, Phanium, to be torn away from you, life would cease to be desirable. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Therefore, Antipho, since matters are thus, the more need have you to be on your guard; fortune helps the brave. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 I am not myself. 
 
 
 GETA 
 But just now it is especially necessary you should be so, Antipho; for if your father perceives that you are alarmed, he will think that you have been guilty of sone fault. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 That's true. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 I can not change. 
 
 
 GETA 
 What would you do, if now something else still more difficult had to be done by you? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 As I am not equal to this, I should be still less so to the other. 
 
 
 GETA 
 This is doing nothing at all, Phaedria, let's be gone; why do we waste our time here to no purpose. I shall be off. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 And I too. They move as if going. 
 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Pray, now, if I assume an air, will that do? He endeavors to assume another air. 
 
 
 
 GETA 
 You are trifling. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Look at my countenance--there's for you. Assuming a different air. Will that do? 
 
 
 GETA 
 No. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Well, will this? Assuming another air. 
 
 
 
 GETA 
 Pretty well.
 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Well then, this? Assuming a still bolder air. 
 
 
 
 GETA 
 That's just the thing. There now, keep to that, and answer him word for word, like for like; don't let him, in his anger, disconcert you with his blustering words. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 I understand. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Say that you were forced against your will by law, by sentence of the court; do you take me? Looking earnestly in one direction. But who is the old man that I see at the end of the street? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 'Tis he himself. I can not stand it. Going. 
 
 
 
 GETA 
 Oh! What are you about? Whither are you going, Antipho? Stop, I tell you. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 I know my own self and my offense; to your management I trust Phanium and my own existence. (Exit hastily.) 
 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Geta, what's to be done now? 
 
 
 GETA 
 You will just hear some harsh language: I shall be trussed up and trounced, if I am not somewhat mistaken. But what we were just now advising Antipho to do, the same we must do ourselves, Phaedria. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Away with your "musts;" rather do you command me what I am to do. 
 
 
 GETA 
 DO you remember what were your words formerly on our entering upon this project, with the view of protecting yourselves from ill consequences--that their cause was just, clear, unanswerable, and most righteous? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 I remember it. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Well then, now there's need of that plea, or of one still better and more plausible, if such there can be. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 I'll use my best endeavors. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Do you then accost him first; I'll be here in re-serve, by way of reinforcement, if you give ground at all. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Very well. They retire to a distance.

Enter DEMIPHO, at the other side of the stage. 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 to himself. And is it possible that Antipho has taken a wife without my consent? and that no authority of mine--but let alone "authority" --no displeasure of mine, at all events, has he been in dread of? To have no sense of shame! O audacious conduct! O Geta, rare adviser! 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 apart to PHAEDRIA. Just brought in at last. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 What will they say to me, or what excuse will they find? I wonder much. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 apart. Why, I've found that out already; do think of something else. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Will he be saying this to me: "I did it against my will; the law compelled me?" I hear you, and admit it. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 apart. Well said! 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 But knowingly, in silence, to give up the cause to his adversaries--did the law oblige him to do that as well? 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 apart. That is a hard blow. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 I'll clear that up; let me alone for that. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 It is a matter of doubt what I am to do; for beyond expectation, and quite past all belief, has this befallen me. So enraged am I, that I can not compose my mind to think upon it. Wherefore it is the duty of all persons, when affairs are the most prosperous, then in especial to reflect within themselves in what way they are to endure adversity. Returning from abroad, let him always picture to himself dangers and losses, either offenses committed by a son, or the death of his wife, or the sickness of a daughter,--that these things are the common lot, so that no one of them may ever come as a surprise upon his feelings. Whatever falls out beyond his hopes, all that he must look upon as so much gain.
 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 apart. O Phaedria, it is incredible how much I surpass my master in wisdom. All my misfortunes have been already calculated upon by me, upon my master coming home. I must grind at the mill, be beaten, wear fetters, be set to work in the fields; not one individual thing of these will happen unexpected by my mind. Whatever falls out beyond my expectations, all that I shall look upon as so much gain. But why do you hesitate to accost him, and soften him at the outset with fair words? PHAEDRIA goes forward to accost DEMIPHO. 
 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 to himself. I see Phaedria, my brother's son, coming toward me. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 My uncle, welcome! 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Greetings to you; but where is Antipho? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 That you have arrived in safety---- 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I believe it; answer my question. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 He is well; he's close at hand; but is every thing quite to your wishes? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I wish it was so, indeed. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 What's the matter? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Do you ask me, Phaedria? You people have cooked up a fine marriage in my absence. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 What now, are you angry with him for that? 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 apart. What a clever contriver! 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Have I not reason to be angry with him? I long for him to come into my sight, that he may know that through his faultiness, from being a mild father, I am become a most severe one. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 But he has done nothing, uncle, for which you should blame him. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Now, do look at that; all alike; all hanging together; when you know one, you know all. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 That is not the case. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 When the one is in fault, the other is at hand to defend him; when it is the other, then he is ready; they just help one another by turns. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 apart. The old man, without. knowing it, has exactly described their proceedings. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 For if it had not been so, you would not, Phaedria, have stood up for him. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 If, uncle; it is the fact, that Antipho has been guilty of any fault, in consequence of which he has been too regardless of his interest or his reputation, I would not allege any reason why he should not suffer what he deserves. But if some one by chance, relying upon his own artfulness, has laid a snare for our youthful age, and has succeeded, is it our fault or that of the judges, who often, through envy, take away from the rich, or, through compassion, award to the poor? 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 apart. Unless I knew the case, I could fancy he was saying the truth. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Is there any judge who can possibly know your rights, when you yourself don't answer a word--as he has done? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 He acted the part of an ingenuous young man; after they had come before the judges, he was not able to say what he had intended, so much did his modesty confuse him there through his bashfulness. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 apart. I commend him: but why do I hesitate at once to accost the old man? Going forward to DEMIPHO. Master, welcome to you! I'm glad to see you safe returned. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 ironically. Ah, excellent guardian! save you, stay of my family, no doubt, to whom, at my departure, I intrusted my son. 
 
 
 GETA 
 For some minutes past I've heard you accusing all of us undeservedly; and me the most undeservedly of them all; for what would you have had me do for you in this affair? The laws do not allow a person who is a slave to plead; nor is there any giving evidence on his part. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I grant all that: I admit this too--the young man, unused to courts, was bashful; I allow it: you, too, are a slave: still, if she was ever so near a relative, it was not necessary for him to marry her, but as the law enjoins, you might have given her a portion; she could have looked out for another husband. Why, then, in preference, did he bring a pauper home?
 
 
 
 GETA 
 No particular reason; but he hadn't the money. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 He might have borrowed it from some person or other. 
 
 
 GETA 
 From some person or other? Nothing more easily said. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 After all, if on no other terms, on interest. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Aye, aye, fine talking; as if any one would have trusted him, while you were living. 
 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 No, it shall not be so; it must not be. Ought I to allow her to remain with him as his wife a single day? She merits no indulgence. I should like this fellow to be pointed out to me, or to be shown where he lives. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Phormio, do you mean? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 That fellow, the woman's next friend? 
 
 
 
 GETA 
 I'll have him here immediately. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Where is Antipho at present? 
 
 
 GETA 
 Away from home. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Go, Phedria, look for him, and bring him here. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 I'Il go straightway to the place. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 aside. To Pamphila, you mean. (Exeunt PHAEDRIA and GETA.
 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 to himself. I'll just step home to salute the house-hold Gods. From there, I'll go to the Forum, and summon some of my friends to give me their assistance in this affair; so that I may not be unprepared, when Phormio comes. Goes into his house.

Enter PHORMIO and GETA. 
 
 PHORMIO 
 And so you say that, dreading his father's presence, he has taken himself off? 
 
 
 GETA 
 Exactly so. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 That Phanium is left alone? 
 
 
 GETA 
 Just so. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 And that the old man is in a rage? 
 
 
 GETA 
 Extremely so. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 The whole business, Phormio, rests on yourself alone; you yourself have hashed it up; it must all be swallowed by yourself, so set about it. 
 
 
 GETA 
 I entreat you---- 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 to himself. If he inquires. 
 
