Introduction 
 
 THE SUBJECT. 
 A CERTAIN citizen of Athens had a
 daughter named Pamphila, and a son called Chremes. The former was stolen
 while an infant, and sold to a Rhodian merchant, who having made a present
 of her to a Courtesan of Rhodes ,
 she brought her up with her own daughter Thais, who was somewhat older. In
 the course of years, Thais following her mother's way of life, removes to
 Athens . Her mother dying,
 her property is put up for sale, and Pamphila is purchased as a slave by
 Thraso, an officer and an admirer of Thais, who happens just then to be
 visiting Rhodes . During the absence
 of Thraso, Thais becomes acquainted with Phasdria, an Athenian youth, the
 son of Laches; she also discovers from Chremes, who lives near Athens , that Pamphila, her former
 companion, is his sister. Thraso returns, intending to present to her the
 girl he has bought, but determines not to do so until she has discarded
 Phaedria. Finding that the girl is no other than Pamphila, Thais is at a
 loss what to do, as she both loves Phaedria, and is extremely anxious to
 recover Pamphila. At length, to please the Captain, she excludes Phaedria,
 but next day sends for him, and explains to him her reasons, at the same
 time begging of him to allow Thraso the sole right of admission to her house
 for the next two days, and assuring him that as soon as she shall have
 gained possession of the girl, she will entirely throw him off. Phaedria
 consents, and resolves to spend these two days in the country; at the same
 time he orders Parmeno to take to Thais a Eunuch and an Aethiopian girl,
 whom he has purchased for her. The Captain also sends Pamphila, who is
 accidentally seen by Chaerea, the younger brother of Phaedria; he, being
 smitten with her beauty, prevails upon Parmeno to introduce him into the
 house of Thais, in the Eunuch's dress. Being admitted there, in the absence
 of Thais, lie ravishes the damsel. Shortly afterward Thraso quarrels with
 Thais, and comes with all his attendants to her house to demand the return
 of Pamphila, but is disappointed. In conclusion, Pamphila is recognized by
 her brother Chremes, and is promised in marriage to Chaerea; while Thraso
 becomes reconciled to Phaedria, through the mediation of Gnatho, his
 Parasite. 
 
 
 THE
						TITLE 
						OF THE PLAY. 
 PERFORMIED at the Megalensian Games; L. Posthumius Albinus and L. Cornelius
 Merula being Curule Aediles. L. Ambivius Turpio and L. Atilius Praenestinus
 performed it. Flaccus, the freedman of Claudius, composed the music to two
 treble flutes. From the Greek of Menander. It was acted twice, M. Valerius and C. Fannius being
 Consuls. 
 
 
 
 THE SUMMARY OF C. SULPITIUS APOLLINARIS. 
 THE Captain, Thraso, being ignorant of the same, has brought from abroad a
 girl who used wrongly to be called the sister of Thais, and presents her to
 Thais herself: she in reality is a citizen of Attica . To the same woman, Phaedria, an admirer of Thais,
 orders a Eunuch whom he has purchased, to be taken, and he himself goes away
 into the country, having been entreated to give up two days to Thraso. A
 youth, the brother of Phaedria, having fallen in love with the damsel sent
 to the house of Thais, is dressed up in the clothes of the Eunuch. Parmeno
 prompts him; he goes in; he ravishes the maiden; but at length her brother
 being discovered, a citizen of Attica , betroths her who has been ravished, to the youth,
 and Thraso prevails upon Phaedria by his entreaties.

THE SUBJECT. 
 A CERTAIN citizen of Athens had a
 daughter named Pamphila, and a son called Chremes. The former was stolen
 while an infant, and sold to a Rhodian merchant, who having made a present
 of her to a Courtesan of Rhodes ,
 she brought her up with her own daughter Thais, who was somewhat older. In
 the course of years, Thais following her mother's way of life, removes to
 Athens . Her mother dying,
 her property is put up for sale, and Pamphila is purchased as a slave by
 Thraso, an officer and an admirer of Thais, who happens just then to be
 visiting Rhodes . During the absence
 of Thraso, Thais becomes acquainted with Phasdria, an Athenian youth, the
 son of Laches; she also discovers from Chremes, who lives near Athens , that Pamphila, her former
 companion, is his sister. Thraso returns, intending to present to her the
 girl he has bought, but determines not to do so until she has discarded
 Phaedria. Finding that the girl is no other than Pamphila, Thais is at a
 loss what to do, as she both loves Phaedria, and is extremely anxious to
 recover Pamphila. At length, to please the Captain, she excludes Phaedria,
 but next day sends for him, and explains to him her reasons, at the same
 time begging of him to allow Thraso the sole right of admission to her house
 for the next two days, and assuring him that as soon as she shall have
 gained possession of the girl, she will entirely throw him off. Phaedria
 consents, and resolves to spend these two days in the country; at the same
 time he orders Parmeno to take to Thais a Eunuch and an Aethiopian girl,
 whom he has purchased for her. The Captain also sends Pamphila, who is
 accidentally seen by Chaerea, the younger brother of Phaedria; he, being
 smitten with her beauty, prevails upon Parmeno to introduce him into the
 house of Thais, in the Eunuch's dress. Being admitted there, in the absence
 of Thais, lie ravishes the damsel. Shortly afterward Thraso quarrels with
 Thais, and comes with all his attendants to her house to demand the return
 of Pamphila, but is disappointed. In conclusion, Pamphila is recognized by
 her brother Chremes, and is promised in marriage to Chaerea; while Thraso
 becomes reconciled to Phaedria, through the mediation of Gnatho, his
 Parasite.

THE
						TITLE 
						OF THE PLAY. 
 PERFORMIED at the Megalensian Games; L. Posthumius Albinus and L. Cornelius
 Merula being Curule Aediles. L. Ambivius Turpio and L. Atilius Praenestinus
 performed it. Flaccus, the freedman of Claudius, composed the music to two
 treble flutes. From the Greek of Menander. It was acted twice, M. Valerius and C. Fannius being
 Consuls.

THE SUMMARY OF C. SULPITIUS APOLLINARIS. 
 THE Captain, Thraso, being ignorant of the same, has brought from abroad a
 girl who used wrongly to be called the sister of Thais, and presents her to
 Thais herself: she in reality is a citizen of Attica . To the same woman, Phaedria, an admirer of Thais,
 orders a Eunuch whom he has purchased, to be taken, and he himself goes away
 into the country, having been entreated to give up two days to Thraso. A
 youth, the brother of Phaedria, having fallen in love with the damsel sent
 to the house of Thais, is dressed up in the clothes of the Eunuch. Parmeno
 prompts him; he goes in; he ravishes the maiden; but at length her brother
 being discovered, a citizen of Attica , betroths her who has been ravished, to the youth,
 and Thraso prevails upon Phaedria by his entreaties.

THE PROLOGUE. 
 IF there is any one who desires to please as many good men as possible,
 and to give offense to extremely few, among those does our Poet enroll
 his name. Next, if there is one who thinks 
 that language too harsh is
 here applied to him, let him bear this in mind--that it is an answer,
 not an attack; inasmuch as he has himself been the first aggressor; who,
 by translating plays verbally, 
 and writing them in bad Latin, has made out of
 good Greek Plays Latin ones by no means good. Just as of late he has
 published the Phasma 
 [the Apparition] of Menander; and in the Thesaurus
 [the Treasure] has described 
 him from whom the gold is demanded, as
 pleading his cause why it should be deemed his own, before the person
 who demands it has stated how this treasure belongs to him, or how it
 came into the tomb of his father. Henceforward, let him not deceive
 himself, or fancy thus, "I have now done with it; there's nothing that
 he can say to me." I recommend him not to be mistaken, and to refrain
 from provoking me. I have many other points, as to which for the present
 he shall be pardoned, which, however, shall be brought forward
 hereafter, if he persists in attacking me, as he has begun to do. After
 the Aediles had purchased the Eunuch of Menander, the Play which we are
 about to perform, he managed to get an opportunity of viewing
 it. 
 
 When the magistrates were present it began to be performed. He exclaimed
 that a thief, no Poet, had produced the piece, but still had not
 deceived 
 him;
 that, in fact, it was the Colax, an old Play of Plautus; and that from it were
 taken the characters of the Parasite and the Captain. If this is a
 fault, the fault is the ignorance of the Poet; not that he intended to
 be guilty of theft. That so it is, you will now be enabled to judge. The
 Colax is a Play of Meander's; in it there is Colax, a Parasite, and a
 braggart Captain: he does not deny that he has transferred these
 characters into his Eunuch from the Greek; but assuredly he does deny
 this, that he was aware that those pieces had been already translated
 into Latin. But if it is not permitted us to use the same characters as
 others, how can it any more be allowed to represent hurrying
 servants, 
 to
 describe virtuous matrons, artful courtesans, the gluttonous parasite,
 the braggart captain, the infant palmed off, the old man cajoled by the
 servant, about love, hatred, suspicion? In fine, nothing is said now
 that has not been said before. Wherefore it is but just that you should
 know this, and make allowance, if the moderns do what the ancients used
 to do. Grant me your attention, and give heed in silence, that you may
 understand what the Eunuch means.

Enter PHAEDRIA and PARMENO. 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 What then, shall I do? Ought I not to go, not now even, when I am
 sent for of her own accord? Or ought I rather so to behave myself as not
 to put up with affronts from Courtesans? She shut her door against me;
 she now invites me back. Ought I to return? No; though she should
 implore me. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 l'faith, if indeed you only can, there's nothing better or more
 spirited; but if you begin, and can not hold out stoutly, and if, when
 you can not endure it, while no one asks you, peace being not made, you
 come to her of your own accord, showing that you love her, and can not
 endure it, you are done for; it's all over with you; you are ruined
 outright. She'll be jilting you, when she finds you overcome. Do you
 then, while there's time, again and again reflect upon this, master,
 that a matter, which in itself admits of neither prudence nor
 moderation, you are unable to manage with prudence. In love there are
 all these evils; wrongs, suspicions, enmities reconcilements, war, then
 peace; if you expect to render these things, naturally uncertain,
 certain by dint of reason, you wouldn't effect it a bit the more than if
 you were to use your endeavors to be mad with reason. And, what you are
 now, in anger, meditating to yourself, "What! I to her? Who--him! Who--me!
 Who wouldn't? Only let me alone; I had rather die; she shall find out
 what sort of a person I am;" these expressions, upon my faith, by a
 single false tiny tear, which, by rubbing her eyes, poor thing, she can
 hardly squeeze out perforce, she will put an end to; and she'll be the
 first to accuse you; and you will be too ready to give satisfaction to
 her. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 O disgraceful conduct! I now perceive, both that she is perfidious, and
 that I am a wretched man. I am both weary of her, and burn with passion;
 knowing and fully sensible, alive and seeing it, I am going to ruin; nor
 do I know what I am to do. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 What you are to do? Why, only to redeem yourself, thus captivated, at
 the smallest price you can; if you can not at a very small, rate, still
 for as little as you can; and do not afflict yourself. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Do you persuade me to this? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 If you are wise. And don't be adding to the troubles which love itself
 produces; those which it does produce, bear patiently. But see, here she
 is coming herself, the downfall of our fortunes, --for that which we ought ourselves
 to enjoy she intercepts.

