The PROLOGUE, spoken by CHARINUS. 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Two things have I now resolved to do at the same time; both the subject and my own amours will I disclose. I am not doing like as I have seen other lovers do in Comedies, who relate their woes either to the night or to the day, or to the Sun or to the Moon; who, faith, I don't suppose pay much regard to the complaints of mortals, either what they wish or what they don't wish. To yourselves in preference will I now relate my woes. In the Greek this Play is called the Emporos 
 of Philemon; the same in the Latin is the Mercator of Marcus Accius. My father sent me hence to trade at Rhodes . Two years have now passed since I left home. There I began to love a fair one of remarkable beauty. But how I was captivated by her, I'll tell you, if you'll lend ear, and if you'll have the kindness to give your attention to this. And yet in this, but little have I followed the method of our forefathers in my own person, and on the spot as a tell- tale 
 of my own amours am I represented before you. But all these failings are wont to attend on love--care, trouble, and refinement overmuch. Not only him who loves, but every one to whom this latter fault extends, him with a great and weighty evil does it affect; nor by my troth, in fact, does any one aim at refinement, beyond what his means allow of, without heavy disaster. But to love as well are these evils incident, which I have not as yet recounted--sleeplessness, a troubled mind, confusion, terror, and apprehension, trifling, and folly even, rashness too, thoughtlessness, foolhardy impudence, wantonness, lust, and malevolence; covetousness is inherent as well, idleness, injustice, want, contumely and wastefulness, talkativeness or moody silence. This latter is the fact, because things which relate not to the purpose, nor are of utility, the same does the lover give utterance to full oft at an unseasonable moment; and yet again, this moody silence for this reason do I commend, because no lover is ever so skilled in eloquence, as to be enabled to give utterance to that which is for his own interest. You, then, must not be offended with myself for my babbling; Venus bestowed it upon me on that same day on which this passion. To that point am I resolved to return, that what I commenced upon I may disclose. In the first place, when in life I had passed from my boyish days, and my disposition was weaned from childish pursuits, I began distractedly to love a Courtesan in this place. Forthwith, unknown to my father, my means went to be wasted upon her; an exacting Procurer, the owner of this damsel, by every method that he could, grasped everything into his own possession 
 . Night and day my father censured me for this; represented the perfidy, the wickedness of Procurers; how that his own property was being forcibly rent in pieces, while that of this Procurer was increasing; this too in the loudest tones; sometimes muttering to himself; refusing to speak to me; even denying that I was his child; crying aloud through all the city and proclaiming that all should withhold from trusting me when desiring to borrow; that love had allured many a one to ruin; that I, passing all bounds, regardless of decency, and acting wrongfully, laid hands upon and tore whatever I could from him at home; that 'twas a most vile system that those choice possessions which he, by enduring every hardship, had acquired, should all be squandered away and parted with through the violence of my desire. That now for so many years he had supported myself, a reproach to him; that were I not ashamed, I ought not to desire to live. That he himself, at the very moment after he had passed his boyish days, did not, like me, devote his attention to love or indolence in slothfulness, nor, indeed, had he the control of himself, so very strictly by his father was he held in check; that in the various sordid pursuits of the country he was employed, and that only every fifth year even was he then enabled to visit the city, and that immediately after he had had a sight of the Festival 
 , back again instantly into the country was he wont to be driven by his father. That there by far the most of all the household did he toil, while thus his father would say to him: "For yourself you are ploughing, for yourself you harrow, for yourself you sow, for your own self too do you reap; for yourself, in fine, will this labour be productive of happiness." That after life had left his father's body, he had sold the farm, and with that money had bought for himself a bark of fifteen tons 
 , and with the same had transported merchandize to every quarter, even until he had acquired the property which he then possessed. That I ought to do the same, if I would be as it behoved me to be. I, when I found that I was disliked by my father and was an object of hate to him whom I was bound to please, distracted and in love as I was, resolutely made up my mind. I said that I would go to traffic, if he pleased; that I would renounce my amour, so as to be obedient to him. He gave me thanks, and praised my good feeling, but failed not to exact my promise; he built a merchant-ship 
 , and purchased merchandize; the ship ready, he placed it on board; besides, to myself with his own hand he paid down a talent of silver; with me he sent a servant, who formerly had been my tutor from the time when I was a little child, to be as though a guardian to me. These things completed, we set sail; we came to Rhodes , where the merchandize which I had brought I sold to my mind according as I wished; I made great profits, beyond the estimate of the merchandize which my father had given me; and so I made a large sum. But while in the harbour I was walking there, a certain stranger recognized me, and invited me to dinner. I went, and took my place at table, being merrily and handsomely entertained. When at night we went to rest, behold, a female came to me, than whom not another female is there more charming. That night, by order of my entertainer, did she pass with me; consider your own selves, how very much he gratified me. Next day, I went to my host; I begged him to sell her to me; I said that for his kindnesses I should ever be grateful and obliged. What need is there of talking? I bought her, and yesterday I brought her hither. I don't wish my father to come to know I've brought her. For the present, I've left her and a servant in the harbour on board the ship. But why do I see my servant running hither from the harbour, whom I forbade to leave the ship? I dread what the reason may be. Stands aside.

Enter ACANTHIO, at a distance, in haste. 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 
 to himself . With your utmost power and might always try and endeavour that your younger master 
 may by your aid be preserved. Come then, Acanthio, away with weariness from you; take care and be on your guard against sloth. At the same time put an end to this panting; troth, I can hardly fetch my breath; at the same time, too, drive right full against all those persons who come in the way, shove them aside, and push them into the road. This custom here is a very bad one; no one thinks it proper for him to give way to one who is running and in haste; and thus three things must be done at the same moment, when you have commenced upon but one; you must both run and fight, and squabble as well, upon the road. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 apart . What's the reason of this, that he's requiring speed for himself at a rate so rapid? I have some anxiety, what the business is, or what news he brings. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 
 to himself . I'm trifling about it. The more I stop, the greater the risk that's run. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 apart . He brings news of some misfortune, I know not what. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 
 to himself . His knees are failing this runner. I'm undone, my spleen is in rebellion 
 , it's taking possession of my breast. I'm done up, I can't draw my breath. A very worthless piper should I be. I' faith, not all the baths will ever remove this lassitude from me. Am I to say that my master Charinus is at home or abroad? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 apart . I'm doubtful in my mind what the matter is; I'd like for myself to learn of him, that I may become acquainted with it. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 
 to himself . But why still standing here? Why still hesitating to make splinters of this door? Knocks at the door of DEMIPHO'S house, and calls. Open the door, some one. Where's my master, Charinus? Is he at home or abroad? Does any one think fit to come to the door? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 presenting himself . Why, here am I, whom you're looking for, Acanthio. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 
 not seeing him . There is nowhere a more lazy management than in his house. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 What matter is afflicting you so terribly? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 
 turning round . Many, master, both yourself and me. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 What's the matter? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 We are undone. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 That beginning do you present unto our foes. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 But your own self it has befallen, as fate would have it.
 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Tell me this matter, whatever it is. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Quietly--I want to take a rest. He pants. 
 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 But, i' faith, do take the skirt of your coat 
 , and wipe the sweat from off you. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 For your sake, I've burst the veins of my lungs; I'm spitting blood already. He spits. 
 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Swallow Ægyptian resin with honey; you'll make it all right. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Then, i' faith, do you drink hot pitch 
 ; then your troubles will vanish. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I know no one a more tetchy fellow than yourself. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 And I know no one more abusive than yourself 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 But what if I'm persuading you to that which I take to be for your benefit? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Away with benefit of that sort, that's accompanied with pain. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Tell me, is there any good at all that any one can enjoy entirely without evil; or where you mustn't endure labour when you wish to enjoy it? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 I don't understand these things; I never learnt to philosophize, and don't know how. I don't want any good to be given me, to which evil is an accompaniment. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 extending his hand . Come now, Acanthio, give me your right hand. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 It shall be given; there then, take it. Gives his hand. 
 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Do you intend yourself to be obedient to me, or don't you intend it? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 You may judge by experience, as I've ruptured myself with running for your sake, in order that what I knew, you might have the means of knowing directly. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I'll make you a free man within a few months. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 You are smoothing me down. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 What, should I presume ever to make mention of an untrue thing to you? On the contrary, before I said so, you knew already whether I intend to utter an untruth. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Ah! your words, upon my faith, are increasing my weakness. You are worrying me to death! 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 What, is this the way you're obedient to me? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 What do you want me to do? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 What, you? What I want is this---- 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 What is it then that you do want? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I'll tell you. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Tell me, then. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 But still, I'd like to do it in a quiet way. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Are you afraid lest you should wake the drowsy Spectators 
 from their nap? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Woe be to you! 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 For my part, that same am I bringing to you from the harbour. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 What are you bringing? Tell me. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Violence, alarm, torture, care, strife, and beggary. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I'm undone! You really are bringing me hither a store of evils. I'm ruined outright. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Why, yes, you are---- 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I know it already; you'll be saying I'm wretched. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 'Tis you have said so; I'm mum. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 What mishap is this? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Don't enquire. It is a very great calamity. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Prithee, do relieve me at once. Too long a time have I been in suspense. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Softly; I still wish to make many enquiries before I'm beaten.
 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 By my troth, you assuredly will be beaten, unless you say at once, or get away from here. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Do look at that, please, how he does coax me; there's no one more flattering when he sets about it. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 By heavens, I do entreat and beseech you to disclose to me at once what it is; inasmuch as I see that I must be the suppliant of my own servant. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 And do I seem so unworthy of it? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Oh no, quite worthy. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Well, so I thought. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Prithee, is the ship lost? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 The ship's all right; don't fear about that. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Well then, the rest of the cargo? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 That's right and tight. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Why then don't you tell me what it is, for which, just now, running through the city, you were seeking me? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Really, you are taking the words out of my mouth. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I'll hold my tongue. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Do hold your tongue. I doubt, if I brought you any good news, you'd be dreadfully pressing, who are now insisting upon my speaking out, when you must hear bad news. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Troth then, prithee do you let me know what this misfortune is. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Since you beg of me, I'll tell you. Your father---- 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 My father did what? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Your mistress---- 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 What about her? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 He has seen her. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Seen her? Ah wretch that I am! What I ask you, answer me. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Nay, but do you ask me, if you want anything. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 How could he see her? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 With his eyes. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 In what way? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Wide open. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Away hence and be hanged. You are trifling, when my life's at stake. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 How the plague am I trifling, if I answer you what you ask me? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Did he see her for certain? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Aye, troth, as certainly as I see you and you see me. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Where did he see her? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Down on board the ship, as he stood near the prow and chatted with her. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Father, you have undone me. Come now, you, come now, you sir? Why, you whip-rascal, didn't you take care that he mightn't see her? Why, villain, didn't you stow her away, that my father mightn't perceive her? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Because we were busily employed about our business; we were engaged in packing up and arranging the cargo. While these things were being done, your father was brought alongside in a very small boat; and not an individual beheld the man until he was aboard the ship. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 In vain have I escaped the sea with its dreadful tempests! Just now I really did suppose that I was both ashore and in a place of safety; but I see that by the raging waves I am being hurried towards the rocks. Say on; what took place? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 After he espied the woman, he began to ask her to whom she belonged. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 What did she answer? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 That instant I ran up and interposed, saying that you had bought her as a maid-servant for your mother. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Did he seem to believe you in that? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Do you e'en ask me that? Why the rogue began to take liberties with her. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Prithee, what, with her? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 'Twere a wonder if he had taken liberties with myself. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 By heavens, my heart is saddened, which, drop by drop is melting away, just as though you were to put salt in water. I'm undone. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Aye, aye, that one expression have you most truly uttered. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 This is mere folly. What shall I do? I do think. my father won't believe me if I say that I bought her for my mother; and then, besides, it seems to me a shame that I should tell a lie to my parent. He'll neither believe, nor indeed is it credible, that I bought this woman of surpassing beauty as a maid-servant for my mother. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Won't you be quiet, you most silly man? Troth, he will believe it, for he just now believed me. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I'm dreadfully afraid that a suspicion will reach my father how the matter really stands. Prithee, answer me this that I ask you. 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 What do you ask? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Did he seem to suspect that she was my mistress? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 He did not seem. On the contrary, in everything, just as I said it, he believed me. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 As being true-as he seemed to yourself at least.
 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Not so; but he really did believe me. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Ah! wretched man that I am! I'm ruined! But why do I kill myself here with repining, and don't be off to the ship? Follow me. Hastening along. 
 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 If you go that way, you'll conveniently come slap upon your father. As soon as he shall see you, dismayed and out of spirits, at once he'll be stopping you, and enquiring where you bought her, and for how much you bought her; he'll be trying you in your dismay. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 turning about . I'll go this way in preference. Do you think that by this my father has left the harbour? 
 