 
 GETA 
 In you is all our hope. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 to himself. Look at this, now:--What if he sends her back? 
 
 
 GETA 
 It was you that urged us.
 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 to himself. I think that will do. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Do help us. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 with alacrity. Let the old gentleman come; all my plans are now ready prepared in my mind. 
 
 
 GETA 
 What will you do? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 What would you have me? But that Phanium may continue with him, and that I may clear Antipho from this charge, and turn upon myself all the wrath of the old gentleman? 
 
 
 GETA 
 O brave and kind man! But, Phormio, I often dread lest this courage may end in the stocks at last. 
 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Oh, by no means; I've made trial, and have already pondered on the paths for my feet. How many men before to-day do you suppose I have beaten, even to death, strangers as well as citizens: the better I understand it, the oftener I try it. Just tell me, look you, did you ever hear of an action of damages being brought against me? 
 
 
 GETA 
 How is that? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Because the net is never spread for the hawk or the kite, that do us the mischief; it is spread for those that do us none: because in the last there is profit, while with the others it is labor lost.- For persons, out of whom any thing can be got, there's risk from others; they know that I've got nothing. You will say: "They will take you, when sentenced, into their house;" they have no wish to maintain a devouring fellow; and, in my opinion, they are wise, if for an injury they are unwilling to return the highest benefits.
 
 
 
 GETA 
 It's impossible that sufficient thanks can be returned you by him for your kindness. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Why no; no person can return thanks sufficient to his patron for his kindness. For you to take your place at table at free cost, anointed and just washed at the bath, with your mind at ease, whereas he is devoured with the care and expense: while every thing is being done to give you delight, he is being vexed at heart; you are laughing away, first to drink, take the higher place; a banquet full of doubts is placed before you---- 
 
 
 GETA 
 What is the meaning of that expression? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 When you are in doubt which in especial to par-take of. When you enter upon a consideration how delicious these things are, and how costly they are, the person who provides them, must you not account him a very God--neither more nor less? 
 
 
 GETA 
 The old man is coming; take care what you are about; the first onset is the fiercest; if you stand that, then, afterward, you may play just as you please. They retire to a distance.

Enter, at a distance, DEMIPHO, HEGIO, CRATINUS, and CRITO, following him. 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Well now--did you ever hear of an injury being done to any person in a more affronting manner than this has to me? Assist me, I do beg of you. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 apart. He's in a passion.
 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 apart. Do you mind your cue; I'll rouse him just now. Stepping forward and crying aloud. Oh immortal Gods! does Demipho deny that Phanium here is related to him? 
 
 
 GETA 
 He does deny it. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 to his friends. I believe it is the very man I was speaking about. Follow me. They all come forward. 
 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 to GETA. And that he knows who her father was? 
 
 
 GETA 
 He does deny it. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 And that he knows who Stilpho was? 
 
 
 GETA 
 He does deny it. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Because the poor thing was left destitute, her father is disowned; she herself is slighted: see what avarice does. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 in a loud voice. If you are going to accuse my: master of avarice, you shall hear what you won't like. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Oh, the impudence of the fellow! Does he come on purpose to accuse me? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 For really, I have no reason why I should be offended at the young man, if he did not know him; since that person, when growing aged and poor, and supporting himself by his labor, generally confined himself to the country; there hehad a piece of land from my father to cultivate; full oft, in the mean time, did the old. man tell me that this kinsman of his neglected him: but what a man? The very best I ever saw in all my life. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 in a loud voice. Look to yourself as well as to him, how you speak. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 with affected indignation. Away, to utter perdition, with you. For if I had not formed such an opinion of him, I should never have incurred such enmity with your family on her account, whom he now slights in such an ungenerous manner. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 aloud. What, do you persist in speaking abusively of my master in his absence, you most abominable fellow? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Why, it's just what he deserves. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 aloud. Say you so, you jail-bird? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 calling aloud. Geta! 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 aloud. A plunderer of people's property--a perverter of the laws! 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 calling aloud. Geta!
 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 apart, in a low voice. Answer him. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Who is it? Looking round. Oh!---- 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Hold your peace. 
 
 
 GETA 
 He has never left off uttering abuse against you behind your back, unworthy of you, and just befitting himself. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Well now, have done. Addressing PHORMIO. Young man, in the first place, with your good leave, I ask you this, if you may possibly be pleased to give me an answer: explain to me who this friend of yours was, that you speak of, and how he said that he was related to me. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 sneeringly. You are fishing it out, just as if you didn't know. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I, know? 
 
 
 PEM. 
 Yes. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I say I do not; you, Who affirm it, recall it to my recollection. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Come now, didn't you know your own cousin-ger-man? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 You torture me to death; tell me his name. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 His name? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Of course. PHORMIO hesitates. Why are you silent now? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 aside. Heavens, I'm undone; I've forgot the name. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Well, what do you say? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 aside, to GETA. Geta, if you recollect the name I told you a short time since, prompt me. Aloud, to DEMIPHO. Well then, I sha'n't tell you; as if you didn't know, you come to pump me. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I, come to pump you, indeed? 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 whispering to PHORMIO. Stilpho. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 But, after all, what matters that to me? It is Stilpho. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Whom did you say? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Stilpho, I tell you; you knew him. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I neither know him, nor had I ever any relation of that name. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Say you so? Are you not ashamed of this? But if he had left you ten talents---- 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 May the Gods confound you! 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 You'd have been the first, from memory, to trace your line of kindred, even as far back as from grandfather and great-grandfather. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Very likely what you say. In that case, when I had undertaken it, I should have shown how she was related to me; do you do the same: tell me, how is she related to me? 
 
 
 GETA 
 Well done, my master, that's right! Threateningly to PHORMIO. Hark you, take you care. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 I've already made the matter quite plain where I ought, before the judges; besides, if it was untrue, why didn't your son disprove it? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Do you talk about my son to me? Of whose folly there is no speaking in the language it deserves. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Then do you, who are so wise, go to the magistrates, that for you they may give a second decision in the same cause, since you reign alone here, and are the only man allowed to get a second trial in the same cause. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Although wrong has been done me, still, however, rather than engage in litigation, or listen to you, just as though she had been my relation, as the law orders one to find her a portion, rid me of her, and take five minae. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 laughing.) Ha, ha, ha! a pleasant individual! 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Well! am I asking any thing unfair? Or am I not to obtain even this, which is my right at common law? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Pray, really is it so, that when you have abused-her like a courtesan, the law orders you to pay her hire and pack her off? Or is it the fact, that in order that a citizen may bring no disgrace upon herself through poverty, she has been ordered to be given to her nearest relative, to pass her life with him alone? A thing which you mean to prevent. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Yes, to her nearest.relative, indeed; but why to us, or on what ground? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Well, well, a thing tried, they say, you can't try over again. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Not try it? On the contrary, I shall not desist until I have gone through with it. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 You are trifling.
 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Only let me alone for that. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 In short, Demipho, I have nothing to do with you; your son has been cast, and not you; for your time of life for marrying has now gone by. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Consider that it is he that says to you all I now say, or else assuredly, together with this wife of his, I'll be forbidding him the house. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 aside. He's in a passion. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 You'll be acting more considerately. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Are you so resolved, you unlucky fellow, to do me all the mischief you can? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 aside, to GETA. He's afraid of us, although he's so careful to conceal it. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 aside, to PHORMIO. Your beginning has turned out well. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 But if, on the contrary, you endure what must be endured, you'll be doing what's worthy of you, so that we may be on friendly terms. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 indignantly. What, I seek your friendship, or have any wish to see or hear you? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 If you can agree with her, you will have some one to cheer up your old age; just consider your time of life. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Let her cheer up yourself; keep her to yourself. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Really, do moderate your passion. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Mark what I say. There have been words enough already; if you don't make haste to fetch away the woman, I shall turn her out: I have said it, Phormio. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 If you use her in any other manner than is befitting a free-born woman, I shall be bringing a swinging action against you: I have said it, Demipho. To GETA. Hark you, if there should be any occasion for me, I shall be at home. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 apart. I understand you. (Exit PHORMIO.)