Enter THAIS from her house. 
 
 THAIS 
 
 to herself, not seeing them. Ah wretched me! I fear lest
 Phaedria should take it amiss or otherwise than I intended it, that he
 was not admitted yesterday. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 
 aside to PARMENO. I'm trembling and shivering all over,
 Parmeno, at the sight of her. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 apart. Be of good heart; only approach this fire, you'll soon be warmer than you need. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 
 turning round. Who is it that's speaking here? What, are
 you here, my Phaedria? Why are you standing here? Why didn't you come
 into the house at once? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 whispering to PHAEDRIA. But not a word about shutting you
 out! 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Why are you silent? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Of course, it's because this door
 is always open to me, or because I'm the highest in your favor? 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Pass those matters by. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 How pass them by? O Thais, Thais, I wish that I had equal affection with
 yourself, and that it were in like degree, that either this might
 distress you in the same way that it distresses me, or that I might be
 indifferent at this being done by you. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Prithee, don't torment yourself, my life, my Phaedria. Upon my faith, I
 did it, not because I love or esteem any person more than you; but the
 case was such that it was necessary to be done. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 ironically. I suppose that, poor thing, you shut him out
 of doors, for love, according to the usual practice. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Is it thus you act, Parmeno? Well, well. To PHAEDRIA. But
 listen--the reason for which I desired you to be sent for hither---- 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Go on. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 First tell me this; can this fellow possibly hold his tongue?
 pointing to PARMENO. 
 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 What, I? Perfectly well. But, hark you, upon these conditions I pledge
 my word to you; the truth that I hear, I'm silent upon, and retain it
 most faithfully; but if I hear what's false and without foundation, it's
 out at once; I'm full of chinks, and leak in every direction. Therefore,
 if you wish it to be kept secret, speak the truth. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 My mother was a Samian; she lived at Rhodes ---- 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 That may be kept a secret. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 There, at that period, a certain merchant made present to my mother of a
 little girl, who had been stolen away from Attica here. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 What, a citizen? 
 
 
 THAIS 
 I think so; we do not know for certain: she herself used to mention her
 mother's and her father's name; her country and other tokens she didn't
 know, nor, by reason of her age, was she able. The merchant added this:
 that he had heard front the kidnappers that she had been carried off
 from Sunium. 
 
 When my mother received her, she began carefully to teach her every
 thing, and to bring her up, just as though she had been her own
 daughter. Most persons supposed that she was my sister. Thence I came
 hither with that stranger, with whom alone at that period I was
 connected; he left me all which I now possess---- 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Both these things are false; out it goes. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 How so? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Because you were neither content with one, nor was he the only one to
 make you presents; for he likewise pointing to PHAEDRIA 
 brought a pretty considerable share to you. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Such is the fact; but do allow me to arrive at the point I wish. In the
 mean time, the Captain, who had begun to take a fancy to me, set out to
 Caria ; 
 since when, in the
 interval, I became acquainted with you. You yourself are aware how very
 dear I have held you; and how I confess to you all my nearest
 counsels. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Nor will Parmeno be silent about that. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 O, is that a matter of doubt? 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Attend; I entreat you. My mother died there recently; her brother is
 somewhat greedy after wealth. When he saw that this damsel was of
 beauteous form and understood music, hoping for a good price, he
 forthwith put her up for sale, and sold her. By good fortune this friend
 of mine was present; he bought her as a gift to me, not knowing or
 suspecting any thing of all this. He returned; but when he perceived
 that I had formed a connection with you as well, lie feigned excuses on
 purpose that he might not give her; he said that if he could feel
 confidence that he should be preferred to yourself by me, so as not to
 apprehend that, when I had received her, I should forsake him, then he
 was ready to give her to me; but that he did fear this. But, so far as I
 can conjecture, he has set his affections upon the girl. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Any thing beyond that? 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Nothing; for I have made inquiry. Now, my Phaedria, there are many
 reasons why I could wish to get her away from him. In the first place,
 because she was called my sister; moreover, that I may restore and
 deliver her to her friends. I am a lone woman; I have no one here,
 neither acquaintance nor relative; wherefore, Phaedria, I am desirous by
 my good offices to secure friends. Prithee, do aid me in this, in order
 that it may be the more easily effected. Do allow him for the few next
 days to have the preference with me. Do you make no answer? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Most vile woman! Can I make you any answer after such behavior as
 this? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Well done, my master, I commend you; aside he's galled at
 last. To PHAEDRIA. You show yourself a man. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 I was not aware what you were aiming at; "she was carried away from
 here, when a little child; my mother brought her up as though her own;
 she was called my sister; I wish to get her away, that I may restore her
 to her friends." The meaning is, that all these expressions, in fine,
 now amount to this, that I am shut out, he is admitted. For what reason?
 Except that you love him more than me: and now you are afraid of her who
 has been brought hither, lest she should win him, such as he is, from
 yourself. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 I, afraid of that? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 What else, then, gives you concern? Let me know. Is he the only person
 who makes presents? Have you found my bounty shut against you? Did I
 not, when you told me that you wished for a servant-maid from
 Aethiopia, 
 
 setting all other matters aside, go and seek for one? Then you said that
 you wanted a Eunuch, because ladies of quality 
 alone
 make use of them; I found you one. I yesterday paid twenty
 minae 
 for
 them both. Though slighted by you, I still kept these things in mind; as
 a reward for so doing, I am despised by you. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Phaedria, what does this mean? Although I wish to get her away, and
 think that by these means it could most probably be effected; still,
 rather than make an enemy of you, I'll do as you request me. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 I only wish that you used that expression from your heart and
 truthfully, "rather than make an enemy of you." If I could believe that
 this was said sincerely, I could put up with any thing. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 aside. He staggers; how instantaneously is he vanquished
 by a single expression! 
 
 
 THAIS 
 I, wretched woman, not speak from my heart? What, pray, did you ever ask
 of me in jest, but that you carried your point? I am unable to obtain
 even this of you, that you would grant me only two days. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 If, indeed, it is but two days; but don't let these days become
 twenty. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Assuredly not more than two days, or---- 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 "Or?" I won't have it. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 It shall not be; only do allow me to obtain this of you. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Of course that which you desire must be done. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 I love you as you deserve; you act obligingly. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 
 to PARMENO. I shall go into the country; there I shall
 worry myself for the next two days: I'm resolved to do so; Thais must be
 humored. Do you, Parmeno, take care that they are brought hither. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Certainly. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 For the next two days then, Thais, adieu. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 And the same to you, my Phaedria; do you desire aught else? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 What should I desire? That, present with the Captain, you may be as if
 absent; that night and day you may love me; may feel my absence; may
 dream of me; may be impatient for me; may think about me; may hope for
 me; may centre your delight in me; may be all in all with me; in fine,
 if you will, be my very life, as I am yours. (Exeunt PHAEDRIA and
 PARMENO. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 
 to herself. Ah wretched me! 
 
 perhaps now he puts but little faith in me, and forms his estimate of me
 from the dispositions of other women. 
 By my troth, I,
 who know my own self, am very sure of this, that I have not feigned any
 thing that's false, and that no person is dearer to my heart than this
 same Phaedria; and whatever in the present case I have done, for this
 girl's sake have I done it; for I trust that now I have pretty nearly
 discovered her brother, a young man of very good family; and he has
 appointed this day to come to me at my house. I'll go hence in-doors,
 and wait until he comes. She goes into her house.

Enter PHAEDRIA and PARMENO. 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Mind that those people are taken there, as I ordered. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 I'll do so. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 And carefully. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 It shall be done. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 And with all speed. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 It shall be done. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Have you had sufficient instructions? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Dear me! to ask the question, as though it were a matter of difficulty.
 I wish that you were able, Phaedria, to find any thing as easily as this
 present will be lost. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Together with it, I myself am lost, which concerns me more nearly. Don't
 bear this with such a feeling of vexation. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 By no means; on the contrary, I'll see it done. But do you order any
 thing else? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Set off my present with words, as far as you can; and so far as you are
 able, do drive away that rival of mine from her. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Pshaw! I should have kept that in mind, even if you hadn't reminded
 me. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 I shall go into the country and remain there. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 I agree with you. Moves as if going. 
 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 But hark you! 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 What is it you want? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Are you of opinion that I can muster resolution and hold out so as not
 to come back within the time? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 What, you? Upon my faith, I don't think so; for either you'll be
 returning at once, or by-and-by, at night, want of sleep will be driving
 you hither. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 I'll do some laborious work, that I may be continually fatigued, so as
 to sleep in spite of myself. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 When wearied, you will be keeping awake; by this you will be making it
 worse. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Oh, you talk to no purpose, Parmeno: this softness of spirit, upon my
 faith, must be got rid of; I indulge myself too much. Could I not do
 without her, pray, if there were the necessity, even for a whole three
 days? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Whew! an entire three days! Take care what you are about. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 My mind is made up. (Exit.) 
 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 to himself. Good Gods! What a malady is this! That a man
 should become so changed through love, that you wouldn't know him to be
 the same person! Not any one was there 
 less inclined to folly than he, and no one
 more discreet or more temperate. But who is it that's coming this way?
 Heyday! surely this is Gnatho, the Captain's Parasite; he's bringing
 along with him the damsel as a present to her. Heavens! How beautiful!
 No wonder if I make but a sorry figure here to-day with this decrepit
 Eunuch of mine. She surpasses Thais herself. Stands
 aside.