 
 ACANTHIO 
 Why, it was for that reason I ran before him hither, that he mightn't come upon you unawares and fish it out of you. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Very properly done. (Exeunt.)

Enter DEMIPHO. 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 to himself . In wondrous ways 
 do the Gods make sport of men, and in wondrous fashions do they send dreams in sleep. As, for instance, I, this very last night that has passed, have sufficiently experienced in my sleep, and, mortal that I am, was much occupied therewith. I seemed to have purchased for myself a beautiful she-goat. That she might not offend that other she-goat which I had at home before, and that they mightn't disagree if they were both in the same spot, after that I had purchased her, I seemed to entrust her to the charge of an ape. This ape, not very long afterwards, came to me, uttered imprecations against me, and assailed me with reproaches; he said that by her means and through the arrival of the she-goat he had suffered injury and loss in no slight degree; he said that the she-goat, which I had entrusted to him to keep, had gnawed away the marriage-portion of his wife. This seemed extremely wonderful to me, how that this single she-goat could possibly have gnawed away 
 the marriage-portion of the wife of the ape. The ape, however, insisted that it was so, and, in short, gave me this answer, that if I didn't make baste and remove her away from his own house, he would bring her home into my house to my wife. And, by my troth, I seemed very greatly to take an interest in her, but not to have any one to whom to entrust this she-goat; wherefore the more, in my distress, was I tormented with anxiety what to do. Meanwhile, a kid appeared to address me, and began to tell me that he had carried off the she-goat from the ape, and began to laugh at me. But I began to lament and complain that she was carried off. To what reality I am to suppose that this vision points, I can't discover; except that I suspect that I have just now discovered this she-goat, what she is, or what it all means. This morning, at daybreak, I went away hence down to the harbour. After I had transacted there what I wanted, suddenly I espied the ship from Rhodes , in which my son arrived here yesterday. I had an inclination, I know not why, to visit it; I went on board a boat, and put off to the ship; and there I beheld a woman of surpassing beauty, whom my son has brought as a maid-servant for his mother. After I had thus beheld her, I fell in love with her, not as men in their senses, but after the fashion in which madmen are wont. I' faith, in former times, in my youthful days, I fell in love, 'tis true; but after this fashion, according as I'm now distracted, never. Now beyond a doubt, surely thus this matter stands; this is that she-goat. But what that ape and that kid mean, I'm afraid. One thing, i' faith, I really do know for certain, that I'm undone for love; to the AUDIENCE consider yourselves the other point, what a poor creature I am 
 . But I'll hold my tongue; lo! I see my neighbour; he's coming out of doors. Stands aside.

Enter LYSIMACHUS and a SERVANT with some rakes, from the house of the former. 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Really I will have this goat mutilated, that's giving us so much trouble at the farm. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 apart . Neither this omen nor this augury pleases me; I'm afraid that my wife will be just now mutilating me like the he-goat, and be acting the part of this same ape. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Do you go hence to my country-house, and take care and deliver personally into his own hands those rakes to the bailiff Pistus himself. Take care and tell my wife that I have business in the city, so that she mayn't expect me; for do you mention that I have three causes coming on for judgment to-day. Be off, and remember to say this. 
 
 
 SERV. 
 Anything more? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 That's enough. (Exit) 
 
 
 
 SERVANT. 
 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 Stepping forward . Greetings to you, Lysimachus. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Well met! and greetings to you, Demipho. How are you? How goes it? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 As with one that's most wretched 
 . 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 May the Gods grant better things. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 As for the Gods, it's they that do this. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 What's the matter? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I'd tell you, if I saw that you had time or leisure. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Although I have business in hand, if you wish for anything, Demipho, I'm never too busy to give attention to a friend. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 You speak of your kindness to myself who have experienced it. How do I seem to you as to age? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 A subject for Acheron --an antiquated, decrepit old fellow. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 You see in a wrong light. I am a child, Lysimachus, of seven years old. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Are you in your senses, to say that you are a child? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I'm telling what's true. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 I' faith, it has this moment come into my mind what you mean to say; directly a person is old, no longer has he sense or taste; people say that he has become a child again. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Why, no; for I'm twice as hearty as ever I was before. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 I' faith, it's well that so it is, and I'm glad of it. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Aye, and if you did but know; with my eyes, too, I see even better now than I did formerly. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 That's good. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Of a thing that's bad, I'm speaking.
 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Then that same is not good. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 But, if I wished at all, could I venture to disclose something to you? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Boldly. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Give heed, then. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 It shall be carefully done. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 This day, Lysimachus, I've begun to go to school to learn my letters. I know three letters already. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 How? Three letters? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 spelling . A M O [I am in love]. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 What! you, in love, with your hoary head, you most shocking old fellow? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Whether that is hoary, or whether red, or whether black, I'm in love. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 You're now playing upon me in this, I fancy, Demipho. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Cut my throat, if it's false, what I'm saying. That you may be sure I'm in love, take a knife, and do you cut off either my finger, or my ear, or my nose, or my lip: if I move me, or feel that I'm being cut, then, Lysimachus, I give you leave to torture me to death here with being in love. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 aside to the AUDIENCE . If ever you've seen a lover in a picture, why, there he is pointing at DEMIPHO : for really, in my way of thinking, an antiquated, decrepit old man is just about the same as though he were a figure painted upon a wall. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Now, I suppose, you are thinking of censuring me. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 What, I, censure you? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Well, there's no reason that you should censure me. Other distinguished men have done the like before. It's natural to be in love, it's natural, as well, to be considerate. Then, please, don't reprove me; no inclination impelled me to this. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Why, I'm not reproving you. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 But still, don't you think any the worse of me for acting thus. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 I, think the worse of you? O, may the Deities forbid it. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Still, please, only do take care of that. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Due care is taken. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Quite sure? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 You're wearing me out. Aside. This person's deranged through love. To DEMIPHO. Do you desire aught with me? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Farewell! 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 I'm making haste to the harbour; for I've got business there. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Good luck go with you.
 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Heartily fare you well. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Kindly fare you well. (Exit LYSIMACHUS.) 
 DEMIPHO continues, to himself . And what's more, I too as well have got some business at the harbour; now, therefore, I shall be off thither. But, look! most opportunely I see my son. I'll wait for the fellow; it's necessary for me now to see him, to persuade him, as far as I possibly can, to sell her to me, and not make a present of her to his mother; for I've heard that he has brought her as a present for her. But I have need of precaution, that he mayn't any way imagine that I have set my fancy upon her.