DEMIPHO, HEGIO, CRATINUS, CRITO, and GETA. 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 What care and anxiety my son does bring upon me, by entangling himself and me in this same marriage! And he doesn't so much as come into my sight, that at least I might know what he says about this matter. or what his sentiments are. To GETA. Be off, go see whether he has returned home or not by this. 
 
 
 GETA 
 I will. Goes into the house. 
 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 to the ASSISTANTS. You see how the case stands. What am I to do? Tell me, Hegio. 
 
 
 HEGIO 
 What, I? I think Cratinus ought, if it seems good to you. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Tell me, Cratinus. 
 
 
 CRATINUS 
 What, do you wish me to speak? I should like you to do what is most for your advantage; it is my opinion, that what this son of yours has done in your absence, in law and justice ought to be annulled; and that you'll obtain redress. That's my opinion. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Say now, Hegio. 
 
 
 HEGIO 
 I believe that he has spoken with due deliberation; but it is the fact, "as many men, so many minds;" every, one his own way. It doesn't appear to me that what has been done by law can be revoked; and it is wrong to attempt it. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Speak, Crito. 
 
 
 CRITO 
 I am of opinion that we must deliberate further; it is a, matter of importance. 
 
 
 HEGIO 
 Do you want any thing further with us? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 You have done very well. Exeunt ASSISTANTS. I am much more at a loss than before.

 Re-enter GETA, from the house. 
 
 
 
 GETA 
 They say that he has not come back. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I must wait for my brother. The advice that he gives me about this matter, I shall follow. I'll go make inquiry at the harbor, when he is to come back. (Exit.) 
 
 
 
 GETA 
 And I'll go look for Antipho, that he may learn what has passed here. But look, I see him coming this way, just in the very nick of time.

Enter ANTIPHO, at a distance. 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 to himself. Indeed, Antipho, in many ways you are to be blamed for these feelings; to have thus run away, and intrusted your existence to the protection of other people. Did you suppose that others would give more attention to your interests than your own self? For, however other matters stood, certainly you should have thought of her whom you have now at home, that she might not suffer- any harm in consequence of her confiding in you, whose hopes and resources, poor thing, are all now centred in yourself alone. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 coming forward. Why really, master, we have for some time been censuring you here in your absence, for having thus gone away. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 You are the very person I was looking for. 
 
 
 GETA 
 But still, we were not a bit the more remiss on that account. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Tell me, I beg of you, in what posture are my interests and fortunes. Has my father any suspicion? 
 
 
 GETA 
 Not any at present. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Is there still any hope? 
 
 
 GETA 
 I don't know. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Alas!
 
 
 
 GETA 
 But Phaedria has not neglected to use his endeavors in your behalf. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 He did nothing new. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Then Phormio, too; in this matter, just as in every thing else, showed himself a man of energy. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 What did he do? 
 
 
 GETA 
 With his words he silenced the old man, who was very angry. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Well done, Phormio! 
 
 
 GETA 
 I, too, did all I could. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 My dear Geta, I love you all. 
 
 
 GETA 
 The commencement is just in this position, as I tell you: matters, at present; are going on smoothly, and your father intends to wait for your uncle till he arrives. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Why him? 
 
 
 GETA 
 He said he was wishful to act by his advice, in all that relates to this business. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 How greatly now, Geta, I do dread my uncle's safe arrival! For, according to his single sentence, from what I hear, I am to live or die. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Here comes Phaedria. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Where is he, pray? 
 
 
 GETA 
 See, he's coming from his place of exercise.

Enter from DORIO'S house, DORIO, followed by PHAEDRIA. 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Prithee, hear me, Dorio. 
 
 
 DORIO 
 I'll not hear you. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Only a moment. 
 
 
 DORIO 
 Let me alone. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Do hear what I have to say. 
 
 
 DORIO 
 Why really I am tired of hearing the same thing a thousand times over. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 But now, I have something to tell you that you'll hear with pleasure. 
 
 
 DORIO 
 Speak then; I'm listening.
 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Can I not prevail on you to wait for only three days? Whither are you going now? 
 
 
 DORIO 
 I was wondering if you had any thing new to offer. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 apart, to GETA. I'm afraid for this Procurer, lest-- 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 apart, to ANTIPHO. Something may befall his own safety. 
 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 You don't believe me? 
 
 
 DORIO 
 You guess right. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 But if I pledge my word. 
 
 
 DORIO 
 Nonsense! 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 You will have reason to say that this kindness was well laid out by you on interest. 
 
 
 DORIO 
 Stuff! 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Believe me, you will be glad you did so; upon my faith, it is the truth. 
 
 
 DORIO 
 Mere dreams! 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Do but try; the time is not long. 
 
 
 DORIO 
 The same story over again. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 You will be my kinsman, my father, my friend; you---- 
 
 
 DORIO 
 Now, do prate on. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 For you to be of a disposition so harsh and inexorable, that neither by pity nor by entreaties can you be softened! 
 
 
 DORIO 
 For you to be of a disposition so unreasonable and so unconscionable, Phadria, that you can be talking me over with fine words, and be for amusing yourself with what's my property for nothing! 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 apart, to GETA. I am sorry for him. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 
 aside. Alas! I feel it to be too true. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 apart, to ANTIPHO. How well each keeps up to his character!
 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 
 to himself. And would that this misfortune had not befallen me at a time when Antipho was occupied with other cares as well. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 coming forward. Ah Phaedria, why, what is the matter? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 O most fortunate Antipho! 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 What, I? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 To have in your possession the object of your love, and have no occasion to encounter such a nuisance as this. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 What I, in my possession? Why yes, as the saying is, I've got a wolf by the ears; 
 for I neither know how to get rid of her, nor yet how to keep her. 
 
 
 DORIO 
 That's just my case with regard to him pointing to PHAEDRIA . 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 to DORIO. Aye, aye, don't you show too little of the Procurer. To PHAEDRIA. What has he been doing? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 What, he? Acting the part of a most inhuman fellow; been and sold my Pamphila. 
 
 
 GETA 
 What! Sold her? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Sold her, say you? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Sold her. 
 
 
 DORIO 
 
 ironically. What a shocking crime--a wench bought with one's own money! 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 I can not prevail upon him to wait for me the next three days, and so far break off the bargain with the person, while I get the money from my friends, which has been promised me; if I don't give it him then, let him not wait a single hour longer. 
 
 
 DORIO 
 Very good. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 It's not a long time that he asks, Dorio; do let him prevail upon you; he'll pay you two-fold for having acted to him thus obligingly. 
 
 
 DORIO 
 Mere words! 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Will you allow Pamphila to be carried away from this place? And then, besides, can you possibly allow their love to be severed asunder? 
 
 
 DORIO 
 Neither I nor you cause that.
 
 
 
 GETA 
 May all the Gods grant you what you are deserving of! 
 
 
 DORIO 
 I have borne with you for several months quite against my inclination; promising and whimpering, and yet bringing nothing; now, on the other hand, I have found one to pay, and not be sniveling; give place to your betters. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 I' faith, there surely was a day named, if I remember right, for you to pay him. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 It is the fact. 
 
 
 DORIO 
 Do I deny it? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Is that day past, then? 
 
 
 DORIO 
 No; but this one has come before it. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Are you not ashamed of your perfidy? 
 
 
 DORIO 
 Not at all, so long as it is for my interest. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Dunghill! 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Dorio, is it right, pray, for you to act thus? 
 
 
 DORIO 
 It is my way; if I suit you, make use of me. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Do you try to trifle with him pointing to PHAEDRIA in this manner? 
 
 
 DORIO 
 Why really, on the contrary, Antipho, it's he trifling with me, for he knew me to be a person of this sort; I supposed him to be quite a different man; he has deceived me; I'm not a bit different to him from what I was before. But however that may be, I'll yet do this; the captain has said, that to-morrow morning he will pay me the money; if you bring it me before that, Phaedria, I'll follow my rule, that he is the first served who is the first to pay. Farewell! Goes into his house.

PHAEDRIA, ANTIPHO, and GETA. 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 What am I to do? Wretch that I am! where am I now in this emergency to raise the money for him, I, who am worse than nothing? If it had been possible for these three days to be obtained of him, it was promised me by then. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Geta, shall we suffer him to continue thus wretched, when he so lately assisted me in the kind way you were mentioning? On the contrary, why not, as there's need of it try to do him a kindness in return?
 