Enter GNATHO at a distance, leading PAMPHILA. 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 to himself. Immortal Gods! how much does one man excel
 another! What a difference there is between a wise person and a fool!
 This strongly came into my mind from the following circumstance. As I
 was, coming along to-day, I met a certain person of this place, of my
 own rank and station, no mean fellow, one who, like myself, had guttled
 away his paternal estate; I saw him, shabby, dirty, sickly, beset with
 rags and years;--"What's the meaning of this garb?" said I; he answered,
 "Because, wretch that I am, I've lost what I possessed: see to what I am
 reduced,--all my acquaintances and friends forsake me." On this I felt
 contempt for him in: comparison with myself. "What!" said I, "you
 pitiful sluggard, have you so managed matters as to have no hope left?
 Have you lost your wits together with your estate? Don't you see me, who
 have risen from the same condition? What a complexion I have, how spruce
 and well dressed, what portliness of person? I have every thing, yet
 have nothing; and although I possess nothing, still, of nothing am I in
 want." "But I," said he, "unhappily, can neither be a butt nor submit to
 blows." 
 "What!" said I, "do you suppose it is managed
 by those means? You are quite mistaken. Once upon a time, in the early
 ages, there was a calling for that class; this is a new mode of
 coney-catching; I, in fact, have been the first to strike into this
 path. There is a class of men who strive to be the first in every thing,
 but are not; to these I make my court; I do not present myself to them
 to be laughed at; but I am the first to laugh with them, and at the same
 time to admire their parts: whatever they say, I commend; if they
 contradict that self-same thing, I commend again. Does any one deny? I
 deny: does he affirm? I affirm: in fine, I have so trained myself as to
 humor them in every thing. This calling is now by far the most
 productive." 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 apart. A clever fellow, upon my faith! From being fools
 he makes men mad outright. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 to himself, continuing. While we were thus talking, in
 the mean time we arrived at the market-place; overjoyed, all the
 confectioners ran at once to meet me; fishmongers, 
 butchers,
 cooks, 
 
 sausage-makers, and fishermen, whom, both when my fortunes were
 flourishing and when they were ruined, I had served, and often serve
 still: they complimented me, asked me to dinner, and gave me a hearty
 welcome. When this poor hungry wretch saw that I was in such great
 esteem, and that I obtained a living so easily, then the fellow began to
 entreat me that I would allow him to learn this method of me; I bade him
 become my follower 
 if he could; as the disciples of the
 Philosophers take their names from the Philosophers themselves, so too,
 the Parasite; ought to be called Gnathonics. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 apart to the Audience. Do you see the effects of ease and
 feeding at another's cost? 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 to Iimself, continuing. But why do I delay to take this
 girl to Thais, and ask her to come to dinner? Aside, on seeing
 PARMENO. But I see Parmeno, our rival's servant, waiting
 before the door of Thais with a sorrowful air; all's safe; no doubt
 these people are finding a cold welcome. I'm resolved to have some sport
 with this knave. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 aside. They fancy that, through this present, Thais is
 quite their own. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 accosting PARMENO. With his very best wishes Gnatho
 greets Parmeno, his very good friend.--What are you doing? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 I'm standing. 
 
 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 So I perceive. Pray, do you see any thing here that don't please
 you? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Yourself. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 I believe you,--but any thing else, pray? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Why so? 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Because you are out of spirits. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Not in the least. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Well, don't be so; but what think you of this slave? pointing to
 her. 
 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Really, not amiss. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 aside. I've galled the fellow. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 aside, on overhearing him. How mistaken you are in your
 notion! 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 How far do you suppose this gift will prove acceptable to Thais? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 It's this you mean to say now, that we are discarded there. Hark you,
 there are vicissitudes in all things. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 For the next six months, Parmeno, I'll set you at ease; you sha'n't have
 to be running to and fro, or sitting up till daylight. Don't I make you
 happy? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Me? O prodigiously! 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 That's my way with my friends. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 I commend you. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 I'm detaining you; perhaps you were about to go somewhere else. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Nowhere. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 In that case then, lend me your services a little; let me be introduced
 to her. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Very well; GNATHO knocks at the door, which immediately
 opens now the door is open for you, aside 
 because you are bringing her. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 going into the house of THAIS, ironically. Should you
 like any one to be called out from here? Goes in with PAMPHILA,
 and shuts the door. 
 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 to himself. Only let the next two days go by; you who, at
 present, in such high favor, are opening the door with one little
 finger, assuredly I'll cause to be kicking at that door full oft, with
 your heels, to no purpose. Re-enter GNATHO from the
 house. 
 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Still standing here, Parmeno? Why now, have you been left on guard here,
 that no go-between might perchance be secretly running from the Captain
 to her? (Exit.) 
 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Smartly said; really they ought to be wonderful things to please the
 Captain. But I see my master's youngest son coming this way; I wonder
 why he has come away from the Piraeus , for he
 is at present on guard there in the public service. It's not for
 nothing; he's coming in a hurry, too; I can't imagine why he's looking
 around in all directions.

Enter CHAEREA on the other side of the stage, in haste. 
 
 CHAEREA 
 
 to himself. I'm utterly undone! The girl is nowhere; nor
 do I know where I am myself, to have lost sight of her. Where to inquire
 for her, where to search for her, whom to ask, which way to turn, I'm at
 a loss. I have only this hope; wherever she is, she can not long be
 concealed. O what beauteous features! from this moment I banish all
 other women from my thoughts; I can not endure these every-day
 beauties. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 apart. Why look, here's the other one. He's saying
 something, I don't know what, about love. O unfortunate old man, their
 father! This assuredly is a youth, who, if he does begin, you will say
 that the other one was mere play and pastime, compared with what the
 madness of this one will cause. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 
 to himself, aloud. May all the Gods and Goddesses
 confound that old fellow who detained me to-day, and me as well who
 stopped for him, and in fact troubled myself a straw about him. But see,
 here's Parmeno. Addressing him. Good-morrow to you. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Why are you out of spirits, and why in such a hurry? Whence come
 you? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 What, I? I'faith, I neither know whence I'm come, nor whither I'm going;
 so utterly have I lost myself. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 How, pray? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 I'm in love. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 starting. Ha! 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Now, Parmeno, you may show what sort of a man you are. You know that you
 often promised me to this effect: "Chaerea, do you only find some object
 to fall in love with; I'll make you sensible of my usefulness in such
 matters," when I used to be storing up my father's provisions for you on
 the sly in your little room. 
 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 To the point, you simpleton. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Upon my faith, this is the fact. Now, then, let your promises be made
 good, if you please, or if indeed the affair is a deserving one for you
 to exert your energies upon. The girl isn't like our girls, whom their
 mothers are anxious to have with shoulders kept down, and chests well
 girthed, 
 that they may be slender. If one is a
 little inclined to plumpness, they declare that she's training for a
 boxer, 
 and stint her food; although their constitutions
 are good, by their treatment they make them as slight as bulrushes; and
 so for that reason they are admired, forsooth. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 What sort of a girl is this one of yours? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 A new style of beauty. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 ironically. Astounding! 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Her complexion genuine, 
 her flesh firm and full of
 juiciness. 
 
 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Her age? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Her age Sixteen. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 The very flower of youth. 
 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Do you make, it your care to obtain her for me either by force, stealth,
 or entreaty; so that I only gain her, it matters not how to me. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Well, but to whom does the damsel belong? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 That, i'faith, I don't know. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Whence did she come? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 That, just as much. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Where does she live? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Nor yet do I know that. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Where did you see her? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 In the street. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 How did you come to lose her? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Why, that's what I was just now fretting myself about; and I do not
 believe that there is one individual to whom all good luck is a greater
 stranger than to myself. What ill fortune this is! I'm utterly
 undone! 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 What's the matter? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Do you ask me? Do you know Archidemides, my father's kinsman and
 years'-mate? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Why not? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 He, while I was in full pursuit of her, met me. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Unseasonably, upon my faith. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Aye, unhappily, rather; for other ordinary matters are to be called
 "unseasonable," Parmeno. It would be safe for me to make oath that I
 have not seen him for fully these six or seven months, until just now,
 when I least wanted, and there was the least occasion. Come now! isn't
 this like a fatality? What do you say? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Extremely so. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 At once he came running up to me, from a considerable distance,
 stooping, palsied, hanging his lip, and wheezing. "Halloo, Chaerea!
 halloo!" said he; "I've something to say to you." I stopped. "Do you
 know what it is I want with you?" said he. "Say on," said I. "To-morrow
 my cause comes on," said he. "What then?" "Be sure and tell your father
 to remember and be my advocate 
 in the morning." In talking of this, an hour elapsed. I inquired if he
 wanted any thing else. "That's all," said he. I left him. When I looked
 in this direction for the damsel, she had that very instant turned this
 way down this street of ours. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 aside. It's a wonder if he doesn't mean her who has just
 now been made a present of to Thais here. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 When I got here, she was nowhere to be seen. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Some attendants, I suppose, were accompanying the girl? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Yes; a Parasite, and a female servant. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 apart. It's the very same. To CHAEREA. 
 It's all over with you; make an end of it; you've said your last. 
 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 You are thinking about something else. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Indeed I'm thinking of this same matter. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Pray, tell me, do you know her, or did you see her? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 I did see, and I do know her, I am aware to what house she has been
 taken. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 What, my dear Parmeno, do you know her, and are you aware where she
 is? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 She has been brought here pointing to the house of Thais
 the Courtesan. She has been made a present to her. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 What opulent person is it, to be presenting a gift so precious as
 this? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 The Captain Thraso, Phaedria's rival. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 An unpleasant business for my brother, it should seem. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Aye, and if you did but know what present he is pitting against this
 present, you would say so still more. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Troth now, what is it, pray? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 A Eunuch. 
 
 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 What! that unsightly creature, pray, that he purchased yesterday, an old
 woman? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 That very same. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 To a certainty, the gentleman will be bundled out of doors, together
 with his present; but I wasn't aware that this Thais is our
 neighbor. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 It isn't long since she came. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Unhappy wretch that I am! never to have seen her, even. Come now, just
 tell me, is she as handsome as she is reported to be? 
 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Quite. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 But nothing in comparison with this damsel of mine? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Another thing altogether. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Troth now, Parmeno, prithee do contrive for me to gain possession of
 her. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 I'll do my best, and use all my endeavors; I'll lend you my assistance.
 Going. Do you want any thing else with me? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Where are you going now? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Home; to take those slaves to Thais, as your brother ordered me. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Oh, lucky Eunuch that! really, to be sent as a present to that house!
 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Why so? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Do you ask? He will always see at home a fellow-servant of consummate
 beauty, and be conversing with her; he will be in the same house with
 her; sometimes he will take his meals with her; sometimes sleep near
 her. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 What now, if you yourself were to be this fortunate person? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 By what means, Parmeno? Tell me. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Do you assume his dress. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 His dress! Well, what then? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 I'll take you there instead of him. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 
 musing. I hear you. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 I'll say that you are he. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 I understand you. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 You may enjoy those advantages which you just now said lie would enjoy;
 you may take your meals together with her, be in company with her, touch
 her, dally with her, and sleep by her side; as not one of these women is
 acquainted with you, nor yet knows who you are. Besides, you are of an
 age and figure that you may easily pass for a eunuch. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 You speak to the purpose; I never knew better counsel given. Well, let's
 go in at once; dress me up, take me away, lead me to her, as fast as you
 can. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 What do you mean? Really, I was only joking. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 You talk nonsense. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 I'm undone! Wretch that I am! what have I done? CHAEREA pushes
 him along. Whither are you pushing me? You'll throw me down
 presently. I entreat you, be quiet. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Let's be off. Pushes him. 
 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Do you still persist? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 I am resolved upon it. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Only take care that this isn't too rash a project. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Certainly it isn't; let me alone for that. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Aye, but I shall have to pay the penalty for this? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Pshaw! 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 We shall be guilty of a disgraceful action. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 What, is it disgraceful to be taken to the house of a Courtesan, and to
 return the compliment upon those tormentors who treat us and our
 youthful age so scornfully, and who are always tormenting us in every
 way;--to dupe them just as we are duped by them? Or is it right and
 proper that in preference my father should be wheedled out of his money
 by deceitful pretexts? Those who knew of this would blame me; while all
 would think the other a meritorious act. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 What's to be done in such case? If you are determined to do it, you must
 do it: but don't you by-and-by be throwing the blame upon me. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 I shall not do so. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Do you order me, then? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 I order, charge, and command you; I will never disavow my authorizing
 you. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Follow me; may the Gods prosper it! They go into the house of
 LACHES.