Enter CHARINUS, at a distance. 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 to himself . Never, I do think, was any person more wretched than myself, nor one who had more everlasting crosses. Isn't it the fact, that whatever thing there is that I have commenced to attempt, it cannot fall out to my wish according as I desire? To such an extent is some evil fortune always befalling me, which overwhelms my fair intentions. To my misfortune, I procured me a mistress to please my inclination; I acquired her for a sum of money, fancying that I could keep her unknown to my father. He has found her out, and has seen her, and has undone me. Nor have I yet determined what to say when he asks me, so much do uncertain thoughts, aye, tenfold, struggle within my breast; nor know I now in my mind what resolution I can possibly take; so much uncertainty, mingled with anxiety, is there in my feelings, at one moment the advice of my servant pleases me, then again it doesn't please me, and it doesn't seem possible for my father to be induced to think that she was bought as a maid-servant for my mother. Now, if I say, as is the fact, and declare that I purchased her for myself, what will he think of me? He may take her away, too, and carry her hence beyond sea, to be sold! Well taught at home, I know how severe he is. Is this, then, being in love? I'd rather be at the plough-tail 
 than love in this fashion. Before to-day, long ago, he drove me away against my inclination from his house, my home, and bade me go and traffic. There did I meet with this misfortune. When its misery can surpass its pleasure, what is there delightful in it? In vain I've hidden her, concealed her, kept her in secret; my father's a very fly 
 ; nothing can be kept away from him; nothing so sacred or so profane is there, but that he's there at once; neither have I any assured hope in my mind through which to feel confidence in my fortunes. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 apart . What's the reason of this, that my son is talking to himself alone? He seems to me anxious about some matter, I know not what. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 looking round . Heyday, now! Why, surely it's my father here that I see. I'll go and accost him. Accosting him. How goes it, father? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Whence do you come? Why are you in a hurry, my son? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 It's all right, father. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 So I trust; but what's the reason that your colour's so changed? Do you feel ill at all? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I know not what it is affects my spirits, father; this last night I didn't rest quite as well as I wished. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 As you've been travelling by sea, your eyes, I suppose, are at present rather unaccustomed to the shore. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 No doubt it is that; but it will be going off presently. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Troth, it's for that reason you are pale; if you were prudent, you'd go home and lie down. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I haven't the leisure; I wish to attend to business on commission. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Attend to it to-morrow; the day after, attend to it. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I've often heard from you, father, it behoves all wise men, the first thing, to give their earliest attention to business upon commission. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Do so, then; I have no wish to be striving against your opinion. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 aside . I'm all right, if, indeed, his adherence to that sentiment is immoveable and lasting. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 aside . Why is it that he calls himself aside into counsel with himself? I'm not afraid now lest he should be able to come to know that I'm in love with her, because I've not as yet done anything in a foolish manner, as people in love are wont to do. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 aside . I' faith, the affair for the present is really quite safe; for I'm quite certain that he doesn't know anything about that mistress of mine; if he did know, his talk would have been different. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 aside . Why don't I accost him about her? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 aside . Why don't I betake myself off hence? Aloud. I'm going to deliver the commissions from my friends to their friends. Moves as if going. 
 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Nay, but stop; I still want to make a few enquiries of you first. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Say what it is you wish. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Have you all along been well? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Quite well all the time, so long, indeed, as I was there; but as soon as I had arrived here in harbour, I don't know what faintness it was came over me. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I' faith, I suppose it arose from sea-sickness; but it will be going off just now. But how say you? What servant-maid is this that you have brought from Rhodes for your mother? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I've brought one. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Well, what sort of a woman is she as to appearance? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Not an ill-favored one, i' faith. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 How is she as to manners? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 In my way of thinking, I never saw one better. 
 
 
 DEN. 
 So, indeed, i' faith, she seemed to me when I saw her. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 How now, have you seen her, father? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I have seen her; but she doesn't suit our ways, and so she doesn't please me. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Why so? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Because she hasn't a figure suitable to our establishment; we stand in need of no female servant but one who can weave, grind, chop wood, make yarn, sweep out the house, stand a beating, and who can have every day's victuals cooked for the household. This one will be able to do not any single one of these things. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Why, in fact, for this reason I purchased her, to make a present of her to my mother.
 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Don't you be giving her, nor mention that you have brought her. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 aside . The Deities favour me. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 aside . I'm shaking him by slow degrees. Aloud. But, what I omitted to say,--she can neither with due propriety follow your mother as an attendant; nor will I allow it. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 But why? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Because, with those good looks, it would be scandalous if she were to be following a matron when she's walking through the streets; all people would be staring, gazing, nodding, winking, hissing, twitching, crying out, be annoying, and singing serenades at our door; my door, perhaps, would be filled with the charcoal marks 
 of her praises; and, according as persons are scandalizing at the present day, they might throw it in the teeth of my wife and myself, that we are carrying on the business of a Procurer. Now what occasion is there for this? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Why, faith, you say what's just, and I agree with you. But what shall be done with her now? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Exactly; I'll buy for your mother some stout wench of a female slave, not a bad servant, but of ungainly figure, as befits the mistress of a family--either a Syrian or an Egyptian woman: she shall do the grinding, spin out the yarn, and stand a lashing; and on her account no disgrace at all will be befalling our doors. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 What then if she is restored to the person of whom she was purchased? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 By no means in the world. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 He said that he would take her back, if she didn't suit. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 There's no need of that; I don't want you to get into litigation, nor yet your honor to be called in question. I' troth, I would much rather, if any must be endured, put up with the loss myself, than that disgrace or scandal on account of a woman should be brought upon my house. I think that I am able to sell for you at a good profit. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I' faith, so long, indeed, as you don't be selling her at a less price than I bought her at, father. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Do you only hold your tongue; there is a certain old gentleman who commissioned me to buy one for him of just that same appearance. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 But, father, a certain young man commissioned me to buy one for him of just that same appearance that she is of. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I think that I am able to dispose of her for twenty minæ. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 But, if I had chosen, there have been already seven-and-twenty minæ offered. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 But I---- 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Nay, but I, I say---- 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 But you don't know what I was going to say; do hold your tongue. I can add three minæ even to that, so that there will be thirty. Looks as though on one side at a distance. 
 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 What are you turning yourself towards? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Towards him who's making the purchase. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 staring about . Why, where in the world is this person? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Look there, I see him 
 , yonder pointing ; he's bidding me even still to add five minæ. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 aside . By my troth, may the Gods send a curse upon him, whoever he is! 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 looking in the distance . There he is again, making a sign to me, even still, for me to add six minæ. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 My man is bidding seven minæ, for her, full weight, father. Aside. I' faith, he shall never this day outdo me. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 He's bidding in vain; I will have her! 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 But the other one made the first offer. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I care nothing for that. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 He bids fifty. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 No, a hundred's the offer. Can't you desist from bidding against the determination of my mind. I' troth, you'll be having an immense profit, in such a way is this old gentleman for whom she's being purchased. He's not in his senses by reason of his love; whatever you ask, you'll get. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I' faith, that young man, for whom I'm purchasing, is assuredly dying with distraction for love of her.
 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Troth, very much more so is that old gentleman, if you did but know it. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I' faith, that old man never was nor ever will be more distracted with love than that young man, father, to whom I'm lending this assistance. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Do be quiet, I tell you; I'll see to that matter, that it's all right. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 How say you----? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 What is it? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I didn't take her for a slave; but it was he that took her for such. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Let me alone. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 By law you cannot put her up for sale. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I'll somehow see to that. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 And then besides, she's the common property of myself and another person; how do I know how he's disposed, whether he does wish or doesn't wish to sell her? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I'm sure he does wish. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 But, i' faith, I believe that there's a certain person who doesn't wish. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 What matters that to me? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Because it's right that he should have the disposal of his own property. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 What is it you say? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 She is the common property of myself and another person; he isn't here at present. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 You are answering me before I ask. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 You are buying, father, before I sell. I don't know, I say, whether he chooses to part with her or not. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 But if she is purchased for that certain person who gave you the commission, will he choose it then? If I purchase her for that person who gave me the commission, will he then not choose it? You avail nothing. Never, on my faith, shall any person have her in preference to the person that I wish. That I'm resolved upon. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Have you made up your mind that it is resolved upon? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Why, I'm going hence at once to the ship; there she shall be sold. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Do you wish me to go there with you? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I don't wish you. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 You don't choose it, then. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 It's better for you to give your earliest attention to the business which you've been commissioned upon. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 You are hindering me from doing so. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Then do you make your excuse that you have used all diligence. Don't you go to the harbour, I tell you that now.
 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 That shall be attended to. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 aside . I'll be off to the harbour, and (I have need of caution lest he should find it out) I'll not buy her myself, but commission my friend Lysimachus; he said just now that he was going to the harbour. I'm delaying while I'm standing here. (Exit.)

CHARINUS, alone. 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 wringing his hands, and crying aloud . I'm lost--I'm undone. They say that the Bacchanals tore Pentheus to pieces 
 . I do believe that that was the merest trifle compared with the manner in which I am rent asunder in different ways. Why do I exist? Why don't I die? What good is there for me in life? I'm determined, I'll go to a doctor 
 , and there I'll put myself to death by poison, since that is being taken from me for the sake of which I desire to remain in existence. He is going off. 