 
 
 GETA 
 For my part, I'm sure it is but fair. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Come then, you are the only man able to serve him. 
 
 
 GETA 
 What can I do? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Procure the money. 
 
 
 GETA 
 I wish I could; but where it is to come from--tell me that. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 My father has come home. 
 
 
 GETA 
 I know; but what of that? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Oh, a word to the wise 
 is quite enough. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Is that it, then? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Just so. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Upon my faith, you really do give me fine advice; out upon you! Ought I not to be heartily glad, if I meet with no mishap through your marriage, but what, in addition to that, you must now bid me, for his sake, to be seeking risk upon risk? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 'Tis true what he says. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 What! am I a stranger to you, Geta? 
 
 
 GETA 
 I don't consider you so. But is it so trifling a matter that the old gentleman is now vexed with us all, that we must provoke him still more, and leave no room for entreaty? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Is another man to take her away from before my eyes to some unknown spot? Alas! speak to me then, Antipho, and look upon me while you have the opportunity, and while I'm present. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Why so, or what are you going to do? Pray, tell me. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 To whatever part of the world she is borne away, I'm determined to follow her or to perish. 
 
 
 GETA 
 May the Gods prosper your design! Cautiously's the word, however. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 to GETA. Do see if you can give him any assistance at all. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Any at all--how? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Pray, do try, that he mayn't be doing something that we may afterward be more or less sorry for, Geta. 
 
 
 GETA 
 I'm considering, He pauses. He's all safe, so far as I can guess: but still, I'm afraid of mischief.
 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Don't be afraid: together with you, we'll share good and bad. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 to PHAEDRIA. How much money do you want? Tell me. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Only thirty mince. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Thirty? Heyday! she's monstrous dear, Phaedria. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Indeed, she's very cheap. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Well, well, I'll get them for you. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Oh the dear man! They both fall to hugging GETA. 
 
 
 
 GETA 
 Take yourselves off. Shakes them of. 
 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 There's need for them directly. 
 
 
 GETA 
 You shall have them directly; but I must have Phormio for my assistant in this business. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 He's quite ready; right boldly lay on him any load you like, he'll bear it: he, in especial, is a friend to his friend. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Let's go to him at once then. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Will you have any occasion for my assistance? 
 
 
 GETA 
 None; but be off home, and comfort that poor thing, who I am sure is now in-doors almost dead with fear. Do you linger? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 There's nothing I could do with so much pleasure. Goes into the house of DEMIPHO. 
 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 What way will you manage this? 
 
 
 GETA 
 I'll tell you on the road; first thing, betake yourself off. (Exeunt.)

Enter DEMIPHO and CHREMES. 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Well, have you brought your daughter with you, Chremes, for whom you went to Lemnos ? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 No. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Why not? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 When her mother found that I staid here longer than usual, and at the same time the age of the girl did not suit with my delays, they told me that she, with all her family, set out in search of me. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Pray, then, why did you stay there so long, when you had heard of this? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Why, faith, a malady detained me. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 From what cause? Or what was it? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Do you ask me? Old age itself is a malady. However, I heard that they had arrived safe, from the caps tain who brought them. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Have you heard, Chremes, what has happened to my son in my absence? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 'Tis that, in fact, that has embarrassed me in my plans. For if I offer my daughter in marriage to any person that's a stranger, it must all be told how and by whom I had her. You I knew to be fully as faithful to me as I am to myself; if a stranger shall think fit to be connected with me by marriage, he will hold his tongue, just as long as good terms exist between us: but if he takes a dislike to me, he'll be knowing more than it's proper he should know. I am afraid, too, lest my wife should, by some means, come to know of it; if that is the case, it only remains for me to shake myself 
 and leave the house; for I'm the only one I can rely on at home. 
 
 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I know it is so, and that circumstance is a cause of anxiety to me; and I shall never cease trying, until I've made good what I promised you.

Enter GETA, on the other side of the stage, not seeing DEMIPHO or CHREMES. 
 
 GETA 
 
 to himself. I never saw a more cunning fellow than this Phormio. I came to the fellow to tell him that money was needed, and by what means it might be procured. Hardly had I said one half, when he understood me; he was quite delighted; complimented me; asked where the old man was; gave thanks to the Gods that an opportunity was afforded him for showing himself no less a friend to Phaedria than to Antipho: I bade the fellow wait for me at the Forum; whither I would bring the old gentlemanly. But see, here's the very man catching sight of the Old Man . Who is the further one? Heyday, Phaedria's father has got back! still, brute beast that I am, what was I afraid of? Is it because two are presented instead of one for me to dupe? I deem it preferable to enjoy a two-fold hope. I'll try for it from him from whom I first intended: if he gives it me, well and good; if I can make nothing of him, then I'll attack this new-comer. 
 
 
 
 
 Enter ANTIPHO from the house, behind at a distance. 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 to himself. I'm expecting every moment that Geta will be here. But I see my uncle standing close by, with my father. Ah me! how much I fear what influence his return may have upon my father! 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 to himself I'll accost them. Goes up to them. O welcome to you, our neighbor Chremes. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Save you, Geta. 
 
 
 GETA 
 I'm delighted to see you safe returned. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 I believe you. 
 
 
 GETA 
 How go matters? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Many changes here upon my arrival, as usually the case. 
 
 
 GETA 
 True; have you heard what has happened to Antipho? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 All. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 to DEMIPHO. What, have you told him? Disgraceful conduct, Chremes, thus to be imposed on. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 It was about that I was talking to him just now. 
 
 
 GETA 
 But really, on carefully reflecting upon this matter I think I have found a remedy.
 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 What is the remedy? 
 
 
 GETA 
 When I left you, by accident Phormio met me. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Who is Phormio? 
 
 
 GETA 
 He who patronized her. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 I understand. 
 
 
 GETA 
 It seemed to me that I might first sound him; I took the fellow aside: "Phormio," said I, "why don't we try to settle these matters between us rather with a good grace than with a bad one? My master's a generous man, and one who hates litigation; but really, upon my faith, all his friends were just now advising him with one voice to turn her instantly out of doors." 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 apart. What is he about? Or where is this to end at last? 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 continuing the supposed conversation. "He'll have to give satisfaction at law, you say, if he turns her out? That has been already inquired into: aye, aye, you'll have enough to do, if you engage with him; he is so eloquent. But suppose he's beaten; still, however, it's not his life, but his money that's at stake." After I found that the fellow was influenced by these words, I said: "We are now by ourselves here; come now, what should you like to be given you, money down, to drop this suit with my master, so that she may betake herself off, and you annoy us no more?" 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 apart. Are the Gods quite on good terms with him? 
 
 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 continuing the conversation. "For I'm quite sure, if you were to mention any thing that's fair and reasonable, as he is a reasonable man, you'll not have to bandy three words with him." 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Who ordered you to say so? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Nay, he could not have more happily contrived to bring about what we want. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 apart. Undone! 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Go on with your story. 
 
 
 GETA 
 At first the fellow raved. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Say, what did he ask? 
 
 
 GETA 
 What? A great deal too much.
 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 How much? Tell me. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Suppose he were to give a great talent. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Aye, faith, perdition to him rather; has he no shame? 
 
 
 GETA 
 Just what I said to him: "Pray," said I, "suppose he was portioning an only daughter of his own. It has been of little benefit that he hasn't one of his own, when another has been found to be demanding a fortune." To be brief, and to pass over his impertinences, this at last was his final answer: "I," said he," from the very first, have been desirous to marry the daughter of my friend, as was fit I should; for I was aware of the ill results of this, a poor wife being married into a rich family, and becoming a slave. But, as I am now conversing with you unreservedly, I was in want of a wife to bring me a little money with which to pay off my debts; and even yet, if Demipho is willing to give as much as I am to receive with her to whom I am engaged, there is no one whom I should better like for a wife." 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 apart. Whether to say he's doing this through folly or mischief, through stupidity or design, I'm in doubt. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 What if he's in debt to the amount of his life? 
 
 
 
 
 GETA 
 His land is mortgaged,--for ten minae he said. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Well, well, let him take her then; I'll give it. 
 