Enter THRASO and GNATHO. 
 
 THRASO 
 Did Thais really return me many thanks? 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Exceeding thanks. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Was she delighted, say you? 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Not so much, indeed, at the present itself, as because it was given by
 you; really, in right earnest, she does exult at that. Enter
 PARMIENO unseen, from LACHES' house. 
 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 apart. I've come here to be on the look-out, that when
 there is an opportunity I may take the presents. But see, here's the
 Captain. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Undoubtedly it is the case with me, that every thing I do is a cause for
 thankfulness. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Upon my faith, I've observed it. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 The most mighty King, 
 even, always used to give me especial thanks for
 whatever I did; but not so to others. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 He who has the wit that you have, often by his words appropriates to
 himself the glory that has been achieved by the labor of others. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 You've just hit it. 
 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 The king, then, kept you in his eye. 
 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Just so. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 To enjoy your society. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 True; he intrusted to? me all his army, all his state secrets. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Astonishing! 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Then if, on any occasion, a surfeit of society, or a dislike of
 business, came upon him, when he was desirous to take some recreation;
 just as though--you understand? 
 
 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 I know; just as though on occasion he would rid his mind of those
 anxieties. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 You have it. Then he used to take me aside as his only boon
 companion. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Whew! You are telling of a King of refined taste. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Aye, he is a person of that sort; a man of but very few
 acquaintanceships. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 aside. Indeed, of none, 
 I fancy, if he's on intimate terms with
 you. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 All the people envied me, and attacked me privately. I don't care one
 straw. They envied me dreadfully; but one in particular, whom the King
 had appointed over the Indian elephants. 
 Once, when he became particularly troublesome,
 "Prithee, Strato," said I, "are you so fierce because you hold command
 over the wild beasts?" 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Cleverly said, upon my faith, and shrewdly. Astounding! You did give the
 fellow a home thrust. What said he? 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Dumfounded, instantaneously. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 How could he be otherwise? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 apart. Ye Gods, by our trust in you! a lost and miserable
 fellow the one, and the other a scoundrel. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Well then, about that: matter, Gnatho, the way in which I touched up the
 Rhodian at a banquet--did I never tell you? 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Never; but pray, do tell me. Aside. I've heard it more
 than a thousand times already. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 There was in my company at a banquet, this young man of Rhodes, whom I'm
 speaking of. By chance I had a mistress there; he began to toy with her,
 and to annoy me. "What are you doing, sir impudence?" said I to the
 fellow; "a hare yourself, and looking out for game?" 
 
 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 pretending to laugh very heartily. Ha, ha, ha! 
 
 
 THRASO 
 What's the matter? 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 How apt, how smart, how clever; nothing could be more excellent.
 Prithee, was this a saying of yours? I fancied it was an old one. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Did you ever hear it before? 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Many a time; and it is mentioned among the first-rate ones. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 It's my own. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 I'm sorry though that it was said to a thoughtless young man, and one of
 respectability. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 apart. May the Gods confound you! 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Pray, what did he do? 
 
 
 THRASO 
 . Quite disconcerted. All who were present were dying with laughter; in
 short, they were all quite afraid of me. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 [Not without reason. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 But hark you, had I best clear myself of this to Thais, as to her
 suspicion that I'm fond of this girl? 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 By no means: on the contrary, rather increase her jealousy. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Why so? 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Do you ask me? Don't you see, if on any occasion she makes mention of
 Phaedria or commends him, to provoke you---- 
 
 
 THRASO 
 I understand. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 That such may not be the case, this method is the only remedy. When she
 speaks of Phaedria, do you instantly mention Pamphila. If at any time
 she says, "Let's invite Phaedria to make one," do you say, "Let's ask
 Pamphila to sing." If she praises his good looks, do you, on the other
 hand, praise hers. In short, do you return like for like, which will
 mortify her. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 If, indeed, she loved me, 
 this might be of some use, Gnatho. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Since she is impatient for and loves that which you give her, she
 already loves you; as it is, then, it is an easy matter for her to feel
 vexed. She will be always afraid lest the presents which she herself is
 now getting, you may on some occasion be taking elsewhere. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Well said; that never came into my mind. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Nonsense. You never thought about it; else how much more readily would
 you yourself have hit upon it, Thraso!

Enter THAIS from her house, attended by PYTHIAS. 
 
 THAIS 
 
 as she comes out. I thought I just now heard the
 Captain's voice. And look, here he is. Welcome, my dear Thraso. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 O my Thais, my sweet one, how are you? How much do you love me in return
 for that music girl? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 apart. How polite! What a beginning he has made on
 meeting her! 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Very much, as you deserve. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Let's go to dinner then. (To THRASO.) What do you stand here for? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 apart. Then there's the other one: you would declare that
 he was born for his belly's sake. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 When you please; I sha'n't delay. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 apart. I'll accost them, and pretend as though I had just
 come out. He comes forward. Are you going any where,
 Thais? 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Ha! Parmeno; well done; just going out for the day. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Where? 
 
 
 THAIS 
 
 aside, pointing at THRASO. Why! don't you see him? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 aside. I see him, and I'm sorry for it.
 Aloud. Phaedria's presents are ready for you when you
 please. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 impatiently. Why are we to stand here? Why don't we be
 off? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 to THRASO. Troth now, pray, do let us, with your leave,
 present to her the things we intend, and accost and speak to her. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 ironically. Very fine presents, I suppose, or at least
 equal to mine. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 The fact will prove itself. Goes to the door of LACHES' house and
 calls. Ho there! bid those people come out of doors at once,
 as I ordered. Enter from the house a BLACK GIRL. 
 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Do you step forward this way. To THAIS. She comes all the
 way from Aethiopia. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 contemptuously. Here are some three minae in value. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Hardly so much. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Where are you, Dorus? Step this way. Enter CHAEREA from the
 house, dressed like the EUNUCH. 
 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 There's a Eunuch for you--of what a genteel appearance! of what a prime
 age! 
 
 
 THAIS 
 God bless me, he's handsome. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 What say you, Gnatho? Do you see any thing to find fault with? And what
 say you, Thraso? Aside. They hold their tongues; they
 praise him sufficiently thereby. To THAIS. Make trial of
 him in literature, try him in exercises, 
 and in music; I'll warrant him well
 skilled in what it becomes a gentleman to know. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 That Eunuch, if occasion served, 
 even in my sober senses, I--- 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 And he who has sent these things makes no request that you will live for
 him alone, and that for his own sake others may be excluded; he neither
 tells of battles nor shows his scars, nor does he restrict you as
 looking at THRASO a certain person does; but when it
 is not inconvenient, whenever you think fit, whenever you have the time,
 he is satisfied to be admitted. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 to GNATHO, contemptuously. It appears that this is the
 servant of some beggarly, wretched master. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Why, faith, no person, I'm quite sure of that, could possibly put up
 with him, who had the means to get another. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 You hold your tongue--a fellow whom I consider beneath all men of the
 very lowest grade: for when you can bring yourself to flatter that
 fellow pointing at THRASO , I do believe you could pick
 your victuals out of the very flames. 
 
 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Are we to go now? 
 
 
 THAIS 
 I'll take these in-doors first pointing to CHAEREA and the
 AETHIOPIAN , and at the same time I'll order what I wish;
 after that I'll return immediately. Goes into the house with
 PYTHIAS, CHAEREA, and the SLAVE. 
 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 to GNATHO. I shall be off. Do you wait for her. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 It is not a proper thing for a general to be walking in the street with
 a mistress. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Why should I use many words with you? You are the very ape of your
 master. (Exit PARMENO. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 laughing. Ha, ha, ha! 
 
 
 THRASO 
 What are you laughing at? 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 At what you were mentioning just now; that saying, too, about the
 Rhodian, recurred to my mind. But Thais is coming out. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 You go before; take care that every thing is ready at home. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Very well. (Exit.) 
 Re-enter THAIS, with PYTHIAS and FEMALE ATTENDANTS. 
 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Take care, Pythias, and be sure that if Chremes should happen to
 come, 
 to beg him to wait; if
 that is not convenient, then to come again; if he can not do that, bring
 him to me. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 I'll do so. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Well, what else was I intending to say? O, do you take particular care
 of that young woman; be sure that you keep at home. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Let us begone. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 
 to her attendants. You follow me. Exeunt THAIS and
 THRASO, followed by the Attendants. PYTHIAS goes into the
 house.

Enter CHREMES. 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 to himself. Why, really, the more and more I think of it,
 I shouldn't be surprised if this Thais should be doing me some great
 mischief; so cunningly do I perceive myself beset by her. Even on the
 occasion when she first requested me to be fetched to her (any one might
 ask me, "What business had you with her?" Really I don't know.) When I
 came, she found an excuse for me to remain there; she said that she had
 been offering a sacrifice, 
 and that she was desirous to speak upon some
 important business with me. Even then I had a suspicion that all these
 things were being done for her artful purposes. She takes her place
 beside me; pays every attention to me; seeks and opportunity of
 conversation. When the conversation flagged, she turned off to this
 point--how long since my father and mother died? I said that it was now
 a long time ago. Whether I had any country-house at Sunium, and how far
 from the sea? I suppose that this has taken her fancy, and she expects
 to get it away from me. Then at last, whether any little sister of mine
 had been lost from there; whether any person was with her; what she had
 about her when she was lost; whether any one could recognize her. Why
 should she make these inquiries? Unless, perhaps, she pretends--so great
 is her assurance--that she herself is the same person that was formerly
 lost when a little girl. But if she is alive, she is sixteen years old,
 not older; whereas Thais is somewhat older than I am. She has sent to
 press me earnestly to come. Either let her speak out what she wants, or
 not be troublesome; I assuredly shall not come a third time
 knocking at the door of THAIS . Ho! there, ho! there!
 Is any one here? It's I, Chremes. Enter PYTHIAS from the
 house. 
 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 O most charming, dear creature! 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 apart. I said there was a design upon me. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Thais entreated you most earnestly to come again to-morrow. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 I'm going into the country. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Do, there's a dear sir. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 I can not, I tell you. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Then stay here at our house till she comes back. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Nothing less likely. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Why, my dear Chremes? Taking hold of him. 
 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 shaking her off. Away to perdition with you! 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 If you are so determined about it, pray do step over to the place where
 she is. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 I'll go there. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 
 calling at the door. Here, Dorias DORIAS
 enters , show this person directly to the Captain's.
 (Exit CHREMES with DORIAS, PYTHIAS goes into the
 house.)

Enter ANTIPHO. 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 to himself. Yesterday some young fellows of us agreed
 together at the Piraeus 
 that we were to go shares today in a club-entertainment. We gave Chaerea
 charge of this matter; our rings were given 
 as pledges; the place and
 time arranged. The time has now gone by; at the place appointed there
 was nothing ready. The fellow himself is nowhere to be met with; I
 neither know what to say nor what to suppose. Now the rest have
 commissioned me with his business, to look for him. I'll go see,
 therefore, if he's at home. But who's this, I wonder, coming out of
 Thais's? Is it he, or is it not? 'Tis the very man! What sort of being
 is this? What kind of garb is this? What mischief is going on now? I can
 not sufficiently wonder or conjecture. But, whatever it is, I should
 like first at a distance to try and find out. He stands
 apart.