 Enter EUTYCHUS, from the house of LYSIMACHUS. 
 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Stop, prithee, stop, Charinus. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 turning . Who is it, that calls me back? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Eutychus, your friend and companion, your nearest neighbour as well. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 You don't know 
 what a vast weight of my woes I am enduring. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 I do know. I listened to it all at the door: I know the whole matter. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 What is it that you know? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Your father wishes to sell---- 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 You have the whole matter. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 --Your mistress---- 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 You know by far too much. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 --Against your wish. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 You know everything. But how do you know that this woman is my mistress?
 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 You yourself told me yesterday. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Isn't it the fact that I had quite forgotten that I told you yesterday? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 It's not surprising it is so. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I now consult you. Answer me; by what death do you think that I should die in preference? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Won't you hold your peace? Take you care how you say that. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 What then do you wish me to say? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Should you like me to trick your father nicely? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I really should like it. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Should you like me to walk to the harbour---- 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 What, rather than that you should fly? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 And release the fair one for a sum. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 What, rather than you should pay her weight in gold? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Whence is it to come? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I'll entreat Achilles to lend me the gold with which Hector was ransomed 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Are you in your senses? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I' faith, if I were in my senses, I shouldn't be seeking you for my physician. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Do you wish her to be purchased for as high a price as he asks? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Throw in something by way of surplus; even a thousand didrachms more than he shall demand. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Now, do hold your peace. But what say you as to this? Whence will the money come, for you to give, when your father asks for it? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 It shall be found, it shall be sought out, something shall be done. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 You are worrying me to death. For I'm afraid of that "Something shall be done." 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Why won't you hold your tongue? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 You give your commands to one who is dumb. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Is this matter sufficiently pointed out to you? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Can't you possibly be attending to something else? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 It isn't possible. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 
 going . Kindly fare you well. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I' faith, I cannot fare well, before you come back to me. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 To better purpose, recover your senses. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Farewell, and prevail, and be my preserver. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 I'll do so. Wait for me at home. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Do you take care, then, to betake yourself back just now with the booty. 
 (Exit EUTYCHUS, and CHARINUS goes into DEMIPHO'S house.)

Enter LYSIMACHUS, with PASICOMPSA, weeping. 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 to himself . I've lent my assistance to my friend in a friendly manner; this piece of goods, which my neighbour requested me, I've purchased. Turning to PASICOMPSA. You are my own; then follow me. Don't weep. You are acting very foolishly; spoiling such eyes. Why, really you have more reason to laugh than to be crying. 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 In the name of heaven, prithee, my good old gentleman, do tell me---- 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Ask me what you please. 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 Why have you bought me? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 What, I, bought you? For you to do what you are bidden; in like manner what you bid me, I'll do. 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 I am determined, to the best of my ability and skill, to do what I shall think you desire. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 I shall bid you do nothing of laborious work. 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 Why, really, for my part, my good old gentleman, I haven't learnt, i' faith, to carry burdens, or to feed cattle at the farm, or to nurse children. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 If you choose to be a good girl, it shall be well for you. 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 Then, i' faith, to my sorrow, I'm undone. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Why so? 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 Because in the place from which I have been conveyed hither, it used to be well with the worthless 
 . 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 aside . By my troth, her talk alone is worth more than the sum that she was purchased at. To PASICOMPSA. As though you would say that no woman is good. 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 Indeed I don't say so; nor is it my way, to say a thing which I believe all people are acquainted with. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 I want to ask this one thing of you. 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 I'll answer you when you ask. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 What say you now? What am I to say your name is? 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 Pasicompsa. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 The name was given you from your good looks 
 . But what say you, Pasicompsa? Can you, if occasion should arise, spin a fine woof?
 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 I can. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 If you know how to do a fine one, I'm sure you can spin a coarser one. 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 For spinning, I fear no woman that's of the same age. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Upon my faith, I take it that you are good and industrious, since, young woman, now that you are grown up, you know how to do your duty. 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 I' faith, I learned it from a skilful mistress. I won't let my work be called in question. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Well, thus the matter stands, i' faith. Look now, I'll give you a sheep for your own, one sixty years old. 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 My good old gentleman, one so old as that? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 It's of the Grecian breed. If you take care of it, it is a very good one; it is shorn very easily. 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 For the sake of the compliment, whatever it is that shall be given me, I shall receive it with thanks. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Now, damsel, that you mayn't be mistaken, you are not mine; so don't think it. 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 Prithee, tell me, then, whose I am? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 You've been bought back for your own master. I've bought you back for him 
 ; he requested me to do so. 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 My spirits have returned, if good faith is kept with me. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Be of good courage; this person will give you your liberty. I' troth, he did so dote upon you this day as soon as ever he had seen you. 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 I' faith, it's now two years since he commenced his connexion with me. Now, as I'm sure that you are a friend of his, I'll disclose it. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 How say you? Is it now two years since he formed the connexion with you? 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 Certainly, it is; and we agreed, on oath, between ourselves, I with him, and he with me, that I would never have intercourse with any man except himself, nor he with any woman except myself. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Immortal Gods! Isn't he even to sleep with his wife? 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 Prithee, is he a married man? He neither is nor will he be. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Indeed, I wish he wasn't. I' faith, the fellow has been committing perjury. 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 No young man do I more ardently love. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Why, really he's a child, you simpleton; for, in fact, it's not so very long a time since his teeth fell out.
 
 
 
 PASICOMPSA 
 What? His teeth? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 It's no matter? Follow me this way, please; he requested that I would find you room for one day in my house, since my wife is away in the country. He goes into his house, followed by PASICOMPSA.

Enter DEMIPHO. 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 to himself . At last I've managed to ruin myself; a mistress has been purchased for me without the knowledge of my wife and son. I'm resolved on it; I'll have recourse again to former habits and enjoy myself. In my allotment of existence, almost now run through, the little that there remains of life, I'll cheer up with pleasure, wine, and love. For it's quite proper for this time of life to enjoy itself. When you are young, then, when the blood is fresh, it's right to devote your exertions to acquiring your fortune; and then when at last, you are an old man, you may set yourself at your ease; drink, and be amorous; this, the fact that you are living, is now so much profit. This, as I say, I'll carry out in deed. Turning to his house. Meanwhile, however, I'll take a look in-doors here at my house; my wife has been some time expecting me at home quite hungry: now, she'll be worrying me to death with her scolding, if I go in-doors. But, in fine, whatever comes of it, i' faith, I'll not go, but I'll first meet this neighbour of mine before I return home; I want him to hire some house for me, where this damsel may dwell. And, see, he's coming out of doors.

Enter LYSIMACHUS, from his house. 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 to PASICOMPSA, within . I'll bring him to you directly, if I meet him. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 behind . He's meaning me. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 turning about . How say you, Demipho? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Is the damsel at your house? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 What do you suppose? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 What if I go see her? Moves towards the house. 
 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Why making such haste? Stay. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 What am I to do? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 What you ought to do; take care and consider. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Consider what? Why troth, for my own part, I think there's need for my doing this, going in-doors there, I mean.
 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 What, is it so, you old wether? Would you be going in? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 What should I do else? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 First listen to this, and attend; there's something even before this that I think it proper you should do. For if you now go in-doors to her, you'll be wishing to embrace her, chatting with her, and kissing her. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Really you know my feelings; you understand what I would be at. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 You will be doing wrong. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 What, with that which you love? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 So much the less reason. Would you, full of hungriness, with a foul breath, a stinking old fellow, be kissing a woman? And wouldn't you, as you approached, be setting a female vomiting? 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I' faith, I'm sure that you're in love, as you point out these things beforehand to me. What then, if I give a dinner? If you approve of this, let's lay hold of some cook, who may be cooking away a meal 
 here at your house, even until the evening. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Well, I'm of that way of thinking. Now you are talking wisely, and like a lover. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Why are we standing here? Why then don't we be off and procure the provisions, that we may be comfortable? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 For my part, I'll follow you. And, i' troth, you'll be finding out a lodging for her, if you are prudent; for, i' faith, she shan't be at my house a single day beyond the present; I'm afraid of my wife, lest, if she should return from the country to-morrow, she'll be finding her here. (Exeunt.)

Enter CHARINUS, from DEMIPHO's house. 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 to himself . Am I not a wretched mortal, who can rest quietly nowhere? If I'm at home, my mind's abroad; but if I'm abroad, my mind's at home. To such a degree. has love kindled a flame in my breast and in my heart; did not the tears fall from my eyes, why then, I doubt, my head would be on fire. I cling to hope; safety I've lost; whether she'll return or no, I know not. If my father seizes her, as he has said, then my welfare is gone in exile; but if my companion has done what he promised, then my welfare has not departed. But still, even if Eutychus had had gouty feet, he could have been back from the harbour by this. This is a very great fault of his, that he is too slow, against the wishes of my feelings. But looking towards the side isn't this he whom I espy running? 'Tis he himself; I'll go meet him. Clasps his hands. Thou who art the overlooker of Gods and of men and the mistress of mortals as well, inasmuch as thou hast indulged me in this hope that I entertained, I do return thee thanks. Does any hope remain? Alas! I'm utterly undone. His countenance by no means pleases me! He moves along in sadness. My breast burns. I am in doubt. He shakes his head. Eutychus!