 
 GETA 
 He has a house besides, mortgaged for another ten. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Huy, huy! that's too much. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Don't be crying out; you may have those ten of me. 
 
 
 GETA 
 A lady's maid must be brought for his wife; and then too, a little more is wanted for some furniture, and some is wanted for the wedding expenses. " Well then," said he, "for these items, put down ten more." 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Then let him at once bring six hundred actions 
 against me; I shall give nothing at all; is this dirty fellow to be laughing at me as well?
 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Pray do be quiet; I'll give it: do you only bring your son to marry the woman we want him to have. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 apart. Ah me! Geta, you have ruined me by your treachery. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 'Tis on my account she's turned off; it's right that I should bear the loss. 
 
 
 GETA 
 " Take care and let me know," said he, "as soon as possible, if they are going to let me have her, that I may get rid of the other, so that I mayn't be in doubt; for the others have agreed to.pay me down the portion directly." 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Let him have her at once; let him give notice to them that he breaks off the match with the other, and let him marry this woman. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Yes, and little joy to him of the bargain! 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Luckily, too, I've now brought home some money with me, the rents which my wife's farms at Lemnos produce. I'll take it out of that, and tell my wife that you had occasion for it. They go into the house of CHREMES.

ANTIPHO and GETA. 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 coming forward. Geta. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Well. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 What have you been doing? 
 
 
 GETA 
 Diddling the old fellows out of their money. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Is that quite the thing? 
 
 
 GETA 
 I' faith, I don't know: it's just what I was told to do. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 How now, whip-scoundrel, do you give me an answer to what I don't ask you? Kicks him. 
 
 
 
 GETA 
 What was it then that you did ask? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 What was it I did ask? Through your agency, matters have most undoubtedly come to the pass that I may go hang myself. May then all the Gods, Goddesses, Deities above and below, with every evil confound you! Look now, if you wish any thing to succeed, intrust it to him who may bring you from smooth water on to a rock. What was there less advantageous than to touch upon this sore, or to name my wife? Hopes have been excited in my father that she may possibly be got rid of. Pray now, tell me, suppose Phormio receives the portion, she must be taken home by him as his wife: what's to become of me? 
 
 
 GETA 
 But he's not going to marry her. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 I know that. But ironically when they demand the money back, of course, for our sake, he'll prefer going to prison. 
 
 
 GETA 
 There is nothing, Antipho, but what it may be made worse by being badly told: you leave out what is good, and you mention the bad. Now then, hear the other side: if he receives the money, she must be taken as his wife, you say; I grant you; still, some time at least will be allowed for preparing for the nuptials, for inviting, and for sacrificing. In the mean time, Phoedria's friends will advance what they have promised; out of that he will repay it. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 On what grounds? Or what will he say? 
 
 
 GETA 
 Do you ask the question? "How many circumstances, since then, have befallen me as prodigies? A strange black dog 
 entered the house; a snake came down from the tiles through the sky-light; 
 a hen crowed; 
 the soothsayer forbade it; the diviner 
 warned me not: besides, before winter there is no sufficient reason for me to commence upon any new undertaking." This will be the case. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 I only wish it may be the case. 
 
 
 GETA 
 It shall be the case; trust me for that. Your father's coming out; go tell Phaedria that the money is found.

Enter DEMIPHO and CHREMES, from the house of the latter, the former with a purse of money. 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Do be quiet, I tell you; I'll take care he shall not be playing any tricks upon us. I'll not rashly part with this without having my witnesses; I'll have it stated to whom I pay it, and for what purpose I pay it. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 apart. How cautious he is, when there's no need for it! 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Why yes, you had need do so, and with all haste, while the fit is upon him; for if this other woman shall prove more pressing, perhaps he may throw us over. 
 
 
 GETA 
 You've hit upon the very thing. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Lead me to him then. 
 
 
 GETA 
 I won't delay. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 to DEMIPHO. When you've done so, go over to my wife, that she may call upon her before she goes away. She must tell her that we are going to give her in marriage to Phormio, that she may not be angry with us; and that he is a fitter match for her, as knowing more of her; that we have in no way departed from our duty; that as much has been given for a portion as he asked for. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 What the plague does that matter to you? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 A great deal, Demipho. It is not enough for you to do your duty, if common report does not approve of it; I wish all this to be done with her own sanction as well, that she mayn't be saying that she has been turned out of doors. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I can do all that myself. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 It will come better from one woman to another. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I'll ask her. Goes into the house of CHREMES; and exit GETA. 
 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 to himself. I'm thinking where I can find them now.

Enter SOPHRONA from the house of DEMIPHO, at a distance. 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 
 to herself. What am I to do? What friend, in my distress, shall I find, to whom to disclose these plans; and where shall I look for relief? For I'm afraid that my mistress, in consequence of my advice, may undeservingly sustain some injury, so extremely ill do I hear that the young man's father takes what has happened. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 apart, to himself. But what old woman's this, that has come out of my brother's house, half dead with fright? 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 
 to herself, continuing It was distress that compelled me to this step, though I knew that the match was not likely to hold good; my object was, that in the mean time life might be supported. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 apart, to himself. Upon my faith, surely, unless my recollection deceives me, or my sight's not very good, I espy my daughter's nurse. 
 
 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 
 to herself. And we are not able to find---- 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 apart. What must I do? 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 
 to herself. Her father. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 to himself, apart. Shall I accost her, or shall I wait to learn more distinctly what it is she's saying? 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 
 to herself If now I could find him, there's nothing that I should be in fear of. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 apart, to himself, aloud. 'Tis the very woman. I'll address her. 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 
 turning round. Who's that speaking here? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 coming forward. Sophrona. 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 Mentioning my name, too? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Look round at me. 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 
 seeing him. Ye Gods, I do beseech you, isn't this Stilpho? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 No.
 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 Do you deny it? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 in a low voice. Step a little this way from that door, Sophrona, if you please pointing . Don't you, henceforth, be calling me by that name. 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 Why? Pray, are you not the person you always used to say you were? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Hush! pointing to his own house. 
 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 Why are you afraid about that door? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 in a low voice. I have got a shrew of a wife shut up there. For by that name I formerly falsely called myself, in order that you might not chance indiscreetly to blab it out of doors, and then my wife, by some means or other, might come to know of it. 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 I' faith, that's the very reason why we, wretched creatures, have never been able to find you out here. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Well, but tell me, what business have you with that family from whose house you were coming out? Where are the ladies? 
 
 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 Ah, wretched me! 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Hah! What's the matter? Are they still alive? 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 Your daughter is alive. Her poor mother died of grief. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 An unfortunate thing! 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 As for me, being a lone old woman, in want, and unknown, I contrived, as well as I could, to get the young woman married to the young man who is master of this house pointing . 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 What! to Antipho? 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 The very same, I say. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 What? Has he got two wives? 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 Dear no, prithee, he has only got this one. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 What about the other one that's called his relative? 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 Why, this is she. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 What is it you say? 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 It was done on purpose, in order that her lover might be enabled to marry her without a portion. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Ye Gods, by our trust in you! How often do those things come about through accident, which you couldn't dare to hope for? On my return, I have found my daughter matched with the very person I wished, and just as I wanted; a thing that we were both using our endeavors, with the greatest earnestness, to bring about. Without any very great management on our part, by her own management, she has by herself brought this about. 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 Now consider what's to be done. The young man's father has returned, and they say that he bears this with feelings highly offended. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 There's no danger of that. But, by Gods and men, do take care that no one comes to know that she's my daughter. 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 No one shall know it from me. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Follow me; in-doors we'll hear the rest. He goes into DEMIPHO'S house, followed by SOPHRONA.

Enter DEMIPHO and GETA. 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 'Tis caused by our own fault, that it is advantageous to be dishonest; while we wish ourselves to be styled very honest and generous. "So run away as not to run beyond the house," 
 as the saying is. Was it not enough to receive an injury from him, but money must be voluntarily offered him as well, that he may have something on which to subsist while he plans some other piece of roguery?
 
 
 
 GETA 
 Most clearly so. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 They now get rewarded for it, who confound right with wrong. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Most undoubtedly. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 How very foolishly, in fact, we have managed the affair with him! 
 
 
 GETA 
 If by these means we can only manage for him to marry her. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Is that, then, a matter of doubt? 
 