Enter CHAEREA from the house of Thais, in the EUNUCH'S dress. 
 
 CHAEREA 
 
 looking around, then aloud to himself. Is there any body
 here? There's no one. Is there any one following me from there? There's
 not a person. Now am I not at liberty to give vent to these raptures? O
 supreme Jupiter ! now assuredly
 is the time for me to meet my death, 
 when I can so well endure it; lest my life should
 sully this ecstasy with some disaster. But is there now no inquisitive
 person to be intruding upon me, to be following me wherever I do, to be
 deafening me, worrying me to death, with asking questions; why thus
 transported, or why so overjoyed, whither I'm going, whence I'm come,
 where I got this garb, what is my object, whether I'm in my senses or
 whether downright mad? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 apart. I'll accost him, and I'll do him the favor which I
 see he's wishing for. Accosting him. Chaerea, why are you
 thus transported? What's the object of this garb? Why is it that you're
 so overjoyed? What is the meaning of this? Are you quite right in your
 senses? Why do you stare at me? What have you to say? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 O joyous day! O welcome, my friend! There's not one in all the world
 whom I would rather wish to see at this moment that yourself. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Pray, do tell me what all this means. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Nay rather, i'faith, I beg of you to listen to me. Do you know the
 mistress whom my brother is so fond of? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 I know her; I suppose you mean Thais? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 The very same. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 So far I recollect. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 To-day a certain damsel was presented to her. Why now should I extol or
 commend her beauty to you, Antipho, since you yourself know how nice a
 judge of beauty I am? I have been smitten by her. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Do you say so? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 If you saw her, I am sure you would say she's exquisite. What need of
 many words? I fell in love with her. By good luck there was at our house
 a certain Eunuch, whom my brother had purchased for Thais, and he had
 not as yet been sent to her. On this occasion, Parmeno, our servant,
 made a suggestion to me, which I adopted. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 What was it? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Be quiet, and you shall hear the sooner; to change clothes with him, and
 order myself to be taken there in his stead. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 What, instead of the Eunuch? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 The fact. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 To receive what advantage, pray, from this plan? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Do you ask? That I might see, hear, and be in company with her whom I
 loved, Antipho. Is that a slight motive, or a poor reason? I was
 presented to the woman. She, as soon as she received me, joyfully took
 me home to her house and intrusted the damsel---- 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 To whom? To you? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 To me. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 ironically. In perfect safety, at all events. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 She gave orders that no male was to come near her, and commanded me not
 to stir away from her; that I was to remain alone with her in the inner
 apartments. 
 Looking
 bashfully on the ground, I nodded assent. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 
 ironically. Poor fellow! 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 
 continuing. "I am going out," said she, "to dinner." She
 took her maids with her; a few novices of girls 
 remained, to be about her. These immediately made
 preparations for her to bathe. I urged them to make haste. While
 preparations were being made, the damsel sat in a room looking up at a
 certain painting, 
 in which was
 represented how Jove 
 is said once to have sent a golden shower into the
 bosom of Danaë. I myself began to look at it as well, and as he
 had in former times played the like game, I felt extremely delighted
 that a God should change himself into money, and slily come through the
 tiles of another person's house, to deceive the fair one by means of a
 shower. But what God was this? He who shakes the most lofty temples of
 heaven with his thunders. Was I, a poor creature of a mortal, 
 not to do the same? Certainly, I was to do
 it, and without hesitation. While I was thinking over these matters with
 myself, the damsel meantime was fetched away to bathe; she went, bathed,
 and came back; after which they laid her on a couch. I stood waiting to
 see if they gave me any orders. One came up, "Here, Dorus," said she,
 "take this fan, 
 and let her have a little air in this fashion, while we
 are bathing; when we have bathed, if you like, you may bathe too." With
 a demure air I took it. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Really, I should very much have liked to see that impudent face of yours
 just then, and what figure a great donkey like you made, holding a
 fan! 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 
 continuing. Hardly had she said this, when all, in a
 moment, betook themselves off: away they went to bathe, and chattered
 aloud; 
 just as the way is when masters are absent.
 Meanwhile, sleep overtook the damsel; I slily looked askance 
 
 through the fan; 
 this way showing how : at the same
 time I looked round in all directions, to see whether all was quite
 safe. I saw that it was. I bolted the door. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 What then? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Eh? What then, you simpleton? 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 I own I am. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Was I to let slip the opportunity offered me, so excellent, so
 short-lived, 
 so
 longed for, so unexpected. In that case, i'faith, I really should have
 been the person I was pretending to be. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Troth, you certainly are in the right; but, meantime, what has been
 arranged about the club-entertainment? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 All's ready. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 You are a clever hand; but where? At your house? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 No, at Discus's, our
 freedman. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 That's a long way off. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Then let's make so much the greater haste. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Change your dress. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Where am I to change it? I'm at a loss; for at present I'm an exile from
 home; I'm afraid of my brother, lest he should be in-doors: and then
 again of my father, lest he should have returned from the country by
 this. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Let's go to my house; there is the nearest place for you to change. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 You say right. Let's be off; besides, I want to take counsel with you
 about this girl, by what means I may be able to secure the future
 possession of her. 
 
 
 ANTIPHO 
 Very well. (Exeunt.)

Enter DORIAS, with a casket in her hand. 
 
 DORIAS 
 
 to herself. So may the Gods bless me, but from what I
 have seen, I'm terribly afraid that this mad fellow will be guilty of
 some disturbance to-day or of some violence to Thais. For when this
 young man, the brother of the damsel, arrived, she begged the Captain to
 order him to be admitted; he immediately began to get into a passion,
 and yet didn't dare refuse; Thais still insisted that he would invite
 the man in. This she did for the sake of detaining him; because there
 was no opportunity just then of telling him what she wanted to disclose
 about her sister. He was invited in, and took his seat. Then she entered
 into discourse with him. But the Captain, fancying it was a rival
 brought before his very eyes, wanted in his turn to mortify her: "Hark
 you, boy," said he, "go fetch Pamphila, that she may amuse us here." She
 exclaimed, "At a banquet! Certainly not." The Captain still persisted to
 a downright quarrel. Meanwhile my mistress secretly took off her golden
 jewels, 
 and gave
 them to me to take away: this is a sign, I'm sure, that she'll betake
 herself from there as soon as she possibly can. Goes into the
 house.

Enter PHAEDRIA. 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 
 to himself. While I was going 
 into the
 country, I began on the road, as it mostly happens when there is any
 anxiety on the mind, to reflect with myself upon one thing after
 another, and upon every thing in the worst light. What need of words?
 While I was musing thus, inadvertently I passed my country-house. I had
 already got some distance from it, when I perceived this; I returned
 again, really feeling quite uneasy; when I came to the very turning that
 leads to the house, I came to a stop, and began to reason with myself;
 "What! must I stay here alone for two days without her? Well, and what
 then? It's nothing at all. What? Nothing at all? Well now, if I haven;t
 the privilege of touching her, am I not even to have that of seeing her?
 If I may not do the one, at least I may the other. Surely to love at a
 distance 
 even, is better than nothing at all." I
 purposely passed the house. But how's this, that Pythias is suddenly
 hurrying out in such a fright? Stands apart.

Enter PYTHIAS and DORIAS in haste from the house of THAIS. 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 
 aloud. Where, wretch that I am, shall I find this wicked
 and impious fellow? Or where look for him? That he should dare to commit
 so audacious a crime as this! I'm ruined outright! 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 
 apart. I dread what this may be. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Besides, too, the villain, after he had abused the girl, rent all the
 poor thing's clothes, and tore her hair as well. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 
 apart, in surprise. Ha! 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 If he were just now in my reach, how eagerly would I fly at that
 villain's eyes with my nails! 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 
 apart. Really I can't imagine what disturbance has
 happened to us at home in my absence. I'll accost them. Going up
 to them. What's the matter? Why in such haste? Or whom are
 you looking for, Pythias? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Why, Phaedria, whom should I be looking for? Away with you, as you
 deserve, with such fine presents of yours. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 What is the matter? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 What, do you ask? The Eunuch you gave us, what confusion he has caused.
 He has ravished the girl whom the Captain made present of to my
 mistress. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 What is it you say? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 I'm ruined outright! 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 You are drunk. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 I wish that they were so, who wish ill to me. 
 
 
 DORIAS 
 Oh, prithee, my dear Pythias, what a monstrous thing this is! 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 You are out of your senses. How could a Eunuch possibly do this? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 I know nothing about him: as to what he has done, the thing speaks for
 itself. The girl is in tears; and when you ask her what's the matter,
 she does not dare tell. But he, a precious fellow, is nowhere to be
 seen. To my sorrow I suspect too, that when he took himself off he
 carried something away from the house. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 I can not enough wonder, whither this varlet can possibly have betaken
 himself to any distance from here; unless perhaps he has returned home
 to our house. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Pray, go and see whether he is there. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 I'll let you know immediately. Goes into the house of
 LACHES. 
 
 
 
 DORIAS 
 Ruined outright! Prithee, my dear, I never did so much as hear of a deed
 so abominable! 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Why, faith, I had heard that they were extremely fond of the women, but
 were incapable; unfortunately what has happened never came into my mind;
 otherwise I should have shut him up somewhere, and not have intrusted
 the girl to him.

Enter PHAEDRIA from the house of LACHES, with DORUS in CHAEREA'S clothes. 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 
 dragging him out. Come out, you villain! What, do you lag
 behind, you runaway? Out with you, you sorry bargain! 
 
 
 DORUS 
 
 crying out. Mercy, I do entreat you! 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Oh, do look at that! How the villain distorts his face. What means your
 coming back hither? Why this change of dress? What have you to say? If I
 had delayed a moment, Pythias, I shouldn't have found him at home: he
 had just prepared, in this fashion, for flight. Pointing at his
 dress. 
 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Have you caught the fellow, pray? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Caught him, why not? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 O well done! 
 
 
 DORIAS 
 Upon my faith that really is capital! 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Where is he? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Do you ask the question? Don't you see him? Pointing to the
 EUNUCH. 
 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 
 staring about. See whom, pray? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 This fellow, to be sure pointing . 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 What person is this? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 The same that was brought to your house to-day. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Not one of our people has ever beheld this person with her eyes,
 Phaedria. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Not beheld him? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Prithee, did you fancy that this was he who was brought to our
 house? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Why, I had no other. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 O dear! this one really isn't to be compared with the other. He was of a
 handsome and genteel appearance. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 He seemed so, just then, because he was decked out in party-colored
 clothes: 
 now he appears ugly,
 for this reason--because he hasn't got them on. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Prithee, do hold your tongue; as though indeed the difference was so
 trifling. A young man was brought to our house to-day, whom, really,
 Phaedria, you would have liked to look upon. This is a withered,
 antiquated, lethargic, old fellow, with a speckled complexion. 
 
 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 
 starting. Hah! What tale is this? You'll so befool me
 that I sha'n't know what I bought. To DORUS. How now,
 sirrah, did I not buy you? 
 