 Enter EUTYCHUS. 
 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Alas! Charinus. He pants. 
 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Before you take breath, in one word, speak out. Where am I? Here, or among the dead? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 You are neither among the dead nor here. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I'm saved, immortality has been vouchsafed me--he has purchased her. He has nicely tricked my father. There's no one living more clever at gaining his purpose. Prithee, do tell me; if I'm neither here nor at Acheron, where am I? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Nowhere in the world. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I'm utterly undone! That speech has just put an end to me here. Whatever it is, do come to the material points of the matter. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 First of all, we are ruined. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 But why don't you in preference tell me that which I don't know? It is an annoying way of speaking, when you should despatch the business, to be beating about the bush 
 . 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 The damsel has been taken away from you. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Eutychus, you are guilty of a capital offence. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 How so? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Because you are killing your year's-mate and friend, a free citizen. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 May the Gods forbid it! 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 You've thrust a sword into my throat; this moment I shall fall. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Troth now, prithee, don't be desponding in mind. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I have none to be desponding in. Tell on, then, the rest of your bad news; for whom has she been purchased? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 I don't know. She had been already knocked down to the bidder and taken off by him, when I got to the harbour.
 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Ah me! Already, indeed, have you heaped burning mountains of woe upon me. Proceed, executioner, torment me on, since you have once begun. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 This is not more a cause of anguish to yourself, than it has proved to me this day. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Tell me, who bought her? 
 
 
 BUT. 
 I' faith, I do not know. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Well, is this a good friend giving one his aid? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 What would you have me do? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 The same that you see me doing, die with grief. But did you make enquiry, what was the appearance of the person that had bought her? Perhaps the damsel might have been traced out by that means. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Ah! wretch that I am---- 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Do cease lamenting; attend to that which you are now about. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 What have I done? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Proved the destruction of myself, and with myself of your own word. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 The Gods know that that is not any fault of mine. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 A fine thing, indeed! You mention the Gods, who are absent, as witnesses; how am I to believe you in that? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Why, it rests with your own self what to believe; with myself, what to say, that rests with me. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 On that point you are ready, so as to give answer like for like; but as to what you are requested, you are lame, blind, dumb, defective, and weak. You promised that you would trick my father; I myself supposed that I was entrusting the matter to a skilful person, and I entrusted it to an utter stone. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 What could I do? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 What could you do, do you ask me? You should have enquired, and asked who he was or whence he was, of what lineage; whether he was a citizen or a foreigner---- 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 They said that he was a citizen of Attica . 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 At least, you should have found out where he lives, if you couldn't the name. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 No person was able to say he knew. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 But at least you should have enquired what was the appearance of the man. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 I did do so. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Of what figure, then, did they say he was? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 I'll tell you: grey-headed, bandy-legged, pot-bellied, wide-mouthed, of stunted figure, with darkish eyes, lank jaws, splay-footed rather.
 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 You are mentioning to me not a human being, but a whole storehouse, I don't know what, of deformities. Is there anything else that you can tell about him? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 It is just as much as I know. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I' troth, for sure, with his lank jaws he has caused my jaw to drop 
 . I cannot endure it; I'm determined that I'll go hence in exile. But what state in especial to repair to, I'm in doubt; Megara , Eretria , Corinth , Chalcis , Crete , Cyprus , Sicyon , Cnidos , Zacynthus , Lesbos , or Bœotia. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Why are you adopting that design? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Why, because love is tormenting me. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 What say you as to this? Suppose, if when you have arrived there, whither you are now intending to go, you begin there to fall desperately in love, and there, too, you fail of success, then you'll be taking flight from there as well, and after that, again, from another place, if the same shall happen, what bounds, pray, will be set to your exile, what limits to your flight? What country or home can possibly be certain for you? Tell me that. Say now, if you leave this city, do you fancy that you'll leave your love here behind? If it is so fully taken as certain in your mind that so it will be, if you hold that as a point resolved upon, how much better is it for you to go away somewhere in the country, to be there, to live there, until the time when desire for her and passion have set you at liberty? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Have you now said your say? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 I have said it. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 You have said it to no purpose; this is my full determination. I'll be off home, to pay my duty to my father and my mother; after that, unknown to my father, I'll fly from this country, or adopt some other plan. Goes into DEMIPHO'S house, leaving EUTYCHUS alone 
 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 
 to himself . How suddenly he has taken himself off and gone away. Ah! wretch that I am! if he goes away, all will say that it has happened through my remissness. I'm determined at once to order as many criers as possible to be hired to search for her to find her; after that, I'll go to the Prætor forthwith, and beg him to give me search-warrant officers in all the quarters of the city; for I find that nothing else whatever is now left for me to do. (Exit.)

Enter DORIPPA. 
 
 DORIPPA 
 
 to herself . Since a messenger came to me in the country from my husband, that he couldn't come into the country, I made up my mind, and came back to follow after him who fled from me. But looking round I don't see our old woman Syra following. Aye, look, there she comes at last.
 with a bundle of green sprigs. 
 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Why don't you go quicker? 
 
 
 SYRA 
 By my troth, I cannot; so great is this burden that I'm carrying. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 What burden? 
 
 
 SYRA 
 Fourscore years and four, and to that are added servitude, sweat, and thirst; these things as well which I am carrying weigh me down. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Give me something, Syra, with which to decorate this altar of our neighbour 
 . 
 
 
 SYRA 
 
 holding out a sprig . Present this sprig of laurel, then. DOR. Now do you go into the house. 
 
 
 SYRA 
 I'm going. Goes into the house of LYSIMACHUS. 
 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 
 laying the sprig on the altar . Apollo, I pray thee that thou wilt propitiously grant peace, safety, and health, unto our household, and that in thy propitiousness thou wilt show favour to my son.
 rushes out of the house, clapping her hands. 
 
 
 
 SYRA 
 I'm utterly undone! Wretch that I am, I'm ruined! Ah! wretched me! 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Prithee, are you quite in your senses? What are you howling for? 
 
 
 SYRA 
 Dorippa, my dear Dorippa! 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Prithee, why are you crying out?
 
 
 
 SYRA 
 Some woman, I know not who, is here in-doors in the house. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 What? A woman? 
 
 
 SYRA 
 A harlot woman. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Is it so, really? 
 
 
 SYRA 
 In serious truth. You know how to act very prudently, in not remaining in the country. A fool even could have found it out that she was the mistress of your very pretty husband. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 By heavens, I believe it. 
 
 
 SYRA 
 
 taking her arm . Step this way with me, that you, my Juno, may see as well your rival Alcmena. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 I' troth, I certainly shall go there, as fast as I can. They go into the house of LYSIMACHUS.

Enter LYSIMACHUS. 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 to himself . Is this too little of a misfortune that Demipho's in love, that he must be extravagant as well? If he had been inviting ten men of highest rank to dinner, he has provided too much. But the cooks he directed in such a way just as at sea the time-keeper 
 is wont to direct the rowers. I hired a Cook myself, but I'm surprised that he hasn't come as I directed him. But who's this, I wonder, that's coming out of my house? The door's opening. He stands aside.

Enter DORIPPA, from the house of LYSIMACHUS. 
 
 DORIPPA 
 
 weeping . No woman ever will be, or ever has been, more wretched than myself in being married to such a husband. Alas! unhappy that I am! Just see, to what a husband have you committed yourself and the property you have! Just see, to what a person I brought ten talents for a portion; that I should see these things, that I should endure these insults. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 behind . I' troth, I'm undone; my wife's returned from the country already. I do believe she has seen the damsel in the house. But what she says I cannot distinctly hear from hence; I'll go nearer to her. Approaches her. 
 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Ah! woe to wretched me! 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 behind . Aye, and to me as well.
 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 I'm utterly undone! 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 behind . As for me, i' faith, to my sorrow I'm downright undone! she has seen her. May all the Gods confound you, Demipho! 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 I' troth, this was it, why my husband wouldn't go into the country. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 behind . What shall I do now, but go up and speak to her? Goes up to her. The husband bids health to his wife. Are the country people 
 becoming townsfolk? 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 They are acting more decently than those who are not become country people. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Are the people in the country at all in fault? 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 I' faith, less so than the townsfolk, and much less mischief do they meet with for themselves. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 But in what have the townsfolk done wrong? Tell me that. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Whose woman is that in the house? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 What, have you seen her? 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 I have seen her. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Whose is she, do you ask? 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 I shall find out, in spite of you; i' faith, I long to know. But you are trying me on purpose. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Do you wish me to tell you whose she is? She, she---- Aside. Ah me! upon my faith, I don't know what to say. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Do you hesitate? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 aside . I never saw one who did it more. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 But why don't you tell me? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Nay, but if I may---- 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 You ought to tell me. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 I cannot, you hurry me so; you press me as though were guilty. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 
 ironically . I know you are free from all guilt. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Speak out as boldly as you please. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Tell me, then. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 I, tell you? 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Why, it must be told, in spite of everything. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 She is---- Do you wish me tell her name as well? 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 You are trifling. I've caught you in the fact; you are guilty. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Guilty of what? If now I had no occasion for silence, now I shouldn't tell you 
 . Why, this same woman is -- 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Who is she? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 She---- 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Marry, come up! don't you know who she is? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Why, yes, I do know. I've been chosen as an arbitrator with respect to her. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 An arbitrator? Now I know; you have invited her here to consult with you. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Why no; she has been given me as a deposit. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 
 ironically . I understand. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 By my troth, it's not anything of that sort. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 You are clearing yourself too soon 
 . 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 aside . Too much of a business have I met with; really I'm stuck fast.

Enter a COOK, at a distance, with SCULLIONS and provisions. 
 