 
 GETA 
 I' faith, judging from what the fellow is, I don't know whether he mightn't change his mind. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 How! change it indeed? 
 
 
 GETA 
 I don't know: but "if perhaps," I say. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I'll do as my brother advised me, bring hither his wife, to talk with her. Do you, Geta, go before; tell her that Nausistrata is about to visit her. DEMIPHO goes into the house of CHREMES. 
 
 
 
 GETA 
 The money's been got for Phaedria; it's all hushed about the lawsuit; due care has been taken that she's not to leave for the present. What next, then? What's to be done? You are still sticking in the mud. You are paying by borrowing; 
 the evil that was at hand, has been put off for a day. The toils are increasing upon you, if you don't look out. Now I'll away home, and tell Phanium not to be afraid of Nausistrata, or his talking. 
 
 Goes into the house of DEMIPHO.

Enter DEMIPHO and NAUSISTRATA, from the house of CHREMES. 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Come now, Nausistrata, after your usual way, manage to keep her in good-humor with us, and make her do of her own accord what must be done. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 I will. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 You are now seconding me with your endeavors, just as you assisted me with your money 
 before. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 I wish to do so; and yet, i' faith, through the fault of my husband, I am less able than I ought to be. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Why so? 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 Because, i' faith, he takes such indifferent care of the property that was so industriously acquired by my father; for from those farms he used regularly to receive two talents of silver yearly; there's an instance, how superior one man is to another. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Two talents, pray? 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 Aye, and when things were much worse, two talents even. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Whew! 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 What! does this seem surprising? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Of course it does. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 I wish I had been born a man; Id have shown---- 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 That I'm quite sure of. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 In what way---- 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Forbear, pray, that you may be able to do battle with her; lest she, being a young woman, may be more than a match for you. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 I'll do as you bid me; but I see my husband coming out of your house.

 Enter CHREMES, hastily, from DEMIPHO'S house. 
 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Ha! Demipho, has the money been paid him yet? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I took care immediately. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 I wish it hadn't been paid him. On seeing NAUSISTRATA, aside. : Halloo, I espy my wife; I had almost said more than I ought. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Why do you wish I hadn't, Chremes? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 It's all right. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 What say you? Have you been letting her know why we are going to bring her? pointing to NAUSISTRATA. 
 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 I've arranged it. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Pray, what does she say? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 She can't be got to leave. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Why can't she? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Because they are fond of one another. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 What's that to us? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 apart, to DEMIPHO. A great deal; besides that, I've found out that she is related to us. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 apart. What! You are mad, surely. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 apart. So you will find; I don't speak at random; I've recovered my recollection. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 apart. Are you quite in your senses? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 apart. Nay, prithee, do take care not to injure your kinswoman. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 apart. She is not. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 apart. Don't deny it; her father went by another name; that was the cause of your mistake. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 apart. Did she not know who was her father? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 apart. She did. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 apart. Why did she call him by another name? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 apart, frowning. Will you never yield to me, nor understand what I mean? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 apart. If you don't tell me of any thing---- 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 impatiently. Do you persist? 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 I wonder what all this can be. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 For my part, upon my faith, I don't know.
 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 whispering to him. Would you like to know? Then, so may Jupiter preserve me, not a person is there more nearly related to her than are you and I. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 starting. Ye Gods, by our trust in you! let's away to her; I wish for all of us, one way or other, to be sure about this going . 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 stopping him. Ah! 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 What's the matter? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 That you should put so little confidence in me! 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Do you wish me to believe you? Do you wish me to consider this as quite certain? Very well, be it so. Well, what's to be done with our friend's 
 daughter? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 She'll do well enough. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Are we to drop her, then? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Why not? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 The other one to stop? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Just so. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 You may go then, Nausistrata. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 I' faith, I think it better for all that she should remain here as it is, than as you first intended; for she seemed to me a very genteel person when I saw her. Goes into her house. 
 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 What is the meaning of all this? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 looking at the door of his house. Has she shut the door yet? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Now she has. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 O Jupiter! the Gods do befriend us; I have found that it is my daughter married to your son. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Ha! How can that possibly be? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 This spot is not exactly suited for me to tell it you. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Well then, step in-doors. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Hark, you, I don't wish our sons even to come to know of this. They go into DEMIPHO'S house.

Enter ANTIPHO. 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 I'm glad that, however my own affairs go, my brother has succeeded in his wishes. How wise it is to cherish desires of that nature in the mind, that when things run counter, you may easily find a cure for them! He has both got the money, and released himself from care; I, by no method, can extricate myself from these troubles; on the contrary, if the matter is concealed, I am in dread--but if disclosed, in disgrace. Neither should I now go home, were not a hope still presented me of retaining her. But where, I wonder, can I find Geta, that I may ask him what opportunity he would recommend me to take for meeting my father?

Enter PHORMIO, at a distance. 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 to himself I received the money; handed it over to the Procurer; brought away the woman, that Phaedria might have her as his own--for she has now become free. Now there is one thing still remaining for me to manage,--to get a respite from the old gentlemen for carousing; for I'll enjoy myself the next few days. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 But here's Phormio. Going up to him. What have you to say? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 About what? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Why--what's Phaedria going to do now? In what way does he say that he intends to take his fill of love? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 In his turn, he's going to act your part. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 What part? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 To run away from his father; he begs that you in your return will act on his behalf--to plead his cause for him. For he's going to carouse at my house. I shall tell the old man that I'm going to Sunium, to the fair, to purchase the female servant that Geta mentioned a while since, so that, when they don't see me here, they mayn't suppose that I'm squandering their money. But there is a noise at the door of your house. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 See who's coming out. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 It's Geta.

Enter GETA, at a distance, hastily, from the house of DEMIPHO. 
 
 GETA 
 
 to himself. O fortune! O good luck! 
 with blessings how great, how suddenly hast thou loaded this day with thy favors to my master Antipho!---- 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 apart to PHORMIO. I wonder what it is he means. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 continuing. And relieved us, his friends, from alarm; but I'm now delaying, in not throwing my cloak 
 over my shoulder throws it over his shoulder , and making haste to find him, that he may know what has happened. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 apart to PHORMIO. Do you understand what he's talking about? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 apart to ANTIPHO. Do you? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 apart to PHORMIO. Not at all. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 apart to ANTIPHO. And I just as much. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 to himself. I'll be off hence to the Procurer's; they are there just now. Runs along. 
 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 calling out. Halloo! Geta! 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 still running. There's for you. Is it any thing new or wonderful to be called back, directly you've started? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Geta! 
 
 
 GETA 
 Do you persist? Troth, you shall not on this occasion get the better of me by your annoyance. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 running after him. Won't you stop? 
 
 
 GETA 
 You'll be getting a beating. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Assuredly that will befall yourself just now unless you stop, you whip-knave.
 
 
 
 GETA 
 This must be some one pretty familiar, threatening me with a beating. Turns round. But is it the person I'm in search of or not? 'Tis the very man! Up to him at once. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 What's the matter? 
 
 
 GETA 
 O being most blessed of all men living! For without question, Antipho, you are the only favorite of the Gods. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 So I could wish; but I should like to be told why I'm to believe it is so. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Is it enough if I plunge you into a sea of joy? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 You are worrying me to death. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Nay but do have done with your promises, and tell us what you bring. 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 looking round. Oh, are you here too, Phormio? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 I am: but why do you delay? 
 
 
 GETA 
 Listen, then. When we just now paid you the money at the Forum, we went straight to Chremes; in the mean time, my master sent me to your wife. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 What for? 
 
 
 GETA 
 I'll omit telling you that, as it is nothing to the present purpose, Antipho. Just as I was going to the woman's apartments, the boy Mida came running up to me, and caught me behind by my cloak, and pulled me back; I turned about, and inquired for what reason he stopped me; he said that it was forbidden for any one to go in to his mistress. "Sophrona has just now," said he, "introduced here Chremes, the old gentleman's brother," and he said that he was then in the room with them: when I heard this, on tip-toe I stole softly along; I came there, stood, held my breath, I applied my ear, and so began to listen, catching the conversation every word in this fashion shows them . 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Well done, Geta. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Here I overheard a very pretty piece of business; so much so that I had nearly cried out for joy. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 What was it? 
 