 
 DORUS 
 You did buy me. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Bid him answer me in my turn. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Question him. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 
 to DORUS. Did you come here to-day to our house?
 DORUS shakes his head. He says, no. But it was the
 other one that came, about sixteen years of age; whom Parmeno brought
 with him. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 
 to DORUS. Well now, in the first place tell me this,
 where did you get that dress that you have on? What, are you silent?
 Monster of a fellow, are you not going to speak? Shakes
 him. 
 
 
 
 DORUS 
 Chaerea came. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 What, my brother? 
 
 
 DORUS 
 Yes. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 When? 
 
 
 DORUS 
 To-day. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 How long since? 
 
 
 DORUS 
 Just now. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 With whom? 
 
 
 DORUS 
 With Parmeno. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Did you know him before? 
 
 
 DORUS 
 No. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 How did you know he was my brother? 
 
 
 DORUS 
 Parmeno said he was. He gave me these clothes. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 I'm undone! 
 
 
 DORUS 
 He himself put on mine; afterward, they both went out together. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Now are you quite satisfied that I am sober, and that we have told you
 no falsehood? Is it now sufficiently evident that the girl has been
 ravished? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Avaunt, you beast, do you believe what he says? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 What is there to believe? The thing speaks for itself. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 
 apart to DORUS. Step aside a little this way. Do you
 hear? DORUS steps aside. A little further still. That
 will do. Now tell me this once more; did Chaerea take your clothes off
 you? 
 
 
 DORUS 
 He did. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 And did he put them on? 
 
 
 DORUS 
 He did. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 And was he brought here instead of you? 
 
 
 DORUS 
 Yes. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Great Jupiter! O wicked and audacious fellow! 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Woe unto me! Now at last will you believe that we have been insulted in
 a disgraceful manner? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 It is no wonder that you believe what the fellow says.
 Aside. What I'm to do I know not. Aside to
 DORUS. Hark you, deny it all again. Aloud. 
 Can I not this day extract the truth from you? Did you really see my
 brother Chaerea? 
 
 
 DORUS 
 No. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 He can't be brought to confess without being punished, I see: follow me
 this way. At one moment he affirms, at another denies.
 Aside. Ask pardon of me. 
 
 
 DORUS 
 Indeed, I do entreat you, Phaedria. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 
 kicking him. Be off in-doors. 
 
 
 DORUS 
 Oh! oh! 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 
 aside. How in any other fashion to get decently out of
 this I don't know; for really it's all up with me. Aloud, with
 pretended indignation. Will you be trifling with me even
 here, you knave? Follows DORUS into the house. 
 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 I'm as certain that this is the contrivance of Parmeno as that I'm
 alive. 
 
 
 DORIAS 
 So it is, no doubt. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 I'faith, I'll find out a method to-day to be even with him. But now,
 what do you think ought to be done, Dorias? 
 
 
 DORIAS 
 Do you mean with regard to this girl? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Yes; whether I ought to mention it or be silent? 
 
 
 DORIAS 
 Upon my word, if you are prudent, you won't know what you do know,
 either about the Eunuch or the girl's misfortune. By this method you'll
 both rid yourself of all perplexity, and have done a service to
 her. 
 Say this only,
 that Dorus has run away. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 I'll do so. 
 
 
 DORIAS 
 But don't I see Chremes? Thais will be here just now. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Why so? 
 
 
 DORIAS 
 Because when I came away from there, a quarrel had just commenced
 between them. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Take in these golden trinkets; I shall learn from him what's the matter.
 DORIAS takes the casket into the house.

Enter CHREMES, somewhat drunk. 
 
 CHREMES 
 Heyday! upon my faith, I've been bamboozled: the wine that I've drunk
 has got the upper hand. But, so long as I was reclining, how extremely
 sober I did seem to myself to be; when I got up, neither feet nor senses
 were quite equal to their duty. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Chremes! 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 turning round. Who's that? What, Pythias; dear me, how
 much more charming you now seem to me than a short time since! 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Troth now, you are much more merry, that's certain. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Upon my faith, it is a true saying, that "Venus grows cold without
 Ceres and Bacchus." But has
 Thais got here long before me? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Has she already come away from the Captain's? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 A long time ago; an age since. There has been a most violent quarrel
 between them. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Did she say nothing about you following her? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Nothing at all; only, on going away, she gave me a nod. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Well now, wasn't that enough? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Why, I didn't know that she meant that, until the Captain gave me an
 explanation, because I was dull of comprehension; for he bundled me out
 of the house. But look, here she is; I wonder how it was I got here
 before her.

Enter THAIS. 
 
 THAIS 
 
 to herself. I really do believe that he'll be here
 presently, to force her away from me. Let him come; but if he touches
 her with a single finger, that instant his eyes shall be torn out. I can
 put up with his impertinences and his high-sounding words, as long as
 they remain words: but if they are turned into realities, he shall get a
 drubbing. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Thais, I've been here some time. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 O my dear Chremes, you are the very person I was wanting. Are you aware
 that this quarrel took place on your account, and that the whole of this
 affair, in fact, bore reference to yourself? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 To me? How so, pray? 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Because, while I've been doing my best to recover and restore your
 sister to you, this and a great deal more like it I've had to put up
 with. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Where is she? 
 
 
 THAIS 
 At home, at my house. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 starting. Hah! 
 
 
 THAIS 
 What's the matter? She has been brought up in a manner worthy of
 yourself and of her. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 What is it you say? 
 
 
 THAIS 
 That which is the fact. Her I present to you, nor do I ask of you any
 return for her. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Thanks are both felt and shall be returned in such way, Thais, as you
 deserve. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 But still, take care, Chremes, that you don't lose her, before you
 receive her from me; for it is she, whom the Captain is now coming to
 take away from me by force. Do you go, Pythias, and bring out of the
 house the casket with the tokens. 
 
 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 looking down the side Scene. Don't you see him,
 Thais? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 
 to THAIS. Where is it put? 
 
 
 THAIS 
 In the clothes' chest. Tiresome creature, why do you delay?
 PYTHIAS goes into the house. 
 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 What a large body of troops the Captain is bringing with him against
 you. Bless me! 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Prithee, are you frightened, my dear sir? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Get out with you. What, I frightened? There's not a man alive less
 so. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Then now is the time to prove it. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Why, I wonder what sort of a man you take me to be. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Nay, and consider this too; the person that you have to deal with is a
 foreigner; 
 of less influence than you, less known,
 and one that has fewer friends here. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 I'm aware of that; but it's foolish to run the risk of what you are able
 to avoid. I had rather we should prevent it, than, having received an
 injury, avenge ourselves upon him. Do you go in and fasten the door,
 while I run across hence to the Forum; I should like us to have the aid
 of some legal adviser in this disturbance. Moves, as if
 going. 
 
 
 
 THAIS 
 
 holding him. Stay. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Let me go, I'll be here presently. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 There's no occasion, Chremes. Only say that she is your sister, and that
 you lost her when a little girl, and have now recognized her; then show
 the tokens. Re-enter PYTHIAS from the house, with the
 trinkets. 
 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 
 giving them to THAIS. Here they are. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 
 giving them to CHREMES. Take them. If he offers any
 violence, summon the fellow to justice; do you understand me? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Perfectly. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Take care and say this with presence of mind. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 I'll take care. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Gather up your cloak. Aside. Undone! the very person whom
 I've provided as a champion, wants one himself. They all go into
 the house.

Enter THRASO, followed by GNATHO, SANGA, and other Attendants. 
 
 THRASO 
 Am I to submit, Gnatho, to such a glaring affront as this being put upon
 me? I'd die sooner. Simalio, Donax, Syriscus, follow me! First, I'll
 storm the house. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Quite right. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 I'll carry off the girl. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Very good. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 I'll give her own self a mauling. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Very proper. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 arranging the men. Advance hither to the main body,
 Donax, with your crowbar; you, Simalio, to the left wing; you, Syriscus,
 to the right. Bring up the rest; where's the centurion Sanga, and his maniple 
 of rogues? 
 
 
 SANGA 
 
 coming forward. See, here he is. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 What, you booby, do you think of fighting with a dish-clout, 
 to be bringing that here? 
 
 
 SANGA 
 What, I? I knew the valor of the general, and the prowess of the
 soldiers; and that this could not possibly go on without bloodshed; how
 was I to wipe the wounds? 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Where are the others? 
 
 
 SANGA 
 Plague on you, what others? Sannio is the only one left on guard at
 home. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 to GNATHO. Do you draw up your men in battle order; I'll
 be behind the second rank; 
 from that position I'll give the word to all.
 Takes his place behind the second rank. 
 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 aside. That's showing prudence; as soon as he has drawn
 them up, he secures a retreat for himself. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 pointing to the arrangements. This is just the way
 Pyrrhus used to proceed. 
 
 CHREMES and THAIS appear above at a window. 
 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Do you see, Thais, what plan he is upon? Assuredly, that advice of mine
 about closing the door was good. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 He who now seems to you to be a hero, is in reality a mere vaporer;
 don't be alarmed. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 to GNATHO. What seems best to you? 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 I could very much 
 like a sling to be given you just now, that you
 might pelt them from here on the sly at a distance; they would be taking
 to flight. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 to GNATHO. But look pointing , I see Thais
 there herself. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 How soon are we to fall to? 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Hold holding him back ; it behooves a prudent person to
 make trial of every thing before arms. How do you know but that she may
 do what I bid her without compulsion? 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Ye Gods, by our trust in you, what a thing it is to be wise! I never
 come near you but what I go away from you the wiser. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Thais, in the first place, answer me this. When I presented you that
 girl, did you not say that you would give yourself up to me alone for
 some days to come? 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Well, what then? 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Do you ask the question? You, who have been and brought your lover under
 my very eyes? What business had you with him? With him, too, you
 clandestinely betook yourself away from me. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 I chose to do so. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Then give me back Pamphila; unless you had rather she were taken away by
 force. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Give her back to you, or you lay hands upon her? Of all the---- 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Ha! What are you about? Hold your tongue. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 What do you mean? Am I not to touch my own? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Your own, indeed, you gallows-bird! 
 
 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 to CHREMES. Have a care, if you please. You don't know
 what kind of man you are abusing now. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 
 to GNATHO. Won't you be off from here? Do you know how
 matters stand with you? If you cause any disturbance here to-day, I'll
 make you remember the place, and day, and me too, for the rest of your
 life. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 I pity you, who are making so great a man as this your enemy. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 I'll break your head this instant if you are not off. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Do you really say so, puppy? Is it that you are at? 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 to CHREMES. What fellow are you? What do you mean? What
 business have you with her? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 I'll let you know: in the first place, I assert that she is a freeborn
 woman. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 starting. Ha! 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 A citizen of Attica . 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Whew! 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 My own sister. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Brazen face! 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Now, therefore, Captain, I give you warning; don't you use any violence
 toward her. Thais, I'm going to Sophrona, the nurse, that I may bring
 her here and show her these tokens. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 What! Are you to prevent me from touching what's my own? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 I will prevent it, I tell you. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 to THRASO. Do you hear him? He is convicting himself of
 theft. Is not that enough for you? 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Do you say the same, Thais? 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Go, find some one to answer you. She and CHREMES go away from the
 window. 
 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 to GNATHO. What are we to do now? 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Why, go back again: she'll soon be with you, of her own accord, to
 entreat forgiveness. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Do you think so? 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Certainly, yes. I know the disposition of women: when you will, they
 won't; when you won't, they set their hearts upon you of their own
 inclination. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 You judge right. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Shall I dismiss the army then? 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Whenever you like. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Sanga, as befits gallant soldiers, 
 take care in your turn to
 remember your homes and hearths. 
 