 A COOK. 
 Make haste, get quickly on, for I've got to cook a dinner for an old gentleman in love. And, in fact, when I think of it again, it's to be cooked for ourselves, not him for whom we've been hired: for a person that's in love, if he has that with which he is in love, he esteems that as food, to see her, embrace her, kiss her, chat with her; but we, I trust, shall return well laden home. Step this way. But see, here's the old gentleman that hired us. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 aside . Why, look! I'm undone! here's the Cook. 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 
 going up to LYSIMACHUS . We are come. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Be off! 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 How, be off? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 in a low voice . Hush! Be off! 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 What, I, be off? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Be off, I say. 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 Are you not going to have a dinner? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 We are full already. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 But---- 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 aside . I'm utterly undone. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 What say you? Have those persons ordered these things to be brought to you as well, between whom you were appointed arbitrator?
 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 Is this person pointing to DORIPPA your mistress, whom a little time since you told me you were in love with, when you were buying the provisions? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Won't you hold your tongue? 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 A very pretty figure of a woman.! I' faith, she does love a sweetheart. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Won't you be off to perdition? 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 She's not amiss. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 But you are amiss. 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 I' troth, I do fancy she's a nice bed-fellow. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Won't you be off? I'm not the person that hired you just now. 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 How's that? Nay but, upon my faith, you are that very man. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 aside . Alas wretch that I am! 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 Your wife's in the country, I suppose, whom you were saying a little time ago you hated full as much as vipers. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 I, said that to you? 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 Aye, to me, upon my faith. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 So may Jupiter love me, wife, I never did say that. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Do you deny that as well? 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 
 to DORIPPA . He didn't say he hated you, but his wife. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 This is made clear, that you detest me. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 But I deny it. 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 And he said that his wife was in the country. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 pointing to DORIPPA . This is she. Why are you annoying me? 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 Because you say that you don't know me. Are you afraid of her? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 I'm wise in being so; for she's my only companion. 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 Do you wish to use my services? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 I don't wish. 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 Give me my pay. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Ask for it to-morrow; it shall be given you; for the present, be off. Aside. Alas, wretch that I am! I now find that that old saying is a true one, that some bad comes through a bad neighbour. 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 
 to the SCULLIONS . Why are we standing here? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Why don't you be gone? 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 
 aside to LYSIMACHUS . If any inconvenience happens to you, that's not my fault. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 aside to the COOK . Why, you are utterly ruining wretched me 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 
 aside to LYSIMACHUS . I understand now what you want. You mean, you wish me to go away from here. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 aside to the COOK . I do wish it, I say.
 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 
 aside to LYSIMACHUS . I'll be off. Pay me a drachma. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 aside to the COOK . It shall be paid. 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 
 aside to LYSIMACHUS . Then order it to be paid me, please. It can be paid in the meantime, while they are putting down the provisions. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 aside to the COOK . Why don't you be off? Can't you cease being troublesome? Slips the money into his hand. 
 
 
 
 A COOK. 
 
 to the SCULLIONS . Come, do you set down those provisions before the feet of that old gentleman. These baskets I'll order to be fetched from your house either by-and-by or else to-morrow. To the SCULLIONS. Do you follow me. Exeunt, having set down the provisions. 
 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Perhaps you are surprised at that Cook, that he came and brought these things. I'll tell you why it is. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 I'm not surprised if you do anything wrongful or criminal; and, by heavens, I'll not put up with it, that I am married thus unfortunately, and that harlots are brought into my house in this way. Syra, go ask my father, in my name, to come here directly together with you. 
 
 
 SYRA 
 I'll go. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Prithee, wife, you don't know what the matter is. In set form now will I make oath, that I have never had anything to do with her. Exit SYRA. What, is Syra gone now? By heaven, I'm undone! DORIPPA goes into the house. 
 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 to himself . But, see, she's off as well! Woe to wretched me! Then, neighbour Demipho, may the Gods and Goddesses confound you, together with your mistress and your intriguings! He has most unjustly loaded me with suspicions; he has stirred up enemies against me. At home my wife is most infuriated. I'll be off to the Forum, and tell this to Demipho, that I'll drag this woman by the hair into the street, unless he takes her hence out of this house wherever he chooses. Goes to the door and calls. Hark you! wife, wife! although you're angry at me, you'll order, if you are wise, these things to be carried hence indoors. We shall be able by-and-by to dine all the better upon the same.

Enter SYRA and EUTYCHUS, at a distance, on opposite sides. 
 
 SYRA 
 
 to herself . Whither my mistress sent me, to her father ----, he's not at home; they said that he has gone off into the country. Now, I'll take home this answer. I' faith, the women do live upon hard terms, and, wretched creatures, on much more unjust ones than the men. For if a husband has been keeping a mistress without the knowledge of his wife, if the wife comes to know it, the husband gets off with impunity; if, unknown to the husband, the wife goes from the house out of doors, a pretext arises for the husband, the marriage is dissolved 
 . I wish the law was the same for the husband as for the wife; for the wife that is a good one, is content with one husband; why, any the less, should the husband be content with one wife? By my troth, I'd give cause, if men were punished in the same way (if any one should be keeping a mistress unknown to his wife), as those women are repudiated who are guilty of a slip, that there should be more divorced men than there are women now. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 
 to himself, apart . I'm quite tired with hunting the whole city through; I find nothing whatever about this woman. But my mother has returned from the country; for I see Syra standing before the house. Syra! 
 
 
 SYRA 
 Who is it that's calling me? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 'Tis I, your master and foster-child. 
 
 
 SYRA 
 
 turning round . Save you, my foster-child. EUT. Has my mother returned from the country then? Answer me. 
 
 
 SYRA 
 Aye, for her own especial sake and that of the family. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 What is it that's the matter? 
 
 
 SYRA 
 That very pretty father of yours has brought a mistress into the house. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 How say you? 
 
 
 SYRA 
 Your mother, on arriving from the country, found her at home. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 By my troth, I didn't think my father was a person for those practices. Is the woman now even still in-doors? 
 
 
 SYRA 
 Even still. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Do you follow me. He goes into the house of LYSIMACHUS. 
 
 [ 
 
 
 SYRA 
 
 to herself . How now 
 ? Do I see Peristrata here, the wife of Demipho? She quickens her pace; she glances about with her eyes; she turns herself round; she inclines her neck on one side. I'll observe from here what matter she's about; it's something of importance, whatever scent she's upon. Stands aside.

Enter PERISTRATA and LYCISSA, from the house of DEMIPHO. 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 The Goddess Astarte 
 is the might of mortals and of the Gods, their life, their health; she, the same, who is likewise their death, destruction, downfall, the seas, the earth, the heaven, and the stars. Whatever Temples of Jove we inhabit, they are guided by her nod; her do they obey; to her do they pay regard; what displeases her, the other Deities do quickly put aside. Whatever pleases her, that, all things, which live and have sense, do pursue. Some she tortures, destroys; others, with her own milk does she nourish and raise aloft; but those whom she tortures, they live and enjoy their senses; those whom she hastens to rear and raise aloft, these last indeed do perish forthwith, and to their sorrow use their senses. Then, well-wishers, they lie prostrate, objects of dislike they bite the ground, grovel upon their faces, roar out, and make a riot; and when they think they live, then in especial do they rush on to ruin, then, then do they show eagerness in the pursuit of the object beloved; young men stumble, aged men likewise are led away. They love themselves; the object which they love, they wish to be loved and known. But if at that age they begin to fall in love, much more grievous is their madness. But if they do not love, then they hate, they are morose, too, and wayward; tattlers, haters, ill-disposed, passionate, envious for themselves and theirs. What they have formerly been shamelessly guilty of themselves, if it is done in a more quiet way, fathers do not tolerate as they ought to do; but they proclaim it, and indecently cry it out aloud. 
 
 
 SYRA 
 
 apart . So far as I understand, Demipho is treating this lady badly too. 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 This is the truth. My son is in love and is dying; when his father came to know of it, he was enraged beyond bounds. What insanity is this? This same husband of mine at one time packed my son off to Rhodes to traffic; now, according to the news Acanthio brings, he'll be betaking himself into banishment. O unjust father! O unfortunate son! whither will you betake yourself? Where will you leave your mother? Shall I pass my life bereft? Shall I lose my son? I will not endure it. Has his father sold her? Wherever she shall be found, the mother will redeem her. Do you tell me, Lycissa, do they suppose that she was brought into this neighbourhood? 
 
 
 LYCISSA 
 
 pointing to the house of LYSIMACHUS . To that, I fancy; to the house of a certain old gentleman, a friend. 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 Here, there is no one that 1 know of besides Lysimachus. 
 
 
 SYRA 
 
 apart . They are mentioning Lysimachus. It's a wonder if the old fellows, who are neighbours, haven't been going halves in the same nest. 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 I'll go look for Dorippa, his wife. The door of the house of LYSIMACHUS opens. 
 
 
 
 LYCISSA 
 Why go look for her? Don't you see her? 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 Indeed, I do see her. Let's listen; she's muttering something in a passion, I know not what, to herself. They stand aside.

Enter DORIPPA, from the house of LYSIMACHUS. 
 
 DORIPPA 
 
 to herself . Syra hasn't come back, whom, poor wretch, it's now a long time since I sent to fetch my father; in her very slowness, she has either hardened into a stone, or she has stopped from swelling with the sting of a serpent. 
 
 
 SYRA 
 
 apart . I'm undone; here's my mistress, she's looking after me.
 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 
 continuing . I cannot remain at home; my eyes cannot abide that pretty young harlot; I would have shut her out of doors, but my son Eutychus prevented me. Still, I shan't altogether believe the news he brings. 
 
 
 LYCISSA 
 
 apart . Do you hear, mistress? 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 
 apart . I hear; let her go on. 
 
 
 LYCISSA 
 
 apart . I'll let her. DOR. to herself . He says that she has come hither to our house for the sake of an old gentleman, a friend; that he has her for sale, so that he may withdraw her from his son, who's in love with her. This really is a falsehood, either in my husband or my son; the accounts differ. The husband says that she was given him as a deposit; but the son says that she's on sale. 
 