 
 GETA 
 
 laughing. What do you think? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 I don't know. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Why, something most marvelous. Your uncle has been discovered to be the father of your wife, Phanium. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 starting. Ha! what's that you say 
 
 
 GETA 
 He formerly cohabited secretly with her mother at Lemnos .
 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 A dream: how could she be ignorant about her own father? 
 
 
 GETA 
 Be sure, Phormio, that there is some reason: but do you suppose that, outside of the door, I was able to understand every thing that passed between them within? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 On my faith, I too have heard the same story. 
 
 
 GETA 
 Aye, and I'll give you still further reason for believing it: your uncle in the mean time came out from there; not long after he returned again, with your father; each said that he gave you permission to retain her; in fine, I've been sent to find you, and bring you to them. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Why then carry me off 
 at once;--why do you delay? 
 
 
 GETA 
 I'll do so. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 O my dear Phormio, farewell! 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Farewell, Antipho. ANTIPHO and GETA go into DEMIPHO'S house. 
 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 So may the Gods bless me, this has turned out luckily. I'm glad of it, that such good fortune has thus suddenly befallen them. I have now an excellent opportunity for diddling the old men, and ridding Phaedria of all anxiety about the money, so that he mayn't be under the necessity of applying to any of his companions. For this same money, as it has been given him, shall be given for good, whether they like it or not: how to force them to this, I've fund out the very way. I must now assume a new air and countenance. But I'll betake myself off to this next alley; from that spot I'll present myself to them, when they come out of doors. I sha'n't go to the fair, where I pretended I was going. He retires into the alley.

Enter DEMIPHO and CHREMES, from DEMIPHO'S house. 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I do give and return hearty thanks to the Gods, and with reason, brother, inasmuch as these matters have turned out for us so fortunately. We must now meet with Phormio as soon as possible, before he squanders our thirty minae, so that we may get them from him.
 Enter PHORMIO, coming forward, and speaking aloud, as though not seeing them. 
 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 I'll go see if Demipho's at home; that as to what 
 ---- 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 accosting him. Why, Phormio, we were coming to you. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Perhaps about the very same affair. DEMIPHO nods assent. I' faith, I thought so. What were you coming to my house for? Ridiculous; are you afraid that I sha'n't do what I have once undertaken? Hark you, whatever is my poverty, still, of this one thing I have taken due care, not to forfeit my word. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 to DEMIPHO. Is she not genteel-looking, 
 just as I told you?
 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Very much so. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 And this is what I'm come to tell you, Demipho, that I'm quite ready; whenever you please, give me my wife. For I postponed all my other business, as was fit I should, when I understood that you were so very desirous to have it so. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 pointing to CHREMES. But he has dissuaded me from giving her to you. "For what," says he, "will be the talk among people if you do this? Formerly, when she might have been handsomely disposed of, then she wasn't given; now it's a disgrace for her to be turned out of doors, a repudiated woman;" pretty nearly, in fact, all the reasons which you yourself, some little time since, were urging to me. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Upon my faith, you are treating me in a very insulting manner. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 How so? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Do you ask me? Because I shall not be able to marry the other person I mentioned; for with what face shall I return to her whom I've slighted? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Then besides, I see that Antipho is unwilling to part with her. Aside, prompting DEMIPHO. Say so. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Then besides, I see that my son is very unwilling to part with the damsel. But have the goodness to step over to the Forum, and order this money to be transferred to my account, 
 Phormio. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 What, when I've paid it over to the persons to whom I was indebted? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 What's to be done, then? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 If you will let me have her for a wife, as you promised, I'll take her; but if you prefer that she should stay with you, the portion must stay with me, Demipho. For it isn't fair that I should be misled for you, as it was for your own sakes that I broke off with the other woman, who was to have brought me a portion just as large. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Away with you to utter perdition, with this swaggering, you vagabond. What, then, do you fancy we don't know you, or your doings?
 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 You are provoking me. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Would you have married her, if she had been given to you? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Try the experiment. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 That my son might cohabit with her at your house, that was your design. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Pray, what is that you say? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Then do you give me my money? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Nay, but do you give me my wife? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Come before a magistrate. Going to seize hold of him. 
 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Why, really, if you persist in being troublesome-- 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 What will you do? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 What, I? You fancy, perhaps, just now, that I am the protector of the portionless; for the well portioned, 
 I'm in the habit of being so as well. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 What's that to us? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 with a careless air. Nothing at all. I know a certain lady here pointing at CHREMES'S house whose husband had---- 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 starting. Ha! 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 What's the matter? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Another wife at Lemnos ---- 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 aside. I'm ruined! 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 By whom he had a daughter; and her he is secretly bringing up. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 aside. I'm dead and buried! 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 This I shall assuredly now inform her of. Walks toward the house. 
 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 running and catching hold of him. I beg of you, don't do so. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 with a careless air. Oh, were you the person? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 What a jest he's making of us. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 to PHORMIO. We'll let you off. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Nonsense. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 What would you have? We'll forgive you the money you've got, 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 I hear you. Why the plague, then, do you two trifle with me in this way, you silly men, with your childish speeches--"I won't, and I will; I will, and I won't," over again: "keep it, give it me back; what has been said, is unsaid; what had been just a bargain, is now no bargain." 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 aside, to DEMIPHO. In what manner, or from whom has he come to know of this? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 aside. I don't, know; but that I've told it to no one, I know for certain. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 aside. So may the Gods bless me, 'tis as good as a miracle. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 aside, to himself. I've graveled them. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 apart, to CHREMES. Well now, is he to be carrying off 
 from us such a sum of money as this, and so palpably to impose upon us? By heavens, I'd sooner die. Manage to show yourself of resolute and ready wit. You see that this slip of yours has got abroad, and that you can not now possibly conceal it from your wife; it is then more conducive to our quiet, Chremes, ourselves to disclose what she will be hearing from others; and then, in our own fashion, we shall be able to take vengeance upon this dirty fellow. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 aside, to himself. Good lack-a-day, now's the sticking-point, if I don't look out for myself. They are making toward me with a gladiatorial air. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 apart, to DEMIPHO. But I doubt whether it's possible for her to be appeased. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 apart, to CHREMES. Be of good courage; I'll effect a reconciliation between you; remembering this, Chremes, that she is dead and gone 
 by whom you had this girl. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 in a loud voice. Is this the way you are going to deal with me? Very cleverly done. Come on with you. By heavens, Demipho, you have provoked me, not to his advantage pointing at CHREMES . How say you? addressing CHREMES . When you've been doing abroad just as you pleased, and have had no regard for this excellent lady here, but on the contrary, have been injuring her in an unheard-of manner, would you be coming to me with prayers to wash away your offenses? On telling her of this, I'll make her so incensed with you, that you sha'n't quench her, though you should melt away into tears. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 aside. A plague may all the Gods and Goddesses send upon him. That any fellow should be possessed of so much impudence! Does not this villain deserve to be transported hence to some desolate land at the public charge? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 aside. I am brought to such a pass, that I really don't know what to do in it. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I know; let's go into court. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Into court? Here in preference pointing to CHREMES'S house , if it suits you in any way. Moves toward the house. 
 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 to CHREMES. Follow him, and hold him back, till I call out the servants. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 trying to seize PHORMIO. But I can't by myself; run and help me. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 to DEMIPHO, who seizes hold of him. There's one action of damages against you. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Sue him at law, then. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 And another with you, Chremes. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Lay hold of him. They both drag him. 
 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Is it thus you do? Why then I must exert my voice: Nausistrata, come out calling aloud . 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 to DEMIPHO. Stop his mouth. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 See how strong the rascal is. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 calling aloud. Nausistrata, I say. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Will you not hold your tongue? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Hold my tongue? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 to CHREMES, as they drag him along. If he won't follow, plant your fists in his stomach. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Or e'en gouge out an eye. The time's coming when I shall have a full revenge on you.