 
 SANGA 
 My thoughts have been for some time among the sauce-pans. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 You are a worthy fellow. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 putting himself at their head. You follow me this way.
 (Exeunt omnes.)

Enter THAIS from her house, followed by PYTHIAS. 
 
 THAIS 
 What! do you persist, hussy, in talking ambiguously to me? "I do know;"
 "I don't know;" "he has gone off;" "I have heard;" "I wasn't there."
 Don't you mean to tell me plainly, whatever it is? The girl in tears,
 with her garments torn, is mute; the Eunuch is off: for what reason?
 What has happened? Won't you speak? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Wretch that I am, what am I to say to you? They declare that he was not
 a Eunuch. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 What was he then? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 That Chaerea. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 What Chaerea? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 That stripling, the brother of Phaedria. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 What's that you say, you hag? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 And I am satisfied of it. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Pray, what business had he at my house? What brought him there? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 I don't know; unless, as I suppose, he was in love with Pamphila. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Alas! to my confusion, unhappy woman that I am, I'm undone, if what you
 tell me is true. Is it about this that the girl is crying? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 I believe so. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 How say you, you arch-jade? Did I not warn you about this very thing,
 when I was going away from here? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 What could I do? Just as you ordered, she was intrusted to his care
 only. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Hussy, I've been intrusting the sheep to the wolf. I'm quite ashamed to
 have been imposed upon in this way. What sort of man was he? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Hush! hush! mistress, pray; we are all right. Here we have the very
 man. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Where is he? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Why there, to the left. Don't you see? 
 
 
 THAIS 
 I see. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Order him to be seized as quickly as possible. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 What can we do to him, simpleton? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 What do to him, do you ask? Pray, do look at him; if his face doesn't
 seem an impudent one. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Not at all. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Besides, what effrontery he has.

Enter CHAEREA, in the EUNUCH'S dress, on the other side of the stage. 
 
 CHAEREA 
 
 to himself. At Antipho's, 
 
 both of them, father and mother, just as if on purpose, were at home, so
 that I couldn't any way get in, but that they must have seen me. In the
 mean time, while I was standing before the door, a certain acquaintance
 of mine was coming full upon me. When I espied him, I took to my heels
 as fast as I could down a narrow unfrequented alley; thence again to
 another, and thence to another; thus have I been most dreadfully
 harassed with running about, that no one might recognize me. But isn't
 this Thais that I see? It is she. I'm at a stand. What shall I do? But
 what need I care? What can she do to me? 
 
 
 THAIS 
 
 to PYTHIAS. Let's accost him. To CHAEREA. 
 Good Mister Dorus, welcome; tell me, have you been running away? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Madam, I did so. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Are you quite pleased with it? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 No. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Do you fancy that you'll get off with impunity? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Forgive this one fault; if I'm ever guilty of another, then kill me. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Were you in fear of my severity? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 No. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 No? What then? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 
 pointing at PYTHIAS. I was afraid of her, lest she might
 be accusing me to you. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 What had you done? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 A mere trifle. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Come now, a trifle, you impudent fellow. Does this appear a trifle to
 you, to ravish a virgin, a citizen? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 I took her for my fellow-servant. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Fellow-servant? I can hardly restrain myself from flying at his hair. A
 miscreant! Even of his own free will he comes to make fun of us. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 
 to PYTHIAS. Won't you begone from here, you mad
 woman? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Why so? Really, I do believe I should be something in this hang-dog's
 debt, if I were to do so; especially as he owns that he is your
 servant. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 We'll pass that by. Chaerea, you have behaved unworthily of yourself;
 for if I am deserving in the highest degree of this affront, still it is
 unbecoming of you to be guilty of it. And, upon my faith, I do not know
 what method now to adopt about this girl: you have so confounded all my
 plans, that I can not possibly return her to her friends in such a
 manner as is befitting and as I had intended; in order that, by this
 means, I might, Chaerea, do a real service to myself. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 But now, from henceforth, I hope, Thais, that there will be lasting
 good-will between us. Many a time, from some affair of this kind and
 from a bad beginning, great friendships have sprung up. What if some
 Divinity has willed this? 
 
 
 THAIS 
 I'faith, for my own part I both take it in that view and wish to do
 so. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Yes, prithee, do so. Be sure of this one thing, that I did not do it for
 the sake of affronting you, but in consequence of passion. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 I understand, and, i'faith, for that reason do I now the more readily
 forgive you. I am not, Chaerea, of a disposition so ungentle, or so
 inexperienced, as not to know what is the power of love. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 So may the Deities kindly bless me, Thais; I am now smitten with you as
 well. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Then, i'faith, mistress, I foresee you must have a care of him. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 I would not dare---- 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 I won't trust you at all in any thing. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 
 to PYTHIAS. Do have done. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Now I entreat you that you will be my assistant in this affair. I
 intrust and commit myself to your care; I take you, Thais, as my
 protectress; I implore you; I shall die if I don't have her for my
 wife. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 But if your father should say any thing---- 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Oh, he'll consent, I'm quite sure of that, if she is only a citizen. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 If you will wait a little, the brother himself of the young woman will
 be here presently; he has gone to fetch the nurse, who brought her up
 when a little child; you yourself, shall be present Chaerea, at his
 recognition of her. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 I certainly will stay. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 In the mean time, until he comes, would you prefer that we should wait
 for him in the house, rather than here before the door? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Why yes, I should like it much. 
 
 
 PYTIH. 
 
 to THAIS. Prithee, what are you going to do? 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Why, what's the matter? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Do you ask? Do you think of admitting him after this into your
 house? 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Why not? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Trust my word for it, he'll be creating some new disturbance. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 O dear, prithee, do hold your tongue. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 You seem to me to be far from sensible of his assurance. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 I'll not do any thing, Pythias. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Upon my faith, I don't believe you, Chaerea, except in case you are not
 trusted. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Nay but, Pythias, do you be my keeper. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Upon my faith, I would neither venture to give any thing to you to keep,
 nor to keep you myself: away with you! 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Most opportunely the brother himself is coming. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 I'faith, I'm undone. Prithee, let's be gone in-doors, Thais. I don't
 want him to see me in the street with this dress on. 
 
 
 THAIS 
 For what reason, pray? Because you are ashamed? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Just so. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Just so? But the young woman---- 
 
 
 THAIS 
 Go first; I'll follow. You stay here, Pythias, that you may show Chremes
 in. THAIS and CHAEREA go into the house.

Enter CHREMES and SOPHRONA. 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 
 to herself. Well! what now can suggest itself to my mind?
 What, I wonder, in order that I may repay the favor to that villain who
 palmed this fellow off upon us? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Really, do bestir yourself more quickly, nurse. 
 
 
 SOPHRONA 
 I am bestirring. 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 So I see; but you don't stir forward. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 
 to CHREMES. Have you yet shown the tokens to the
 nurse? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 All of them. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Prithee, what does she say? Does she recognize them? 
 
 
 CHREMES 
 Yes, with a full recollection of them. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Upon my faith, you do bring good news; for I really wish well to this
 young woman. Go in-doors: my mistress has been for some time expecting
 you at home. CHREMES and SOPHRONA go into THAIS'S house. 
 But look, yonder I espy that worthy fellow, Parmeno, coming: just see,
 for heaven's sake, how leisurely he moves along. I hope I have it in my
 power to torment him after my own fashion. I'll go in-doors, that I may
 know for certain about the discovery; afterward I'll come out, and give
 this villain a terrible fright. Goes into the house.

Enter PAIMENO. 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 to himself. I've just come back to see what Chaerea has
 been doing here. If he has managed the affair with dexterity, ye Gods,
 by our trust in you, how great and genuine applause will Parmeno obtain!
 For not to mention that a passion, full of difficulty and expense, with
 which he was smitten for a virgin, belonging to an extortionate
 courtesan, I've found means of satisfying for him, without molestation,
 without outlay, and without cost; then, this other point-that is really
 a thing that I consider my crowning merit, to have found out the way by
 which a young man may be enabled to learn the dispositions and manners
 of courtesans, so that by knowing them betimes, he may detest them ever
 after. PYTHIAS enters from the house unperceived. For
 while they are out of doors, nothing seems more cleanly, nothing more
 neat or more elegant; and when they dine with a gallant, they pick
 daintily about: 
 to see the filth, the dirtiness, the
 neediness of these women; how sluttish they are when at home, and how
 greedy after victuals; in what a fashion they devour the black bread
 with yesterday's broth:--to know all this, is salvation to a young
 man.< Enter PYTHIAS from the house. 
 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 
 apart, unseen by PARMENO. Upon my faith, you villain,
 I'll take vengeance upon you for these sayings and doings; so that you
 sha'n't make sport of us with impunity. Aloud, coming
 forward. O, by our trust in the Gods, what a disgraceful
 action! O hapless young man! O wicked Parmeno, to have brought him
 here! 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 What's the matter? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 I do pity him; and so that I mightn't see it, wretched creature that I
 am, I hurried away out of doors. What a dreadful example they talk of
 making him! 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 O Jupiter! What is this tumult? Am I then undone? I'll accost her.
 What's all this, Pythias? What are you saying? An example made of
 whom? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Do you ask the question, you most audacious fellow? You've proved the
 ruin of the young man whom you brought hither for the Eunuch, while you
 were trying to put a trick upon us. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 How so, or what has happened? Tell me. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 I'll tell you: that young woman who was to-day made a present to Thais,
 are you aware that she is a citizen of this place, and that her brother
 is a person of very high rank? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 I didn't know that. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 But so she has been discovered to be; he, unfortunate youth, has
 ravished her. When the brother came to know of this being done, in a
 most towering rage, he---- 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Did what, pray? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 First, bound him in a shocking manner. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Bound him? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 And even though Thais entreated him that he wouldn't do so---- 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 What is it you tell me? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Now he is threatening that he will also do that which is usually done to
 ravishers; a thing that I never saw done, nor wish to. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 With what assurance does he dare perpetrate a crime so heinous? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 How "so heinous?" 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Is it not most heinous? Who ever saw any one taken up as a ravisher in a
 courtesan's house? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 I don't know. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 But that you mayn't be ignorant of this, Pythias, I tell you, and give
 you notice that he is my master's son. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 How! Prithee, is it he? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Don't let Thais suffer any violence to be done to him. But why don't I
 go in myself? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Take care, Parmeno, what you are about, lest you both do him no good and
 come to harm yourself; for it is their notion, that whatever has
 happened, has originated in you. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 What then, wretch that I am, shall I do, or how resolve? But look, I see
 the old gentleman returning from the country; shall I tell him or shall
 I not? By my troth, I will tell him; although I am certain that a heavy
 punishment is in readiness for me; but it's a matter of necessity, in
 order that he may rescue him. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 You are wise. I'm going in-doors; do you relate to him every thing
 exactly as it happened. Goes into the house.