 
 SYRA 
 
 apart . I'll go meet her on a sudden, that she mayn't find out that I've been loitering. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 In this matter I shan't believe my son, who's acting in compliance with his father; for, for him, like a regular cuckoo 
 , has he determined to tell abundance of lies: for my own part I shall believe the Cook, in preference. But see, here's Syra. How the old witch does run. Syra! 
 
 
 SYRA 
 Who's calling me? Stares around her. 
 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 The Gods send a plague upon you! 
 
 
 SYRA 
 Mistress, if you are wise, bestow this upon your rival and your husband in preference. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 For saying that, I'm no longer angry with you. But where's your father? Why does he delay? Does gout hinder the man? 
 
 
 SYRA 
 He's lame with neither gout nor chalk-stones 
 , whom his feet carry into the country. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Not at home? 
 
 
 SYRA 
 No. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Where then? 
 
 
 SYRA 
 They say he's in the country, and that it's uncertain whether he'll return to-day, he has such a large account with his bailiff. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Everything is befalling me this day contrary to my wishes. I shan't live till the evening, unless I drive that hussy away from the house. She turns to the door. I'm going home.
 
 
 
 LYCISSA 
 
 apart . The mistress is going away. 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 
 apart . What, going away? Call her. 
 
 
 LYCISSA 
 
 calling . Dorippa! Dorippa! 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 
 turning round . What nuisance is this? Who's calling me back? 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 I'm not a nuisance, but a well-wisher; and it's your friend Peristrata addresses you. Prithee, do stay. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Why, Peristrata--i' faith, I didn't know you: dreadful vexation is tormenting and agitating me. 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 This I enquire about--prithee don't deny me. I heard you just now; tell me what annoyance is troubling you. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Peristrata, so may the Gods prosper your only son, do kindly lend me your attention; none could be given me more agreably: our ages are alike; together we grew up; we have husbands alike in age; with no one do I converse with greater pleasure. I'm really annoyed with good reason. What now would your feelings be, if at this time of life your husband Demipho were to bring a mistress before your eyes? 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 Has he brought one? 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 So it is. 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 She's at your house? 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 At my house; aye, and cooks were hired; a banquet was being prepared, if my coming hadn't upset everything. Venus and Cupid are tormenting the wretched old fellow at an unseasonable time. 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 But these things are trifles, Dorippa. I wish that I wasn't more wretched. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Trifles? 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 Really trifles. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 What worse could your husband do? 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 Aye, worse than worse. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 What is it? Prithee do say. As you to me, so I to you, let's give advice to each other what needs to be done, It's an old saying, that, "he's truly wise who is wise at the risk of another." 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 Dorippa, I have an only son; do you know that? 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 I do know it. 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 Him his father some time ago packed off from his own house to Rhodes. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 For what reason? 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 Because he was in love. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 For that very thing?
 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 Yes, and the very same thing now as well--inasmuch as he had brought a female slave here, his father coming to know of it, took her away, and put her up for sale. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Aye, aye, I know it; my son told me the truth. I fancied she was the mistress of my husband. To whom was she entrusted? 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 To a certain old gentleman in this neighbourhood, his friend. I think that he has no other friend here except your husband. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 
 aside . It certainly is she. To PERISTRATA. What does your son? 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 He declares that he'll leave this city. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 The matter's in a safe position. What if he finds her? 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 I imagine he'll stay. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Beyond expectation we are saved; don't doubt it; she's at my house. 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 At your house? It was she, I suppose, about whom I heard you talking just now. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 It was she. 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 O well done; I love you with reason; you've restored me my son. Do let me see her. 
 
 
 DORIPPA 
 Let's go in-doors then. 
 
 
 PERISTRATA 
 Let's go. Turning round. Come here, Lycissa. Do you go tell these things to Acanthio. I'll go here to Dorippa's house.
 Exit LYCISSA. DORIPPA, PERISTRATA, and SYRA go into the house of LYSIMACHUS.

Enter CHARINUS, from the house of DEMIPHO, in a travelling habit. 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 looking towards the door . O higher and lower portions of the threshold, now both of you farewell. This day for the last time do I raise this foot within my father's house. The ease, the enjoyment, the in-dwelling, the habitation of this house is henceforth for me cut off, destroyed, and alienated. I am undone! The household Gods of my parents, the Lar the father of the family 
 , to you do I recommend, that you will kindly protect the possessions of my parents. I shall now seek other household Gods for myself, another Lar, another city, another state. The people of Attica I do detest; for where worse manners are on the increase every day, where, those who are friends, those who are faithless, you are not able, to distinguish, and where that is torn away from you, which especially pleases your taste, there, in fact, if a kingdom were given one, that country is not desirable. Stands aside in deep thought.

Enter EUTYCUHS, from the house of LYSIMACHUS, at a distance. 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 
 to himself . Thou who art the overlooker of Gods and of men, and the mistress of mortals as well, inasmuch as thou hast indulged me in this hope that I entertained, I do return thee thanks. What Deity is there now that is joyous with gladness like mine? That was at home which I was in search of. There did I find six companions, life, friendship, my native land, festivity, mirth, and jollity. On finding these, at the same moment did I utterly destroy ten very bad things, wrath, hatred, folly, ruin, perverseness, grief, tears, exile, want, and loneliness. Ye Gods, I pray you grant me a speedy opportunity of meeting him. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 to himself, not seeing EUTYCHUS . I'm ready prepared, as you see. Pride I cast aside; I'm my own companion, attendant, horse, groom, esquire; I'm my own master, I, too, obey myself; for my own self do I carry what I require. O Cupid! how powerful art thou. For easily dost thou render any one resolute through thy deeds, and then again, the same person diffident forthwith from being over bold. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 
 to himself . I'm thinking which way to run in search of him. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 continuing . The matter's resolved upon, that I'll seek her everywhere, wherever in the world she has been carried off from hence; and neither shall any river stand in my way, nor mountain, nor the sea, indeed, nor heat, nor cold; I dread neither wind nor hail; the torrents of rain I'll submit to; labour, heat, and thirst, will I endure. I'll neither stop nor rest anywhere at night, or in the day, assuredly, before I shall have met with either my mistress or my death. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 
 looking round . Some voice, I know not who's, flew to my ear. CHAR. continuing . You do I invoke, ye Lares of the roads 
 , that you will kindly lend me aid. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 
 seeing CHARINUS . Jupiter! isn't that Charinus? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 turning round . Fellow-citizens, fare ye well. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 
 aloud . Charinus, stop, this instant. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Who calls me back? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Hope, Safety, Victory. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 What do you want with me? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 To go along with you. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Look for another companion; these companions that have possession of me, will not part with me. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Who are they? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Care, misery, sickness, tears, and lamentation. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Drive away those companions, and look this way and return. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 If indeed you wish to speak to me, do you follow. Moves on. 
 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Stop, this instant! 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 You do amiss, in delaying me as I haste; the sun is setting. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 If you would make haste in this direction, just as you are hastening in that one, you'd be doing more rightly; this way there is now a prospering gale, only tack about. Here is a fair Westerly breeze; there is a showery Southern blast. The one causes a calm; the other stirs up all the waves. Betake yourself towards the land, Charinus, in this direction. Don't you see right opposite? Black clouds and showers are coming on. Look now to the left, how full the heaven is of brightness. Don't you see right opposite? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 He has thrown religious scruples 
 in my way; I'll betake myself in that direction. Turns towards EUTYCHUS. 
 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 You are wise. O Charinus, turn your steps, and turn your feet as well, in the opposite direction, Extend your arm. Catch hold of me. Do you hold me new? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I'm holding you. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Hold on, then. Whither now were you going? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Into banishment. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 What to do there? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 As a wretched person would. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Don't fear; this instant shall I restore you to joyousness before you go away. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I'm going. Moves. 
 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 A thing that you especially long to hear, the same shall you hear for you to rejoice at. Stay this instant; I'm come as a friend, full of the kindest feelings. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 What is it? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Your mistress---- 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 What of her? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 I know where she is. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Prithee, do you? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 She's safe and sound. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Where is she safe? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 I know where. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I'd much rather I did. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Can't you possibly be calm in your feelings? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 What if my feelings are agitated? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 I'll bring them for you into a safe and tranquil state; don't you fear. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Prithee * * * do say where she is --where you've seen her. Why are you mute? Speak--you are torturing to death wretched me by your silence. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 She isn't far from here. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Why then don't you point her out, if you see her? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 I' faith, I don't see her at this moment; but I saw her just now. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Why, then, don't you cause me to see her? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 I will cause it. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 That means a long time for one in love. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Are you still in apprehension? I'll disclose it all. No person is there living more beloved by me than is he who has got her; nor is there one to whom it is right that I should be a better wisher. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I don't care about that; I'm looking for her. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 About her, then, I'm telling you. Really, this has not come into my mind but this moment, to tell it you---- 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Tell me, then, where she is. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 In our house. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 If you are telling the truth, a worthy house, and aptly built, I deem it. But how am I to credit that? Have you seen her; or do you speak from hearsay?
 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 I've seen her myself. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Who took her to your house? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Why, you're asking an unfair question. What matters it to you with whom she came? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 So long as she's there---- 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 She certainly is. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Then, for these tidings, do you wish whatever you please. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 What if I do wish? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Pray to the Gods to bring its fulfilment. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 You are laughing at me. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 My fortunes, in fine, are redeemed, if I can see her. But why don't I lay aside this garb? Goes to the door of DEMIPHO'S house, and calls. Hallo, somebody, come here this instant out of doors. Come out, and bring me thence a cloak this way. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Well, now how much you do gratify me. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 to a BOY who enters, bringing his cloak . You boy, who have come with such speed, take my scarf giving it , and now stand aside there; that, if these things are not true, I may hasten to go upon this intended journey. To EUTYCHUS. Are you telling the truth? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Really, Charinus, you are not ashamed of anything. Don't you believe me? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 For my part, I really do believe everything that you tell me. But why don't you introduce me to her, that I may see her? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Wait a little. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Why am I to wait? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 It's not a convenient moment to go into the house. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 You are torturing me to death. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 There's no need, I tell you, for you to go into the house just now. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Answer me-for what reason? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 She's not at leisure. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Why so? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Because it isn't convenient to her. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Is it so? Not convenient to her who loves me, and whom I love in return? He's trifling with me in every way. I'm too foolish to believe him. He's only delaying me. Turns to the BOY. I'll put on my scarf again. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Stop a little, and listen to this. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 taking off the cloak . You boy, take this cloak 
 , please. Puts on the travelling scarf. 
 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Really this hasn't come but this moment into my mind to tell it you. My mother's dreadfully angry with my father, because he has brought into the house a harlot before her very eyes, while she was away in the country. She suspects that she's his own mistress. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 not attending to him . I've taken up my belt 
 . Puts it on. 
 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 She's now enquiring into this matter in-doors. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 inattentive . Now my sword's in hand. Taking it from the BOY. 
 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 But if I were now to introduce you? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 inattentive . I'll take my bottle, and be off from here. Moves. 
 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Stop, stop, Charinus! 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 You are mistaken; you can't deceive me. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 And, i' faith, I have no wish. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Why, then, don't you allow me to proceed upon my journey? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 I won't let you. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I'm delaying myself. Boy, do you this instant be off hence in-doors. The BOY goes into the house. Now I've ascended the chariot; now I've taken the reins in my hands. Imitating the action of a charioteer. 
 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 You are not in your senses. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Feet of mine, why don't ye betake yourselves into the chariot, straight for Cyprus, since my father determines on my banishment? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 You are silly. Prithee, don't be saying this. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 as though to himself . I'm resolved to persist--to use my endeavours to seek her out where she is. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Why, she's at our house. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 as though to himself . For what that person said, he told a falsehood in it. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Really, I told you the truth. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 continuing . Now I've come to Cyprus. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Nay, but follow me, that you may see her whom you are looking for. Moves towards his FATHER'S house. 
 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 pretending not to hear . Enquiring there, I didn't find her. EUT. I'll not care then for my mother's anger. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 still pretending . I'll still go on to seek her. Now I've got to Chalcis; I see there my former host at Zacynthus; I tell him why I've come thither; I make enquiry if he has heard say who has brought her thither, who has got possession of her. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Why don't you cease that nonsense, and step with me this way in-doors? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 still pretending . My host answered that figs grew, not bad ones, at Zacynthus. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 He didn't say false there. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 continuing . But he says that he has heard about my mistress, that she's here at Athens. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Really, this Zacynthian is quite a Calchas 
 . 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 continuing . I get aboard ship, and start at once. I'm now at home; now I've returned from banishment. My friend, Eutychus turning towards him , greetings to you! How have you been? How are my parents? Are they well? Do you come to my mother, you say--you invite me kindly; you speak politely. At your house to-morrow; for the present at home. So it is proper; so it ought to be done. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 How now? What are you dreaming about? This man's not in his senses. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 Why don't you, as a friend, make haste to cure me then? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Follow me, please. 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 running close behind him . I'm following.
 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 
 turning round . Softly, pray; you are treading on my heels. Don't you hear me? 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 I've heard you for some time past. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 I want a reconciliation to be made between my father and mother; for now she's in a passion---- 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 pushing him . Only do go on. EUT. About that woman---- 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 pushing him . Only do go on. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Therefore take care---- 
 