Enter NAUSISTRATA, in haste, from the house. 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 Who calls my name? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 in alarm. Ha! 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 My husband, pray what means this disturbance? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 to CHREMES. Oh, oh, why are you mute now? 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 Who is this man? Won't you answer me? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 What, he to answer you? who, upon my faith, doesn't know where he is. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 to NAUSISTRATA. Take care how you believe that fellow in any thing. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 to NAUSISTRATA. Go, touch him; if he isn't in a cold sweat all over, why then kill me. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 'Tis nothing at all. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 What is it, then, that this person is talking about? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 You shall know directly; listen now. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Are you resolved to believe him? 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 Pray, how can I believe him, when he has told me nothing? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 The poor creature is distracted from fright. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 It isn't for nothing, i' faith, that you are in such a fright. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 What, I in a fright? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 to CHREMES. All right, of course: since you are not in a fright at all, and this is nothing at all that I'm going to tell, do you relate it. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Villain, is he to relate it at your request? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 to DEMIPHO. Come now, you've managed nicely for your brother. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 My husband, will you not tell me? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 But---- 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 But what? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 There's no need to tell you. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Not for you, indeed; but there's need for her to know it. At Lemnos ---- 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 starting. Ha! what are you doing?
 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 to PHORMIO. Won't you hold your tongue? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 to NAUSISTRATA. Unknown to you---- 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Ah me! 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 He married another---- 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 My dear sir, may the Gods forbid it! 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Such is the fact. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 Wretch that I am, I'm undone! 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 And had a daughter by her, too, while you never dreamed of it. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 What are we to do? 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 O immortal Gods!--a disgraceful and a wicked misdeed! 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 aside, to CHREMES. It's all up with you. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Was ever any thing now more ungenerously done? Your men, who, when they come to their wives, then become incapacitated from old age. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 Demipho, I appeal to you; for with that man it is irksome for me to speak. Were these those frequent journeys and long visits at Lemnos ? Was this the lowness of prices that reduced our rents? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Nausistrata, I don't deny that in this matter he has been deserving of censure; but still, it may be pardoned. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 apart. He is talking to the dead. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 For he did this neither through neglect or aversion to yourself. About fifteen years since, in a drunken fit, he had an intrigue with this poor woman, of whom this girl was born, nor did he ever touch her afterward. She is dead and gone: the only difficulty that remained in this matter. Wherefore, I do beg of you, that, as in other things, you'll bear this with patience. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 Why should I with patience? I could wish, afflicted as I am, that there were an end now of this matter. But how can I hope? Am I to suppose that, at his age, he will not offend in future? Was he not an old man then, if old age makes people behave themselves decently? Are my looks and my age more attractive now, Demipho? What do you advance to me, to make me expect or hope that this will not happen any more? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 in a loud voice. Those who have 
 a mind to come to the funeral of Chremes, why now's their time. 'Tis thus I retaliate: come now, let him challenge Phormio who pleases: I'll have him victimized 
 with just a like mischance. Why then, let him return again into her good graces. I have now had revenge enough. She has got something for her as long as she lives, to be forever ringing into his ears. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 But it was because I deserved this, I suppose; why should I now, Demipho, make mention of each particular, how I have conducted myself toward him? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I know it all, as well as yourself. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 Does it appear, then, that I deserved this treatment? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Far from it: but since, by reproaching, it can not now be undone, forgive him: he entreats you--he begs your pardon--owns his fault--makes an apology. What would you have more? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 aside. But really, before she grants pardon to him, I must take care of myself and Phaedria. To NAUSISTRATA. Hark you, Nausistrata, before you answer him without thinking, listen to me. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 What's the matter? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 I got out of him thirty minae by a stratagem. I give them to your son; he paid them to a Procurer for his mistress. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Ha! what is it you say? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 sneeringly. Does it seem to you so very improper for your son, a young man, to keep one mistress, while you have two wives? Are you ashamed of nothing? With what face will you censure him? Answer me that. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 He shall do as you wish. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 Nay, that you may now know my determination, I neither forgive nor promise any thing, nor give any answer, before I see my son: to his decision I leave every thing. What he bids me, I shall do. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 You are a wise woman, Nausistrata. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 Does that satisfy you, Chremes? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Yes, indeed, I come off well, and fully to my satisfaction; indeed, beyond my expectation. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 
 to PHORMIO. Do you tell me, what is your name? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 What, mine? Phormio; a well-wisher to your family, upon my honor, and to your son Phaedria in particular. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 Then, Phormio, on my word, henceforward I'll both do and say for you all I can, and whatever you may desire. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 You speak obligingly. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 I' faith, it is as you deserve. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 First, then, will you do this, Nausistrata, at once, to please me, and to make your husband's eyes ache with vexation? 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 With all my heart. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Invite me to dinner. 
 
 
 NAUSISTRATA 
 Assuredly indeed, I do invite you. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Let us now away in-doors. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 By all means; but where is Phaedria, our arbitrator? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 I'll have him here just now. To the AUDIENCE. Fare you well, and grant us your applause.

Enter PHAEDRIA and PHORMIO, from opposite sides of the stage. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Assuredly there is a God, who both hears and sees what we do. And I do not consider that to be true which is commonly said: "Fortune frames and fashions the affairs of mankind, just as she pleases." 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 
 aside. Heyday! what means this? I've met with Socrates, not Phaedria, so far as I see. Why hesitate to go up and address him? Accosting him. How now, Phaedria, whence have you acquired this new wisdom, and derived such great delight, as you show by your countenance? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 O welcome, my friend; O most delightful Phormio, welcome ! There's not a person in all the world I could more wish just now to meet than yourself. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Pray, tell me what is the matter. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Aye, faith, I have to beg of you, that you will listen to it. My Pamphila is a citizen of Attica , and of noble birth, and rich. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 What is it you tell me? Are you dreaming, pray? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Upon my faith, I'm saying what's true. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Yes, and this, too, is a true saying: " You'll have no great difficulty in believing that to be true, which you greatly wish to be so." 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Nay, but do listen, I beg of you, to all the wonderful things I have to tell you of. It was while thinking of this to myself, that I just now burst forth into those expressions which you heard--that we, and what relates to us, are ruled by the sanction of the Gods, and not by blind chance. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 I've been for some time in a state of suspense. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Do you know Phanocrates? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 As well as I do yourself. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 The rich man?
 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 I understand. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 He is the father of Pamphila. Not to detain you, these were the circumstances: Calchas was his servant, a worthless, wicked fellow. Intending to run away from the house, he carried off this girl, whom her father was bringing up in the country, then five years old, and, secretly taking her with him to Eubaea, sold her to Lycus, a merchant. This person, a long time after, sold her, when now grown up, to Dorio. She, however, knew that she was the daughter of parents of rank, inasmuch as she recollected herself being attended and trained up by female servants: the name of her parents she didn't recollect. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 How, then, were they discovered? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Stay; I was coming to that. This runaway was caught yesterday, and sent back to Phanocrates: he related the wonderful circumstances I have mentioned about the girl, and how she was sold to Lycus, and afterward to Dorio. Phanocrates sent immediately, and claimed his daughter; but when he learned that she had been sold, he came running to me. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 O, how extremely fortunate! 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Phanocrates has no objection to my marrying her; nor has my father, I imagine. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Trust me for that; I'll have all this matter managed for you; Phormio has so arranged it, that you shall not be a suppliant to your father, but his judge. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 You are joking. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 So it is, I tell you. Do you only give me the thirty minae which Dorio---- 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 You put me well in mind; I understand you; you may have them; for he must give them back, as the law forbids a free woman to be sold; and, on my faith, I do rejoice that an opportunity is afforded me of rewarding you, and taking a hearty vengeance upon him; a monster of a fellow he has feelings more hardened than iron. 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 Now, Phaedria, I return you thanks; I'll make you a return upon occasion, if ever I have the opportunity. You impose a heavy task upon me, to be contending with you in good offices, as I can not in wealth; and in affection and zeal, I must repay you what I owe. To be surpassed in deserving well, is a disgrace to a man of principle.
 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Services badly bestowed, I take to be disservices. But I do not know any person more grateful and more mindful of a service than yourself. What is it you were just now mentioning about my father? 
 
 
 PHORMIO 
 There are many particulars, which at present I have not the opportunity to relate. Let's go in-doors, for Nausistrata has invited me to dinner, and I'm afraid we may keep them waiting. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Very well; follow me. To the AUDIENCE. Fare you well, and grant us your applause.