Enter LACHES. 
 
 LACHES 
 
 to himself. I have this advantage from my
 country-house being so near at hand; no weariness, either of country or
 of town, ever takes possession of me; when satiety begins to come on, I
 change my locality. But is not that our Parmeno? Surely it is he. Whom
 are you waiting for, Parmeno, before the door here? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 pretends not to see him. Who is it Turning
 round. Oh, I'm glad that you have returned safe. 
 
 
 LACHES 
 Whom are you waiting for? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 aside. I'm undone: my tongue cleaves to my mouth through
 fright. 
 
 
 LACHES 
 Why, what is it you are trembling about? Is all quite right? Tell
 me. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Master, in the first place, I would have you persuaded of what is the
 fact; whatever has happened in this affair has happened through no fault
 of mine. 
 
 
 LACHES 
 What is it? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Really you have reason to ask. I ought first to have told you the
 circumstances. Phaedria purchased a certain Eunuch, to make a present of
 to this woman here. 
 
 
 LACHES 
 To what woman? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 To Thais. 
 
 
 LACHES 
 Bought? Good heavens, I'm undone! For how much? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Twenty minae. 
 
 
 LACHES 
 Done for, quite. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Then, Chaerea is in love with a certain music-girl here. Pointing
 to THAIS'S house. 
 
 
 
 LACHES 
 How! What? In love? Does he know already what a courtesan means? Is he
 come to town? One misfortune close upon another. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Master, don't look so at me; he didn't do these things by my
 encouragement. 
 
 
 LACHES 
 Leave off talking about yourself. If I live, you hang-dog, I'll---- But
 first give me an account of it, whatever it is. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 He was taken to the house of Thais in place of the Eunuch. 
 
 
 LACHES 
 In place of the Eunuch? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Such is the fact. They have since apprehended him in the house as a
 ravisher, and bound him. 
 
 
 LACHES 
 Death! 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Mark the assurance of courtesans. 
 
 
 >LACH. 
 Is there any other calamity or misfortune besides, that you have not
 told me of? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 That's all. 
 
 
 LACHES 
 Do I delay rushing in here? Runs into the house of
 THAIS. 
 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 to himself. There's no doubt but that I shall have a
 heavy punishment for this affair, only that I was obliged to act thus.
 I'm glad of this, that some mischief will befall these women here
 through my agency, for the old man has, for a long time, been on the
 look-out for some occasion 
 to do them a bad turn; at last he has
 found it.

Enter PYTHIAS from the house of THAIS, laughing. 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 
 to herself, on entering. Never, upon my faith, for a long
 time past, has any thing happened to me that I could have better liked
 to happen, than the old gentleman just now, full of his mistake, coming
 into our house. I had the joke all to myself, as I knew 
 what it was he feared. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 apart. Why, what's all this? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Now I'm come out to meet with Parmeno. But, prithee, where is he?
 Looking around. 
 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 apart. She's looking for me. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 And there he is, I see; I'll go up to him. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 What's the matter, simpleton? What do you mean? What are you laughing
 about? Still going on? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 
 laughing. I'm dying; I'm wretchedly tired with laughing
 at you. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Why so? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Do you ask? Upon my faith, I never did see, nor shall see, a more silly
 fellow. Oh dear, I can not well express what amusement you've afforded
 in-doors. And still I formerly took you to be a clever and shrewd
 person. Why, was there any need for you instantly to believe what I told
 you? Or were you not content with the crime, which by your advice the
 young man had been guilty of, without betraying the poor fellow to his
 father as well? Why, what do you suppose his feelings must have been at
 the moment when his father saw him clothed in that dress? Well, do you
 now understand that you are done for? Laughing. 
 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Hah! what is it you say, you hussy? Have you been telling me lies? What,
 laughing still? Does it appear so delightful to you, you jade, to be
 making fools of us? 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 
 laughing. Very much so. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Yes, indeed, if you can do it with impunity. 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 Exactly so. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 By heavens, I'll repay you! 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 I believe you; but, perhaps, that which you are threatening, Parmeno,
 will need a future day; you'll be trussed up directly, for rendering a
 silly young man remarkable for disgraceful conduct, and then betraying
 him to his father; they'll both be making an example of you.
 Laughing. 
 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 I'm done for! 
 
 
 PYTHIAS 
 This reward has been found you in return for that present of
 yours; 
 I'm off. Goes into the
 house. 
 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 to himself. Wretch that I am; just like a rat, this day
 I've come to destruction through betrayal of myself.

Enter THRASO and GNATHO. 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 to THRASO. Well now? With what hope, or what design, are
 we come hither? What do you intend to do, Thraso? 
 
 
 THRASO 
 What, I? To surrender myself to Thais, and do what she bids me. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 What is it you say? 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Why any the less so, than Hercules served Omphale. 
 
 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 The precedent pleases me. Aside. I only wish I may see
 your head stroked down with a slipper; 
 but her door makes a noise. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Confusion! Why, what mischiefs this? I never saw this person before;
 why, I wonder, is he rushing out in such a hurry? They stand
 aside.

Enter CHAEREA from the house of THAIS, on the other side of the stage. 
 
 CHAEREA 
 
 to himself, aloud. O fellow-townsmen, is there any one
 alive more fortunate than me this day? Not any one, upon my faith: for
 clearly in me have the Gods manifested all their power, on whom, thus
 suddenly, so many blessings are bestowed. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 
 apart. Why is he thus overjoyed? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 
 seeing PARMENO, and running up to him. O my dear Parmeno,
 the contriver, the beginner, the perfecter of all my delights, do you
 know what are my transports? Are you aware that my Pamphila has been
 discovered to be a citizen? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 I have heard so. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Do you know that she is betrothed to me? 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 So may the Gods bless me, happily done. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 apart to THRASO. Do you hear what he says? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 And then, besides, I am delighted that my brother's mistress is secured
 to him; the family is united. Thais has committed herself to the
 patronage of my father; 
 she has put herself under our
 care and protection. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Thais, then, is wholly your brother's. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Of course. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 Then this is another reason for us to rejoice, that the Captain will be
 beaten out of doors. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Wherever my brother is, do you take care that he hears this as soon as
 possible. 
 
 
 PARMENO 
 I'll go look for him at home. Goes into the house of
 LACHES. 
 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 apart to GNATHO. Do you at all doubt, Gnatho, but that I
 am now ruined everlastingly? 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 to THRASO. Without doubt, I do think so. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 
 to himself. What am I to make mention of first, or
 commend in especial? Him who gave me the advice to do so, or myself, who
 ventured to undertake it? Or ought I to extol fortune, who has been my
 guide, and has so opportunely crowded into a single day events so
 numerous, so important; or my father's kindness and indulgence Oh
 Jupiter, I entreat you, do preserve these blessings unto us!
 Enter PHAEDRIA from the house of LACHES. 
 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 
 to himself. Ye Gods, by our trust in you, what incredible
 things has Parmeno just related to me! But where is my brother? 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 
 stepping forward. Here he is. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 I'm overjoyed. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 I quite believe you. There is no one, brother, more worthy to be loved
 than this Thais of yours: so much is she a benefactress to all our
 family. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Whew! are you commending her too to me? 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 apart. I'm undone; the less the hope I have, the more I
 am in love. Prithee, Gnatho, my hope is in you. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 apart. What do you wish me to do? 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 apart. Bring this about, by entreaties or with money,
 that I may at least share Thais's favors in some degree. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 apart. It's a hard task. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 apart. If you set your mind on any thing, I know you
 well. If you manage this, ask me for any present you like as your
 reward; you shall have what you ask. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 apart. Is it so? 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 apart. It shall be so. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 apart. If I manage this, I ask that your house, whether
 you are present or absent, may be open to me; that, without invitation,
 there may always be a place for me. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 apart. I pledge my honor that it shall be so. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 apart. I'll set about it then. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Who is it I hear so close at hand? Turning round. O
 Thraso---- 
 
 
 THRASO 
 
 coming forward. Save you both---- 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Perhaps you are not aware what has taken place here. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 I am quite aware. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Why, then, do I see you in this neighborhood? 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Depending on your kindness. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Do you know what sort of dependence you have? Captain, I give you
 notice, if ever I catch you in this street again, even if you should say
 to me, "I was looking for another person, I was on my road this way,"
 you are undone. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Come, come, that's not handsome. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 I've said it. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 I didn't know you gave yourself such airs. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 So it shall be. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 First hear a few words from me; and when I have said the thing, if you
 approve of it, do it. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 Let's hear. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Do you step a little that way, Thraso. THRASO stands
 aside. In the firs place, I wish you both implicitly to
 believe me in this, that whatever I do in this matter, I do it entirely
 for my own sake; but if the same thing is of advantage to yourselves, it
 would be folly for you not to do it. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 What is it? 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 I'm of opinion that the Captain, your rival, should be received among
 you. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 
 starting. Hah! 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Be received? 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 to PHAEDRIA. Only consider. I'faith, Phaedria, at the
 free rate you are living with her, and indeed very freely you are
 living, you have but little to give; and it's necessary for Thais to
 receive a good deal. That all this may be supplied for your amour and
 not at your own expense, there is not an individual better suited or
 more fitted for your purpose than the Captain. In the first place, he
 both.has got enough to give, and no one does give more profusely. He is
 a fool, a dolt, a blockhead; night and day he snores away; and you need
 not fear that the lady will fall in love with him; you may easily have
 him discarded whenever you please. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 
 to PHAEDRIA. What shall we do? 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 And this besides, which I deem to be of even greater importance,--not a
 single person entertains in better style or more bountifully. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 It's a wonder if this sort of man can not be made use of in some way or
 other. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 I think so too. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 You act properly. One thing I have still to beg of you,--that you'll
 receive me into your fraternity; I've been rolling that stone 
 for a
 considerable time past. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 We admit you. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 And with all my heart. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 Then I, in return for this, Phaedria, and you, Chaerea, make him over to
 you to be eaten and drunk to the dregs. 
 
 
 CHAEREA 
 Agreed. 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 He quite deserves it. 
 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 calling to THRASO. Thraso, whenever you please, step this
 way. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 Prithee, how goes it? 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 How? Why, these people didn't know you; after I had discovered to them
 your qualities, and had praised you as your actions and your virtues
 deserved, I prevailed upon them. 
 
 
 THRASO 
 You have managed well; I give you my best thanks. Besides, I never was
 any where but what all were extremely fond of me. 
 
 
 GNATHO 
 
 to PHAEDRIA and CHAEREA. Didn't I tell you that he was a
 master of the Attic elegance? 
 
 
 PHAEDRIA 
 He is no other than you mentioned. Pointing to his FATHER'S
 house. Walk this way. To the AUDIENCE. Fare
 you well, and grant us your applause.