 
 CHARINUS 
 
 pushing him . Nay, but do go on then; I'll make her as mild as Juno is when she's kind to Jupiter. They go into the house of LYSIMACHUS.

Enter DEMIPHO and LYSIMACHUS. 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 [Demipho , this saying of the wise, I think you have often heard, "Pleasure is the bait for misfortune;" because, by it, not less are men aught than are fishes with the hook Although aged people fly from it, still you don't pay that regard to your old age: since it hasn't even withdrawn love from you, but has forced you to it even more vehemently. Wherefore it utterly confounds yourself and your understanding and your mind, and dazzles your eyesight. Myself too have you brought into great trouble, and I know not what to do, 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Lysimachus, this is the will of the Gods, not of men. If you reflect upon this with yourself, you will be of opinion that you are not doing right, in censuring so heavily a person your friend and the sharer of your secrets.] As though you yourself had never done anything like this action. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 By heavens, never. I took care not to do anything: wretch that I am, I am scarcely alive; for my wife is lying all in a ferment about her. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 But I'll undertake to clear you, so that she mayn't be angry. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Follow me--but I see my son coming out.

Enter EYTUCHUS, from the house of LYSIMACHUS. 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 
 as he comes out, to CHARINUS, within . I'll go to my father, that he may know my mother's wrath is appeased. I'll return just now.
 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 
 to DEMIPHO . The beginning pleases me. Going up to EUTYCHUS. What are you about? How goes it, Eutychus? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Extremely opportunely have you both met me. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 What's the matter? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Your wife is peaceful and appeased. Give me your right hands this moment. Shakes hands with them both. 
 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 The Gods are favouring me. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 
 to DEMIPHO . I bring you word that you have got no mistress. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 The Gods confound you. Why, prithee, what affair is this? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 I'll tell you. Give your attention then, both of you. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Well then, we are giving you our attention, both of us. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Those who are born of a good family, if they are of bad tendencies, by their own faultiness withdraw nobleness from their rank, and disgrace their disposition. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 He says what's true. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Then it's to yourself he says it. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 For this reason is this the more true; for at this time of life, it wasn't just for you to take away from your son, a young man, his mistress, purchased with his own money. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 How say you? Is she the mistress of Charinus? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 
 aside . How the rogue does dissemble. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Why, he said that he had bought her as a maidservant for his mother. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Was it for that reason, then, you bought her, you young lover, you old boy? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Very well said, i' troth! Proceed, proceed. I'll stand by him here on the other side. Let's both load him well with such speeches as he's worthy of. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 
 aside . I'm done for. EUT. Who has done an injustice so great to his blameless son; whom, in fact, upon my faith, I brought back home just when he was setting out in self-banishment; for he was going into exile. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Has he gone then? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 What, do you speak, you hobgoblin? At this time of life you ought to abstain from those pursuits. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 I confess it; undoubtedly I've acted wrong. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 What, do you speak, you hobgoblin? You ought at this time of life to have done with these guilty practices. Just as the seasons of the year, so different lines of conduct befit different ages; but if this is proper, that old fellows should be wenching in their old age, where in the world is our common welfare?
 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Alas! wretch that I am! I'm undone. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 The young men are more in the habit of giving their attention to following those pursuits. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Troth, now, prithee, do take her to yourselves, with pigs and with basket 
 . 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Restore her to your son; let him have her, now, as he wishes. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 So far as I'm concerned, he may have her. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 High time, i' faith, since you haven't the power of doing otherwise. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 For this injury let him take what satisfaction he likes; only do you make peace, I beg of you, that he mayn't be angry with me. I' faith, if I had known it, or if, indeed, he had told me in the slightest way of joke that he was in love with her, I should never have proceeded to take her away from him so in love. Enitychus, you are his companion, preserve and rescue me, I beg of you. Make this old fellow your client. You shall say that I'm mindful of a kindness. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Entreat him that he'll pardon his offences and his youthful age 
 . 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Heyday now, are you still persisting in inveighing against me with your airs? I trust that a like opportunity will befall me as well for returning you a similar compliment. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 I've long made an end of those pursuits. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 And really so shall I from this time forward. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Not a bit of it. Through usage your inclinations will be leading you to it again. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Prithee, do now be satisfied. Rather, scourge me with thongs even, if you like. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 You say right. But that your wife will do, when she comes to know of this. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 There's no need for her to come to know of it. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 What's that? She shan't come to know of it; don't be afraid. Let's go in-doors; this place isn't a suitable one for your practices, for there to be persons to overhear who are passing through the street, while we are talking.
 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Why, faith, you say what's right; that way the story will be shorter. Let's be off 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Your son is in-doors here at our house. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 It's very good. We'll pass that way through the garden 
 home. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Eutychus, I want this affair to be settled before I set my foot again within doors. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 What is it? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Each person thinks about his own concerns. Answer me this: do you know for certain that your mother isn't angry with me? 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 I do know it. 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Take care. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Trust me for it. Are you satisfied? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 I am. But still, troth now, prithee, do take care. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Don't you believe me? 
 
 
 LYSIMACHUS 
 Yes, I do believe you; but still I'm dreadfully afraid. 
 
 
 DEMIPHO 
 Let's go in-doors. 
 
 
 EUTYCHUS 
 Aye, but I think we must pronounce. the law for the old men before we depart, on what terms they are to keep check upon themselves and to be continent. Whoever shall be sixty years of age, if we know of any one, whether husband or, i' faith, whether bachelor, in fact, who goes a wenching, upon these terms shall we deal with him; we shall deem him a fool. And, i' faith, so far as we're concerned, he shall be in want who has squandered away his property. And let no one hereafter forbid his youthful son to be in love and to keep a mistress, so it be done in a decent manner. If he shall forbid him, let him, unknown to himself, suffer more loss than if he had openly permitted him. Let this law, then, from this night forward, be binding upon the old men. To the AUDIENCE. Young men, kindly fare you well; and if this law, enacted for the sake of the old ones, pleases you, it is right that you should give us loud applause.